


Striking at Shadows

by enloeddmedia



Series: Striking at Shadows and Related Stories [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A touch of polyamory, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben Solo is socially awkward, Ben is with another woman for chaps 1 and 2, Canon-Typical Violence, Children, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Reylo, F/M, Fatherhood, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Gray Jedi, Happy Ending, Humor, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Kylo Ren Being a Little Shit, Lightsaber Battles, Mentioned Qui-Gon Jinn, Mentioned Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Near Death Experiences, Original Character(s), POV Ben Solo, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pregnancy, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Skywalker, Rey finds her lineage, Rey's lineage has its own twist, Reylo from Chap 3 and on, Sappy Epilogue because characters get to grow old and rickety, Sappy epilogue because Ben gets to grow old and rickety, Sex, Sexual Tension, Some Humor, Space Battles, Star Wars Spoilers, Storm Trooper, The Force, This has been edited to remove potential dub-con and emotional manipulation concerns, Unintended/Accidental Conception, World Between Worlds, and he'll have to win her all over again, and that's just the beginning of his problems, but Ben finds Rey is with someone, but no one's ever really gone, disturbing mental images, expect intensity, immaculate conception, quite a few close calls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 118,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21991516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enloeddmedia/pseuds/enloeddmedia
Summary: Ben Solo never expected to wake from his ultimate sacrifice. Caught between worlds, unable to move or speak, he learns from his mysterious caretaker that it's been a year since he fell. All he can think about is getting back to Rey, but until he overcomes that which plagues his tormented soul, he will never have the power to get back to her.When he finally returns, he is shocked to learn how much has changed, and is now faced with an enemy he could never have expected. What will it take to face the shadows of his past, protect those he loves, and overcome the darkness come alive?
Relationships: Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Striking at Shadows and Related Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656109
Comments: 60
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE! Some point soon, I plan to introduce an alternate version of this which removes the romantic relationship between Ben and the original character. If you are interested in the story but have been avoiding it due to that relationship, please subscribe to my username to be updated as to when this new version is uploaded. As you will read in these beginning notes, this was my first fanfic after writing originals, so adding a polyamorous aspect with original characters was not unusual to me. However, since entering the reylo fandom, I feel like this overall story is getting lost in that aspect and subsequently avoided, so the newer version will be an experiment for myself as a writer to see if I can improve the overall story by adjusting a few elements, including this one. However, Rey's outside relationship is critical to the storyline and will remain (with of course, the reylo endgame, occurring mid-story.) Again, subscribe if you prefer to read that version when it becomes available.
> 
> PLEASE READ! Some info and warnings, especially for those who have read "Galaxy Needs a Nerd" and my fluffier fics, this one is going to be different-darker, more violent (even though it has its humorous moments, Poe takes the cake in this one,) and with characterization and plots different than common expectations. Think of it as an original fiction idea with SW characters. I can't predict all triggers, so I will basically just say at this point that if you have strong triggers in general, you may want to skip this one. It's not a darkfic, but it is very intense with a handful of near-deaths and has some wild relationship and family dynamic twists. If you prefer something safer to read, many of my newer fics will fit that bill.
> 
> This story takes place after the end events of TROS and contains some original characters as well as Rey/Ben and other character pairings. It references the film canon only (with Wookieepedia references), and I can't guarantee even that will be perfect. I wrote this right after being broken by TROS, and my interpretation of Ben's and Rey's characters (and their dyad relationship) were different than they are now.
> 
> I mostly write original fiction with crazy soap-opera-esque plots and violent adventures. This reads more like those than a continuation of SW canon, so be forewarned before reading. There is strong language, descriptive sexual situations, and combat violence, including some violent near-deaths. Needless to say, it's a very intense ride. This story is also strongly character- and relationship-based, so if you were looking for solely for pew-pew-pew, this probably won't be your bag. But if you like seeing a tortured character wrestle with their emotions, step on in!
> 
> Just FYI this was my first foray into SW fanfiction, before I knew the full genre expectations of Reylo, before I knew much of anything except what the movies had shown, so just be aware that there will be stints with other characters, but Reylo is endgame. If you're really bothered by seeing Ben with another woman, you can skip Chapter 2 but there will be some info lost. Also be aware there will be intense moments and close brushes with death because I really like to take my characters to the edge of the abyss. 
> 
> And finally, at some point I may be converting this to an original fiction piece, no specific date planned yet as I'm working on the novels that come before it, but feel free to download a copy so you don't miss out.

_Light?_ Ben Solo blinked his eyes. The darkness of death had been his tomb, loose dreamscapes and nightmares fluttering past, none holding much by the way of reality. Death hadn’t been what he expected.

But this felt real. Looked real. He tried to move, tried to speak. Not one muscle would obey him.

“You’re awake.”

The voice was female but unknown. He could not answer, but he was able to turn his eyes toward the source. Physically she seemed young, but something about her felt ageless. Long silken robes of salmon and cream hung from her lithe frame. Light surrounded her and the landscape like sunlight through a haze of fog.

 _Who are you?_ He had tried to say it but just barely moved his lips, his mouth so dry he could barely move his tongue.

She stood and turned. “In another life they called me Nara Pace. I don’t go much by way of names. It narrows what should be boundless and fluid.”

Ben wondered what he got himself mixed up in this time. She turned and smiled. Damn, she was reading his thoughts.

“Not quite,” Nara said. “I don’t read minds. But I can feel your expression through the Force.” She smiled and shook her head. “And my does it flow through you like the mightiest of rivers. So rare. You must have been a formidable force in your first life.”

_First life?_

“Well you didn’t exactly come through that one unscathed. For someone so capable of moving the Force, you left none for yourself after saving that woman. But you knew that, didn’t you? Almost by design.”

Ben closed his eyes. _I wanted to give her my everything. No matter the cost._

“And must have truly hated what you had become to let your life be your sacrifice. It didn’t have to be that way.”

_I knew of no other way._

Nara laughed and gathered a pitcher. She held a cloth to its spout. “Maybe you did and maybe you didn’t. I think perhaps somewhere inside, you must have known, but it was all too much to bear. In that moment, you gave what you could and escaped the harshest realities of what was to come. It’s understandable. After what you had done, it would have been a tough road to face.”

Nara brought the wet cloth back and slipped it into his dry mouth. The water felt and tasted like pure heaven, a soothing balm that washed through the dryness, stilled the parched fires of the desert inside.

_What is this place? What am I doing here?_

“A promise to your mother.”

_My mother…what promise?_

Nara brushed a hand over his forehead, her hand soft as flower petals. “She was a lot stronger in the Force than she ever let on, than perhaps even she wanted to acknowledge. A lot of weight comes with such power, if you don’t understand its pure essence. I felt her as she left her body to come to you. She was with you in those moments when you finally cast Kylo aside and became Ben. She knew what you were going to do, even helped, but she did not expect you to empty yourself of the life-giving Force in those final moments. As she crossed over, through the Force she asked me to save you, to let you live, to have a chance at the life you always deserved before Snoke and Palpatine got their hands on you.”

Nara removed the cloth and wet it again. “As you let yourself go, I gathered you as best I could, across the Force. It’s not an easy thing to do unless you have help on the other side. Your body had to fall to its pure molecular structure, flow through the Force, and rebuild here. I am sorry to say it’s a long and slow process.”

Dread slipped through Ben like a cold draft. _How long have I been here?_

Nara looked at him, compassion in her eyes. “A year. But that’s only here. Time flows differently here. Where you are in your previous timeline, even I can’t say.”

A year? Ben shut his eyes. So much could have happened in a year. Where was Rey? Was she still alone or had she found someone else? Did her heart still feel for him? Did she forget him? Was she even alive?

“She lives,” Nara said. “I feel her in the breath of the Force, but I don’t know much else. Her power grows and wanes, she is magnificent in directing the flow of the Force as are you, but some things hinder her at times.” Nara shrugged and placed the cloth in his mouth again. “What, I cannot say. But know that she lives.”

That was a relief. But a year? So much could have happened already. If she thought he was dead, she certainly would have moved on. Hell, _he_ thought he was dead all this time. Well, apparently he wasn’t, and that meant he had to pull himself together and get back to her, regardless of what he may find when he did. But he still couldn’t move. He was at least able to suck the moisture out of the cloth and swallow. That was a good start.

He tried his fingers, toes, hands, neck, anything. Nothing obeyed his command. _Why can’t I move? If I’ve been here a year, I need to get back to her!_

“You must understand, Ben. Your body has been rebuilding molecule by molecule. Not a pretty process, but I do enjoy the final result, I must say. Leia’s boy is quite handsome, I hadn’t expected that.”

Ben never spent much time accepting flattery and didn’t know how to respond.

“Your body is fused with this land right now. Roots of its plant life are fused with your skin, organs, blood vessels, everything. They are fed by the Force which has fed and maintained you. As you grow stronger, the roots will release you. But when they do, don’t expect much. Your muscles have been rebuilding, and right now they’re as weak as a newborn’s. Standing, walking, simply holding a fork, all will have to be taught once again, the strength and skill built up once more.”

Ben never would have been able to hide the alarm that pounded through his body and soul. Reduced to a baby? In a man’s body? Having to relearn everything, even the simplest of things, that’s what awaited him?!

Anger poured through him. He didn’t ask to be resurrected. He would have refused it if asked! He could have let go of it all, left a world that did nothing but confuse and attack him from every angle. Now he had been brought back, unable to move, fight, walk?!

He felt the Force boil inside of him. No, he had to get it under control. That was Kylo Ren, not Ben. A Jedi had control of his emotions. Emotions were the enemy. They did nothing but lead you to the suffering that was the Dark Side. He couldn’t go back. He had sacrificed so much to leave the Dark Side, how could he return now? He had to get control.

But the more he fought for control, the more the rage burst into flames until an inferno ripped through his veins. He wanted to tear himself from those roots, tear himself out of this place, rip across space—

No! He had to suppress it, put it aside, move beyond it. But how could he? War between the two sides tore at him, leaving him just as lost and confused as he’d ever been—

“Don’t fight it. Don’t fight the anger.”

Another cold wash of dread. That was something a Sith would say.

Nara laughed. “No, I’m no Sith, though I have dabbled in my time.”

Ben’s war quieted. This was an interesting turn. Exactly who was tasked with taking care of him? Who did his mother put her trust in?

Nara stood, staring out toward the horizon. “I know what you’re fighting inside of you. I fought it too. I once was a Jedi myself, you see. That’s where I started. They say I had excellent skills with the Force, and it would be even better if only I could control those pesky emotions of mine.”

Ben knew how that felt.

“Perhaps they didn’t mean to make me feel like a failure, but that’s what I felt. My passion was too strong, my love, my anger, my sadness. All things the Jedi say make you lose control.”

_I understand that more than you can ever know._

“How could I put aside what was a natural part of my being? So hard and firm in their ways, they felt it was either their way or no way. I could not keep fighting against my true self. So I sought out the other side of the coin, the Sith.”

Ben felt the old darkness surge in him. Breath after breath he fought to push it back down, though it continued to gnaw at him, a craving he had to suppress.

Nara laughed. “That was a disappointment.”

Ben’s surprise shut down that surge. _What do you mean?_

Nara shrugged. “In the Jedi, you are rigidly bound to the rules. With the Sith, you are rigidly bound to your Master. They espouse freedom, but it’s just another chain. Sure, my master gave me free reign of my emotions, but only as it served him. I was left just as unsatisfied there as I had been with the Jedi.”

_It’s not so easy to just leave the Dark Side. I should know._

“Not at first. Nor was it easy to leave the Jedi Order at first either. But I knew something else awaited me out there. You see, Ben, the Force just is. They talk about the Light and Dark side, but the Force flows through all things as is. Seek the center of that purity, and you find true freedom.”

_Is that what led you to this place?_

“Eventually. This place is a convergence of the strongest flows of the Force in the universe. Most don’t know it exists, only those who seek the pure essence regardless of light and dark, taking as is, understanding the full breadth of it. Your mother came close, that’s how we met, not in person, but through the threads of the Force that connect us to one another.” Nara stretched. “It’s so rare to have company, even if it’s just through the flow of the Force, and we became friends.”

Ben wished he had the capability to shake his head. _How old_ are _you, to have served in the Jedi Order, to have known my mother?_

Nara smiled. “Time flows differently here. I wouldn’t even know anymore.” She inhaled. “Leia had asked me once, to cure you of the Darkness, but such is not something I can do.” She looked at him. “One must come to the pure essence, it cannot be forced on anyone. It’s a matter of letting go so completely that you become one with all that is. I couldn’t have made you do that if I tried. But she wanted you to have one more chance at life, to make it all right, to live as you were meant to live. I could not refuse her.”

Ben closed his eyes, pain crusting the edges of his heart. How he wished he could take back all that was done. How he wished he could jump back into her arms as he did when he was a child.

But he had gone too far. And now? It was too late. Regret was like a lost ship rotting in the sea. All that could have been but would never be again.

He swallowed, a tear leaking down the side of his face into his hair. _What happens now?_

Nara knelt beside him. “Open yourself. Relieve yourself of dark and light. Relieve yourself of everything you thought was supposed to be. Open and let the Force flow through you like I know it can.”

Ben closed his eyes. He remembered that moment he held Rey’s lifeless body in his arms. He had placed his palm upon her stomach. Breathed. Opened. Allowed the flow to happen. It was beyond anything he had ever done. It was a power he did not know he could manage, control, or conjure. But he did it. He opened himself…breathed…

That feeling, that all too familiar feeling. The flow. This time he did not harness it to a goal. He just let it move through him, like a river as Nara had said.

His face and neck tingled, waves of dancing nerves, temporary discomfort of pins and needles like he had sat on a foot too long. Then it subsided. Warmth.

With great effort, he turned his head toward Nara. “Is it working?”

Nara smiled. “Like a charm.”

#

Ben struggled with every step. He hated these sessions most of all. Something he took for granted all his life was now the most frustrating and excruciating part of his day. He mustered the entirety of his strength to lift his leg up, then leaned forward against the push of the Force as Nara kept him up and balanced. His foot touched the ground once again, but the muscles running from his toes up his entire leg had had enough. His leg buckled, and if not for Nara keeping him in check, he would have fallen yet again.

“Damnit!” He leaned forward, rivulets of sweat dripping from the tip of his nose, joined with droplets from his hair. It shouldn’t be this hard. How did it get this hard? He had taken on hordes of enemies, moving in perfect precision, and now was a marionette collapsing in on itself.

“Keep going,” Nara said as she sat on a nearby rock. “Push it a little farther today.”

Ben glared at her. “I’m pushing far enough!”

“You want to walk again or don’t you?”

“Maybe I’d be walking by now if you HELPED me a little more!” In his anger, that instinctual response kicked right in, and he reached out with a Force-choke.

And just like that, he fell to the ground, his attack finding no purchase. It was as if his powers had no effect on her, like she was made of ether.

Damnit, not again. He’d get frustrated, run his mouth, throw his Force around, and she would let him drop to the ground. He had gotten so used to others cowering at his fire, he had forgotten he was the one with the disadvantage.

Using every ounce of his strength, he pushed himself up, leaning on shaking arms. Still so weak, still so damn weak. Time kept on passing and still he struggled with the simplest of tasks.

How would he ever get back to Rey?

Nara leaned her chin on her fist. “We going to try again or do you want to sit with your temper some more?”

Ben shook his head. “It feels so hard today. Why is it so damn hard? This isn’t right, this…” He shut his eyes, frustration slipping into melancholy. The mighty Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, feared across the galaxy, was now a shaking pile on the ground.

_And I deserve it, don’t I?_

He felt two soft hands on his shoulders. Nara knelt beside him. “It’s hard because you are scattered. Your mind obsesses on where you should be, what you should be doing, what you could be doing, instead of being in the present where you are.”

“Maybe because I’m miserable where I am. Maybe you don’t understand what it’s like to feel weak and helpless, but it’s not something I’ve ever—” No, that was a lie. He had felt weak and helpless, lost and broken. He had been in that very dark place, and the end result led him to where he was now.

Nara lifted him to his feet with a strength that did not fit her lithe frame. He clung to her shoulders while standing on trembling legs. “I have, actually, felt weak and helpless, lost even. Open yourself to the full majesty of the Force, open and let go of all the should and could, and be present in who you are.”

He barely smiled. “You make it sound so easy.”

“If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Simple and easy are two very different things. What I offer you is simple, but not at all easy. Close your eyes.”

He sighed but did as she asked. Fighting her was a moot point. Not only was she usually right, but she went out of her way to take care of him. Was it all for the promise Nara made to his mother? Or was it something else? Something more?

He never could quite trust the motivations of others. It usually ended up with him feeling used and manipulated. His heart couldn’t bear it again, not now, not when it was still so fragile. Not when he had finally once again learned to care.

Ben felt his body straighten. Nara was holding him up with the Force again, but she still had not slipped out from beneath his arm.

“Let go,” Nara said. “Just for now, just for this moment, relieve yourself of your duties, of your desires, of your promises. For just this moment, relax into the centerpoint of all things. Feel the world fall away and remain at that pure center.”

He tried. His mind screamed at him that this was ridiculous, not when Rey was who knew where doing who knew what with who knew who. Center point. Zero point. Where all dimensions converge, the starting point of all things. His mind quieted. He opened. The flow of the Force filled him, reaching into empty spaces. The more he opened, the more spaces filled. There was softness here, quiet.

“Lift your leg.”

He pulled, feeling like he was trying to lift a starship with his knee. Center point…zero point…

“Now step down.”

#

The hot bath seeped right down to his bones. Ben’s muscles felt like concrete after this week, and the bath was beyond a treat. Steam rose off his barely exposed knees. This strange land he found himself in never made much sense. So much of it was lost in a brightened fog, but when he had need of anything, the clouds parted and there it was, even a hot mineral bath.

Nara stepped over, brush in hand. He had long gotten used to her seeing him naked. After all, the resurrection process didn’t exactly whip Force-clothes out of the ether. Once he had finally freed himself of the roots, she had presented him with a plain but serviceable outfit perfectly fitted to him. Still, with all the help he needed to function, he spent just as much time with his clothes off as on. She made no sign that she ever noticed.

She gathered his long locks in her hand and slipped the brush through. It was a bit odd. After all, he had learned to grip again and _was_ capable of brushing his own hair, but for some reason she insisted. He wasn’t about to fight her on it. She had been taking care of him all this time, putting up with his attitude (and dropping him when she got tired of it). If this brought her some kind of joy, it was worth it just to let it happen.

“You have the most beautiful dark hair I have ever seen,” Nara said. “Either the Force should be bottled and sold as shampoo or you have some incredible genetics.”

“My mother,” Ben said. “I have her hair. Her eyes.” Eyes he missed dearly. How stupid he had been all those years, to turn his back on her. Now, he would never look into those eyes again. Nor his father’s. Han hadn’t been the perfect dad, but losing him…to Ben’s own hand…

Nara paused in her brushing. “I never quite saw her. Feel her, converse with her, but I could only see her pure essence, not her physical body.”

Ben swallowed. “She was beautiful.”

“That wouldn’t shock me in the least looking at you.” She returned to the brushing. “You were restless last night.”

Ben closed his eyes. “The nightmares were back.”

“Same ones?”

“Memories I guess. Me as Kylo Ren, fighting, killing, destroying all in my path. Only lately they keep returning to Rey. Me as Kylo Ren fighting Rey. What’s worse is in it, I’m so cold, so robotic. When I was up against her—I still felt for her. Even engaged in battle, there was always a part of me that never wanted to really hurt her. But in these nightmares…it’s like I don’t feel at all. I just aim to kill. I know it’s just a dream, but—”

“No such thing. Especially to those who have great mastery with the Force.”

“Are they visions of the future? Memories of the past? I don’t understand them. They seem so real, but I’m always outside of it. I see it happen, see myself.” He shook his head. “I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

Nara stood. “The answers will reveal themselves in their own time.” She looked at him, concern in her eyes.

He looked back at her. “What?”

“Can’t say. Let’s just say the Force can act in ways we least suspect. Hard to gauge outside of here. Things run—”

“Differently here. Yeah, I know.” He tipped his head back against the rim of the marble tub. “I have to get back to her. What if she needs me and I’m here taking a bath of all things.”

“Everything runs in its own time and space. If you are here, it’s where you’re meant to be in this moment.”

Little consolation. He had to force himself to push harder. He had to return to who he was.

#

Ben’s light saber whipped through tree trunks like they had been made of smoke. As the massive branched towers tipped to the ground, he struck out again and again, cutting the wood to pieces. He had to be quick, and the Force came in handy on more than one occasion to keep from getting pummeled. He still had a long way to go.

The final branches slammed into the ground, sending giant puffs of leaves scattering up into the air. He stood for a moment, leaves fluttering down around him, settling with a hiss at his feet. He turned off the saber, hooked it to his belt, and headed for the nearest log. No Force this time. He braced his hands against the bark and pushed, feet digging into the ground. He had to build up his muscles. Weeks had passed since he had awakened, weeks that could have been spent with Rey if he could only get himself back into the shape he had been before dying.

There was no telling what awaited him when he returned, and he had to be ready.

Nara stepped over and stretched out on one of the logs, watching him. She never left him alone for a moment, it seemed. As grateful as he was for the constant care, he could have stood to have some alone time. With his health and stamina returning, he could have stood to let off some personal steam, something he generally didn’t want an audience for.

He pressed against another log, trying to keep his mind off the way her silk robes hugged the curves of her hips. He growled as he pushed harder against a far more stubborn piece, feeling multiple levels of frustration.

_Damnit! Focus on Rey. You are supposed to go home to her. She’s the one you love. Quit thinking with the wrong head and get yourself back into shape!_

A roar and one last heave got the damn log to roll over. His muscles burned, sweat trickling down the curves of his chest. He untied his cream shirt, whipped it off, and ran a hand through his drenched hair.

Nara whistled. “This little trek was definitely worth the venture.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Knock it off.” The stronger he got, the more she eyeballed him, and if she didn’t stop, he was liable to do something he was going to regret for a guy trying to return to the woman he loved.

“Oh be kind. I don’t exactly get a parade of fine young men coming through here all that often. Let a woman gawk.”

He took a hefty swig of water from an earthenware jug. “My mother know about your wandering eyes?”

“She knows you’re an adult.” Nara hopped off the log and walked close past him, her scent making that frustration all the worse.

Ben sighed. “Nara…”

She stopped, turned, hand on one curvaceous hip. “Yes?”

“You know why I’m training. You know I’m trying to get back to Rey.”

Nara snorted and turned, waving him off. “I’m not stopping you. Besides, you’re in no way ready to go back.”

After all, he had been pushing himself through, that was insulting. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’ve been busting my ass, and maybe I’m not nearly as strong as I was before, but I can wield a lightsaber and the Force just as good as I ever did.”

“And therein lies your problem.”

Anger sparked through him like a lightning bolt. “This is bullshit! You make it sound like I’ve busted my ass for nothing. I know my skills well enough. I’ll make it through whatever comes at me.”

She turned. “Really? Care to prove it?”

Ben shook his head. “How? Another one of your cloud simulations or whatever this is?”

Nara smiled. “No. Against me.”

Was that a joke? She looked like she hadn’t picked up a saber in a thousand years. Her hands, so perfectly soft, lacked the thickness and calluses of a trained warrior. She was liable to get hurt.

“I’m being serious,” Ben said.

“So was I.”

The logs rolled away as if they had minds of their own, clearing a space. Nara stepped to the edge and untied the sash that held on her robe. The salmon and cream silk fluttered to the floor, leaving her in a tight, cream tank top and short pants. Hooked to her belt was a gold-hilted light saber.

Ben looked at her in exasperation. “I’m not going to fight you in a saber battle.”

She stepped to the center of the ring. “Afraid to lose?”

He let out an elongated breath ending in a growl of frustration. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

She slipped her foot over the dust and dirt before planting it firmly. “That’s a hefty assumption, that you’ll even get your blade close enough to hurt me.”

Ben rolled his eyes. This was ridiculous. “I’m serious, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not doing this.”

“Trust me…” Nara slipped the golden saber off her belt and whipped it into position, a magenta glowing blade rising at the click of the trigger. “…you won’t hurt me, and you _are_ doing this. That is, if you want out of here. To get back to your Rey.”

Ben felt a searing tension thread through his body. “You can’t keep me here. You _won’t_ keep me here! You knew from the beginning I can’t stay here—”

Nara edged her stance slightly away from him. “The only one keeping you here is you. Perhaps it’s something deep within you that knows you need to be stronger, perhaps it’s the Force itself. All I know is what I sense—when you can defeat me, you can go.”

Ben took a breath. He _really_ didn’t want to hurt her, but if it meant her would get back to Rey sooner rather than later. “I have your word? You won’t try to stop me from leaving if I defeat you now?”

“I couldn’t if I tried, and my word is my bond. Come at me Ben Solo. Show me the power of your sacred Skywalker blood.”

What choice did he have? Well, if she insisted, he’d try to go easy on her. He placed his hand upon the hilt of the saber she had given him, slipped it from its hook on his belt, and slid into his stance, center of gravity low and wide. The blue blade hummed into existence. He eyed her, looking for an opening, reading her body and eyes.

Like a statue. She gave nothing. Either she was better than she looked or extraordinarily inexperienced. If it was the latter, he could be out of here by the end of the day.

He darted forward, simultaneously reaching out with the Force to hold her in place. He just had to disarm her and get his saber to her throat. He closed their space in split seconds and swung the saber with the same swiftness and precision he had been known for in his past.

And met air.

He swung again and again. She wasn’t even blocking! She moved and twirled parried as if she knew every single move he was trying to make. Their blades didn’t even touch. Again he struck out, swung, darted, turning and twirling, using the Force to cast branches and logs her way, using the Force to freeze or hold her or even just knock her off balance. It was like fighting the wind!

Frustration mounted, his muscles burning, mind spinning in an effort to attack both physically and with the Force in as many unexpected ways he could dream up. Nothing! Not one damn hit!

Anger boiled through his veins as he charged at her again and again, taking to the air, flipping over her, whatever it took. Nothing! What kind of Force wizardry _was_ this?!

He paused for just a moment, needed to get his bearings. His heart pounded in his ears, sweat coursing down his body, breaths heaving and barely keeping up with the demand.

Nara turned her golden-green sharp gaze in his direction. “Now my turn.”

The magenta saber burned through the air, striking at him from every angle at once. He just barely blocked the flurry of strikes.

Exhaustion weakened his already tired legs that still were not up to their full potential. Whirring and slamming as she struck with full force against his saber, driving him down to his knees. His elbows buckled more with every strike. His body couldn’t keep up against this hidden phenom.

Another strike and his saber fell out of his useless hand, rolling out of range. The magenta blade hummed at his throat. At the other end of it, serene eyes regarded him with compassion instead of triumph or even pity.

The light of the blade disappeared, the hum cutting off. Silence gripped them, broken only by the breaths he sucked into his body.

Nara hooked the blade onto her belt. “You’re not yet ready for what you’ll face beyond this land.” She turned, walking toward her fallen garb.

Ben fell to his hands, struggling to keep himself up, head hung in defeat and incredulous shock.

He saw a hint of her flowing salmon and cream robe and knew she had drawn near. He looked up at her. “How? How did you do that? You knew every move I was going to make—tell me how!”

She looked down at him, still compassionate yet serene as if she had just taken a stroll through the woods. “Not how, Ben. Why. Why was I able to do what I could do?”

Frustration cracked his voice. “I don’t _know_!”

“Well, until then, you’ll never have the strength and power you need to leave this place. Why is it I can let the Force flow through me unencumbered while you, with such potential, trap it in stumbling blocks? I’ve already told you the how, you need to figure out for yourself the why. I can’t do that for you.”

He shook his head, droplets sprinkling his arms. “I can’t do it alone. I’m part of a dyad! I’ll never be able to use the Force like you without Rey by my side!”

Nara snorted. “What foolish old idiot made you believe that? You don’t need her to reach your full potential, but I can’t wait to see what the two of you will do once you both reach that level.” She reached down, ran a finger through the growing hair on his jaw. “I like this.”

With that she walked away, leaving him alone for the first time. He was so infuriated with her, he thought to just grab his saber and whisk off those hairs she liked so damn much. Then he shook his head. “Stupid, childish. I never fucking learn, do I?”

His arms could no longer hold him up. He slipped to the dirt, just catching his face before it hit the gravel. Stones, twigs, and soil glued themselves to his sweaty skin, but he didn’t care. He was spent. Empty. Just as broken and lost as ever.

Why? What a stupid question. This was a skill Nara had, not some crazy philosophical ideal that made her untouchable. She was holding out on him, hiding it! Yes, hiding the truth to keep him there longer! She was lonely. He was all she had, and she was not going to let go of him that easily.

Betrayer! Manipulator! She was no better than all the others who craved him and his power. Calling herself his ally then using him for her own gain. He should strike her down before she—

Coldness washed over him, making him physically shiver in the otherwise balmy atmosphere. The darkness was calling to him again. Burned at him. Reaching out like a craving that would not be ignored. _Feel me_ , it said. _Remember what it was like to feel that surge of power, to be a master of all, to bend the wills of others and use them for your every purpose. Remember me well and embrace me again. I will give you everything you always wanted._

The shivering racked his body with heavy tremors. He had to fight it, but no matter what he did, it always came back. He’d never be free of the Darkness snaking through his veins. It was just easier to give into it once again, free himself of the constant war inside.

_With the Sith, you are rigidly bound to your Master. They espouse freedom, but it’s just another chain._

Nara’s words cut his train of thought short. There was no freedom in the Darkness. There never had been. All that he dedicated himself to, all the damage he had done, all the people he had hurt, it was all for an elaborate lie. One more lie and manipulation perpetuated by those who pretended to give a damn about him but really only wanted him for this stupid power of his he never asked for.

Tears trickled down his cheeks. The Darkness screams for him but betrays him the moment he touches it. The Light screams at him, telling him what he should be, but he never can measure up. In the end, he’s alone in the middle, being pulled apart by two sides that care more about winning than he himself.

_The Force just is. They talk about the Light and Dark side, but the Force flows through all things just as it is. Seek the center of that purity, and you find true freedom._

Sobs shook his body. He wanted to be free of all of it, that endless war inside him. That’s what death was supposed to be. That’s why he had given in so easily. The pain of living was too much to bear when an endless war raged inside of you every single moment.

To be free of that? What would it mean? _Everything…_

He sniffled and stared at the horizon, his tears warping the salmon and golden sunset. _Why? Why does it flow through her and jam in me? Where do I keep going wrong?_

He couldn’t answer. Not now. Every part of him was spent. With the last remnants of energy in his body, he pulled himself to his feet and trudged back to Nara’s home.

The mists parted, leading him back down the path he could not discern on his own. At the end they revealed a hot bath waiting for him, Nara looking serene and unencumbered as always.

What would it be like to live in such perfect balance as she did? He couldn’t even imagine.

He wondered if she knew what was going on inside of him, perhaps even knew how angry he had been at her, how he even thought of striking her down, especially after all she had done for him.

His steps faltered. He could barely even stand, the pain of a life full of confusion, hurt, and isolation reaching a breaking point. Tears raced down his face, and he sucked in a sob. He didn’t deserve her kindness. He deserved to hurt for all he had done to others, to his own family, his own father…

He cried out as he took another step, the pain breaking him. He could not escape a life of pain nor could he live in it.

She stepped closer like a warm spring breeze, love in her eyes, endless patience, compassion. How much of hell did she walk in her early days that brought her to this place? Did she really understand the war inside of him?

“Help me,” he said, his voice cracked and broken.

She caught him as he fell into her arms, sobbing on her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, squeezed onto her for dear life, terrified of ever letting go and facing this dark night of the soul alone.

Her presence was steady, warm, and unwavering. Eventually, the pain said all it could for the day and slipped back under the blankets of darkness, leaving him weak, exhausted, but still.

Ben parted from Nara’s embrace and immediately realized he had transferred all the mud and sticks from his chest onto her silk robe. “Your robe! I’m—I’m so sorry.”

Nara looked down at herself and chuckled. “It’s just another part of the universe, no matter here or there.”

In that moment, he realized how ridiculous he had sounded, worrying over a dress when his soul had just been cracking in half. And he laughed. The more he laughed, the funnier it got. Having no strength for this fit he couldn’t stop if he tried he sat at the edge of the tub, wiping more tears from his eyes.

Nara put her hand on his shoulder. “When was the last time you laughed like this?”

After a few more gut-busting heaves of laughter, he shook his head, still smiling. “Forever ago.”

She nodded. “Then it’s a good time to start.”

#

Ben jogged through the forest trails, needing that physical activity to help him sort out the confusion in his head. Why? That was the question. Why was he held back from everything he could be? Why was Nara a phenom on the battlefield when she lived as a hermit and he a failure when he had fought so many?

No, that wasn’t right. With few exceptions, he had been incomparable in battle. Rey was his match, but even then, taking that saber to the gut was part of an intervention by his mother. Against Palpatine or Snoke? Combat wasn’t at issue there, but use of the Force certainly was.

What was it? What could possibly be in the way?

Day after day he jogged this path, and still he couldn’t find the source. Palpatine had an incredible mastery of the Force, but even he had his power reversed on him by Rey. The Jedi Light defeating the Sith Dark. At the cost of her life…

Nara seemed to live beyond life and death. Her hand and touch felt real, warm, soft inviting.

_Head out of the gutter, Ben._

How does someone live who can wield that much power?

Regardless, it was possible, so that wasn’t the issue. She said he could do it, so the answer lied in himself.

_Let’s take stock, yet again. Dad wasn’t exactly the family man I had hoped for. I know he loved me…I know I felt it more when I was younger. As I got older, it was like we did nothing but clash. Maybe I was more like him than he wished I was. All I know is that he didn’t get me. Maybe he feared me. Mass amount of power coupled with his recklessness. Yeah, maybe. That didn’t give him any right to make me someone else’s problem._

Ben thrust his fists out, uprooting trees on both sides of him. Han wasn’t the only one who tried to pass him off. His own mother, as much as he loved her and knew she loved him, she couldn’t handle his power coupled with what she probably saw as Han’s folly. That led them to toss him to his Uncle Luke, the one who betrayed him.

Ben cast his fists out again with a growl, cracking apart the earth and sending entire stands of trees toppling at once. Nara would fix it all later. Everything always repaired itself by the next day.

 _I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when I woke at the sound of a lightsaber entirely too close to me. There was something unholy in there, something Sith-like. I could feel it, a dark energy that more than once had flowed through my own veins. But I was supposed to suppress that, wasn’t I Uncle Luke? You always warned me it could beckon. I came from Sith lineage after all, and I was bound to turn to the Dark Side if I didn’t get that under control, wasn’t I? Yet_ you _were the one who came at me with the darkness raging in you._ You _hunted me in my sleep, in my most vulnerable state. Didn’t even face me like a man. Didn’t even look me in the eyes like a warrior! I put the trust of my soul and safety and love in your hands and you turned your saber on me?!_

Ben thrust his hands out with a roar of the deepest rage. On two sides of the jogging path, the trees and vegetation blasted away into nothingness, ground trembling beneath his feet. On he sprung until forest surrounded him again.

_No one to trust! No one who trusted me! All I felt was the pain and rage inside, and the loneliness, the damn endless loneliness in a world that saw me as a monster before I had ever done anything wrong!_

He roared again and snapped his hands into fists. Lightning poured down from the sky, blasting through the landscape. That was new. He had never been able to make that happen before. Nearly shit himself when he saw Rey do it, especially before he ever learned how!

But he wasn’t learning now. He was expanding. Nara said the Light and the Dark were meaningless, that the Force existed of its own accord, that what you did with it was what mattered. What if Force-lightning was used to defeat a horde bent on destroying a colony, or a planet for that matter? Would it be Darkness then?

Right now, it was an expression of his anger. Stirring up the old dirt at the bottom of the pond, everything was muddy and unclear. Right and wrong, Dark and Light, nothing seemed certain anymore.

He realized he had stopped running. Blackened trunks sizzled in the smoking landscape. This was his signature, wasn’t it? Death and destruction. The only thing he was good at. The only thing expected of him, after all.

Something figuratively punched him in the gut. A clue. Something to follow. Maybe he was on to something.

He started jogging again, boots pounding into the packed earth of the trail. The smoking landscape gave way to life again. He loosened the ties of his shirt and let it blow open, cool air whisking away the heat of his chest.

 _Only thing I’m good at, death and destruction. No, that’s not right. Rey showed me differently. Rey understood me like no other. With her, I could bring life instead of death. I’m not what they all thought I’d be. I mean, I_ was _, yeah. Honestly I guess I was a real shithead. How many did I hurt and kill over the years…_

_But Rey saw the potential in me. Being the destroyer wasn’t the sum of my being. It was only what was expected of me._

There it was again, that jolt in the gut.

_What if what’s been holding me back is everyone’s expectation of me? It would make sense, wouldn’t it? All the way back to my grandfather, the potential for evil was always at the forefront. Anakin Skywalker let the darkness consume him and became Darth Vader. My mother and Uncle Luke, they had the potential too, but I guess they were a little better at fighting it than I was. Maybe because they faced Vader firsthand. Maybe because they were victims of the Dark Side. Then I come along, innocent baby and all, and what do they see? What visions did they have of me? The future of death and destruction. They all expected me to fail before I even began._

He clenched his fists, but no more destruction poured out of him. Instead, it began to rain. _It was them! It was like they led me to the Dark Side! Like destiny was set out before me and I was just stupid enough to fall into it. Didn’t help that my own uncle tried to kill me because of it._

The rain picked up in intensity.

_Uncle Luke succumbing to the darkness in him, Palpatine throwing his damn hand in everything, maybe Palpatine stirred the darkness in Luke, who the hell even knows._

Ben realized, for the first time, that though he did see the darkness in Luke’s eyes, as the Jedi Master held the saber above his head, an instant later it was gone. Light had returned. With it regret. It was such a brief flash, perhaps Ben never did want to see it or acknowledge he had seen it. He was scared. In that moment, before feeling betrayal, he was scared, just a scared kid whose beloved family member, who took Ben under his wing when Ben’s own parents couldn’t take up the job, was standing there ready to kill the boy. What else could Ben think?

Was it Palpatine all along? The puppetmaster in a hellish game, with Ben as the centerpiece?

Even if it was, Palpatine had to have an opening. If Luke had full trust in Ben, the darkness wouldn’t have clouded his eyes. If Ben had full trust in himself, he wouldn’t have succumbed so easily to Snoke’s grooming.

But how could he have full trust in himself if the potential for darkness hung so heavily? No one trusted him to overcome the darkness inside. No one believed in him and the good that was inside him.

It was them, the family he had loved and trusted that expected no good of him! They were what was blocking him!

Ben’s jog came to a halt. That wasn’t it. He didn’t feel any more free than before. He was just back to blaming, and it didn’t change anything. Never did. It didn’t matter that no one believed in him because in the end, it was believing in himself that made all the difference.

Or lack thereof.

That burning gut came back, and his body felt lighter. It made sense, didn’t it? Buried inside him was the potential for great darkness and great light. With no one to believe in him to choose the side of light, how could he? With so much power inside of him, such a legacy behind him, what else could he think?

It all fell down to the expectations he had of himself. A self-fulfilling prophecy. He knew his capacity for darkness and thought they were all right about him. Palpatine and Snoke fed it further. What could you become when you had no expectation to go beyond the path set before you?

He stood in the soaking rain, now a torrent. It wasn’t cold. He didn’t shiver. The constant hiss of raindrops muffled any other sound. He was standing at the precipice of everything he could be from here on out. This was the moment where visions and prophecies came to die, and expectations along with it. Light and Dark had only caused him pain, pain he inflicted on others. Both paths led to suffering, to adhere, to restrict, to pull you from the ultimate balance and purity, where one’s good character made the Force flow to its greatest beauty, not the path, but the man who walked it.

_I’ve been blaming everyone else for who I became. Maybe when I was still young, it wasn’t entirely my fault. But I’ve been an adult a long time, and it’s about time I realize I am not what others make me. Only I make me._

A thousand thoughts in just as many voices told him he was wrong. Ingrained habits, coping mechanisms, old ways of survival, they had kept him sane but kept him trapped as well. If he was to become his true potential, he would have to fight every day, perhaps every minute, to resist their trappings.

Otherwise, they were nothing but old masters using him for his power yet again.

#

Ben returned to Nara’s home. When the mists parted, he saw a roaring fire and warm, dry set of clothes waiting for him. He wrung out his hair and slicked it back out of his face. He touched what he thought was gray material, but upon closer inspection saw that every thread changed color in the movement of the light.

“Light and Dark only lead to gray,” Nara said. “A true display of the potentiality of the Force is through every color imaginable. Only from a distance does it appear gray.”

Ben ran his fingers over the material. Soft, silky, breathable, a fabric unlike any he had ever felt. “You knew I would come back having realized where I’ve been going wrong.”

“I sensed the change in your energy. Lighter, freer. You walk as an empty vessel waiting to be filled, to be emptied and filled again.”

“Will you teach me?”

She ran her fingers through his wet locks of hair. “Dress yourself and come warm by the fire. We have much to discuss.”

#

Nara

Watching Ben evolve was like watching a bud unfold its petals. This wasn’t the first task Nara had taken on in her days, but it was one that pleased her the most.

She had watched as the Force rebuilt him molecule by agonizing molecule. Bones then organs then vessels then skin. She had no idea what awaited her when the re-creation was complete, but she had not expected the specimen that wound up lying before her.

Every one of his energy channels was wide open and ready for the flow of the Force. On average she had seen maybe fifty to sixty percent capacity in users of the Force. Ben flowed at nearly eighty-nine percent, and even that was temporary. With her help, he’d reach into the high nineties, maybe even one day reaching one hundred.

Tall. Broad-shouldered. Imperfectly handsome. Leia should have warned her what was coming down the pike.

He sat now across from her, intense dark eyes like storms on the sea. He so badly wanted to get back to Rey, someone Nara could not currently reach or feel. She hoped the end result wouldn’t disappoint the young man.

But that was beyond the present, and all that mattered now was what was before her. The prism robe and pants fit him perfectly. Dark hair curled down along his neck and past his shoulders. His constant work built up his arms to rocky curves, nothing like the frail, weakened, thin creature he had become when he had finally awakened.

It was too easy to let thoughts stray.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo must face everything he had been in order to open up to everything he could be. What will it take to break through the barriers in his own self to reach his ultimate potential?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY steamy. Young'uns, avert your eyes! Also contains brief disturbing images.

Ben panted in the burnt landscape. Energy spent fighting a completely one-sided battle, he fell to his knees beside the lifeless body of his beloved Rey. He had tried everything to save her, everything to stop the mass of Storm Troopers that bombarded his village. No Force. No lightsabers. Not even a laser pistol. He and the others had been completely helpless.

A child screamed in the distance. He didn’t think anyone had been left alive. He put Rey down as gently as he could and struggled to his feet. Five steps and he collapsed to the ground again. The child’s scream cut short in a buzzing whir.

Ben’s heart stopped. “This is too much.” He forced himself up once again, managed to hop on one less-injured leg until he finally found the source. His stomach turning, he screamed into his hand. He didn’t want to see that, didn’t want that image permanently etched into mind and soul.

A mother ran over, screaming in a horror he could never have imagined. Her crying and wailing out to an indifferent universe, it bit into him.

“I can’t take this.” He thrust one finger out. “I never did THIS! This is unfair!”

A voice. _Did you ever wonder what you left behind?_

Ben whipped his head back and forth. No. He never did wonder. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, he just chose not to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it meant the potential to feel, and feeling, so he was told, was always his greatest weakness. Make the command, move on, don’t look at the aftermath. No pieces to pick up.

The woman continued to scream and sob. His heart nudged him to comfort her. He had felt the pain of loss, a ripping, hollow chasm, the end of dreams and all that would be. If he could not fix what happened, at least he could be a solid pillar of strength in her time of need. 

The voice again. _Allow yourself to imbibe in the compassion. Feel its depth._

“Hurts too much.”

_Good! Embrace the pain as a part of life. Stop running away or trying to escape. Know it as a gift._

“Doesn’t feel like a _fucking_ gift!”

_To someone that has turned off his empathy for so long, it’s a welcome change. Hold that feeling of hurting for another. Hold that understanding of the hurt in yourself. Keep holding it._

Tears rolled down Ben’s eyes as he crawled to the woman. A few feet away, he stopped. This was more than he could bear. He wasn’t cut out for things like this.

_Keep pushing. You’re almost there._

His knees slipped through the char as he edged closer. He wrapped his arms around the stranger as she shook and cried, all the while unable to take his eyes off the child split in two.

A haunting presence darkened the smoky landscape. Audible breath after audible robotic breath. Gleaming red light saber cutting through the dark.

Darth Vader stood before them, so impossibly tall and imposing. “Is this not what you so admired?”

The woman turned in Ben’s arms? “ _You_ did this? YOU WERE A PART OF THIS?!” She pounded her fists on his chest, screaming and slamming.

Ben wanted to protest. He had been in this battle _against_ the enemy, as equipped as any common man. He had been there _with_ her, this wasn’t his doing!

She pushed out of his arms and threw herself over her dead child’s body.

Looking at her, he knew this was exactly his doing. And how many times had he done it? Maybe not always by his hand, but certainly by his command.

His hands were the same cause of the pain he felt.

Vader reached out with the saber. “Come, my grandson, and fulfill our destiny. Crush this sentimental nonsense and join me. Strike her down and rid yourself of the pain.”

The darkness pulled at him. To be free of this horror, to just watch it from the other side yet again, never living with the aftermath. So much promise lay in the darkness.

 _No_ , Ben thought, _I will fight this. I don’t want this. I won’t give up everything I gained to run away yet again._

“What’s the matter?” The voice was now a robotic version of his own. Ben looked up to see Kylo Ren in place of Vader. “Have you forgotten how important we were? How much power we wielded? No one would have crushed you when you were like me. Now look at you. You are nothing.”

That stung too hard. “FUCK YOU!” He sprung to his feet and just as soon collapsed at Kylo’s feet.

“Weak,” Kylo said from above. “Powerless. Without the Force and lightsaber, you are as meaningless as all these pathetic creatures.”

Kylo’s voice now sounded right beside his ear. “Join with me once again. Feel the power surging through your very blood. Forget all this nonsense about feelings. They were useless to us, made us weak. Show your true strength, now and forever in the darkness. Strike her down.”

Ben clenched the dirt beneath his hand. The craving bit at every part of his soul. To end the pain, stop this perpetual hunger, it would only take one simple thing—just let himself go back into the hands of the Darkness. This could all end so easily.

_Now is the time, Ben. Let yourself go. Open yourself to it all at once._

Ben shook his head. _No. Impossible._

_You are the darkness and the light and everything in between. You are the pain and the lack thereof. You are master and servant and neither. You are the child cut down, you are the mother in pain, you are Rey who fought valiantly and still could not stop the tide. You are even Kylo and Vader as well as Luke and Leia. You are all things at once, all meeting up at the center of all things._

Ben softened. _Center point. Zero point._

_From the center arises all, and all returns to the center._

_Center point. Zero point. Let go._ His mind softened into the mist. His soul expanded. His heart felt all. The dirt, the ground, the charred remains, all the people living and dead, everything at once became him, and he became all things.

Kylo stood. “If you will not strike her down, I will do it for you.”

The whirring hum of a lightsaber.

Ben stood, feeling no pain, no weakness. “No.” He put his hand out, Force surging through him, creating a shield against Kylo who swung and struck over and over in his rage.

It all felt like only a moment. He fell to his knees once again, disjointed and spent.

“You got a lot farther that time.”

He opened his eyes and looked up. Nara stood before him. The familiar aspects of her home surrounded him: the enormous, carved hearth wreathed with hanging herbs, the pillowy chairs that surrounded it, the thick wooly rug in the center.

Ben put his hands to his face. He sobbed twice, feeling so glad it was over. Nara’s arms wrapped around him from behind, her softness and warmth a soothing balm against the simulated hell. He pushed his palms against the tears on his cheek and sniffled. “If you hadn’t directed me…”

“You held on much longer than you have in the past sessions.”

“Yeah, but that…”

“The stronger your empathy, the more you’ll think twice about your choices.”

“I was going to give in. I was seconds from it. If you hadn’t stopped me…”

“You sell yourself short.”

Ben rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know. This one…it was more than I could handle. I don’t think I can keep doing this if it’s going to be like that every time.”

Nara slipped around him again to face him. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him with such stony seriousness it made him anxious. “You _will_ keep doing it. This isn’t about you returning to Rey anymore. Outside of these lands, you are a fugitive murderer who left landscapes just like that, even worse. First you will atone within your own heart, mind, and soul, and then you will do it out there. Master yourself here so that you know who you are out there, because the temptation will always be there, and you must _not_ succumb to what you were before. This galaxy needs a hero that will stand up to the corruption of the natural flow, and you and your dyad Rey will be the force needed to rid this galaxy and others of the wars and horrors that have plagued it for ages.” Nara stood and stepped away. “You will face it, again and again, as many times as it takes to restore your natural empathy and open yourself to all that is. When that is done, you will have the power to move forward.”

Ben hung his head. Nara was a more brutal teacher than any of his others had been but for far different reasons. But the truth was, he needed what she had to offer. If he was to transcend all he thought he was supposed to be, he’d have to face all of what she threw at him and survive.

Rey, and the rest of the galaxy, depended on it.

#

Session after brutal session, Ben faced the horrors he had wrought upon others. Nara’s strange power placed him within the hearts and minds of all those his regime terrorized.

Then temptation after temptation to return to who he had been. The craving never stopped. The voices in his head, trying to convince him to give into it, they were just are relentless. Even as he sat drinking water or eating a piece of fruit, his demons screamed at him to turn against everything she had been teaching him. Not in the simulations or in waking reality was he ever free or at peace.

And did he deserve any less?

Nara would sense some of the worst of these moments and pick that time to convince him to sit and still his mind. “Open yourself and let it pass,” she would say. “Storms rage and then move on. Know the storm and be still in its center.”

Easy words, or simple as she would say. But hard, so damn hard.

Too much had happened. Born into this world feeling so deeply, hurting so deeply, it was so much easier to kill the part of himself that cared. Only it never died, and beneath the mask, that pain lived as a constant reminder of who he really was before the world feared who he could be.

After one particularly vicious training session, he sat across from Nara on the veranda as the orange and gold mist signaled sunset. She must have been feeling bad for him because she served one of his favorite foods—roasted _skareet_ , a semi-aquatic creature that was found along ocean cliffs on a world far from this one. How she got it was yet one of her mysteries.

He wanted to enjoy it, but his mind roared with what he faced in the simulation. A few bites in, he realized he had no appetite.

How many families sat down to their favorite dinner only to have the armies he commanded come storming in and destroying everything they held dear? How many children watched their parents die and vice versa? How many would never again taste their favorite foods, play their favorite games, or curl up next to one another in the soft still of the night?

All by his hand.

Nara looked at him. “Something wrong?”

He stared down at his plate and couldn’t move. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Oh?”

“What right do I have to eat something while they don’t? What right do I have to enjoy anything while all those people I killed spent their last few moments in terror before their lives were swept away?” He stood abruptly, his chair flying out behind him. He thrust his arms to enunciate the enormity of what he had done. “What right do I have to go on LIVING while all the others had that right taken away from them—” He pointed to himself, jamming himself in the chest. “—by me! I did this—and I took away everything they had—and I ruined every dream they ever had for themselves—and I took away what took an entire lifetime to build and for WHAT? What in the hell did I do it for?! Because I was angry? Because my dad pissed me off and my mom was too busy and my uncle did something stupid?” He swung aside, fists balled, screaming out at the sinking sun. “That was worth what I did to all those lives?! What the fuck kind of universe is this where I get to live and chase after my own stupid, pathetic dreams while I went and ripped them away from everyone else?! FUCK!”

Ben slammed his hands onto the marble railing over and over again, the pain meaningless and no more than he deserved. A sudden rainstorm blew in, the cool droplets doing nothing to soothe the fire in his soul. He roared as he slammed his hands over and over, blood mixing with the rivulets of water and washing down the pale stone. One last slam and he broke down, tears mixing with the rain. He looked at his hands, covered in the blood of a million lives, cradled them to his chest and crumpled to the ground.

Rain continued to pour down upon him as he sat hunched, rocking and trying to grasp any semblance of sanity left in his soul. Guilt tore him apart like an endless sandstorm, scraping away at everything in a maelstrom of destruction. And in its center was the ultimate of his coldest deeds.

“Dad…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

Arms wrapped around him from behind. He knew it was Nara, but it felt different, as if it was someone else, someone so deeply familiar, someone who Ben wished he could hug in person. Harder he wept, head leaning back against a shoulder he rationally knew wasn’t there but felt so much like his father’s.

_It’s okay, son._

He didn’t know if he heard it or just felt it. But it was real, whether on the flow of the Force or from somewhere else, his father’s voice, unmistakable.

“Please!” Ben cried out. “Tell me how to make it right!”

Silence. Then…

_Do better._

The rain stopped. Ben’s tears slowed. Silence filled Nara’s space, the havoc in his soul abating like the ocean after a storm. No amount of Force wizardry, not even Nara’s impressive skills, would ever fix what he had done. He would never bring those lives back. He would never bring his father back. Nothing he did could undo any of it.

But he could step forward. He could rid the planets of the scum he had once been. He could use the skills of his powerful ancestry to liberate instead of oppress. He could make a galaxy where no one had to fear people like the Sith, or the First Order, because he would be there. He would stand as an army of one against a thousand if he had to, make right the mistakes of the past, and let life flourish in freedom.

He couldn’t give back what he had taken away, but he could give it to a new generation.

Ben turned his head and looked at Nara. “I’m ready to be the man everyone hoped I could be.”

#

Blue crashing against magenta. The whir of blades made of light. Ben struck out again and again, finally making progress against Nara. At least he was able to strike her saber now as she blocked his attacks.

“You’re still telegraphing,” Nara said.

Ben swung up, left, right, and down, landing a strike she had to block. “Not as much.”

Nara spun, and he had to leap over her low strike. “Enough. Open yourself some more and detach from the outcome. Be in the pure present. If I know your every move, then know all of mine.”

Ben flipped over her and swung upwards with a strike that nicked the edge of her belt. That was the closest he had ever come. Triumph blasted into his heart, he finally—

A flurry, and then his lightsaber flew out his hand, bested by a simple but entirely too quick hand-to-hand combat maneuver. Tip of her blade rested near his throat once again.

He looked up at the sky and growled in exasperation. He had come so close. Probably pissed her off.

Nara smirked. “I’m not pissed. Impressed actually.”

Ben stomped over to retrieve his saber. “Still not good enough.”

Nara hooked her saber to her belt. “Most of the enemies you face won’t have the ultimate connection with the Force that I have. Most.”

Ben looked at her. “I haven’t seen anyone else as strong as you with the Force. Not sure such a thing can even exist outside of this place.”

“Oh, it can.” Nara picked up her robe and flung it on in one smooth maneuver. “Hence why you should be ready for it. Become as one with your enemy through the Force and you will know everything you need to know to defeat him.”

Ben smoothed a hand over his sweaty brow into his drenched hair. “I need a shower.” He gripped the entire handful of his hair at the back of his neck. “I should probably trim this.”

“No no no!” Nara danced over to him and wove her fingers into his locks. “It’s too lovely.”

“Gets in the way on the battlefield.”

“Oh please. Qui Gon Jinn had a beautiful mass of hair and held his own on the battlefield just fine.”

Ben turned toward her, feeling amused. “What is it with you and my hair?”

Nara pulled his waves over one of his shoulders. “I have always had a thing for men’s hair. So shiny and thick and luxurious.” She twiddled an end between two fingers. “Just a little delight of mine.”

She looked up at him with eyes and a smile that made him want to wrap his hand behind the small of her back and pull her against him. His hand was almost there, fingertips touching the fine silk of her robes, before he withdrew.

She smirked. “You can touch if you’d like.”

He would, that was the problem. And he had to resist. “I need a shower.” He started walking back toward the house.

“Smell fine to me!” she called behind him. “Rugged. Musky. Muscle-y.”

Ben suppressed a smile. “Shower!”

#

Ben laid on one of the lounge chairs on the veranda reading one of Nara’s thousands of books. There was information on the Force he wasn’t sure the Jedi or Sith ever considered. He had lost track of time of how long he had been with Nara, and time seemed so irrelevant in this place anyway. But every night he delighted himself in the endless tomes, filled with history, philosophy, the fundamental makeup of all the universe, and especially the Force. If he was going to take on the scourges of the galaxy, he wanted to be far more prepared than any of the ancient orders could have offered.

Nara slipped beside him and knelt down. “That’s a good one, but there’s an error on page 152.”

Ben flipped back. “What error? I didn’t see an error.”

“You wouldn’t, and neither did the writer who I happen to know was one exceptional Jedi. But his requirements for teleportation through the Force are far more than is necessary. I happen to know a much simpler way.”

Ben looked at her. “But even you said I had to be rebuilt molecule by molecule. Are you saying you could have just teleported me here?”

“ _That_ was a distance and circumstance I was not expecting, mostly you being dead. But short distances, it’s not so hard. Requires being completely in full oneness with the Force and a tremendous amount of concentration and channeling of energy, but it can be done.”

He turned the book toward her. “You should update this book then.”

She flipped to the end. “I left notes here to check out my book on the topic.”

He glanced at the notes and then turned and met her eyes. Ben wasn’t sure how long he remained staring into them, or how long he imbibed in her scent or the warmth of her body so close to his, but judging by his rather personal and growing reaction, it had to be a while. He tipped his head closer, driven by a growing desire long neglected and the softness of her lips and skin.

Fuck, what was he doing?

He turned back to the book and angled away from her. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

Ben grunted in frustration. “I’m sure you can sense it without me having to say it.”

She stood and sat at the edge of the chair across from him, giving him space, thank the Force. “My door is open any time. Your choice as to whether you wish to walk through.”

Ben snorted and tried to pretend he was busy in the book. “Aren’t I supposed to resist, to keep control of myself, master my own urges just like a good little Jedi?”

“The rigid Orders considered it to be a mastery over the self, to resist that which naturally makes us human, but I’ve learned that liberation brings us closer to the purest essence of the Force than suppression.” She crossed her legs beneath her silk and he tried to ignore it. “Are you saying you’ve never taken to the pleasures of the body before?”

Something about the way she said it made him want to just forget everything, throw his clothes off, and find out how soft she really was beneath those robes. Resistance grew painful. “I…yeah, I mean, when I was younger. Snoke made it very clear I was not to go screwing around, said the mastery over my stupid human urges would serve me better in use of the Force. But hell, I was young and horny, went and did it anyway. Lied all I could, but he knew, always knew, and he was quick to punish me for it.” He sighed, deep in thought. “You know, now that I think back on it, something about me doing that bothered him, like I was meant to be his and only his. I, you know, thought it was just a pseudo-father relationship, but now, thinking back…” He shuddered.

Nara leaned her chin on his shoulder. “So all this time…since then…?”

He felt a bit uncomfortable. Shrugged. “I focused on my mission. Complete laser focus. Nothing else.” He stood, fighting against everything that told him to stay. “I’m gonna head to bed.” He quickly made his way to his bedroom, then stopped in the doorway. “I’m…sorry. I just…I have Rey. I have to focus on Rey.”

He looked back. She rested calmly in the chair, smiling as if nothing was wrong. “Don’t be sorry. If this is something you ever want, I’ll be here.”

Ben didn’t realize his mouth was draped open. He snapped it shut, forced a smile, and darted into the bedroom.

#

The next morning, Ben felt like he had left Nara hanging the night before. He sat eating breakfast while trying to discern whether she was upset. She acted and smiled exactly the same as always. She was either an exceptional actress or she really wasn’t bothered, and that seemed impossible.

He poked at a purple gel with a green fruit inside. “About last night…”

She tilted her head, serene and joyful as always. “What about it?”

Ben sighed. “Look, you’re beautiful, and I really…”

“You don’t need to explain.”

“Yes, I do. I…it’s not like Rey and I are married, or even in a committed relationship. We never had much except a connection and a kiss, and yet…” He put his fork down. “I feel wrong, like I’m cheating on her anyway. Like, what if I find her, and she still loves me, and the first thing I tell her is that while I was waiting to get back to her, I had sex with another woman?”

“My guess is that wouldn’t be the first thing you’d tell her.”

He flailed his hands in frustration. “You know what I mean!”

Nara folded her hands and rested her chin on them. “Ben, you do what you need to do. It’s not for me to guide you in one way or another. But I do feel for you that you’ve had to deny yourself of a natural experience for a young man for so long because of the dictate of a cruel master.” She grinned and took another bite of her breakfast. “Doesn’t help that you’re ridiculously adorable.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

“But I won’t sway you one way or another. You need to walk your own path.”

Ben started stabbing the gel. “Do you know? Where she is? What she’s doing? Who she’s doing it with?”

Nara tilted her head. “Does it matter?”

That was all the confirmation he needed. He dropped his fork on the table. “Shit…”

“Ben, I know nothing—”

“Oh please.”

“I know what I feel, what I sense. I also know that there are things that matter going on right now that are far more important than her relationship status.”

Ben massaged his brow. He knew what he was looking for. An opening, something that would make it alright to give in to what he wanted—to be soothed, to remember what it was like to feel human again, to just sink in and let himself hit a pinnacle of ecstasy he’d tamped down for far too long.

And he shouldn’t be like this! He had loved Rey, still loved her. Whether she loved him as long as he felt for her, of that he wasn’t sure. But he felt a duty to focus solely on her, not get distracted by…

…this something else.

Was it love? Or was it just pent up desire? Whatever was going on, he’d been finding himself more and more enamored with Nara as time passed, and it was muddying everything and making his already confused state even worse.

With a sigh, he rubbed his fingers against the stone tabletop. “I’m drawn to you, and I wish I wasn’t.”

She rested her chin on her hands again. “Oh?”

“I know what I’m supposed to be doing, I know what I _should_ be doing, and damnit I’m just torn.” Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I’m pulled to you, whether it’s lust or something else…something bigger, even I don’t know anymore.” He shook his head. “But I don’t know if I could ever love you like I do her. And I don’t know what to do about any of it.”

Nara knelt beside him and placed her ever-soft, warm hand over his. He closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it for once.

Nara spoke in a soft and misty voice. “You feel for me in a way you can’t describe, you can’t label, you can’t fit into a perfect box you can control. Because loving me means losing control, losing the rigid structure, and being open to everything and all things at once. You feel for me in a way you’ll never describe and may never understand but it will be everything to you for the rest of your life.”

She was right. By everything in existence, she was so very right. There was a love he had for her, a yearning, a deep desire to be at the center of softness and salvation. She never needed anything from him, never faltered at his brokenness, never wavered in his chaos. She aimed to make him the very best of who he truly was, expected nothing but his own growth, and stood as an endless sentinel in a chasm of darkness as he fought to reach the shore.

He loved her in a way that would never be described, and if he really thought about it, wasn’t in competition with Rey. Rey brought out his best self and was his perfect match in every way. He would leave this place and finish his life with Rey if she would have him. But in this place? It was another world, another kind of relationship, and in the end, he realized he did love Nara.

He opened his mouth, but she put a finger to his lips, standing. “No words. Just feel. Open to me and know that I feel there too.”

He gathered her hands in his and looked up at her. Her petal-soft lips pressed against his forehead, her breath soft and warm against his skin.

“We’re late for training,” she said.

His mouth dropped open. “Really? _Now?_ ”

She slipped out of his embrace, whipped open her robe, and stuck out the hip on which hung her lightsaber. “This thing isn’t going to fight itself.” With a flapping twirl of salmon and cream silk, she spun around and headed toward the path to the training ground.

Ben remained sitting, dumbfounded. Then he smiled. Laughed. Basked in a radiance of pure joy for just a moment in time which didn’t flow the same in this world.

#

Eyes closed. Saber out. Ben reached to feel all things at once. But he couldn’t feel Nara. She was a shut door.

The faintest whir. His eyes sprung open, and he blocked a strike. The whirlwind with the magenta saber struck at him without reserve. At least he hoped she wasn’t holding back. He’d hate to face her at her full strength if that was the case.

 _Soften. Open._ It was no longer Nara’s voice in his head. He had taken over, bent on mastering himself in this place. The less he tried, the more he opened to his own center, the faster and more accurate he became. Her flurry of strikes met saber or wind. Through the Force he felt his speed enhance, flashing like a blur through the battle. But he still couldn’t feel her next moves, and she still felt all of his.

“Enough,” she said and powered down her saber.

He looked at her and clicked off his own. She was panting. She needed a break! That was a first. “Tired?”

She turned her golden-green eyes in his direction. “We are evenly matched.”

“But I still can’t feel you, can’t get a read on you.”

“No, that’s why you can’t yet beat me.” She picked up her robe. “But this won’t get us there. Something in you still resists. Something in you needs to fall. I think once you fully understand what it is to embrace all things as one with yourself, you will break through that wall.”

Ben untied the laces on his shirt and let the fabric fall open. This day was unusually sunny and warm. Weather never made much sense here, and he suspected she controlled most of it. But today seemed exceptionally clear. The mist that usually surrounded the edges of everything fell off way in the distance.

He took a deep breath of the fresh air heavy with greenery and pushed the hair out of his face. “What will help me in the battlefield can’t be found in the battlefield.”

“Correct. Rest up, meditate, dinner early then we work on you some more.”

He hooked his lightsaber to his belt. “I should cook for you for once. I know a little anyway. Back in the Jedi temple, we all had to take turns. I made a pretty mean toasted _salat_ root.”

She smiled as she tied her robe. “That does sound delightful, but it’s not a lot of work on my part to feed you. Little grab here, snatch there, conjure and poof.”

“You’re feeding me Force, aren’t you?”

She trotted ahead on the trail. “Little bit of this, little bit of that.”

He chuckled and shook his head. Things felt different now. Maybe it was in admitting he loved her that shifted the whole dynamic for him. Before, this place was just a wayside in his goal to get back to Rey. However long he had spent here, for the first time, he realized it felt like home.

How hard would it be when he had to leave?

 _Do I have to?_ Ben shook his head. What stupid voice said that? He knew he had to. Nara wouldn’t let him stay. She loved him enough to know his life lay elsewhere.

Would her heart break when he left? What was he doing to her, to take so much and then just leave?

He paused. Breathed. Old masters in his head. Old masters binding him to everything he was not. _Shut up or I will stab each and every one of you in the chest, you hear me?_

The voices quieted. He softened, opened. Felt the trees. Became the trees. Felt the ground solid beneath his feet. Became the solidity. Felt the flowing expanse of the air. Became the flowing expanse.

Could he push it farther?

He became the mist on the edges. Became the lands and space beyond. Became the thick, solid planets teeming with millions of lives in every flavor, sense, color, experience. Became space itself. Beyond the galaxy.

Pure oneness. And Nara standing there. Untouchable. Unreadable.

He drew his consciousness back into his body. After a few breaths to still himself, he opened his eyes. The trees hung heavy with leaf and fruit. Bushes and grasses, thick and green, drank in the warmth of the sun. Moist air full of promise carried birds and insects full of the life force found in this space.

All had not been there moments before.

 _It was me._ The mists, the rains, the clearing, now the bounty, all reflected the blossoming in his being. It had never been Nara to control the weather or even those shrouding mists. It became as he became.

Pure joy warmed to his very soul. He would keep this, save it in himself. It would be a jewel to carry him through the trials ahead. In his darkest moments, when he would question everything he was, he would fall back on this time and space and know he has the power to be more than even he could ever have imagined.

#

Ben rubbed his hair with a towel and whipped his damp locks back. He paused for a just a minute before the mirror. Looking over the changes in his physique, he seemed even stronger now than in his first life. He flexed his arm, admiring what the daily lightsaber training sessions had accomplished.

He looked around, then with the utmost of quiet, used the Force to lift his brush off of the table. Once it reached his palm, he looked around again. Nothing. Feeling suspicious, he very slowly pressed it into his hair and pulled. Still nothing.

 _Nara_ _should have ripped the brush out of my hand by now._ Was something wrong? He quickly ran the brush through his hair, didn’t bother with his shirt, and sought out Nara.

She stood on the veranda, silhouetted against the setting sun. She seemed so regal with the long ends of her robe piled in a circle around her feet.

He stood beside her. “Everything alright?”

She smiled, the gold of the sun decorating her delicate face. “I felt you. Merging with all, I felt you.”

“Yeah. I did pretty good that time.”

She turned her face toward him. “Can you feel me?”

He barely shook his head. “I can’t read you. Not then. Not now.” He touched her face, didn’t really know why he did it. “Are you sad?”

“I won’t answer. Feel me.”

Ben sighed and closed his eyes. He tried again, opening, expanding. But she still stood there, a locked door. “I can’t. Whatever it is about you, I can’t get past it.”

“Why can’t you get past it?”

She wasn’t looking for an answer, that much he could tell. She wanted him to understand it for himself, release yet another block.

But he had no clue. So he turned his attention to the now red sun on the horizon, waiting, hoping it would make itself clear.

Time passed in pure silence. This wasn’t like her. Was she upset that he was getting strong enough to leave soon? That must have been it.

More silence. Nothing changed. He wasn’t getting through.

Maybe she just needed some comfort. For all her ageless wisdom, whether she was some kind of goddess or Force spirit, at one time she was just as human as he was, right? He needed comfort on more than a million occasions, and she had always been there to provide.

He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her body, holding her softness against his chest, his face buried in her silky, sweet hair. All tension in his body drained out of him. She was the pure essence of the softness he had been seeking.

Her hands slid over the skin of his arms, and he realized he didn’t want to resist her anymore. He let himself go and kissed the side of her face.

And then he felt her.

She was not sad. Not at all. She was happy, proud, and filled with a love beyond comprehension. The moment he let go of what he thought he should be doing, the barriers fell down. She had not been locked at all. It had all been within him.

She turned around, and he immediately pressed his lips on hers, feeling the totality of being everything he was. Her hands slid over his chest, peaks and valleys formed by the muscles she had invoked in her relentless training. He pulled the small of her back toward him and pressed his hips against her yielding softness. She left his lips and trailed her tongue to his neck. That tingling surge of delight strengthened his desire, and he slid his hands around her body to pull up against him. He in turn kissed and nibbled at her neck, the sweet perfume of her body entrancing him and driving him to press up against her.

She placed her hands on the side of his face, looked him in the eyes, and in a flash he was on her bed as she hovered above him. She cast off her robe in a single motion, and this time there was no battle outfit beneath. His pants unhooked at her command and flung across the room. She dipped down and lay upon him, silken skin engulfing his chest and stomach. She kissed him with command that belied her incredible softness, devouring him, and he met her with equal passion. He slid his hands along her back, all the way down the roundness of her bottom. After a squeeze that delighted his hands, he trailed down her thighs.

She sat up to give new places for his hands to explore. How a warrior’s body could feel so delicate made no sense, but he couldn’t have cared less. His hands cupped around her breasts, finger brushing over her nipples. He sat up and engulfed one in his mouth, his tongue racing against firm smoothness.

He pulled her against him and rolled, flipping her beneath him. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, blanketing her beneath his tall, broad frame. His left hand sought out the yielding heat he so desired. Then he slipped into her, melting into the incredible softness that was the epitome of her being.

He hadn’t felt this good in a thousand-times-forever, every sense primed and awake. He could feel the Force in everything at once while completely absorbed in incredible pleasure. And for a moment it all felt one and the same.

Locked in intoxicating delight, time disappeared. All that existed was him and her merged as one, her hazy eyes regarding him with sweet desire, her breaths keeping pace with his.

As the tide built, readying to crash onto shore, he felt so many sensations at once and knew Nara was using far more than just her hands in delighting every one of his senses. Then all of it lost into one moment of perfection he never wanted to leave, split second of infinity, then finished with a roar of ecstasy, fingers digging into the pillows on either side of her. He felt more spent than an entire training session with her but far more satisfied with the outcome.

He rolled to the side of her, thankful for a cool breeze upon his chest. Nara nuzzled under his arm and he felt like he could love her forever.

“Did you feel that?” she asked.

Ben smiled. “I felt everything.”

“But did you feel that moment, where everything merged as one?”

Between his breaths he asked, “That was you?”

“No, that was you. Know that moment. Know that very specific moment, and I will teach you how to expand it.”

He chuckled. “Shit, you expand it and I might die in the process.”

“On the contrary, your very life may depend on it.”

“My very life depending on sex, huh? I could get used to that.”

She giggled and tickled his stomach. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. As he stared up at the ceiling, he realized he felt like himself for the first time in his life.

#

Ben could feel it, the end of his stay in this world between worlds. With every training session, he felt himself expanding, reaching beyond what he ever thought was his full potential.

But he still could not best Nara in combat.

Close! He had come so close recently. Even though they had made love, and he slept with her every night, she was still brutal in combat, and he had to match it in return. She expected nothing less of him.

Another draw. He clicked his lightsaber off and placed it on his belt. As Nara lifted her robe off the ground, he snatched her by the waist and pulled her against him.

“Think I like you better with it off,” he said.

The Force made short work of his shirt. He wasn’t even sure his arms slid through the sleeves. She may just have used that teleportation she used on him the night they were together.

Nara wrapped her arms around him and pressed her glistening face upon his sweaty chest. “I think I feel the same way about you.”

Ben chuckled. “Ugh, I’m so grimy. How can you stand to stick your face in there?”

“I like your grime.”

“Why?” he laughed.

“Because it is yours.”

He snorted and started walking down the return path, an arm around her shoulders. “I got a lot of other things of mine that are much nicer.”

“Yes, I witnessed for myself.”

Ben laughed again, an easygoing comfort in his own skin.

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

He wasn’t sure what happened, but moments later he was standing in her bedroom again. Nara’s tongue raced along the droplets of sweat on his stomach. This time _he_ made short work of his pants and wished he knew how to teleport her training clothes across the room. No matter. She did the job for him in seconds.

Her tongue slipped further and further down, each moment a slice of heaven as incredible tension built inside of him. This was a delightful surprising end to their training session he had not expected—

Her soft lips engulfed him, and that was the end of every thought in his head. Intense pleasure took over until all that existed was the pure rapture between the two.

He slid his long fingers into her hair, opened his eyes for just a moment. The walls of her room faded in and out of existence. Every cell of his being pulsed. Every molecule in the room. A heartbeat. All things breathing and merging at once.

He put his hands out and felt everything at once. With barely a command, reality bent at his fingertips.

Her lips left him and the overwhelming sense of the Force quieted. She stood before him, deliciously curvaceous, bare, and pure. “You felt that. You were one with it.”

Ben nodded vehemently. “Oh I felt it alright.”

“And what did it do to you?”

He closed his eyes, remembering. “Put me on another level. Everything and nothing.”

Nara nodded. “Hold on to that moment. Next time we take it all the way.”

There was only one thing he was taking all the way now. He grabbed her by the rear, pulled her up, and tossed her onto the bed. He leapt on after her, shoulders halting beneath her thighs.

“Not sure if I can do to you what you did to me,” he whispered, surrounded by her sweetness.

“Oh, you’ll do plenty.”

He dipped down, bathing her in a thousand kisses at once. The delight in her sighing voice told him he was on the mark. His fingertips slid up over her stomach. He loved the way she felt beneath his hands.

He felt the Force grasp him, and he felt no need to resist it. Nara pulled him up in to the air and set him right on top of her. This was all so much better than the stupid little Force tricks he used to use on the girls back home when he was a stupid young man unable to keep his pants on. Tickle here, fiddle there, we’re on a tropical island when we’re really not.

This was the Force in a true master’s hands, the kind of lessons you didn’t learn in the Orders, and it created an entirely new level of understanding and connection.

He plunged into her, hardness meeting softness, sinking into salvation. Being with Nara made everything right again, everything perfect. How could he leave? How could he ever think about leaving?

“Head back in the game,” she said.

She was right. There were places for his mind to wander but not there, not when she felt so good, so right, so perfect and so incredibly fucking good.

“I feel you,” she said.

“That’s the point, right?”

“Yes, but I meant where you are. Remember that moment when I pleasured you?”

Breath-breath. “Uh huh.”

“Now remember that feeling, that expanse. Remember the other night when you felt that one moment of pure oneness with all things?”

“…uh huh…yeah.”

“When you peak, go there. Go right there. Trust me. Go there.”

He made some sort of noise even he didn’t understand and nodded. She kept talking about remembering and being one and he just honestly felt so good, he didn’t want to interfere with any of it.

“Trust me,” she whispered.

He strained against her, that high picking up, that incredible moment of ecstasy, pure and unadulterated pleasure.

And opened.

Expanded.

A moment of perfection like no other. The universe became everything at once, within and around himself. He no longer existed as a lone and separate being but everything all at once and at the same time a soft and whispering nothingness. The beginning of all things and all things at once. Ends flowing into beginnings. Everyone he ever knew, never knew, and did not yet know were within him at once. Every flower, every bee, every drop of water. An expansion of the highest and holiest and pure, crystal, loving peace.

And he saw into Nara. Her strengths, her weaknesses, a past, present, and future at once. He could feel every thought, every feeling, every bit of her expanse. She was beyond anything he ever dreamed, and he knew he had been tended and trained by a goddess made flesh, not some mere mortal hermit between worlds.

The expanse softened around him like snowfall. He fell to her side, staring at a ceiling that was there and not there, feeling a bed that was there and not there.

_You feel me._

_I feel you._

_We are one. You are one. All is one. This is my gift to you._

A gift he could never describe or express how thankful he was to receive. Softness fell upon him deep and heavy like the snow had become a blanket across the land. His eyes drifted closed.

#

Nara

Sabers out, she and Ben circled one another on the training field. He was different now, eyes bearing a depth to the center of the universe. If all went well, this would be their last battle.

Beyond these lands he would falter. He was human, after all. She could only teach him how to reach the levels he so needed, but he would still have to tackle his very human side to utilize it properly.

It was easy in a safe environment like this one. Beyond these lands, he would be tested to his breaking point.

For now, they would battle to the brink of death if need be, until he could be at pure oneness with her even in the heat of combat. For then he would know every move yet not know. Know without knowing. An empty canvas bearing a blue saber of light.

She tested the waters, coming at him at nearly full strength but saving some for his final test. He struck and parried and dodged with grace and speed.

It was time. She inhaled and drew the depth of the Force into her being. Then she launched at him, detached from all goals including stopping before it was over. The outcome was now irrelevant. The battle decided for itself.

She had saved this flurry of attack for someone special one day, and while that day may yet come, for now it would be used to teach the galaxy’s greatest strength one final lesson.

And then she felt him.

She tried to push him out, lock herself in, but he had finally broken beyond that barrier. His tall frame moved in perfect precision and she saw no advance notice of his moves.

As she twirled with a strike that would end this battle, his foot cracked into her wrist. Her lightsaber flew out of her hand, and just as she about to catch it on the Force, blue, humming light sizzled at her throat.

Ben looked down at her, waves of ebony hair like the deepest space surrounding that endearing face bearing those intense, dark eyes that saw into your soul. Even as he stood with a weapon at her throat, she knew she’d miss him every day.

His finger clicked the trigger and the blade retracted. He said nothing, only breathed, muscled chest heaving beneath his loose shirt.

How deeply she adored him.

“You won,” she said with a smile.

He simply nodded.

“How does it feel?”

“…bittersweet. But you knew that.”

“I guess I just want to remember that deep voice of yours.”

He reached out his hand. Her gold-hilted saber flew into it, and he stretched it out to her. She hooked it, slipped into her robe, and joined him as they walked back up the path.

“Who are you saving that fight for?” he asked. “I saw into you, but that one thing remained a mystery, even as your past opened up to me.”

“He knows who he is. Should he dare show his face around these parts again, he’ll have that to contend with.”

“I don’t envy whoever he is. Why can’t I see it?”

“Because you’re not meant to. You have plenty for yourself to worry about. I can take care of my own.”

He grasped her wrist, stopping her on the path. She looked back at him, a sense of longing and melancholy lingering in those deep eyes.

She tilted her head. “What is it?”

“I don’t want this to end.”

Nara slid out of his grasp and took his hand. “We don’t end. We are one.”

He said no more as they walked hand in hand back to her home.

#

Nara straddled him, riding the deep pleasure of every inch of him. He had been melancholy all evening, and she hated to see that in him, not when he had so much hope lying ahead.

Her world, her very existence, was only a waystation in a hero’s journey.

This bit of fun snapped him out of it rather quickly. He reached his hands up, the size and strength of them enveloping the curves of her body. She would miss this one, and that was rare for her to say.

She studied every curve of his sinuous muscles, remembering how frail and weak he had been when he had awakened. His dark waves of hair lay in a spray around his head and over his shoulders. Eyes regarded her like the clearest winter night, every star a potentiality in his life ahead.

Nara lay on top of him, supported by the broad-shouldered stone that had become his frame. The heat of his skin burned into her, soothing and heavenly. She pressed her lips onto his, sinking into his very essence, letting her body become one with him for the last time.

Beyond those physical bodies, they would always just be. She had that to carry her through whatever longing her lingering human side would still ache for once he was gone.

His rocky arms wrapped around her, holding her forever, at least in that moment. She sunk her fingers into his shiny locks, savoring the cool smoothness of the ends and the damp heat near his head.

One last peak. One last time to reach godhood together.

The first time he hit this space was all about him. This time, he carried her with him. Perfect oneness with the Force and all in the universe. The pure joy of what it meant to be all things and not-things.

That night she watched him sleep. There would be plenty of time for rest when this was all over. For now, she wanted to savor every moment, his unique scent, luxurious mane, every bump and curve of his tall, powerful frame. At morning’s light she’d look into those sleepy eyes and lose herself one last time.

#

Nara looked at the lightsaber extended to her. She shook her head. “Keep it. My gift to you. You’ll need it on the road ahead. As well as these.” She waved her hand, and on its command, a wooden trunk slid out of the storage room.

Ben lifted the latch and peered at the contents. He pulled out a belt dangling with utilities. Nara let the Force hook the equipment onto him while she pulled out a hooded garment in that same prism-like material as his clothing.

“Regardless of the time that’s passed or your work toward atonement here,” she said as she held the long coat out to him, “you will still be regarded as a fugitive. The less the galaxy sees of your face, especially in the beginning, the better off you’ll be.

“I won’t wear a mask. Not again. I’m done with that.”

“Don’t need a mask when a hood and scarf will do the trick.” She flung it out of the trunk and wrapped it loosely around his face. “Now all you need is a ship.”

“You have one?”

“No, but it would be simple for you to get one.”

Ben shifted. “Simple? That’s Nara-speak for extraordinarily difficult.”

“That part is solely on you.” She led him outside. “You need a ship, so call one to you.”

Ben looked at her in complete disbelief.

“I mean it. Expand yourself into the galaxy and draw an unused but functioning ship to you.”

“Why don’t I just make one out of Force like you would? Seems a lot easier.”

Nara laughed. “When you get to be my age and experience level, maybe you can try it.”

“How old _are_ you? You ever going to tell me?”

“Nope!” She directed his attention to the sky. “Still yourself. Then open.”

She watched as his eyes closed, hands reaching out.

“Feel everything as you move your Force consciousness beyond this land…beyond this space…into the galaxy—stop trying to do it and let yourself flow—that’s it…that’s it…through the asteroids…the planets…until you find it…”

She felt him, expanding into pure consciousness. On she rode with him, just on the edges, just to feel where he was and where he needed help. Ah! He found it.

“Become one with it…you and the ship are one and the same…that’s it…now draw…keep drawing…don’t pull, don’t rush, just draw…there you go.”

The mists parted as a ship that could easily fit a good crew of ten or more groaned into place. Landing gear stretched its legs and settled with a gentle thud on the ground.

Ben dropped his arms and teetered. Nara caught him before he fell. “Next time,” she said, “don’t waste your strength and energy _trying_ to do it. The opening and expanse is all you need.”

“I know,” he whispered as he regained his footing. “I never did anything like that before.”

“Spectacular for your first time. Come look at what you found.”

Nara led him up the ramp into the ship. Wasn’t the most spectacular vessel she had ever been on, but Ben was delighted, dashing into the different rooms, checking switches and gauges. There was a light in his eyes, an excitement for what would come next. She couldn’t have been happier.

Nara put her hands out then clenched her fists.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked.

After a breath, she smiled. “Expect enough supplies to last you a good while. May have even stuck some of your favorites in there.”

He smiled, a beautiful light on his face. “Thank you. For this…for everything. I mean it, for everything.”

“No thanks required.”

“I mean it, Nara.” He placed his hands on her arms. “I’m everything I can be because of you. Because you never stopped believing in the best of me, just like…” He swallowed, hung his head.

“Go to her, Ben. Your life begins again, this time as your one and true self.”

He nodded, so sullen, then pulled her into his arms. She inhaled, drawing in his essence for the last time.

“Go,” she said, tearing herself from his chest.

Those heavenly dark eyes looked down, then his lips met hers. Soft, loving. Another moment in forever, and he parted from her. A breeze passed between them. His time was over here.

Ben sat at the controls, tapped a few buttons and frowned. “Positioning system is out. Can’t get a read on where I am or where to go.”

Nara waved him off. “Just set the coordinates to last known good. I’ll get you out of this space. Be well, Ben, and may the Force be with you always.”

He turned his sad yet hopeful eyes in his direction. “And with you. Goodbye—”

“No Ben. No goodbyes. We are one in the Force.”

He smiled, nodded.

Nara stepped out of the ship and watched as the ramp pulled up, the hatch closed. Hefty hum and whir as the engines fired, wind whipping through the trees and grasses.

The ship lifted, the landing gear pulling up and into the ship.

_I feel you._

_I feel you too, Ben._

Nara closed her eyes and expanded into all things at once. Worlds merged and parted at once.

The wind calmed.

The hum quieted.

Silence in the world between worlds.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is back in his own world with Rey hot on his mind. But the galaxy needs a hero, and he needs information. When a familiar presence guides him in the right direction, he finally reaches his dream only to be confronted by a pummeling of reality. Everything he has prepared for will be tested against a nightmare come alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will be a little quiet on the steamy end for a while, but please sit back and enjoy the grander story at hand (steam will return in later chapters, promise!)

Ben jumped out of hyperspace and felt incredibly odd. He looked at the instrument panel and saw that the positioning system indeed was online and targeted to the last location of the ship. That was good. That was normal.

He felt anything but.

Actually, he felt quite normal, that was the problem. The world between worlds now seemed like a dream, an incredibly elaborate dream. He checked himself over. He still had the clothes Nara had given him, hair was still longer than he used to keep it. Everything felt like it was in place, but his mind was sharper, more awake.

There was no way it had all been a dream. The clothes were proof enough alone, saber on his hip, pistol next to it. He shook his head, ran a hand over his face. Must have all been an effect from being between worlds.

That was now behind him. First step was to find Rey.

“Bring up star systems.”

The galaxy projected before him. He had no idea where to start. Taking a page out of Nara’s book, he closed his eyes…stilled himself…expanded.

He felt for Rey along the oneness with all things. Expanded further. Still feeling. Beyond this star system. Beyond the next. And the next. To the edges of the galaxy…

He opened his eyes. He couldn’t feel her at all.

“Rey…”

Ben swallowed. _No, Nara said she was alive, that she wound up hidden from the force every so often. That has to be it. But why?_

This was all going to make it much harder to find the woman. He had to start somewhere.

He turned and looked at the display panel. Licked his lips. He wondered…

“State galactic time and date.”

The answer made him shake his head. “Damnit. Module must be broken. I should get this ship looked over anyway before I go forward. Don’t want to get stuck out here in no man’s space.” He redirected the course for the nearest planet with ship servicing.

#

Time passed in silence as the ship blasted through hyperspace. He had already exercised, practiced with his lightsaber, even tried some meditation, working on that whole oneness thing Nara kept teaching him.

When that was all over, he was back to the silence.

Truth was, he missed her company. Missed any company. He had spent so much of his life alone, finding it necessary for survival. Even those closest to him were liable to turn on him at any moment, namely Snoke and the Knights of Ren. Being alone meant safety. But he never enjoyed it.

Nara changed so much of that. While she did eventually let up on constantly being on him, just her presence in the same room was enough to soothe that aching emptiness.

Now it was just him.

Sure, he could connect with her through their bond, but he just left. He felt a little ridiculous bugging her already. Frustrated by the silence, he accessed the ship’s entertainment files. He flicked his fingers in the air, sorting through the lists of songs, most of which he had never heard before. Then one stopped his finger. With a swipe of his finger, the song began to play.

He hadn’t heard it since he was a boy, still in Uncle Luke’s temple. Wistful notes, longing and hoping. He lay back in his seat, hands behind his head, dreaming of a world long gone by. The chorus sang, “Home sweet home…” There was no home left for him. The world he left behind as that young dreamer with the cocky attitude and short temper died with the temple.

There was no one left to go back to, only Rey…

Little scavenger, no real home of her own either. Did she rest easy now on one of the various worlds? Did she call a ship her home as he did and wander the galaxy kicking ass? That seemed more like her.

Dreaming of her filled the void in his life. He wondered if she’d join him as they fought for peace across the galaxy.

The ship dropped out of hyperspace as he neared the world that held the service center. He sat up and zoomed in to get a feel for what awaited him.

“No…”

A First Order ship hovered just outside the planet’s atmosphere. _Those assholes still around? Well, maybe I’ll see some old friends. Let’s just come in at another angle. I don’t want to enter a firefight without knowing for sure if this ship can take it._

Ben slipped around to the opposite end of the planet and drew in. Signals flagged his ship forward. He set course at their direction and lowered through the atmosphere. As he neared the servicing platforms, he noticed the incredible lack of workers. Even droids were hard to come by, and the ones that were there did nothing. He landed the ship, pulled the scarf over his face, and stepped out.

Quiet. Not the kind of thing you ever found at a servicing station, and he knew that First Order ship had something to do with it. He closed his eyes, expanded.

His eyes snapped open, and he hopped onto the nearest speeder. He squinted his eyes against the setting sun and raced along the barren landscape.

There, in the distance, a huge gathering. The speeder kept on just a little farther, then he pulled the handles back to slow it to a stop. His boot hit the earth, dust rising with the step. He heard the mouths of the commander in charge of the Storm Trooper unit at the head of gathering.

“Bring forth your Senate leader at once! If you will not submit to the dominion of the First Order, we will be forced…”

Ben had heard enough of that garbage to last three lifetimes. He stepped into the crowd, towering over most of the people gathered. They parted his way, confused at the hooded figure floating among them. Finally at the front, he stepped forward outside of the group and stopped within twenty paces of the Troop commander.

“You are not the Senate leader!” The commander aimed her gun.

The wind whipped the back of Ben’s cape. “Leave this place and do not return.”

“Fall back with the rest of these people or we will open fire!”

Ben smiled. “You’ll open fire anyway.” He stretched his arms out. “Troopers, if any of you wishes to abandon this regime of terror, I will grant you mercy. If you know this is wrong and you need a way out, come to me now!”

Not one soldier moved. Too bad.

“Time is up!” the commander said. “KILL THEM ALL!”

Ben thrust out his hands and caught their photons blasts on the Force. Shot after shot collected into growing balls of fire.

“Run!” Ben called to the gathered group. In screams and panic they dispersed, the troopers still firing and not reaching any target but the space Ben held them. When the locals finally disappeared, Ben looked at the commander. “I warned you.” He clenched his fists, causing the blasts to reverse on their shooters. Soldiers fell to the ground before and around him, their chests erupting in a shower of fire and sparks.

The enemy lying in smoking piles, he turned his attention on the transport. Just about halfway toward it, another soldier leapt out, firing at him. The shots curved before hitting him, blasting into the ground, sending up clouds of dirt and dust in his wake. When he finally narrowed the gap, his lightsaber flew into his hand and he cut the trooper down in one single motion. He didn’t stop walking.

He stepped into the transport and held up his hand to stop another blast headed his way. This he flung into the drive module, disabling the vehicle. He flung his saber through the trooper with barely an ounce of effort and sat at the controls.

After a few flicks of switches, he spoke into the microphone. “I have a message for the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Tell him your regime is at its end.” He jabbed his saber into the control panel, not needing a response.

His work done, Ben was about to turn when a shiny little disk caught his eyes: a captain’s medallion! He plucked it out of its chamber and slipped it into a pouch on his belt. That would have its uses.

He stepped off the transport and saw the ship high up in the sky disappear with a flash of light. Good. With that little inconvenience out of the way, he could get back to repairing the modules on his own ship.

Ben strode back in the direction of the service center. As the speeder drew near, he noticed a small figure at the edge of a stand of wrecked buildings. A boy, eyes wide, stance tentative. Tiny antennae tested the air around his head. He crept forward, stopped, and continued, drawing closer.

When close enough, but not too close, the boy said, “Master Jedi, sir?”

Ben shook his head. “I’m no Jedi.”

“But your sword!”

He shook his head again. “I’m just a wanderer.”

The boy smiled. “Ro-ni, Wandering Warrior. That’s what my people would call you in our language.”

Ben nodded, suppressing a smile. “A fitting name.”

The boy held his hands up. “Please take this, Ro-ni. I don’t have much, but it’s yours.”

Ben knelt and put out his hand. The boy placed a little figure, carved of twigs, displaying a swordsman. A string dangled from its top. His heart warming, he turned his hand and place it back in the child’s palms. “If it’s all you have, you should keep it.”

“No, please!” The child dropped it in his hand once again. “Our people always give presents to those who help us. It’s our way.”

This meant a lot more to the kid than Ben initially realized. He slipped the toy into his pouch. “I will treasure it always.”

A shriek stopped Ben’s heart. It brought him back to the simulations Nara had put him through. A mother dashed out of the rubble toward the boy. “Kian! Kian!” She scooped him into her arms and squeezed him against her chest, antennae relaxing. “I thought I lost you!”

The boy squirmed in her arms. “I was just gifting the nice man like you always taught me I should do when someone does something nice for me.”

The woman finally looked at Ben. He stood, and he guessed he must have seemed a bit intimidating because she took a step back. She smiled, probably trying to hide the fact that she was frightened.

“Thank you…sir. You…you must be some kind of Jedi.”

“He’s a Ro-ni!” the boy said with pride. “Not a Jedi.”

The mother nodded as if she had no idea what he was talking about but went along with it anyway. “Oh, well, does our Ro-ni friend have a name?”

Ben wondered how much he should give away. “Ben. Just Ben.”

“Ro-ni Ben!” the boy cheered.

Ben felt himself blushing. Maybe he could get used to this kind of thing.

More people slipped out from behind wood panels, metal girders, and hunks of concrete. At the head of the group was an elderly man, antennae sagging with one too many years held upright. He nodded at Ben. “Oh behalf of Terra Garda, we thank you. We weren’t sure what would have happened if you hadn’t arrived.”

Ben knew. He knew exactly what would have happened. “You’re welcome.”

“He’s Ro-ni Ben!” the boy said.

The old man nodded. “Where are you from, Ro-ni Ben?”

Ben didn’t know what to tell him, so he spoke the truth. “Far.”

The old man nodded again, perhaps understanding. “That your ship at the station?”

“Yes. I need it checked over, to be battle ready if need be. I’m not sure of its history, but I think some modules may be malfunctioning. Will you accept trade of goods? I don’t have a credit account right now.” _Ugh, another problem I need to address._

The old man waved his hand. “No, no. Accept it as our gift to you, for looking after us. The First Order decimated our defense, just comes and takes whatever it wants, whatever it thinks we can use against it. We’ve been run through so many times…” His voice fell off. He nodded again. “It’s good…good to have someone on our side for a change.”

Ben smiled beneath his scarf. “Thank you. I appreciate the help.”

Ben returned to his ship with two sacks of food and supplies as well as a steaming bowl of stew. He had been asked to stay for dinner by the mother of the boy, but that would have entailed removing his scarf. No, it was safer to just eat on the ship.

He locked himself inside his bedroom and dove into the stew. That little show of Force left him hungrier than he expected. The first bite warmed his soul: thick, meaty, and delightfully pungent with a hint of spice. He scarfed down the rest, realizing he was even hungrier than he expected. That never seemed to be much of an issue in Nara’s lands. Perhaps her very world kept him constantly sustained. As he recalled, he never really felt too hungry there. Eating had been satisfying but perhaps more of a pleasure than sustenance.

Hours later, the head serviceman called for him. Ben threw the cloak and scarf back on and met the man on the bridge.

“All done,” the man said. “Not too bad, some outdated parts, gave you some upgrades, and the weapons systems were a little burnt out, but all in all it was in better shape than expected.

“Thank you.” Ben headed to the instrument panel. “Date and time.” The display popped up again. Ben shook his head. “No, see what I mean? The module must be down.”

“How do you mean, sir?”

“The galactic date. It’s off.”

The man frowned. “I’m…afraid you’re mistaken.”

“It has to be off, it…”

The man shook his head, backing away. “I promise you, not only did the module test fine, but that is, indeed, the current galactic date.”

The man’s words were hollow and distant. The display stayed up there, a projection of light, mocking at him, laughing at him in a storm of confusion.

It couldn’t be right. No, it couldn’t. Because if it was…if it was…

“Twelve years…” Ben didn’t even realize he had said it out loud.

“…Sir?”

Ben lost feeling in his legs. He braced himself against the instrument panel, then fell into the pilot chair. “Twelve years…no…”

Reality wavered, the ship focusing and disappearing. The man clearly got spooked and dashed out the door. Ben couldn’t help it. The ship pulsed in cadence with his racing heart.

_Twelve years…_

It never felt that long.

_Twelve years…_

Year and a half. Two at most.

_Twelve years…_

“Rey…oh Rey…”

#

Ben stared ahead into the bluish warp of hyperspace, anxious gnaw in his gut. Twelve years…too much could have happened in that time. She could be married, kids, who the hell knew?

All that time he spent between worlds…

If he had only figured things out sooner. If he could only have defeated Nara sooner, not spent so much time in her bed…

“FUCK!” Ben slammed his fist into the copilot’s chair. He had to get to Rey. He had to know for sure. Nothing else mattered.

He put his hand to his head, fell back into his chair. Where was he even going? He still didn’t know where to begin. But if the First Order was still around, surely she would be at the forefront. That was a start.

He sat up, closed his eyes. Reaching out…feeling…sensing…expanding…

First Order ships in a nearby star system.

_No, Rey, focus on Rey. I need to find her._

The ships stayed at the forefront of his senses. He let go more, expanding…

Still the damn ships!

_I know what it’s telling me. Go there. They need me. But if I stop for every planet that needs help, I’ll never find her._

An image of that little boy, the one that called him Wandering Warrior, floated into his mind. He pulled the little figure out of his pouch, traced the carved wood with his thumb. He closed his eyes. His life, his mission, was no longer just about Rey. Ben Solo returned to the galaxy to free it from oppression. Wasn’t that part of his atonement? To allow life to live where he once had taken it?

He swallowed, closed his eyes, and clutched the figure in his hand.

_Hold on Rey. Just hold on a little longer._

#

Days passed. Ben lost count of how many battles he engaged in. The thankful citizens kept him well-supplied, which was good because he was burning through his food stores faster than he expected.

He did his best to show mercy to the enemy, allow them to escape if they turned their backs on the First Order. So far, none had taken him up on the offer. He did not want to spill innocent blood, but the moment he was fired upon, all bets were off.

The hardest part, he found, was keeping his ego in check. Grateful citizens, lavishing their praise and belongings upon him. It started going to his head, which ultimately woke the voices. He had to stop himself from accepting much more than supplies and maybe a dinner or two and spent the rest of the night opening himself to the oneness with all things. He found his ego had a lot less to contend with when he already had the entire galaxy within himself.

But one of the greatest of gifts bestowed upon him was information. People were glad to share what they knew of any forces going up against the First Order, helped narrow down potential areas to find Rey. What wasn’t shared could be extracted from First Order officers that had the unfortunate experience of dealing with him firsthand.

Something about the officers bothered him. He swore they recognized him. Whether it was his voice or eyes, they seemed far more afraid of him than they would be of any other wandering warrior or Jedi for that matter. They never quite said it, only cowered in his presence. This could eventually turn into a problem.

Another potential snag, even if it did tickle his ego. Word was going out across the galaxy of a wanderer in gray who fought like a Jedi. He arrived at a few situations to the sound of cheers before he had even met the locals. Storm Troopers were starting to become more hesitant when he showed up. One unit even left immediately, blasting back to their ship before he had the chance to give his speech about mercy. This sort of thing became the stuff of legends, but he was supposed to be incognito. If the truth about him came out, these same people who cheered him would execute him in a moment’s notice.

Ben brought up the navigation system and realized his travels were taking him by Chandrila, his home world, only it hadn’t been his home in forever. Absently he stroked the armrest with his fingertips, reminiscing about the places of his childhood: the maze of tall grasses that led to the patch of woods behind his home, the waterway passing through it teeming with fish, balmy summer nights listening to the songs of the night creatures.

He felt a pull he could not resist and set course for a planet he would never call home again.

#

Ben passed through the streets, ignoring the stares and whispers of “Gray Wanderer.” So much had changed since his childhood, but a few things remained. His favorite eatery still lingered on the corner. The debate circles still frothed with people who were born and bred to argue. The tang of the sea still wafted through the corridors and alleys, carrying with it the scent of baked goods, roasted meats, and flowers from the markets.

The incessant pull led him out of the busier areas and out toward parkland. He stopped to watch children tossing a mechanically propelled ball and remembered how he used to cheat using the Force. A smirk curled on his lips beneath the prism scarf. Even as a kid he was a little shithead.

Again the pull kept him moving. Finally, as the day grew late and the land grew quiet, he found the source.

“In Memoriam, Leia Organa Solo, Princess and Senator of Alderaan, Legendary Hero of the Galactic Civil War and the Battle of Endor, General of the Resistance.”

Next to it: “In Memoriam, Han Solo, Legendary Hero of the Galactic Civil War and the Battle of Endor.”

Ben sighed. _Why’d you bring me here?_

No answer greeted him.

_Well, at least I see the two of you together for a change._

“Good people.”

Ben turned and saw an old man shuffling forward. He turned back to the statues. “Yes.”

“Can give you a bit of history if you want to partake.”

Ben shook his head. “I…know all there is to know about them already.”

“Tis a shame, really. Two’a them gone before their time.”

Ben wondered how many times he could be punched in the gut before he vomited. “Yeah.” Ben looked around, scanning the other memorials, not finding what he expected to see. “Their son?”

The man made a hissing sound. “Reason they’re dead in the first place. Good riddance to bad rubbish, that’s what I say. Cute child, I remember him, I do. Then turned on them, turned to the Dark Side, got the both of them killed before he went and got the same himself.”

Every muscled tightened. Ben tried to breathe them into relaxation. “His memorial?”

“We elected not to put one up. Kid done nothing for no one except get them killed. These here, these were real heroes, not that waste of a good son.”

That was enough. Whatever wanted him here could go straight to hell. He felt bad enough about himself, didn’t need any more help to do that. He turned back toward his ship—

“Course someone saw something else the rest of us didn’t see.”

Ben stopped. “What do you mean?”

The old man waved a gnarled finger toward the top of a rocky outcropping. “I ain’t been up there, too much of a hike with these old knees and back of mine, but word has it someone came and put something up for him. Suppose they had their reasons, who knows, but if you’re curious, go on up there and look for yourself.”

The pull yanked at him again. _Great, whoever you are, whatever you want, can’t wait to see what shit you want to say to me up there._

Ben muttered a brief thanks and followed the trail. Through a stand of trees, circling the bulk of the hill, out in the open with a view of the sea, then back into the canopy, the pull kept its tug and he followed, dreading every moment. Finally at the top, he stood before the flat face of rock.

The carvings were not the ornate work of a craftsman. Molten and jagged, the words appeared as if etched in with a lightsaber: “In Memory of Ben Solo, who gave his life so another could live.” Beneath that, the symbol of a heart.

Ben swallowed down a wave of oncoming tears. _Rey…_

“Ben.”

That voice…

Whatever he swallowed down before welled up faster than he could stop it. He didn’t want to turn, didn’t want to face what lurked behind him.

“Ben, it’s okay.”

He clenched his fists and forced himself to turn. There she stood, clad in blueish light, her draping robes so familiar it stabbed at his heart.

“Mom?”

Her smile, that warm, ever-forgiving smile. Those dark eyes that assured him through every step until he fell, the same kind that greeted him in the mirror. Her smile, patient and warm and always tinged with a slight lack of confidence, as if she questioned every decision she ever made with him. And maybe she did.

“Oh yes, I did. Many times.”

Ben let out a long breath and leaned against his memorial. “Why are you here? Why did you pull me here? You could come to me anywhere, why here?”

“Because I want you to remember that someone besides Han and me believes in you. I can’t always come to you as much as I wish. It’s…difficult to do this. Your uncle is a little better—”

She must have noticed his immediate tension. She softened. “He slipped, Ben. He had darkness in his blood as much as you did. In a moment of weakness, he slipped.”

“But I’m the one that fell.”

“Look at you now.”

“You mean look at what I’ve done.”

“ _No_ , I mean look at you now. You think I don’t see? Think I don’t follow along with the wandering warrior sticking it to the revival of the First Order?”

“Revival?”

Leia sighed. “Things got quiet, and then they didn’t. A new leader brought it all back, and it’s growing faster and stronger than the first iteration ever did. Ben, there is so much you need to know, but I can’t be the one to tell it to you. Some things you’ll have to find out on your own.”

“Then why contact me at all?”

“Because you deserve to have someone in this world who believes in you. I know I did a bad job of it when you were young. Maybe the darkness held me at bay too. All three of us…we failed you, Ben. We didn’t want to. We loved you, wanted to see the best in you. But we were so preoccupied with the darkness, we did nothing but feed it in you. I’m sorry, my son. I’m so sorry we pushed you down the last path we wanted you to go on.”

Ben clenched his sweaty hands, realized he was trembling. Then he shook his head. “No…I…” He cleared his throat. “I walked a path I didn’t have to walk. I was young, stupid, and vulnerable, and I went the wrong way. But it was my own feet that kept walking that way. I only wish it hadn’t cost…”

Leia smiled, compassionate and loving. “The only cost I’m worried about is the one you had to bear. In the end, you became your true self, your true loving, strong, virtuous self. I hated to see you give up before your time was really over.”

Ben ran a finger through the cut marks in the stone. “It was worth it.”

“Indeed, but of any decision I’ve ever made, the best had to be asking Nara to help you. The change in you, it’s remarkable.”

Ben smiled. “She meant everything to me when I needed her the most. Thank you, Mom, for saving my life in every which way, even if through her.” He smirked. “Did you have any idea how…friendly she actually is?”

Leia chuckled. “She used to go on and on about Qui Gon and his hair. Well, you’re an adult, what you do is your business.”

“She said pretty much the same thing.” Ben laughed along with his mother, feeling so familiar that when reality curled back in, that laughter stung. “Mom I’m…so sorry, for everything I put you through…for not being there…for you having to give your—”

“Ben, no.”

She drifted toward him, and he felt her. In her grasp, he felt her as he did a million years ago when he was still an innocent boy who knew how to love. He sniffled, shut his eyes, and let it out on a shoulder that was there and not there.

“Another one of my best decisions,” Leia said, “was to be there for you at one of the greatest turning points of your life. My life was meaningless if it meant you would fade and die a hated monster. I came to you to tell you that you _could_ go back home again, that I could be your home, and your father, even your uncle. Living, dead, doesn’t matter. It’s who you hold in your heart. Know that we love you and are beside you in every way, and you’ll always be at home, even in the deepest of wild space.”

She let go of him, kissed him on the forehead, then drifted backward. He reached out to her, unwilling to let her go so easily, not when he had spent so much time cutting himself off while she was still alive. But her face, it took a serious tone that set every nerve on edge.

“Ben, I didn’t come here solely to reminisce. I know what you’re after, and I know where she is.”

His heart pounded. “Where?”

Leia put her hand up. “Ben listen to me. Things are not what you remember. It’s been twelve years, and a lot has changed. But worse than that, a lot is going wrong and even we as one with the Force are not understanding what’s happening and why. I can give you directions to her, where she is now, but be warned: you will be up against forces you can’t begin to imagine.”

Ben cleared his throat. Nodded. “I’m ready to face whatever comes.”

“I sure hope so. In the Corrolex system, near the second planet in, there is a massive First Order ship. She is there.”

“Yes! Thank you, Mom, I mean it.”

“Ben?”

“Yeah Mom?”

She was silent. Then, “I hate that I’m sending you into this, especially all alone.”

“Nara trained me well.”

“Good. My dearest Ben, I’ll love you always, and may the Force ever be with you.”

Ben forced a smile amongst his tear-stained cheeks. “And with you, Mom. I’ll love you forever.”

The light faded, and only then did Ben realize it was already night. He turned and looked once more at his memorial, fingered the jagged lettering.

“I’m coming, Rey.”

#

Ben dipped out of hyperspace and immediately cloaked the ship. He flew in slow and distant, sensing out the best place to dock outside the First Order flagship. Once in place, he heaved in a breath and ducked into a transport he had collected from an unwilling officer during one of his rescue missions.

The captain’s medallion glittered in his hand. He slipped it into the reader and disembarked.

The flagship loomed large against the backdrop of the galaxy’s rings. It was about that time real anxiety gripped his gut. Not about the mission itself. He wasn’t afraid of what awaited him by way of enemy fire or numbers. It was Rey herself. Twelve years…

And his mother didn’t make it any easier. She seemed so nervous about something. As long as Rey hadn’t turned into a Gungan, anything else they could surely work through.

The bay doors opened on the flagship, the captain’s medallion lending him a flawless entry. As his ship drifted in, he expanded his awareness to the entire vessel, searching for her. Clouded, but he got the sense there were two detention facilities with beings that did not want to be there, two in one area and one in another. It made no sense. So close, she should have been easy to find. He should have been able to feel her in the Force.

The transport landed, and he stepped out to the greeting of Storm Troopers with their rifles aimed. He opened his hand, ready to deal some damage, when the group straightened at once and saluted.

“Kylo Ren, sir!” the lead Trooper said. “You’re back!”

Ben realized, in his haste to find Rey, he had forgotten his cloak and scarf. The group stared at him with rapt attention and a healthy serving of terror. This could work to his advantage.

He mustered his cool, deep, slow-burning rage voice of yesteryear. “The girl. Take me to her.”

The lead trooper looked at his unit. “Uh, sir, the detention cells—”

“DID I MISSPEAK?!”

That snapped the trooper back into line. “No sir. Right away sir.”

Ben stomped behind the trooper as if he owned the place. This was working out better than he had hoped. At some point they would have to notice the difference in him, but for now, as long as he got to Rey, that was all that mattered. The rest he’d feel out as the moment dictated.

Crowds parted in the black, shining corridors. Eyes averted. Even the curious, probably wondering why he was dressed in gray instead of black, still kept to their own business. Perhaps it was the steaming glare he gave them.

In the elevator, the trooper gave him half a glance. “Sir, your appearance—”

“Is none of your concern.” Ben applied the faintest hint of a Force choke. “Is it?”

“No sir,” was the strained response.

He released the hold. This was going to be easier than he thought. Twelve years may have passed, but they were all still piss-scared of him. He could be in and out of the flagship without an incident if this kept up.

The trooper stopped before a sealed door where another stood guard. Ben made a motion to tell his escort to leave then stared down the guard. “Open the door.”

The guard seemed uneasy. “Isn’t your passcode—”

Ben applied the Force choke and pinned the guard against the wall. “Open…the door. Or do you want to see me angry?”

He let go of the man, who collected himself and shook his head vehemently. “No sir. Of course not, sir.” The guard spun and punched in the code without an ounce of hesitation. The door slid open.

Ben looked at him. “Very good. You are off duty for the rest of the day.”

“I am off duty for the rest of the day.”

“Go to the barracks and stay there.”

“I should go to the barracks and stay there.”

The guard left. Ben rolled his eyes. Idiots. Matter back at hand, he sucked in a breath, his stomach in knots. He stepped inside the cell, and his heart immediately sunk.

Shackles above her head chained to the ceiling. Same at her feet. She looked so worn, thin, tired, like half the life had been drained out of her.

Fire raged through his veins. He would find those responsible for this and rip them apart slowly, cell by cell. Until then…

He put his fingertips to her cheek. “Rey?”

Those sunken hazel eyes opened. Nostalgia flooded his heart, remembering seeing her wake after death, those same hazy eyes in his arms—

A spattering of wetness made him flinch. _Did she just spit in my face?_

“GIVE ME BACK MY SON!” she screeched and railed against the restraints like a feral beast, eyes just as wild and ferocious, teeth bared looking for blood. He actually jumped back from her in shock.

_Her son?_

Those knots turned into a boulder of dread. What the hell was happening?

“Rey, it’s me, Ben,” he said, brushing off his cheek. “Don’t you remember—”

“Don’t you DARE say that name! I KNOW who you are, you miserable FUCK! Someone who should have stayed DEAD!”

If she had just stabbed him in the gut with a lightsaber (again) it would have hurt less. “Rey—”

“Give him BACK to me!” She flailed again. A hint of tears formed at the rim of her eyes, but she hardened, sucked it back. “I’ll kill you for this, Kylo. I swear to you, when this is all over, I’ll finish what I started the last time! And no FUCKING MERCY!”

Ben shook his head, trying to comprehend any of this. “What the _fuck_ —Rey, what is—I don’t—”

“I don’t know what this little fucking act is, but I’m not falling for it. I will NEVER give you what you want, you hear me?”

He didn’t know what he was supposed to want, why she called him Kylo and wanted him dead, or why she hated him so much in that moment when the last he saw of her was that smiling face after she had kissed him. All that, and her mysterious son business, would have to wait. He was getting her out of there.

A few flicks of the Force shattered her restraints. She crumpled to the ground, poor thing, so incredibly weak from whatever was being done to her. And why was anyone getting away with any of this? She had been his equal in the Force. Too many questions, all that would be answered later. He had to get her out before anyone caught on.

He knelt to pick her up and reeled from a sudden blast to his face. She sprung out from him after punching him dead in the jaw and darted out of the room.

“Shit!” Now there was a problem. He had to keep up the ruse to get her off the ship, and this wasn’t helping. “Rey!” he hissed and leapt to his feet. Ben slid out of the room against the mirrored black tile and just caught her foot disappearing around a corner. He dashed after her, losing a bit of traction on that obnoxious floor he’d hated since he actually _was_ Kylo.

Around the corner and saw her peer into a few of the cells before she dashed off yet again. “Rey!” He could have used the Force on her, get her to stop, but she already saw him as the enemy for some reason he couldn’t comprehend. Forcing her to his will would prove her right.

He whipped around another corner. No sign of her, not even a sound. “Shit! Shit shit shit!” He closed his eyes, opened, expanded. He felt her now, faint but it was there. On the elevator, probably to the lower level of detention cells. Maybe she thought her son was there.

Whoever he was, he couldn’t be more than a boy. Unfortunately, the only others he had sensed in there outside of First Order crew were two adult males.

Ben leapt into the first available elevator and waited with growing anxiety, trying to keep out of his head. Now he started to understand his mother’s warning.

The doors took too damn long to open, so he thrust them aside and raced out. There, at the end of the corridor, that one called Poe Dameron. Behind him, Rey was hugging FN-2187.

“Do you know where he is?” Rey asked him.

FN-2187 shook his head. “No, but we won’t stop looking for him.” She started to break down. He held her face in his hands. “Hey, hey, we’ll find him. I promise. Whatever it takes.”

The world slowed into a caricature of haunting nothingness. Ben watched as FN-2187 leaned forward and kissed his Rey on the lips.

Her son…

 _Their_ son…

Dread turned to nausea. “Fuck…” Twelve years, what did he expect?

Poe heard him. “Oh shit! Kylo!”

“Let’s go!” FN-2187 shouted.

This was getting tiresome. Ben really, _really_ wanted to stop them with the Force, but now he knew more than ever it would do nothing but further villainize him.

The trio spun around the corner, Ben again in hot pursuit. Shouts and then they were dashing back the other way. More cries.

Ben finally reached the end of the corridor and saw the three backing up, Storm Troopers ahead of them, behind them, and him on the third branch of the intersection.

“Poe!” FN-2187 said. He and the other man backed themselves up against Rey, protecting her. They looked so desperate to keep her safe, and Ben realized he wasn’t the only one who cared about her in the galaxy. It stung just as much as it made him happy.

“Kill the men but leave the girl!” went the command.

A flash of red. More. More. Ben held the shots in the air as he stepped forward. More shots poured into the already growing, glowing pile. He looked at the surprised faces on the men, then caught two hazel, confused eyes staring back at him from between.

If they cared about her enough to take shots for her, they were okay in his book. Ben flicked his wrists and flung the shots at the troopers. Armored bodies crashed to the floor.

Poe and FN-2187 turned toward him in surprise. Then the group started backing up.

“I’ve seen this shit before,” Poe said.

“Run!” FN-2187 said, pushing Rey ahead of him. Again the trio took off. Ben was glad he had spent all those days running to clear his mind back at Nara’s place. This nonsense was endless.

He followed them and finally caught up as they desperately tried to force open a bay door, screaming at one another to try something. Finally they realized his presence. Their backs pressed up against the wall, each one trying to eye a way out.

Ben stretched his hands out and watched how they cringed and flinched. _If ever I was to see what a real bastard I was, I see it now._ He whipped his hands apart, thrusting open the bay doors. The group stared at the open doorway, then looked back at him.

Ben stepped forward and waved them on. “Come on. I have a ship. We can get the hell out of here.”

Poe squirmed against the wall. “Why in the all-holy fuck would Kylo Ren be trying to help us?”

“Because I’m not Kylo Ren anymore. I’m Ben Solo. I’m done with all that. I’ve been trying to tell Rey—”

“Shut up,” FN-2187 said with a coldness and bravery Ben hadn’t expected. “Stop messing with her head, and just give her back her son. He’s of no use to you.”

“I don’t _have_ her son. I don’t even know what he looks like!”

“Stop it!”

“I mean it, I’m Ben—”

“LIAR!”

Ben slicked his hand over his head. “I swear to you, Rey, I swear…” Energy felt like it was suddenly draining out of him into a dark pool at the bottom of his soul. Some sort of weakness, some heavy, hollow, dank and cold wash of unease pulsing through him. He put his fingers to his forehead, feeling dizzy with whatever was coming over him. In his moment of weakness, the three darted through the open doors. He sucked in a breath, wondering what the hell just came over him, and charged after them once again.

When he finally caught up, he saw them slip down another corridor, then just as quickly reversed, piling behind a stanchion. Ben softened his footfalls and slid up behind them.

Poe turned and melted in defeat. “We are so fucked you guys.”

FN-2187 pushed himself in front of Rey, chin up in defiance. At least she had someone with courage protecting her all these years. Though she was never the delicate flower, he still couldn’t imagine anything hurting his little scavenger.

Ben heard it, the march of soldiers coming down the corridor. He leaned in toward the trio. “Don’t worry, I can take them.”

“Why _would_ you?” FN-2187 asked. “And knock it off with the Ben Solo shit. You’re still the same monster.”

Ben had expected resistance, so it didn’t hurt. Too much. He knew he’d had it coming, and this was just the start.

Good a time as any to show them his true self. The soldiers were already halfway past the stanchion. He hadn’t bothered to look at them yet and didn’t really need to. He placed his hands together, then thrust them outward. Slams and crashes as soldiers struck the walls and fell in heaps.

“That will do it,” Ben said. He rounded the stanchion. “Come on, we can…”

One soldier remained standing. One that did not wear armor like the others. Tall, clad in pure black. Raven hair dangling to his shoulders.

Ben readied himself. This one had resisted his use of the Force and might be…

His heart pounded.

That weakness, that sickening black hole siphoned him again.

The soldier turned. Long face. Cold, dead, black irises on eyes Ben had seen in the mirror his entire life.

Kylo Ren.

_This is impossible._

Kylo turned, slowly, methodically, same cool self-assured bravado Ben had once made famous. “It was you.”

 _No, this is absurd, some shapeshifting nonsense at best._ Ben held out his hand and let his lightsaber snap into it. A click, buzz, and hum of blue light. “Damn right it was me, you fucking impostor.”

“Impostor?”

“Kylo Ren is dead. Rey killed him, and I watched him die. Whatever the hell you are, you end now.”

The cross-hilt lightsaber snapped into Kylo’s hand in the same fashion. Ben was really starting to get pissed at this bullshit wannabe.

Kylo stepped into his stance and readied his weapon. “We shall see.”

Ben struck out with his saber at the same time he used the Force to freeze Kylo. Not only was his strike parried, but his Force hold as well. One of those little knots started forming again.

_Alright, so you have some Force sensitivity. Let’s see how much._

Ben darted forward with a wild yet calculated spray of attacks, his saber swinging and bashing against the red of Kylo’s weapon. Flips, spins, parries, strikes, thrusts of the Force: Ben threw his arsenal at the enemy—

—who met him with equal fury.

Equal. Perfectly equal. It was Nara all over again, except this time his opponent wanted to kill him. Kylo knew every one of Ben’s moves, knew _exactly_ what Ben would do next.

Time to up the game. Ben tore at Kylo with the Force, blasted a stanchion at him, yanked, pulled. He put the entirety of his being into his strikes—diving, flipping, even throwing the saber and having it return to him.

Kylo matched every…single…strike.

Ben paused, heaving breaths. Kylo regarded him as cold and empty as ever. That was one thing about his mirror image come to life, the eyes. At least Ben looked alive in the mirror all those years, even if he felt dead inside. This faker looked like a black hole.

He had to put a stop to this obnoxious distraction. Whoever this was, whoever made this nonsense, Ben was putting an end to it. He opened, expanded. Merged himself with the room…with his enemy—

Panic gripped him as a pull of Force unlike any he’d ever felt held him in a death grip. Those cold eyes lit up, predatory delight deep inside of them.

“It was you,” Kylo whispered, his hand out to Ben. “All this time, it was always you.”

Ben realized far too late he had made a grievous mistake. Becoming one with his enemy triggered something else. He saw inside Kylo and Kylo saw inside him, saw into the expanse, the oneness, the complete merging with the galaxy, raw and pure power from the well of the Force running through Ben like the mightiest of rivers. And Ben saw Kylo and realized this was no shapeshifter or impostor.

It was his alter ego come alive, a pure being of darkness the Sith would have worshiped as a god.

“Do you feel it?” Kylo asked. “Do you feel that?”

As if on command, the darkness rose up in Ben, begging, pleading for the energy inside of Kylo.

“Yes, you do,” Kylo said. “The darkness that made me still flows in you. You like it, don’t you? That surge? That sense of power? You felt it, didn’t you, when you waltzed in here, pretending you were us, Force choking and commanding. Oh you felt it but you didn’t realize it. The darkness summons in you, wanting to join back up with its true master.”

“FUCK OFF!” Ben roared and tried to break free. Kylo held him in some kind of merging Force grip. Nothing was working. He had to try the alternate route.

He calmed, softened, opened himself—

Kylo’s energy flooded in like a maelstrom, surging past all of Ben’s light. And he could feel it stronger than ever, that craving, that desire, that ultimate expression of raw power only the darkness could give him. Memories flooded back of his height of power, how it felt to rise above all others, crush those who stood in his way.

Ben clenched his teeth and roared as he fought to gain control of himself again. But Kylo would not let him go. It was as if they were merging, becoming one.

“I thought I needed her the whole time,” Kylo said. “Her power felt like it matched mine but something was always off. I could still use it, oh yes, but nothing… _nothing_ compares to this!”

Ben felt himself draining of energy, the will to fight weakening. He fell to his knees, tears running down his face, wishing he could fight, wishing he could break out of whatever bond they were forming, but most of all, wishing he didn’t want this very thing.

He hated the desire.

He hated that wanting.

He hated falling to his own weaknesses and the fact that such a big part of him still wanted to give in.

“The girl has so much more discipline than you,” Kylo said, standing high above Ben. “She put up a far better fight than you did. That’s why I had to weaken her. But you? So strong and full of yourself, and you walked right into it. I know why. I know what burns inside your soul. You look at me and see everything you failed to be, because you were weak, just like you are now. This side of you has always been weak, and now in me, you see everything you could have been, everything you want to be, everything you can be, right now. Just stop fighting, and it will all be over.”

A haze came over Ben. Fighting…too hard. This is what he always wanted, isn’t it? The pure darkness…the pure…

“Ben!”

Rey’s voice.

_I fought so hard…for you…my little scavenger…it was all for you…_

_You wanted to take my hand. Ben’s hand. You kissed me. Loved me…_

_I can’t break out of this…_

One last effort. One last try. He had to have been doing it wrong. It was in becoming one with all things that he gained so much power, not had it stolen from him. Nara had shown him. He felt it. Somehow, he had to still be able to do it.

Expanding…reaching…softening…that moment of pure bliss…

_I can’t do it._

_Nara_ _…please help me…_

Kylo reached down, infinitely dark eyes now having come alive, long fingers reaching toward Ben’s head. _Merging…he’s merging with me…and I can’t stop it…and I’m not sure I want to—_

A breeze.

Flash of magenta and a cracking thunder that pounded the room. Kylo flew back into the wall. Ben rolled backwards, the life and vitality snapping back into him. He felt back to his old self.

There wasn’t any time. Whatever the hell this Kylo Ren was, for some reason, he was stronger than Ben, and that meant they had to get out of there as soon as possible before the dark warrior rose again.

Ben leapt to his feet. Rey, Poe, and FN-2187 were staring at him with wide eyes. He knew exactly what he had to do. He wasn’t sure yet how he’d do it, but he knew he had to do something big and fast.

Rey had to live, no matter the cost to him.

Ben leapt onto them, squeezed them in his arms, and opened but solely to his ship. He could feel it, see it, smell the interior. With an explosion of Force, the First Order flagship disappeared to be replaced by the bridge of his ship. His completely weakened body fell back from the gasping trio, head slamming into the instrument panel. A hazy, blocky gray filled in his vision before he blacked out.

#

Nara

Snowflakes floated on a soft breeze, settling with a gentle hiss. Nara held out her hand. A flake landed in her palm, quickly melting into the purest water.

She had created this place in the World Between Worlds to serve those worthy of her teachings. Connected to all worlds yet detached, she observed without taking part, only acting when need would arise. She should have been watching more closely.

Who would have expected thousands of years of vague speculation to actually come to pass? It seemed too impossible, too rare an event that it would have taken an act of divine intervention to set it in motion, or so it was thought.

She had trained Ben well, that she knew. It would be much harder for him back in his own world than with her, that she also knew. And she suspected, didn’t she? When he had those dreams. That’s why she prepared him as she did, much more than any apprentice before.

But she did not expect the enormity of what had now come to pass.

When Ben called her, she could feel through their oneness his desperation, his weakness, and even he did not realize how much in danger he had become. When he opened to her, she could feel it. There was no time to walk him through it, to stand beside him and guide. The fate of the universe would have been permanently altered if she did not take action.

It was hard, to span across worlds, to be in two places at once, for she could not leave without a mirror to connect her back. She had hoped that one strike of her saber would be enough.

It was. She could feel him revive, broken of the bond. He was safe, for now.

She closed her eyes, flakes gathering on her head and shoulders. This would be the last of the quiet peace.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ben dreamed of his reunion with Rey, he wasn't expecting this. Everything has gone wrong and the blows just keep coming. Faced with a world gone awry, Ben tries to bridge the chasm between him and Rey. The fate of the galaxy may very well depend on it.

“I don’t care who he says he is. He’s clearly Kylo Ren.”

“Then who the hell was the other one?”

“You said Ben died.”

“He did, I know it, but now—”

“Now nothing. We are in danger as long as he’s here. We should at least tie him up.”

“That will just piss him off when he wakes up.”

“Tying him up will be a waste of time.”

Ben could hear them arguing, but his head hurt so damn much he could barely move. So incredibly weak on top of it.

“Then let’s kill him now while we have the chance.”

“Finn!”

Things were getting serious. He had to force himself to move or make a noise before he got impaled.

“You actually believe that nonsense we saw? He’s playing you, Rey, getting on your good side before he really hurts you.”

“He can’t be Kylo Ren.”

“Looks like him.”

“See, even Poe agrees.”

“Then explain the facial hair.”

“Probably fake.”

He felt someone yank on his chin hairs. His head was throbbing, but that sucker stung. He groaned, hoping to chase off whoever it was.

Plan worked.

“Shit! He’s waking up.”

“Should have did it when we had the chance—”

“Stop it! Ben?” It was Rey. Her small hand felt cool on his burning forehead.

Ben groaned again and tried to move. The proverbial knife in his skull made him nauseous. Brows furrowed in agony, he put a hand to his head. He hadn’t had a headache like this in ages, probably from the pounding he took when he fell. He licked his lips, trying to form words. “I need…” He wove his hand around his head. “…a thing.”

A small contraption pressed against his palm, and he raised the healing tech up to his head. The more he waved it around the pain, the more it subsided. After about two minutes, the thudding agony had softened into a light ache. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and continued to wave the instrument as he opened his eyes.

He could see the flashing blue as the ship cut through hyperspace. “Where are we?”

Poe answered. “Not yet cleared of the system but soon. Dropped into hyperspace as soon as we got here, didn’t want the First Order tailing us.

Ben nodded, glad he had some time to relax and get his energy back up.

Rey sat at the edge of the couch, tentative. She had called him Ben, but she didn’t seem sure she believed it.

He didn’t care. She was here. His Rey…

Or was she his at all?

“Who are you really?” she asked. Sharp. Cold. Yet hopeful.

“It’s me, Rey. It’s really Ben.”

Rey stood, whipped around, and pointed her finger at him. “I saw you die in my arms!” Tears formed at the rims of her lovely eyelashes. “Dozen years later and you just show up? And I’m supposed to believe that?”

“He’s lying,” FN-2187 said. “This is all some sort of elaborate Dark Side hoax and we’re falling for it.”

“We are not—”

“Every second we leave him alive, we are falling for it!”

Rey looked at Ben, guarded. “Prove it. Prove you’re really Ben.”

Ben thought of a thousand tricks he could do and none of it would have mattered. There was only one thing he could give her. “I knew you would face off against Palpatine alone. I came as quickly as I could.”

He watched as her eyes twinkled. “I would have killed them all to protect you, but I was outnumbered by the Knights I once commanded. But I felt you, and you felt me, and you knew I was there to be with you, to help you fight. So you gave me your saber through the bond we shared.”

Tears welled and spilled down her cheeks.

Ben continued. “I tore through them as fast as I could, just to stand beside you, as I was always meant to be. Palpatine gained the upper hand, drained us, and tossed me down a chasm, expecting me to die. But I wouldn’t go that easy, no, not when I knew you were still up against him.” Ben shook his head, swallowed. “I was already so broken, but I didn’t care. My powers were weak, and it didn’t matter. I would have crawled until there was nothing left but bone if it meant getting to you. But I was too late.”

His throat tightened, mouth trembled. “I saw you lying there, the life gone out of those beautiful eyes. I could barely move, but I pulled you in my arms and knew I had to save you. I looked around.” He blinked down tears, shaking his head. “No one was there for me. And maybe I didn’t deserve it. And maybe…all along…I knew exactly what had to be done, and they did too. So I didn’t give a second thought.”

Ben looked at her, hoping she could feel everything he felt as he relived those moments. “You saved the galaxy. You saved the Resistance. And you saved me.” He flung his arms out, sniffling hard. “And what did I ever do with my life? Who did I ever save? What difference did I ever make in the universe? Rey…I only had one thing to give to the person who gave so much of herself, and I didn’t hesitate. I transferred all of my life force to you, and it was the best thing I ever did.”

Rey put her hands to her mouth, sobbing.

Ben nodded as tears fell down his cheeks. “And when I felt your hand touch mine, when I saw that it worked, Rey, look at me.”

Her sparkling eyes met his. He nodded and continued. “It was the first time in my life that I was ever truly happy. I knew my life meant something then, and I knew you would be okay, and that was all that mattered in the universe to me, that you would be okay.”

Rey covered her face again and dipped to her knees.

Ben smiled. “And then you kissed me, and I knew in that moment that it wasn’t just me who had felt it all those years. You felt it too. You loved me. And you didn’t fear me. You just loved me, and you were so happy, and you made me so incredibly happy. It was the first time I had smiled in years Rey. Years, without one smile, until you loved me.” He leaned his head against the wall. “I’m sorry I couldn’t hold on. I’m sorry I left you there. I’m sorry to have hurt you in our one perfect moment together.”

Rey sobbed into her knees, and Ben wanted so deeply to just hold her. They had a second chance, something not everyone was gifted enough to have. He sat up, and in that moment, FN-2187 knelt and wrapped his arms around her. That was a slug to the chest.

Poe leaned in toward FN-2187 with his mouth full of Ben’s food supply. “Dig it, Finn, Kylo Ren’s crying like a baby.”

FN-2187 (or was it Finn now?) glared at him. And when Poe looked up, he got the same from Ben. Poe cleared his throat, held up his crumb-covered hands. “Just kidding, don’t get all—” Poe put his hands to his own throat and made choking noises. “By the way, hope you don’t mind us digging into your stores. They’ve been starving us for weeks.”

Ben shook his head. “No, of course not.” He waved his hand. “Take what you need.”

“I’m okay,” Rey said as she stood, gently shaking off Finn. She stepped over to Ben, hesitant but open. She sat at the end of the couch, and Ben straightened. “I asked Kylo the same question, to prove he was really you. He couldn’t. He knew nothing beyond our fight on the remains of the Death Star. I thought it was just…you being an ass.”

Ben chuckled.

Rey joined him, then straightened. “I guess I thought maybe you somehow survived or revived, as him though, not as the Ben I remember, just back to your old ways.” She nodded. “At least now I know the truth, and I’m so thankful, because after I saw the real Ben Solo, I never wanted to see him become Kylo Ren again.”

Ben felt his stomach clench. She had no idea how close he had come back on the flagship.

“How is it you’re here now?”

Ben inhaled and let it out on a slow stream. “How much do you know of the World between Worlds?”

“I’ve read some. They say it’s a convergence of different paths between time and space.”

“Yeah, well, there’s a whole lot more to the Force than we were ever taught. I woke up in this place, unable to move or speak, and there was this woman, Nara…” He stopped. The mention of her name brought exquisite joy over the memories, concern over the present, and a gutload of guilt.

“Ben?”

He looked at Rey and realized the damage had been done long before he showed up. Twelve years, and here she was with this Finn and they had a child together kidnapped by some ultra-powerful version of his alter-ego. Somehow, the truth seemed to pale in comparison to it all. “Rey, I slept with another woman while I was gone.”

Poe made a sound like he was coughing, or perhaps not. Finn seemed relieved.

Rey flinched and seemed baffled that he brought it up at all. “Oooo—kay, why are you telling me this?”

Ben remembered Nara’s words: _My guess is that wouldn’t be the first thing you’d tell her._ He already felt stupid. “I just…I want to be honest. Rey, I thought about you from the moment I woke up, and all I wanted was to get back to you. But she said it had already been a year, and I had no idea it was really twelve years here because time runs differently there and she kept telling me and I didn’t listen, but I never stopped loving you.”

“Sounds like you did,” Finn said, face stony.

Ben shot him a look that had Finn averting his eyes. He then turned back to Rey. “The thing is, I loved her too, in a different way, and she said you and I weren’t even really together, and she was right because you thought I was dead and you moved on with your life and I felt like I was cheating on you but I really did love her while I still love you and…” He put his hand to his head. No matter how he said it, it just kept sounding worse.

“Suggestion,” Poe said, “quit while you’re ahead.”

Rey flashed him a look, then turned back to Ben. “You’re right. I did think you were dead. And I did move on, so…what you did is your business.”

Ben smiled, but he didn’t believe her. She didn’t look at all comfortable with the topic. “Now that that’s out of the way, this is what happened while I was there.”

#

Ben washed down the last of the protein bar with some _sbarasbara_ milk before continuing. “And that’s when I caught up with the three of you.” He shook his head. “I thought they were all recognizing me from years ago. Had no idea what was really going on.” He looked at Rey. “I’m sorry. I wish I had been here sooner. Maybe if I didn’t keep stopping to help—”

“They needed you,” she barely said. “Even if maybe…” She shook her head. “My own selfish reasons. I just want my baby back.” Her shoulders heaved as she cried into her forearms.

Ben started forward, but Finn was already there, his arms wrapping around her. Ben looked away, pretended it didn’t burn him every time he saw it. No matter what she felt about Ben, he still loved her, and he wouldn’t stop until she had that beautiful smile he saw when she came back to life.

He leaned forward. “Rey, we will find him. I will make sure of it.” He looked from Finn to Rey. “How old is your son?”

“Eleven going on twelve,” Rey said with a mirthless chuckle Ben didn’t understand.

He looked at them again. “So the two of you got together right after the final battle?”

“No, after the baby was born.”

Ben frowned. “I thought—”

“He’s my son,” Finn said. “That’s all that matters, and that’s all you need to know.”

Ben hated when the former Storm Trooper spoke. Really he did.

Rey let out some sort of moan Ben couldn’t figure out. Was it frustration with Finn? He hoped it was. Or the pain of having her child stolen? He couldn’t read it, couldn’t read her. Seemed like only yesterday they were in each other’s heads. Now she was locked tighter than Nara had ever been.

Poe rolled his eyes. “Ah, gah—come on! You can’t just—”

Finn shot holes in him. “Can’t what, Poe? This ain’t your business.”

“Guy’s gonna—”

“Gonna what? That’s my son—”

“What about when he sees—”

“Nah ah, a father is the man that’s there. How many diaper changes and bedtime stories—”

“You’ve got to be kidding—”

“No and you should keep your mouth shut—”

“—gonna lose his shit and that’s some scary shit—”

Ben had no idea what in the hell they were arguing about, but Rey looked more distraught as time went on. That alone was enough to intervene. “What the hell is going on with you two?”

Silence. Glares. Head tilts. A middle finger.

Then Rey’s soft, broken voice. “Ben…”

Ben leaned forward, having had enough of the two men. “Rey, what? Whatever it is, just tell me.”

Finn leaned into her hair. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to—”

“That’s enough,” she said.

Rey’s red-rimmed eyes broke Ben’s heart. He hated seeing her cry, wished he could tear apart the galaxy if it meant making her smile. Then again, that was more Kylo’s thing, and Ben had to remember to stay out of that head as much as possible. He leaned closer to her, wishing she could just say whatever it is she needed to say.

“My son’s name is Ben.” She smiled, but it was so pained. “Little Benny. Except he doesn’t like us calling him little anymore.”

Ben’s heart melted. She had named her son after him. She had remembered him, perhaps every day as she took care of her precious child. Ben realized that no matter what, he’d fight the entire First Order himself if it meant saving that boy for her. He couldn’t wait to see her hold Benny in her arms, to smile again.

He could let go of all of his dreams if it meant she’d be happy in the end. That’s what giving his life to her was all about from the beginning. And he’d make sure her son would be safe from then on, maybe even teach the kid a few tricks with a lightsaber. Maybe Finn would ease up and let Ben be a part of their lives.

“Thank you,” Ben said, realizing he was smiling. “For remembering me like that.”

“Ben?” She looked like she was about to cry.

“What?”

“He’s your son.”

Ben’s stomach clenched. Then rationality took over. What she was saying was just impossible. “Rey, that’s sweet, but—”

“No Ben, you’re not understanding. Benny is your son. _Your_ son.”

Ben shook his head. “Rey, we only kissed. We only ever kissed. That can’t be—”

“Black waves of hair, big brown eyes like you and your mom. I think he has your father’s smirk.”

Ben’s heart started pounding, adrenaline from shock pumping through his veins, heating up his nerves. Why, he had no idea. The whole idea was ludicrous. He knew how babies were made and much as he would have liked to, he _definitely_ did not get that far with Rey.

He shook his head. “There has to be some kind of mistake—”

She sprung to her feet. “I thought he was you!”

Ben shook his head. “What do you mean?”

She put her hand to her head. “I thought…your life force…your hand was on my belly when you brought me back to life. And then you died. And nine months later, I’m giving birth to a boy that looks like you! I thought—I don’t care how ridiculous it sounds, but you never came to me as a Force ghost, so I just assumed—I-I thought he was you. That you were living again, through him. Now I know that was just an elaborate fantasy—it’s just he’s so much like you! Fiery little temper, Force-flinging things everywhere, phenomenal with a practice saber. He’s even taller than he should be for his age. I thought it was you…” She stood, paced. “I feel so stupid.”

Ben stood. “No, no, don’t feel stupid. No Rey, come on.” He grasped her shoulders and ignored the lightning bolts Finn was shooting at him. “You didn’t know. And—” Ben smiled. “—that’s beautiful. To think of me in that way, through him.” He turned, shook his head. “But Rey, this can’t be right. There’s no precedence—”

“There is.”

Ben looked back at her. Of whatever she was about to say, she was absolutely sure.

“I found it in the old Jedi texts. Maybe you didn’t know what you were doing when you did it, and maybe whatever Nara did to you interrupted all that, but it’s happened. It’s ancient, very little used because of the consequences for the one who gives up his life force, but it has happened before and it happened to me. It is said your own grandfather was born of no man, only the Force itself. Ben…Benny’s your son, and when you see him and touch him, you’ll know I’m right.”

Ben stood there, afraid to move. She had to be wrong. She had to, because if she was right, then not only did he lose Rey to Finn, but he missed the entire childhood of his own son. And it was bad enough to lose Rey, but to have a son that didn’t know him, looked to another as his father, and would look at him as a stranger?

Ben closed his eyes, softened, expanded. Rey was still a locked and sealed door, but he didn’t need to pry into her. He released himself into complete oneness, feeling the ship, a solid Rey, two barely welcome guests…out into space…past the system…past two more systems…a light shining on a far-off planet…a familiar warmth…Force energy so much like Rey’s…yes, this had to be him…he was safe, alive. That was good; Rey would be glad to hear that. Ben reached out…reaching…

His fingers touched the boy’s soft skin on his forehead. A flood of energy raced back to Ben, and he recognized it instantly—his own. Rey’s and his mixed into one another, separate and united at the same time, pulsing through a child that shone in the Force not unlike he or she did.

And then he knew, fully knew the truth. By whatever way of the Force, Rey’s son was his son.

Benny was his son.

That meant…

KYLO REN HAD HIS SON!

As if on call, the dark image showed at the far end of their space. Icy, black eyes regarded him with hunger, then a sneer as Kylo looked at the boy.

Ben snapped back. He couldn’t risk another battle, not when he was so ill prepared, and didn’t know what was going on, and nothing made sense, and the whole galaxy had gone insane because here he was trapped in a world between worlds, forced out of death while having given life to his own son yet missed the entirety of the boy’s life and now this phantom Kylo Ren has him and where did Kylo come from and why was he so fucking powerful and why couldn’t Ben get a handle on any of it?!

“Ben!”

It was Rey’s voice, sounding worried. Why?

He felt himself inside his own body again, hands clenched in his hair, shaking, sobbing, everyone staring at him with actual concern, even Finn.

Ben loosened his trembling fingers from his hair, wiped his face, and drifted back onto the couch, completely detached from his own body. Rey stood before him. She put her hands on the sides of his face. Her eyes. He felt like he understood them without understanding. Because he felt it too.

“You realize now it’s true,” she said.

The flood of emotions spilled over once again. Ben wrapped his arms around her back, burying his face in her chest, sobbing and clinging onto her, mourning a loss he never knew existed. He would have been there in every moment for her, watched her belly grow, fed her whatever she wanted. He’d be up all night with her, get his hair pulled, carry a giggling toddler on his back or shoulders, show him the ways of the Force. Hear the word “Daddy” for the first time.

All this was lost in the wind, without him ever knowing it had been going on.

He sniffled, pulled back, and collected himself. He touched the damp spot on her shirt left by his tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I just…I don’t know that I can express it…I hate that I missed out.”

“Me too.”

“You know, I never wanted to be my dad. Never wanted to be the absentee father, the one a kid waits for but never comes home. I didn’t want a child of mine to grow up like that.”

“And he didn’t,” Finn said. “Maybe not with you, but I was there from day one.”

There was so much challenge in Finn’s statement, but Ben wasn’t feeling adversarial. Yeah, Ben missed out, but Benny didn’t. At least that much he could be grateful to Finn for. “Thank you.”

Finn shook his head. “Nah ah. Don’t thank me. I didn’t do it for you. And whatever happens from here on out, I will still be his father, because I was there for him. You may have passed him some Force genes or whatnot, but I was there—” He pressed his finger into his palm. “—day one, you get me? I was the one up to my armpits in diapers and feedings, playing with him and teaching him. I was there, and that’s what makes a father more than genes ever will.”

Ben swallowed. “I would have been there.”

“Of course you would,” Rey said, shooting Finn a look he ignored.

Finn didn’t budge. “Yeah. Sucks for you that you weren’t. But you don’t get to step in and take away what I have rightfully earned. I am still that kid’s father and nothing, not this, not anything you do, nothing is going to change that, you understand me?”

Ben couldn’t help the surge of anger he felt and tried to suck it down.

Finn continued. “We are going to find him, and we are going to bring him home. And when we do, you want to step up, fine, but don’t you dare step over me. I don’t care what kind of powers you have, I will _not_ let you take my son away from me, understand?”

Fury burned in every drop of Ben’s blood. Indeed, he was grateful to Finn for being there when he could not, but this was stepping over a line that did not need to be crossed.

The ship wavered in and out of existence. Just a hum. Just a speck. But Ben felt another pulse growing. He sucked in a breath to get it under control, then another, then—

“Enough! Both of you!” Rey’s barking command shut down that flow of energy. She looked from Ben to Finn and back again. “Benny belongs to us. All of us, and if we don’t work together as a team…” She shook her head, defiant, holding back tears. “That won’t happen because we will, won’t we?”

Ben glanced at Finn who did the same.

Poe raised his hand and smiled. “It’s cool. I’ll forget that time Kylo-Ben tortured me for information.”

Ben really, _really_ did not have the patience for this guy.

“Good!” Rey snapped. After one last glare of warning to all in the room, she turned back to Ben. “You saw him, didn’t you? Felt him?”

Ben nodded. “He wasn’t on the flagship. If I look at the map system, I think I can figure out what planet he’s being held on.” He charged over to the instrument panel, called up the map, and flicked his fingers through the different systems and planets illuminated in the air. Finally, he stopped and pointed. “There! I don’t know if they’ll move, now that they know I know, but that’s where he was.”

Rey looked at him. “How exactly do they know you know?”

Ben sighed. “Kylo was there. I…jumped out before he was able to get to me again.”

Poe asked, “What the hell happened back at that flagship? With that pink flash that sent him flying? Forget that, how is he even existing right now?”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on, but I need to find out. I need to see Nara.”

Rey got that uncomfortable look again. “I thought she was in the World between Worlds.”

“She is, but we are one.”

“I’m still not sure I get that. Like us, you and me? A dyad?”

“No, something different. It’s…I’d love to show you sometime, but right now we need answers, and she may be the only one who has them.”

“Why her though?”

Ben remembered those last moments with Kylo, when that flash of magenta broke the impenetrable bond. “Because she saved us all back there.”

#

Opening…softening…then hesitation. Ben swallowed, tried again. For all he had been taught and experienced, he had never been afraid to approach oneness like he was now. The fact that Kylo could somehow tap in at any time was a real danger, one he hated more than anything.

For all his power, he was being done in by himself.

His heart warmed as he remembered Nara, their time together, the feel of her body against his, touch of her soft, warm skin beneath those silk robes. And she knocked Kylo straight across the room, so if anything, she could come to his rescue.

The great and mighty Ben Solo, the Gray Wanderer, the once mighty Supreme Leader of the First Order and master of the Dark Force was afraid and needed to be rescued. The irony and indignity was yet another slap to his ego.

Opening…softening…the balmy sunsets on the veranda…reading by the fire…Nara’s soft hands against his skin…the delight, the pleasure that led to the purest and ultimate expression of oneness…

Ben felt a chilly tingle touch his cheek. He opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by fluffy flakes of snow.

“Ben!”

Her voice a warmth in his tormented soul. Ben watched as Nara drifted toward him, her robes heavier than usual in this winter landscape. Her body melted into his embrace, her presence a soothing balm. She used to disappear beneath his large grasp, but the heavy winter clothing gave a comforting bulk to her, more to hug, more to sink into.

She stretched her arm toward her home. “Come warm by the fire.”

The landscape lay white with a heavy blue tone in the darkening skies. In stark contrast, the windows of her house lit with a warm golden orange, calling him home. He stepped onto the veranda where he shared so many meals and moments and shook off the dusty flakes.

“Pay it no mind,” Nara said, leading him inside. “Sit. Relax. You’ve earned it.”

That hardly felt right, but he would take her up on the offer, regardless. The radiant heat chased away the chill and melted the stubborn crystals that clung to his skin and clothes. He sunk into a fluffy chair and wondered why he ever left in the first place.

“We both know why,” Nara said as she sat on the chair next to him.

He shook his head. “It’s all…a mess. Twelve years passed, Rey’s with Finn, I have a son who’ll be a teenager before I’ve even met him, and Kylo Ren, the man I was for how many years, came to try to kill me or…absorb me…what the hell was he doing to me, Nara? I thought the oneness thing was supposed to help me, but the more I tried, the more powerful he became.”

Nara stood and floated over to her extensive bookcase. “Did you ever read the red books?”

Ben shook his head. “Never got that far.”

She returned with a book bound in red fabric, its pages yellow-brown and ancient. She opened it and held it out to him. “The red books speak of things that should not be, yet are still possible within the Force. Generally, they are derived out of the randomness and chaos of existence itself, but a truly adept user of the Force could set motions in place that would enable such moments to occur.”

Ben took the book and skimmed over the content. “A Force shadow is an imprint on the Force caused when a being of great power becomes highly unbalanced and breaks off with a part of himself. The Force doesn’t care about the how or why, it only knows that energy was held in a certain place by a certain being and now that being is not there to contain that energy. To compensate, the Force can create its own physical host to hold the shadow.” Ben sighed. “Shit. This sounds exactly like him.”

“Keep reading.”

Ben skimmed some more. “The being that is created is adept only in the powers that remained in the shadow and is otherwise constitutionally weak and easily defeated by an adept master of the Force.” He looked at her. “Kylo wasn’t easy or weak. Last time I felt like that was when Palpatine drained my life force to boost himself.”

Nara nodded. “And therein lies the crux of it all.” She stood and drifted toward the window. “Ben…I’m sorry. I did not see this all coming. Detached from your world, detached from all worlds, I didn’t notice the signs of the larger story at play.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “There are events in those red books, rare events, and on their own they can be tough to deal with, but they can be resolved. And then there are far rarer moments in time when a collection of those events collide at once to create an anomaly in the Force.”

Anxiety crept through Ben’s bones. “An anomaly?”

Nara turned toward him, her back to the wall, eyes somber. Ben had never seen her like that. “Wild speculations over the years said it was possible but so improbable as to never happen. First, we have your grandfather, born of the Force with extraordinary capabilities who veered down a dark path. That legacy flows to you, an exceptional user of the Force whose early experiences also drove him down the dark path. Now you have Rey, a descendant of Palpatine from one of his many conquests I’m sure, also an exceptional user of the Force driven toward the dark. Instead of following in those footsteps, she is imbued with light. Two of the brightest beacons in the Force meet one another and join, becoming one, a dyad in the Force, a power that, when wielded properly, would trump anything Palpatine or Vader could throw at it.”

Ben shook his head. “Rey and I went up against Palpatine and he drained us before we had the chance to do anything to him.”

“Ah, the two of you were quite impressive with your dyad strengths, but neither of you had the training to use it to its full extent. If the two of you were able to reach the oneness I taught you—” Nara sighed, smiled. “—yours would be a light in the Force that would shine for the ages. Palpatine knew that, and that’s why he acted quickly, before you two could ever understand how powerful you really were together. Now, _that_ is only one part of the equation. Prophecies foretold of it, and it came to pass.

“But there were other things coming to pass at the same time.” Nara turned toward the window again. “The Force is like a river, I’ve told you before. It moves through all things, and as long as it’s moving, it is pure and clear. Darkness and light have nothing over purity, because purity is the whole, the two as one, blending and flowing into one another. That’s why I rejected the Jedi and Sith Orders. They worked in extremes when the true essence is in perfect blending.

“The Force, when it is not flowing, stagnates, decays, breaks down, becomes corrupt. You see, the darkness itself is not evil, Ben. The knife that kills is the same one that is used for cooking or crafts or liberation. But corruption, now, that’s something that needs to be destroyed.”

Nara turned toward him again. “Have you ever watched a puddle during a dry spell turn sour, stink, get full of rancid, fetid growth unsuitable to any life but its own horrid forms?”

“Yeah.”

“And then the rains come, the water flows, the corruption is dispersed, back into the larger waterway, and in its dispersal becomes pure and clean once more. This is the way of the Force as well. Only there hasn’t been a flood to wash away what has been allowed to grow. Corruption has been collecting in the Force for some time now, and Palpatine was its conduit.”

Nara put up a finger, disappeared, then returned. In her hand was a large ball of thread, in her fingers a needle. She threaded the needle and held it up to him. “Palpatine was the needle, this ball was the corruption. Only a little can flow at one time through that conduit.”

“But Palpatine is dead. The conduit is gone.”

“Yes, and that corruption is looking for a new one, a better one, one that can host many threads at once, someone open enough to let it flow through them unhindered.”

Ben put his hand to his head. “Shit…”

“But wait, there’s more!”

“Oh wonderful.”

“Your shadow, in Kylo, may never have left where it arose, and if it did, it wouldn’t have survived long. Bad ghost, vengeful wraith, basically a pathetic haunting that wouldn’t scare anyone Force sensitive enough to deal with it. But I gathered your essence and rebuilt your body, not realizing there was a mirror shadow being rebuilt at the same time. Not until you started talking about those dreams, of Kylo Ren being emotionless and robotic, did I suspect something had gone awry. If all the other factors involved had stayed away, then my teachings of oneness would have been enough for you to see past the masks and defeat Kylo. But too much…”

Nara counted off on her fingers. “The surge of Dark Force from Palpatine and all the Sith. The surge of Light Force from Rey and all the other Jedis. The dyad Force coming together as one. Kylo born of shadow. The corruption looming behind everything, waiting for the right moment to strike. And the final straw, the life snuffed out from one of the most powerful Force masters of all time, and his subsequent resurrection, and his elevation to oneness with all things. All of this happening at once, at least in the view of the Force, fractured its natural flow, and in its wake, things are going in the wrong—dare I say even bad—direction.”

Ben leaned his head into his hand. “Holy shit…” It was a lot to take in, but his own dread was matched by Nara’s, and that made it even more frightening. “So Kylo is the new conduit.”

“Yes and no. Kylo is incomplete. He can’t be the conduit the corruption needs, not yet anyway. Kylo needs your powerful dyad Force to be complete. Absorbing you is just the start. He’ll need Rey too. Ben…in becoming one with him…your dyad became a triad.”

Ben felt the blood drain out of him. He stood on weak legs. “Are you kidding me? You’re telling me that thing is now connected to both me _and_ Rey?”

Nara nodded, and for the first time ever, Ben saw tears in her eyes. “I’m sure you wondered why Rey is so shut down. Even I can’t get through to her but, knowing what I now know, I have a good guess as to what she’s going through. She’s doing all she knows how to fight it, for she saw it for herself. And what Kylo can’t get through the two of you, he’ll try to get through your son.”

Dread became a moaning chasm with Ben fallen to its bottom.

Nara shrugged. “He’s still young, too inexperienced, but Kylo will find a way to change that if he hasn’t already.”

Ben clenched his fists. “FUCK!” He clenched his hair. “And I’m so fucking weak, I couldn’t even resist him! I have to save my son—I have to do everything to save my son, to protect Rey, and I couldn’t have failed harder if I tried! Just…FUCK!”

Nara hung her head. “I’m so sorry…I blindly led you down a path without looking what was on either side. I turned away from your world when I got weary of the same nonsense, the same wars, the same stupid conflicts over and over by creatures who would never learn. And I forgot what it is to live among you, to be faced with such dire consequences. My actions, however well intentioned, were the catalyst for this disaster.” She looked at him, eyes forlorn. “If you and Rey can’t defeat Kylo and break the conduit, your world, perhaps even the integrity of the Force itself, will break under the corruption that now surrounds it.” She sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I’m so sorry.”

Ben put aside his panic and self-loathing. Nara’s ever-loving face had guided him through the toughest part of his new life. To see it filled with pain and sorrow stung his heart. He wrapped his arms around her, held her head against his chest, and buried his nose in her hair. “You did nothing wrong, Nara. You always saw the best in me, expected the best in me, and your teachings made me so much stronger. I was the one that failed. I was weak, yet again. I succumbed to the pull of the darkness…because a part of me still wants it. And I hate it, I hate that part that wants it. And it never goes away, and I don’t know how to make it stop, because the one thing I learned to do is the one thing he uses against me.”

“Ben, the darkness once drew you because you felt you had nothing else, no one that understood you, nothing that eased the pain inside. But things are different now. Perhaps the situation with Rey is a challenge, but she’s worth fighting for, isn’t she?”

“Absolutely.”

“And you have a son who may be just as strong as you are in the Force, who needs guidance from not only a master, but a father that loves him and wants to be in his life.”

Ben let out a long breath, clinging to Nara for strength. “Yes.”

“And you have a second chance, to make up for the past, to be the hand that frees the galaxy from oppression, not because of any personal gain, but because you know it’s what you were meant to do.”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps things aren’t perfect. They never are. But it seems to me, you have a lot to fight for, and it may just be love that shakes you free of your demons.”

Ben clung to her, realizing this was the only safe place he could be honest. “Nara, I’m scared. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I need to get it out. Not even of him, of Kylo, but what I allowed myself to do. I was barely able to settle myself into oneness to come here. Nara, I want to believe you, that keeping my mind on what I love will keep me from slipping. But you don’t know how it felt in those moments, to… _want_ to just let the darkness take over. I was dying and thanking him for the privilege.”

“I do know how it felt, because I felt you. That’s why I came. I knew how far it had gotten. I would have come for you alone, but when I sensed what he was through our connection, I knew everything I feared was coming to pass.” She pulled back from him. “There’s one more thing.”

“Crap, what?”

“The stronger you get, the stronger he gets. Same for Rey. What you learn to do, he learns. He’ll be able to use any new technique you try to throw at him.”

Ben paced the room with a growl of frustration. “How the hell are we supposed to defeat that?”

Nara waved her hand and drew a wooden box out of storage. Red book after red book floated inside. “What is happening is unprecedented and there are no specific ways to handle this. Personally, I think the answer lies in you, in your connection with Kylo, but I give you these to help you on your way. Much as I would love to be there to give you every answer you’d ever need, I must prepare on my end.”

“What do you plan to do?”

“Do you remember that fight I was saving? For someone special? Well, it’s becoming more likely that’s coming to pass, and I need to prepare.”

“Nara, please, I…” He put his hand on her arm. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ll fix this. I don’t know how—I’ll find a way, I promise.”

She put her hand to his face and smiled in that special way of hers. He placed his hand upon hers, dwarfing it and loving its silken texture. This place had always been paradise, and he wished he didn’t ever have to leave.

She turned back to the box, closed it, and pulled another out of storage. “More supplies for your journey ahead.” She looked up at him. “Of course, you know I adore you and love you in every which way, but I’m afraid my gifts come at a cost this time.”

That sounded ominous. “What is it you want?”

She smiled. “Just one lock of that beautiful, dark hair of yours.”

Ben laughed. Of all things… “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely. And not for the obvious reasons.” She reached up, fingers stroking through his strands. “Oh I missed this. But truly it’s for a protection spell. Not that I don’t trust you to handle what comes, just a little assurance for my sake.”

He shook his head with a smile. “By all means, go ahead.”

Nara smiled. “Sit down, let me get the brush and scissors. I promise I’ll make it look like nothing happened.”

With boxes in his arms and a lock of his hair in Nara’s hands, he eyed her one last time before leaving this beautiful land and her exquisite presence. “I feel you, Nara.”

“I feel you, Ben. We are one.”

He nodded. “I’ll find a way, Nara. Somehow I’ll find a way so you don’t have to.”

She put a hand to his cheek. “One day the galaxy will know the jewel they have in you. Be strong.”

“I will.”

#

Ben opened his eyes to the familiar view of the ship. Three horrified sets of eyes stared at him. “What?”

“Ben!” Rey said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, why?”

“There was almost nothing left of you! You turned into—well it was like a Force ghost, and then—well you—”

“You just turned into light,” Poe said. “Like just this waving thing of light.”

Ben blinked, surprised. “Wow, really?”

Rey let out what seemed like a long held breath. “Just glad you’re okay.”

“Yeah,” Finn muttered. He touched the boxes. “What’s up with this? You go on supply runs between worlds?”

Ben shrugged. “Kind of.” He set the boxes on the floor, then looked up at them. “Guys, we have a real problem.”

An extended period of silence greeted him after he told them the situation. He wasn’t sure if Finn or Poe completely believed him, but Rey looked pale. She clutched onto her own arms, looking like she might lose it any minute. Ben couldn’t blame her. He was right behind her.

“Right now,” Ben said, “I think the best idea would be to trace Benny, and in the meantime, look through these books to see if there’s anything that can help us. The rest.” He shrugged. “We just have to face it.”

Finn said, “Well you didn’t pan out so well the last time you were up against him.”

“And you did?”

“Stop it,” Rey said, sharp but diminished.

Ben hated seeing her like this. Last he remembered, she was a fireball who wouldn’t be cornered or contained. Now she just seemed so broken. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Rey, we’ll find a way. We’ll get Benny back and we’ll end this mess. You have no idea how powerful we are together.”

She coiled tighter. “With that monster latched onto us.”

Finn pulled her closer to him, effectively yanking her out of Ben’s grasp. “Yeah, _that_ monster.”

Ben was tired of his shit. “Fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“What are you, blind or stupid?”

“I don’t know, but I think you’re leaning toward stupid if you’re going to talk to me like that—”

“Oh, maybe now we get to see the real you, not this pathetic good guy shit you’re peddling—”

“I’m trying to atone for what I’ve done!”

“Oh really? And how do you suppose you’ll do that? How do you fix all the lives you ruined?”

“Stop it!” Rey said.

Ben pointed at himself. “I am _trying_ , okay? I can’t undo what I did, but I am trying to make it so others don’t have to go through all that. I’ve been out there fighting the good fight—”

“Yeah, running in to play superhero when it suits you—”

“When it suits me?”

“I said stop it!” Rey barked even louder.

Ben was too riled up to quiet down now. “I went through _hell_ in the other world. Nara put me through hell until I learned to feel the pain I inflicted on others—”

Finn gave him a mock smile. “And then made up for it with a little something on the side?”

“My time with Nara is NONE of your business!”

“Oh yeah, but you think you’re gonna come over here with your, ‘Oh I love you Rey, oh please take me back, I’m such a good guy now. Let me go from mass murderer to dad of the year—’”

“I am TRYING!”

“You are FAKING!”

“STOP IT!”

Ben froze, locked in a Force hold unlike any other. He saw Finn stuck the same way. A yank through the air and he found himself pinned against the wall. He drew up his Force to loosen her grip, and she snapped it on tighter. _Don’t fight me,_ it said.

He looked back at Rey who had a cold, unholy gleam in her eyes. What did she go through that this part of her darkness would rise up like this now?

“Now you two listen to me,” she said through her clenched teeth. “Stop this fighting right now and do not start again. Finn, Ben is back, and he’s trying to be a good person. Give him that chance.”

Ben’s heart lightened.

“Ben?”

Now he felt a little unnerved.

“I am with Finn now, and you will respect that boundary so long as I say so. That is the end of it.” She let go of them, then withered onto a nearby seat, panting. “And don’t any of you make me do that ever again.”

Ben stood right where he was, Finn too.

Poe, hanging on the edge of it all, smiled. “Boy am I glad I stayed out of that one.”

Rey ran a hand over her tangled hair. She seemed so exhausted, frail. Not a moment ago, but certainly now. “I can’t deal with any of this right now. I…I need a shower. Ben, do you have anything I can wear until the cleaning unit gets done with my clothes?”

Honestly, Ben was afraid to move. She was locking down some serious power inside of her. He shook himself out of the shock and looked around. “Um…let me see. Nara gave me a lot of boxes, I…” A sense drew him to the second box beneath the books. He opened it and smiled. “Nara…”

“What now?” Rey muttered, like she was tired of hearing the name.

Ben held up the outfit that looked like it fit her perfectly, made of that prism material that he wore but in a different pattern and style. Rey’s eyes finally lit up. He placed the garments in her lap and watched as her fingers slid over the material.

She looked up at him. “Ben, it’s beautiful. How did she even know my size?”

Ben shrugged. “She knows.” He returned to the box. “Well look at this.” He tossed a package of clothing to Finn and to Poe. “I don’t know what sizes the two of you are, but I know these are for you.”

“Awww,” Poe said, “your Force girlfriend thought of us.”

Ben frowned at him in exasperation.

Poe held his hands up. “I’m kidding—I’m grateful, really I am. This…this was very thoughtful of her. Think we all could use a shower after…yeah, better left unsaid.”

Ben realized the bottom of the tray was loose. He lifted it, and the contents made his heart warm even further. “Guys, take a look.”

The three gathered around the box, their eyes lighting up. Rey reached in immediately and drew out a lightsaber. Finn took the next and smiled in glee. Poe grabbed the rifle and one of the three pistols, marveling over their surfaces.

Finn clicked his switch and marveled at the green saber that hummed into place. “Look at this! What color’s yours?”

Rey clicked hers on and gasped, lip quivering. A golden light bathed her hands and face.

“Rey…” Finn said.

Rey clicked it off and looked at Ben with tear-filled eyes. “How did she know?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t—”

Finn said, “Kylo destroyed her gold saber. It was the last thing he did before he captured us.”

Rey nodded. “I had fashioned it after the battle on Exegol, a combination of green representing the light and red representing the dark. The light and the dark blending as one. Me and you, Ben. The two of us always hanging in the balance.”

Ben loved Rey even more, and Nara on top of it. “I don’t know how she knew. I never told her. I didn’t know.”

Rey wiped her face, actually smiled, and hooked the saber to her belt. “Guess this Nara isn’t so bad after all.” She sniffled, wiped her face again. “I think I’m going to go take that shower now. Is there a room we can have for the night?”

 _We._ Ben cringed. “Any room except the first one is open. You’re welcome to whatever you like.”

“We’ll take the far one,” Finn said. He took one last glance at Ben before following Rey down the corridor.

With Rey gone and Finn out of his hair (but still too close to Rey,) Ben felt like he could stop for a moment, process all that happened. When he started out the day, he hadn’t expected all the sudden blows.

“Quiet in here with them gone,” Poe said.

“Yeah.” Ben headed over to the console, brought up the song list and flicked his finger, searching for something to match his mood. Another song from his younger years, he tapped in the air at the illuminated projection. Flood of nostalgia to a time that seemed detached from his life, he sat back on the couch, hands behind his head.

Rey wasn’t his anymore, and she was beaten down by something, the story of which he only knew a fraction. He was a father of an eleven-year-old. His alter ego was trying to make him a force for evil in the universe. The Force was fractured, and the solution lay in him, Rey, and a mystical Kylo Ren that was more powerful than they were.

“Man, this sucks,” Poe said. The song switched to something godawful.

“Put that back!”

“Come on, it’s lame and depressing.”

“Last I checked this was _my_ ship, so put it back on! Now!”

Poe snorted and flicked the display. Ben’s original song came on. Then he heard Poe mutter, “Nothing I love more than sullen teen music—”

“Shut up!”

Poe drew his fingers over his lips as if to keep them sealed and smiled in that aggravatingly snarky manner of his.

With narrowed eyes, Ben lay back again, delving back into his thoughts. Rey…damn. He had to expect it, that she’d move on, but it hurt so damn much. And what did she have to wait for, anyway? For most of the time he knew her, she thought of him as a monster, and he gave her every reason to.

Then why kiss him? How did she really feel about him? Not that it mattered anymore. What could their brief relationship compare to twelve years of Finn stepping up and being beside her?

Ben shook his head. He was screwed in that department. _Rey…damn…_ To finally find his heart only to feel it breaking. Maybe by the end of this he would just go back with Nara.

But Benny…

Ben didn’t even get a good look at him, only saw his energy. What would it be like to look into the face of a boy that was his own? A father, him! _How many ways shall I fuck this up?_ He had no business raising a child. He could barely figure out his own self. Finn was already involved with the boy. When they found him, he would run into Finn’s arms, not Ben’s. He would be just a stranger, even after they met, even after the kid learned the truth.

And that hurt like hell.

“Hey.”

Ben looked over toward Poe, wishing the guy would just go find a room and leave him alone already. “What?”

“Don’t take the shit I say too serious. I’m just trying to make it through, you know? Better to laugh than…” He smiled.

Ben hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. Whatever. It’s fine.”

“We’re just so exhausted. Delirious I guess. Been there a while.”

“How long?”

Poe shrugged and rested his chin on a hand. “Lost count after two weeks. They do just enough to keep you alive through the torture sessions.”

Ben sighed. He knew exactly what Poe was talking about and felt terrible about it.

Poe turned and looked down the corridor, then back to Ben. “Rey’s got a lot of pride, she may not even tell you, and I don’t know it all, only what I saw when I was in there. You know, brought into her cell.” His head was in his hand now, massaging his temple. “Kylo wants her for her power, that’s all I know. He wanted to get her to use the Force, because every time she did, he would do something to her, I don’t know. I just saw it hurt. She would scream, fight, try to get him back out. Freaked me the fuck out, how she looked when he was getting inside her head, friggin…nightmare kind of shit. And when she did shut him out, he would turn around and torture us to get her to comply.” He shook his head. “I don’t blame her a bit for it. If she gave in to him, we’d all probably be doomed right now. You’d probably have been too late. But when she didn’t, she had to watch us suffer. I know that hurt her so much. Hurt us too, but damn…”

Ben closed his eyes. He should have gotten there sooner. He could punch himself a thousand times for not getting there sooner.

“Kylo threatened to do it to her son next.”

“WHAT?!”

“I don’t know if it happened. They don’t tell us anything. I only heard Kylo mention it. She hated you, damn did she hate you.”

“She really thought it was me inside of that fuckhead?”

“What were we to think? I mean this Kylo was far scarier, no offense, don’t choke me for that, but, shit, you’ve seen him. Still, he was human enough, similar enough. It honestly, really broke her heart. I remember her once screaming at him that she loved him and what did he become? I felt so bad for her. Stuck in an impossible decision on a daily basis. Then come the force feedings and what barely passes as hygiene.” He looked at Ben. “We’ve had a rough patch, all of us. Don’t take it too bad if we’re a little short or acting like a smartass. We all have different ways of dealing with the shit that hurts.”

Ben let out a breath, nodded. “It’s cool. I’m…not used to dealing with others in a…socially constructive way I guess you could say. Sometimes it’s easy to slip back into the old ways of dealing with things. I don’t mean to come off…I just want to help. But I’ve got a lot of growing to do too.”

Poe nodded, then stood and waved his hand over the control panel. “You got this?”

Ben nodded. “It’s fine. I’ll drop out and cloak when I’m ready for bed.”

Poe put his thumb up and headed down the corridor.

Ben leaned his head back again. Alone. Ship full of people and he was still alone. Rey was here, and he was still alone. Only Nara, felt through their link, kept him from feeling completely isolated. But even she was weighed down with worry, and he could feel the edge in her.

Too much had happened and too much was going to happen. Ben didn’t know if he would ever fall asleep with all this on his mind.

#

Attempts at sleep were a joke. Lying down only brought more opportunity to plan and strategize. Lights still dim on the ship, he decided to just get up and go through the red books after bringing the ship back into hyperspace.

He set a playlist of music going, realizing how much he missed it. Snoke felt it was a waste of valuable time and concentration that could go toward mastery of the Force. After a while, it was just easier to cut himself off.

Yet more denial of himself. Nara was right. The Dark was no less restrictive than the Light.

An interesting passage caught his eye. _Shadow imprints on the Force tend to be best handled by avoiding the extremes that created it._ Ben paused. Neither the Dark nor the Light would help him solve the Kylo problem. But for a being of pure darkness, how was a balanced approached a better solution than blasting with Light?

“Still up?”

Ben jumped at the sweet voice. Rey looked so incredibly tired but at least she had a soft smile about her face. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither. When Benny is back, I’ll sleep for a week. Until then…” She shrugged. “I just can’t do it.”

Ben nodded. “Sit. Want me to get you something?”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, it’s fine. Just give me a minute.” He sprung off the couch, thankful to do something for her. She looked so thin, and Ben remembered what Poe said about forced feedings, which to his recall was basically just enough to keep prisoners barely alive. Knowing she endured that formed a ball of rage in his stomach. He found a packet that sounded promising, something about being a complete source of nutrition. He squeezed it into a cup, filled it with hot water, and tossed the packet into the recovery unit.

Back at the table, he stirred it, set it before her, and stared at her, eager to be given something else to do. Only he didn’t know how to say it without sounding ridiculous. “Um…it’s hot.”

Rey nodded, half smile on her lips. “Yes, I gathered by the steam coming off of it.”

 _Why am I so fucking awkward around her? Why was this so much easier with Nara?_ He sat, still staring, not knowing what to say or do.

“Thank you,” she said. “I forgot to say it—forgive me, I’m…not yet right in the head.”

“N-no, don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

Ben had waited all this time to be with her, be alone with her, to have the chance to say everything he ever wanted to say to her. Now here he was, completely blank.

Rey gathered the cup in her hands. “I’m, uh, sorry I punched you. I didn’t know it was really you.”

“No, it’s fine. You can punch me if you want.” He closed his eyes. That had to be the stupidest thing he ever said to anyone.

Rey closed her eyes and started laughing while trying to keep it down. She put her cup down and put her hand over her mouth.

Ben smiled. “I sound really stupid right now, I know.” That made her laugh even harder, which made her try to keep it quiet, which made it all the worse. Even he had to join her when she had tears rolling from her eyes, face turning red.

“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “I just never…”

“Realized the real Ben sounded like an idiot trying to make small talk?”

She laughed even harder, fanning herself. Well, he sacrificed his pride on the altar of love, but it was worth it to see her laugh.

She took a few deep breaths, fanned herself some more. “I mean it, I truly am sorry. You don’t sound stupid at all. I think…” She inhaled. “I think I just needed to laugh for once.”

Ben chuckled. “I know exactly how you feel.”

She shook her head. “You look like a totally different person when you smile, you know that?”

He tilted his head in a light shrug. “So I’ve heard.”

“It’s good. It’s nice. I like the hair too. Head and face.” She nodded. “You look good.”

Ben couldn’t help but stare at her. He had waited so long for this moment, but all he felt was frozen, awkward, and terribly vulnerable. They had so little time in the past to really connect, and the last day of his life, she had been trying to kill him. He supposed there were romances founded on worse. Neither really knew one another, those little things: favorite foods, colors, places, all those seemingly pointless details that made them individuals. And yet it didn’t matter. He fell in love with her because he felt her and knew that every part of him belonged to her. Only she didn’t want Kylo back then. She wanted Ben, and when she got him, she kissed him.

Her love was real. It had to be. He couldn’t have been wrong. It felt too right.

The song changed, and she brightened. “I haven’t heard this one in ages.”

“You know it?”

“Course I do, why?”

“I don’t know, different planet, different decade. Figured this would have sounded dated to you by the time you were old enough to hear it.”

“I don’t know. I liked the stuff from the 20ABY’s. It was a good decade for music. My favorite bands were Ark Glen and Cesium 3.”

Ben smiled. “They’re on my playlist. They’re totally on this playlist right now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Ben chuckled, feeling almost normal for once. They had something in common, and that was a good start.

The smile faded from Rey’s face. She looked down the corridor, then turned to him. “I’m glad we have this time alone, even if I am exhausted. Finn, he…”

Ben nodded. “No, I get it.”

“He’s been good to me. He’s just scared. I never—we never—well we just…” She looked up at him. “None of us thought we’d ever see you again. Ben I mean. It was bad enough when Kylo…”

Ben remembered what Poe had said. “It must have been devastating.”

She bit her lip, shook her head. “I was so happy…when I first saw him. I thought you came back to me, after all this time. But you—I mean he, he was so horrible. Almost like when I first met you. No, even worse. I don’t know. When I first saw your face, I could see the humanity in you. I know I hated you so much after you killed Han…”

“Yeah, I…hated me too.”

She stared at him. “Why’d you do it?”

Ben inhaled long and deep, trying to collect his thoughts. He rubbed his fingertips along the cool, smooth surface of the table. “You know the pull to the darkness. You’ve felt it.”

“Yeah, but I controlled it, for the most part.”

His fingers drummed the table. “I’ve spent my whole life crushing a part of myself because it was considered evil and wrong. Everyone expected me to fall. My uncle blunted my training to keep me under control. All of it kept making the Dark Side more appealing. The Jedi required me to sacrifice too much of my own natural self in order to be considered good. After Luke betrayed me—what _ever_ story he tells, that’s how it felt—I was driven to a teacher of the Dark. Only to be on that side, I had to sacrifice the Light. My dad…” He drummed his fingers harder, trying to control the shaking and tightness in his throat. “…at the time, I thought that once I killed him, I’d prove to the darkness that I was fully a part of it. But that didn’t happen. I didn’t kill the light inside of me. I didn’t kill Ben. I made it all worse. I regretted what I did the instant I did it. I wanted to be the monster, Rey. I wanted—so badly to be the monster, to never have to feel and be pulled apart again. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t kill that part of myself.” He looked at her. “Sometimes I think you were the only thing that kept it alive, the only one who believed it was still there. Believed I could overcome it all.”

“And you did.”

“Only too much had been sacrificed for that to happen.” He looked down, ashamed of himself, not feeling worthy of her beautiful eyes.

Rey sighed. “Well, this Kylo, this one is the monster. He has no light or humanity in him at all. He’s everything you once wanted to be.”

Ben clenched his hands. “I know…that’s why it was so hard to fight him. He pulled at the darkness in me, the one thing that’s so hard for me to control. It’s addictive, you know? When you go too far over, it bores right into your cells. Every part of you craves it. When things are good, you can control it, ignore it, focus on something else. But when things get bad, when that energy starts pulling at you…” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of it. And that’s what scares me most about him. Not what he can do, but what he brings out in me.”

Rey remained quiet. She must have thought the worst of him, probably scared of him now, too. Would she ever trust him now? Believe in him? Now that she knew he was one bad day away from slipping?

She sipped from her cup but didn’t look at him. “Would it surprise you to hear that I know how you feel?”

Ben blinked in shock. “What?” He thought she was avoiding his eyes because she was upset with him. Instead, she seemed ashamed.

“I know what Kylo did to you back there at the flagship.” She sipped again. “I know because he got in my head too. He’s like some kind of vacuuming void just sucking you over to the darkness. He drew up feelings in me I never knew were there, things I never wanted to experience, made me even like it. And I felt horrible. I felt horrible and yet, I didn’t want it to stop.” She finally looked at him. “How awful is that?”

“It’s not. Not to me.”

“Well it was to me.”

“Then…let’s feel awful together.”

She frowned. “What?”

“We’re more alike than anyone else. And we both have a major weakness. But at least we have it together. At least we can understand each other. That’s got to be something, right?”

She stared at him, incredulous. Then broke into laughter again. Her hand clamped over her mouth again as she tried to keep quiet. She snorted, and it set him off. She laughed even harder as he buried his face in his arm to keep his laughter quiet.

Rey caught her breath and shook her head. “I missed you.”

Ben felt her hand upon his and froze, like the world had stopped. Tiny warrior’s hand, tough but deliciously feminine. His heart pounded, and he could feel their energies merging once again after so long apart. It felt good, so very, very good. Just like the moment she kissed him.

“Rey,” he whispered. He placed his hand upon hers, dwarfed under his palm.

Her other hand piled on top of that one, tears springing to her eyes. “You’re real. You’re really real.”

“Yeah, Rey.”

Silently she sobbed, leaning her forehead against his fingers. He slipped his bottom hand out and brushed the loose strands of hair from her face.

“I never stopped loving you, Rey. No matter what I did, with who or where, you were always on my mind.”

“Ben…” she said through her tears.

He wanted to pull her into his arms, kiss her and love her and never let her go. Just as he edged forward to do just that, a sound echoed down the hall. Rey whipped out of his grasp and straightened herself, hands firmly planted on the cup.

He didn’t know how that physically hurt his heart but it did. Expected, of course. But damn…

He could hear Nara saying, _…you deny yourself._

Rey was the one denying herself this time, but he wasn’t going to be a jerk about it. She had to come to him, if and when she was ready. But damn he just wanted to kiss her so badly.

Finn appeared like he ran down the hall. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Rey said. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Finn turned a suspicious eye on Ben. “What about you?”

Ben opened the red book again. “Same. Reading.”

He could feel Finn’s eyes still on him as he rounded Rey and stood before her. “You want something?”

Rey raised her cup. “I’m good.”

Ben pretended he didn’t see Finn give her a peck on the lips, and she pretended it didn’t bother her. On the two went, carrying on like a long-term couple that were just going through the motions. Ben continued to watch her, not in any obvious manner, but peering over the red book. Did she seem happy? Did she seem like her heart was in it? Not really. Not at all. But what did he know? His parents were hardly the greatest of role models for a married couple. He just hated to see her so sad yet put on such a good mask of hiding it.

He spent way too long doing that. She didn’t deserve to live that life.

“Ben,” she said, not even looking at him, “I can keep an eye on the ship if you want to get some rest.”

“What about you? You didn’t really sleep.”

“Nap did me well. Go on. You didn’t sleep at all.”

He got the hint. “Alright. You need anything, let me know.” He gathered the red book, took one last look at her, and headed to his room.

#

Rey

Rey watched as Ben got up, rising to his incredible height, and walked past her. She saw every muscle in his bare arms, the way his long black hair bounced with every step, and even though she pretended she wasn’t looking at him, she could see those eyes looking into her soul.

Ben…

Twelve years. In all that time, she tried to let go of him. Even when life got busy as a Force-warrior mom trying to save the galaxy and put food on the table, he was still on her mind. Even as she said yes to Finn, succumbed to his charms and the way he lifted her in her toughest of times, she still thought of Ben. No matter what she did, there was always a part of her missing, and the ache never stopped.

She tried to rationalize, tell herself they never had a real relationship. In fact, half the time he was quite a dick. He was a mess. He was broken and not hers to fix. But when she felt him as Ben for the first time, her heart stopped—no, her heart started beating. When she saw him standing there at the end of the room, after tossing one of the guards, her heart pounded. He wasn’t coming to her rescue. He was coming to stand as her equal partner.

To see Ben for the first time, standing before her, dark eyes bright and intense—it was a magic she had never felt before and hadn’t since. He had a beauty she had never seen upon him. He radiated, like a shining beacon in a storm. Kylo Ren always had something attractive and seductive in his penetrating gaze. But Ben? He was magic, pure magic. She loved him the instant she saw him.

After the battle, when he had revived her, she could feel that radiance burn inside of her. And there he was, no longer the haunted mask, but the real man, with heart and feeling, tears in his eyes, telling her how much he loved her without saying one word. When she had kissed him, she felt everything, everything they ever were and ever would be. The most perfect connection.

The happiness in his eyes was an honor to behold. That smile, it changed everything he ever was. Ben was so beautiful in every way she ever imagined.

And then he closed his eyes. Fell. Disappeared out of her life. He never returned as a Force ghost. Not a hint on the Force. Just gone. Everything she ever wanted she held in her hands for one moment in time, and then it was gone.

No one but her would know Ben’s real beauty and heart. And when she learned he was reviled on his own home world, she carved his memorial herself. If they knew, if they only knew how beautiful he really was inside, they would have put up a shining gold statue of a prince.

But that was not to be his legacy. All anyone knew of him is the monster he had turned into. No one but her saw Ben in his pure light.

Snuffed out forever, or so she thought.

Now here he was again, a dream come true when she had stopped bothering to dream. She had to touch him, to see if he was real, because it all still felt like a dream. His hand, it was warm, strong, just as big as she remembered. And those eyes…

That was why she convinced him to go to bed. Finn was here talking to her, making plans, like he always did, and all the while she could see Ben staring at her with those eyes, those incredible, deep, dark, intense eyes of his. When he was Kylo, she remembered getting lost in their inky depths. He was a deep well walled off and sealed, but she could still see him in there, hiding in the shadows. Those eyes always captivated her, saying so much more than would ever pass his lips. But he was guarded, always so guarded.

Now? Those big brown eyes watched her with an innocent love and incredible longing. She wanted to be lost in there again, this time without the walls and safeguards. She wanted to feel every part of his soul, feel his incredible magic.

But Finn was there, hovering and running interference. And in the end, she had made a commitment to Finn who did nothing but treat her well.

And yet could never stir her like Ben did.

All this, this mess, this complete disaster, it had to exit from her mind. Benny was all that mattered, and until he was safe in her arms again, no man would ever have her energy.

And just like that, the guilt hit her like a truck, because she wanted to push Ben out of her mind, needed to, was expected to, for she had far bigger problems that warranted her absolute attention. And yet he still stood there in her soul, waiting on the edge, waiting to be let back in.

Benny needed her, and all she could think about was Ben.

She tried not to cry. She didn’t want Finn fawning over her and to have to explain what she was feeling, to have to give him half truths. The burden was just too high lately, and the higher the burden, the more it fed the darkness, the desire to just give into it once and for all, to obliterate anyone in her way, to not care if she shoved Finn out of her life and took what she wanted without a damn.

But she _did_ give a damn. About him, about Benny, and Ben, Poe, the galaxy, the ideals she’d never live up to and yet kept trying. About what she did to protect herself from succumbing to the darkness and unleashing havoc and horror on the galaxy. To still say no to Kylo while she watched her child scream, to keep her Force locked and sealed when it could have saved Benny, saved them all. To watch her friends moan in agony and try to resist the horror inflicted on them. To hear Benny scream, “Mommy!” as Kylo made him suffer and in the same sentence, “Don’t give up!”

When the real Kylo Ren touched the depths of her being in that interrogation chair, he unlocked her Force potential, activating their dyad and feeding her everything he ever knew of it. She thought the Force was a gift back then.

Now? She would rather have died a pathetic scavenger than go through the pain this new Kylo had put her through.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is sharing his ship with the woman he loves, the man she's committed to, and a smartass that doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. Then an attack rattles relationships and creates unlikely allies. Can Ben and Rey begin to bridge the gap between them while circumstances continue to pull them apart?

Ben woke and realized two things: he eventually became exhausted enough to fall asleep, and he had done so with the red book still in his hands. He peeled the cover off of his cheek and rolled over to check the time. “Shit!”

He did more than sleep. By ship circadian cycle, it was already the afternoon. He sprung out of bed, slipped on his exercise tank top and pants, and ran a quick brush through his hair, wondering if Rey had any fascination with it like Nara did.

The door slid open, and he sprinted to the bridge. Poe was yet again in the pilot’s seat (he never seemed to leave it) while Rey and Finn conversed on the nearby couch.

“Where are we?” Ben asked.

“Just outside the Thenarra Star System,” Poe said. “We’ll be to Benny by end of day.”

“Could we really have traveled that far so fast?”

Poe shrugged. “I know a shortcut or two through some barely catalogued wormhole gateways.”

Ben ran his tongue over his teeth. He didn’t know any wormhole shortcuts. “Well…good. That’s good.”

“Thought you would sleep the day away.” Rey leaned her chin on her fist. She was smiling, but she looked so tired.

“Didn’t mean to. Yesterday…” He ran his hand over his head. “Yeah.”

“We just ate lunch. Want me to fix you something?”

Finn leaned in toward her. “I’m sure he knows how to fix his own breakfast.”

“Just trying to be kind.”

 _Yeah Finn, she’s just trying to be kind._ Ben pressed his lips together. _And maybe you can stay out of it for once._ He smiled but shook his head. “Thanks, but I want to work out first.”

“Maybe I’ll join you.”

Ben’s heart pounded.

Finn sighed. “Rey, you’re too drained for that. Maybe after a few good nights sleep and maybe eating a little more—”

“Well I’m bored.” She stood abruptly. “And I spent weeks chained. I’d rather move.”

Finn pushed himself up. “Alright, let’s go.”

Ben tried not to groan.

“Chewie and Lando went off with the Falcon,” Rey said as she stretched beside Ben, “so the four of us and BB-8 took the Stormrunner to seek out the flagship. We had no idea that Kylo was back at the time. Seeing him…” She shook her head. “I don’t want to get into it now. Long story short, I made the mistake of touching him, trying to break through, thinking it was you who was just confused, thinking I could open you back up like you did to me the first time we met. Only it sparked a connection I haven’t been able to shake since.”

Ben jogged on the treadmill next to her, hair soaked, wishing he could just throw off his shirt without things getting uncomfortable in there. Bad enough he could feel Finn staring holes through him from behind. “So he just shows up out of the blue one day?”

“Word has it some of the people left on Kef Bir saw Kylo walk out of the ocean. The first two people who talked to him died seconds later. No one dared to engage him after that. Said he just—” She clamped her hands shut. “—and they dropped. How he got back to the First Order, that we could never find out.”

“When did this happen?”

“About six years ago. We suspect the First Order was reorganizing in secret, but with the return of Kylo Ren, they had a leader that had a tremendous amount of Force power yet again. He was the catalyst they needed to rebuild, and destroy as it were.”

Ben shook his head, droplets of sweat shaking onto his shoulders. “I can’t compare time there to time here, can’t say for sure, but when I started getting stronger, he must have too.”

“Speaking of stronger, how in the galaxy did you teleport us out of the flagship?”

Ben lifted his brow and heaved a breath. “I read about it, when I was with Nara, and she said that when I learned oneness with all things, I could do it. Honestly, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure it was going to work, but the alternative seemed far worse.”

“That’s a tremendous amount of power to be wielding. You’re lucky you didn’t get yourself killed. When you collapsed after, I was terrified it happened all over again.”

Ben turned his head and met her eyes. The devastation was still written on her face. He stopped the treadmill and smiled. “I’m a lot better prepared and trained than I was back then.” He took a towel off the rack and slid it over his face and head. He stepped off the treadmill and traded places with Rey.

“This whole oneness thing?”

Ben bent over, face to his shins, and wrapped his arms around the backs of his legs. He then placed his hands on the floor and slid down, legs splitting wide open in a full stretch. “Yeah. It draws on the pure raw power of the Force. If done right, the Force continuously flows through you, so you don’t deplete yourself. Essentially, had I known how to do it back then, I might have survived reviving you.”

He flattened his chest to the floor, then looked up to see Rey staring at him, brow upturned. She didn’t have to say a word. _How would things have been different?_ He wasn’t sure, but he would have given anything to make that happen.

Now that they had their second chance, everything was in the way.

“Course,” Finn said, “you would have wound up in prison or executed for your crimes had you lived. Which does seem appropriate.”

Ben had forgotten Finn was there for a few wonderful minutes. Ben shifted onto his stomach, placing his hands flat on the ground. “Perhaps.” He pushed up hard and clapped his hands before landing and repeating. “But I can’t—very well—make amends—if I’m in prison—or dead.”

“Damnit, now you’re just showing off!”

“I am not!” Clap! “I do this—every day.”

“Yeah? Well if I wasn’t so damn weak from what your old cronies did to me—”

“Finn?” Rey said. “Can you please not start?”

Ben rolled up to his knees and caught Rey’s enamored stare heavy upon him. She quickly turned and looked ahead. He tried not to smile, even more so as he watched the trickle of sweat meander down her soft neck, curving and cascading down her chest and into her shirt. If they were alone, he would have kissed that droplet off of her and followed its path with his tongue.

That little trail of thought sparked something he didn’t need to be showing with Finn glaring and ready to pounce. Ben stood and grabbed a practice saber made of flexible cane. He bent his knees and bowed his head, saber at his belt, hand ready to draw. First strike—the draw and the cut. Second—the diagonal thrust. It was an old practice Luke had taught him, used more for display and to train the correct stances and movements, than something to be used in combat. He may have hated Luke, but the teachings remained sound. The old formations helped him center himself and prepare for the real practice.

Ben whipped the saber through the air. “When you’re feeling a little stronger, we should practice together.”

Finn pointed at himself. “You talking to me?”

Ben struck out with a stomp and hiss at his invisible target. “Either of you. Wouldn’t kill Poe to learn something too.”

“Poe prefers the guns,” Rey said. “Feels that if you’re close enough for a saber battle, you’re a bad shot.”

Ben turned and dipped to a low stance, sword drawn back. “Guns lack intimacy. There’s something primal and present in a lightsaber battle.” He struck out, twirled and swung low. “Looking your enemy in the eye, breathing as one, life and death hinging—” He flipped over backwards and landed with the saber pointing down, as if in the chest of his enemy. “—on being perfectly present in the moment.” He stood, sliding the practice saber back into his belt. “Even being one with your enemy, fighting as you fight yourself.”

Ben looked over. The room was silent. Rey stared with stars in her eyes, treadmill at a complete stop. Even Finn seemed rather engaged, but he shook out of it. “Show off.” He took Rey’s hand. “Let’s go keep Poe company.”

Ben watched them go and couldn’t help but notice Rey’s eyes never leaving his. The doors slid open and closed, leaving him alone in the training room. Ben slid the practice saber out of his belt and spun the hilt in his hand. “Alright, maybe I was showing off.”

#

Ben passed by the bridge en route to his room. “I’m going to jump in the shower, if—” He felt it, and by Rey’s sudden movement, she did too. “SHIELDS!”

The ship’s display projected, “Shields On” seconds before the ship heaved. Ben lowered his stance and barely remained standing. He grasped onto the back of the copilot’s seat and called out, “Visuals!”

Screens over the windshield showed a TIE Fighter on their tail.

“They found us in hyperspace?” Poe said.

Ben pointed his finger. “Finn, guns! Rey, systems. Poe, get out of my seat.”

“Like hell!” Poe said. “I’m the best pilot in this galaxy.”

“Yeah, after me, now get out!”

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to survive this—”

Ben lifted Poe with the Force and shoved him into the copilot’s seat. Finn ran for the gun loft ladder while Rey buckled herself into the chair that overlooked the ship’s mechanics. Ben hopped into his seat, slid on his own straps, and grasped the manual flight controls.

Poe was still staring at him with incredulous shock. “I can get us out of this!”

Ben pulled a hard right to avoid another torpedo blast. “My ship, my piloting.”

“I’m the best you’re ever gonna get!”

“Two names—Solo and Skywalker, now shut up and copilot or give your seat to Rey.” Ben yanked left, pulled up, then dove.

“You are clearly used to smaller ships, you can’t pull these kinds of moves with a ship this big—”

“I know what I’m doing!”

Ben yanked the right control back, braking and pulling up which should have allowed the TIE Fighter to break targeting lock. Instead, the ship vibrated as the shields took the brunt of the attack.

Rey said, “Shields at 90% holding steady.”

“Finn, shoot the shit out of that thing.”

“I am!” came the response on the panel speaker. “It’s like the shots are bending around the ship.”

Ben sighed and muttered, “I have to do everything my fucking self?”

“No,” Poe said, “you can let me handle the damn flying! I’ll get us out of this!”

Ben flipped a switch. “Targeting for blast torpedoes. Take their shield down and Finn can get in with missiles.”

“We don’t have enough firepower for that!”

“I know my FUCKING ship!” Ben positioned the rear target and fired the torpedo. He looked up at the rear projection and watched as it headed straight for the ship, then curved at the last second. “FUCK!”

Poe leaned toward him. “I can hop in and out of hyperspace and lose them.”

“Don’t need to.”

“Yes, we _do!_ ”

The ship heaved.

Rey turned. “Shields down to 70%.”

“Ben, we keep taking hits like this—”

Ben didn’t look at him as he turned a hard left to avoid another missile. “When I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.”

The rear projector lit up in full blue. The ship slammed forward, knocking the controls out of Ben’s hands. Another jolt and the display lit with flashing errors and screeching sirens.

Rey turned to him. “They knocked the entire shield out! Shield generator is down!”

Ben froze. He never heard of a weapon that could take an entire shield down in one shot. Then again, after twelve years, weapon technology could have advanced much farther than he realized.

Without their shields, they were toast, especially against a TIE Fighter that was deflecting their shots. There was no time to think, to plan, to consider the alternatives. He paused for just a fraction of a moment. _Center point. Zero point. I am the captain of this ship. What do I need to do?_

The answers came at once, before he had time to protest. He flung off his buckles. “Poe, get in my seat. Rey, copilot.”

Poe might as well have teleported himself into that seat. Ben jumped into Rey’s old seat and strapped himself in.

“What are you going to do?” Rey asked.

Ben stilled himself. Took a breath. “We need a shield.”

The ship listed as Poe took evasive maneuvers. Ben put his hands out. He stretched his energy beyond the bridge, beyond the ship, and intensified it around the craft. He could feel the missile blast toward them, and just as it reached his wall of energy, he shoved it out of the way.

Missile upon missile, deflection upon deflection.

“Big guy, coming through!” Poe called out.

Ben wasn’t sure what that meant, then he felt the burning slam of the shield-breaking torpedo. With a growl he poured his Force energy into that shield, casting off the furious kinetic energy as it hammered at him. There was no way he could keep this up. He opened himself, expanded. A flood of energy heaved through him, giving him enough strength to hold back the blast.

“I knew you’d slip.”

Ben’s eyes opened to the black glare of Kylo, whether in his mind or a Force projection, he couldn’t be sure. The darkness surged in him again, the energy of the pure Force siphoning out of him and into his nemesis.

“End this pain,” Kylo said. “You know what you have to do.”

Ben clenched his teeth. “Get…the fuck…OUT!”

“Stop wasting your time with this shield and do what you really want to do. Kill them. Kill them all. The TIE Fighter. These two idiots. You can keep your Rey. She can join us. You can have her right now, all to yourself. Just kill them. Kill…them…ALL!”

Ben cried out and let go of the Force connection. He returned to using his own energy for the shield. Poe was still diving in and out of missile blasts while Ben strained with the integrity of the shield.

“Round two!” Poe said.

 _No…_ If another one of those shield breakers hit, he wasn’t sure he could handle it. He jerked forward with the intensity of catching the blast on his own personal Force. Straining…holding…he had to put more into it. His body and soul weakened with the strain.

“Ben!” Rey called.

She must have seen him struggling to hold it. He had no choice. They were dead if he failed, and if he drew from the well of the Force, Kylo would show up and start draining him.

His body in tremors from the effort, he knew only one thing. He would keep them alive, no matter what it took out of him. Benny needed them. Benny knew them. Loved them. In the end, Ben was expendable.

For Rey, it was a worthy price.

Something fell in his lap. He opened his eyes to see Rey before him, hooking her buckling straps to his. She smiled at him. “We’re stronger together.”

For a split second he froze, especially with the feel of her against his body. But he did not let the shield waver. He shook his head. “Kylo…”

“I don’t care.” She placed her hands on his arms, eyes staring into his.

A moment later, the galaxy opened. Flood of Force unlike any he could remember. He still fought against the torpedo blast, but it was a simple push now, and with a little extra thrust, he cast it off completely, letting the kinetic blast careen toward the Tie Fighter.

“Damnit!” Poe said. “Got a badass flyer on that sucker too. They just missed that.” He flicked a few switches. “I can’t jump hyperspace. With the modules damaged it could disable the ship. We’re gonna have to take down their shield or do something to lose them.”

Even with this new boost of energy, Ben wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold the shield.

Rey turned her head as if she was looking past him. “You want this?”

Ben blinked. “What?”

Rey let go of his arms and spread her fingers. Ben felt a whoosh of Force energy double back in and through him, a surge laden with the predatory delight of the hunt, a force of darkness wrapping its cloak around him and beckoning with its seductive call.

“WHOA!” Poe shouted.

Ben looked up to the rear projection screen. Lightning engulfed the Tie Fighter. It wobbled and disappeared, knocked out of hyperspace.

They were safe.

Ben dropped the shield and breathed, his body drenched with sweat, muscles trembling from the effort. Rey was still looking past him, head turned away. She saved him. If she hadn’t joined with him, connecting their dyad, he was sure that shield projection would have drained the life right out of him.

“Rey…” He put his hands to her cheeks and turned her face his way to tell her how grateful he was.

And froze.

Yellow-orange irises stared back at him, shadowy gleam in the grin on her lips.

“Rey?” He smoothed his hands over her face. “Rey? Talk to me!”

She gave him a toothy smile of desire that both terrified him and turned him on. “This how it felt?”

He gripped her face in his hands. “Rey! Come on, come back to me. This isn’t you!”

The smile disappeared. “Will everyone stop telling me what to do! This IS me!” She narrowed her eyes. “This is the real power inside of me.”

Ben wanted to shake her, shake the damn darkness out of her, snap her back into her senses. But he knew, oh yes, he knew the truth of it all. Lived the truth of it all.

He sunk his fingers into the hair at the back of her neck and nodded. “Yes, Rey, this is you.” He shook his head. “But not all of you.”

The demonic ride of pleasure faded. Her eyes softened, the gentle hazel returning. She blinked, a little unsure of herself. Then she looked ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

Ben smiled. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You saved me, Rey. Saved my life.”

She looked up at the ceiling. “By giving in. To the exact thing I hate the most.”

“No, don’t hate it. It’s just you. It’s just your power. It’s a part of you, just like the Light. You and me. We are not Dark or Light, one or the other. We’re both, always have been. And when we finally stop fighting it and learn to accept it for everything that it is, we’ll finally know freedom, because we’ll master ourselves.”

She smiled, sniffled. “By the stars I hope you’re right.”

“One day, you’ll see.” He could really feel her body pressed against him now, her rounded bottom warm in his lap, her legs around his hips. A feeling stirred that he needed to get under control and fast, but it was difficult with her body so warm and soft and her face so close to his, her breath caressing his skin. It reminded him of something deeply special. “One day I’d like to show you, what it is to be one with all things. The incredible heaven of it all. You and me, our powers merged, perfect oneness.” He eyed the smooth curves of her face, the rosiness of her cheeks and lips. Her soft, sweet, delicious lips. “Perfect bliss.”

Finn rounded the corner. “What the SHIT is this?!”

Rey didn’t immediately jump away like last time they touched, but she let go of Ben’s face and turned toward Finn. Damn.

Poe was the one to answer. “It’s not what it looks like.”

“Oh really? Because it sure looks like something to me!”

Ben didn’t like the way he looked at her. “She was helping me with the shield. We were connecting through our dyad.”

“Looks like a hell of a lot more than that to me!”

Rey unhooked her straps from Ben’s buckle. “Finn, stop it.”

“Know what? I’ve had enough of you telling me to stop. I’m watching you fall all over him and all you can do is tell _me_ to stop it.”

“Well maybe I’ve had enough of you telling _me_ what to do, and deciding for me, and treating me like I’m some poor, pathetic weak creature that needs your big strong arms to protect me and hang all over me every damn second of the day!”

Ben was _not_ getting involved in this one. By the looks of it, Poe wasn’t either.

Finn crossed his arms. “Oh, I see. So caring about you, seeing you tortured and chained, watching you wither away and fall apart, I crossed the line giving a damn? Wanting to help you? Protect you?”

“You are _smothering_ me!”

“ _Smothering_ you?” He threw his hands up. “What do you expect me to do when this one comes out of nowhere drooling all over you and flexing his muscles like he’s some hot shit—oh and might I add he fought and tortured us LONG before the other Kylo showed up?”

“You’ve been smothering me LONG before any of this!”

Silence.

Ben didn’t dare move. Poe just stared as well, his mouth a small “o.”

Finn crossed his arms again. Nodded. “I see. Guess this is a long time coming, huh?”

Rey put her hand to her head. “Finn, I don’t want to fight. I’m exhausted.”

He shrugged. “No problem. I won’t disturb you. I’ll take one of the other rooms tonight.”

“Finn!”

He stormed off, and Rey didn’t look like she had the energy to chase after him. After a moment, she trudged in his footsteps, calling his name.

Ben unbuckled himself and stood. He smoothed his hand over his hair and stepped to the instrument panel. “Ship status report?” A listing of the damaged modules projected in the air. Ben scrolled with a flick of his finger, then growled and sat on the couch. “Fuck. We can’t go on like this. We have to get the shield generator up, maybe consider an upgrade. I have never seen a torpedo like that in my life.”

Poe waved his hand over the controls. “Times change. There’s a ship depot on a nearby planet. We’ll have to stop.”

“Shhhhhit. Benny…damnit. We need to get to him.”

“We can’t like this.”

“I fucking know that!”

“Are you sure? Because for someone descended from the best pilots in the universe, you sure fucked up out there.”

“Oh, now you’re gonna start?”

“You could have gotten us killed!”

“Well I fixed it, didn’t I?”

“I wouldn’t have let it happen in the first place!”

“Oh yeah, you’re so fucking perfect. I’ll bet.”

“I could have jumped hyperspace long before they had a chance to launch the torpedoes, but no, you had to go showing off for Rey—”

“I was NOT showing off! I am an excellent fucking pilot and have gotten out of worst skirmishes than that one!”

Poe stuck his finger up. “Then you’re out of practice or don’t know how to maneuver a large ship like this, because you FUCKED up and it almost cost us our lives.”

“I handled it, didn’t I?”

“You know—”

Ben watched as Poe struggled, blinked, glared at him, struggled some more. But Ben didn’t mind. It was nice and quiet now. Why didn’t he think of this before?

Rey stormed back onto the bridge, muttering about Finn. She stopped when she saw Poe waving toward his face. Her jaw dropped open. “Ben? Are you Force-choking him?”

Ben stared at Poe. “No. I’m Force-shutting his mouth.”

“STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” she shrieked.

Ben released the hold and crossed his arms. Poe let out a growl as he stretched his facial muscles.

Rey put her finger up and swung it toward them both. “I am getting sick and tired of this testosterone-fueled nonsense with the three of you. Bunch of men can’t manage on a ship without beating on each other with clubs?”

Ben didn’t dare say a word. Honestly, it _was_ hard, much harder than she realized. He was used to working alone, or at least commanding troops. But to work as a team? That was asking a lot. That required mutual trust and social conventions he wasn’t sure he’d ever understand.

Rey continued. “Now, can we all just grow up for five fucking minutes and quit all this stupid bickering?” She turned away, fingers to her forehead. She looked so completely drained.

Poe muttered, “Ship full of women, you would have ripped each other’s hair out by now.”

Ben tried to stop the crackle of a laugh that slipped through his closed lips. A wallop of energy sent his head smacking into the wall behind him. Poe slammed face first into the instrument panel. Rey stormed off this time.

Ben rubbed the back of his head while Poe groaned, holding his nose. They looked at each other. Waited. The sound of a door sliding open, then closed. Silence.

Ben and Poe burst into laughter, keeping their hands over their mouths lest she hear them.

Poe pinched his nose closed. “She’s mean when she’s mad.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

Ben looked at him, and something in the way Poe’s eyes looked made Ben realize he was being given an opportunity. They met on a common level. Granted it was with Rey being pissed at them, but somehow they shared a common space. Ben realized that it wasn’t just about him and Rey anymore. This was her family, and if he wanted to be in her life, in whatever way she chose, he would have to fight his guarded inclinations and maybe let someone into a bond of trust.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I shut you up.”

Poe seemed surprised, then shook it off. “It’s all good. I’m sorry I…questioned your skills. You are a good pilot, I’ve been up against you on the battlefield.”

“Well, in this case, you were right. I’m out of practice, used to being alone, not up to date on the ship or what’s out there. I should have let you take over from the beginning. In fact, you can be my pilot any time, you know, when I don’t feel like it.”

Poe gave a huff of a laugh, smirked. “I appreciate the appointment, for when you don’t feel like it.”

Ben smiled, scared of this trickling feeling of connecting with someone new, yet at the same time thinking he could possibly enjoy it. Then Poe stuck out his hand. Ben stared at it, not sure of what to do.

“No hard feelings.” Poe smiled. It seemed genuine.

Ben reached out, anxious. Too many had turned on him in the past. Something so simple as forming a friendly bond haunted him with the potential for betrayal. Still, he continued to reach out, felt Poe’s palm against his, and squeezed.

They shook, then Poe retracted, returning his attention to the display. “We should reach the planet Dorphan in about three hours.”

Ben withdrew his arm, coiling back in on himself, anxiety clawing at him. The once mighty terror of the galaxy, in reality, was a shaking kid in a man’s body who didn’t know how to form one normal relationship.

Overwhelmed by his nerves, he stood. “I better go check on Rey. I’ll let her know.”

#

The door to her bedroom was left open, but she wasn’t inside. Ben traced some noise down the corridor and found its source in the workout room. Rey had the practice saber this time and struck the air in the same moves Ben had shown earlier. Master Luke yet again.

He observed her sharp form, snapping stances, and lightning strikes. There was a reason she was his equal on the battlefield.

She did not stop for him, continued as if he wasn’t there. Probably still pissed.

Ben inched his way in, looked at her. “I’m…sorry I laughed.”

She glanced at him but kept on as if she didn’t hear him. Ben wasn’t sure what else to do. He hadn’t had to really apologize to anyone in years, and even when he upset Nara, she just acted like it was an expected part of whatever process he was going through.

Rey stopped suddenly and rifled through the storage box. She pulled out another cane and sent it spinning toward him. He snatched it out of the air moments before her strikes came slamming at him in a barrage of attacks. He blocked and parried, keeping his movements quick and fluid. Fury burned in her eyes, teeth clenched, as she blasted him with everything she had besides the Force itself. It didn’t take long for him to realize none of this was about him, or at least his stupid laugh.

No, something deeper was going on here. Deep anger, frustration, pain, it all rose in her strikes, which Ben took with grace and patience. Years of pent-up emotions came out in a battle of wild abandon. It was something he understood all too well.

How much of the Jedi way did Uncle Luke teach her? How to “control” your emotions? Suppress your desires? Keep a tight grip on everything that made you passionate? At least in the Dark you could be as angry as you wanted, even have your passions, ambitions, and desires, as long as you didn’t waste energy with the weaknesses, like being able to care, love, or cry.

Both of them caught in a maelstrom of others trying to master their fates, control their powers, control them. Only Nara understood how it felt, let him be one with who he was.

“He was on the ship!” Rey growled. “He knew we’d have to use the Force. He planned it all.”

That explained the deflected torpedoes and how the ship found them in hyperspace. _Kylo…_

“He got in my head!” She swung hard and Ben barely blocked it. “Trading for our lives if I let him in. I hate him. I hate him SO MUCH!” Her strikes became less calculated and more a slamming release. “And I’m not supposed to hate! And I’m not supposed to be angry. And I’m not supposed to be vengeful and furious and—”

“Says who?” Ben continued to parry her strikes. “Luke? Oh, he was good at that. Spinning the whole Jedi self-denial line yet again.”

“The alternative is a path to the Dark Side!”

“Yeah, I heard that one too.”

“Well it’s true!”

“Only if you let it. I believed it all too, Rey. I went there, tired of it all, went to the Dark. Same dumb shit in a different bag. They’re as oppressive as the Jedi.”

She stopped and put her arms out. “What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do with all this anger and hate and just feeling like my life is spinning out of control and nothing I do helps it? Just makes it worse?”

Ben readied himself back into a stance. “Feel it. Embrace it. Feel every part of it. It’s yours, Rey, it’s a part of you. Denying it and shoving it down only strengthens it.” He whipped the cane through the air. “Be angry and hateful and upset right here, right now, hold that feeling, don’t push it away, until it’s done having its say. That’s when you’ll find your freedom, when that part of you is done with whatever it needs to say.” He waved her onward. “Come at me again.”

She stared at him, then with a shriek of fury she charged at him, cane swinging with reckless abandon. If he had been her teacher, this would have been a terrible display of combat, but he knew exactly what this was. Her heart bore a pain that ran deep and it needed a voice. How deep did it go? The capture? Losing Benny? Losing him? Losing her parents?

It wasn’t for Ben to know at this moment. For now, as Nara had been for him, he needed to be Rey’s soft place where she could fall a thousand times and he’d still catch her.

After absorbing strike after strike, Ben noticed her movements slowing. The power behind the attacks diminished. The frequency dipped. Her growls turned into pained cries. Furious eyes softened, then sunk, filling with tears. Her stance faltered, and he caught her on the Force right before she fell.

She slunk to the ground out of his support, crying so weakly, like she barely had the strength to breathe. He knelt beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She melted into him and felt so frail and spent in his grasp.

“I don’t…know how much more…I can take.” Her body heaved with sobs.

Ben buried his nose in her hair. “I’ll take everything that you can’t.”

She quieted, then laughed a little. “This scares them, you know? The guys, Finn and Poe. Poe makes his jokes to hide it, but Finn, he keeps telling me to control it, don’t go to the Dark Side, remember your training, we’ll get through it. He’ll say anything to make it stop, make me stop.” She shrugged. “I don’t think he means to be anything but helpful. Maybe he doesn’t even realize how much it scares him and that’s why he does it. But I hate that when I need to express myself, I have to cut it down to protect everyone else, whether it’s them or Benny. When do I get to just be me? With everything I am? As loud and crazy and angry and wild as I feel inside?”

“When you’re with me.”

She looked at him, smirked like she didn’t really believe him.

He tilted his head. “Granted, when you shoved me and Finn apart, I didn’t want to mess with you any further. But I wasn’t scared _of_ you. I was just scared I would do something stupid to upset you more.”

Rey softly laughed.

“But no, Rey. I’m not afraid of you. I know you more than anyone can understand, because I feel it too. My whole family was afraid of me, and they passed me off and nearly killed me because of it. No one trusted me to make the right decisions, so I didn’t trust myself either. But I know your heart, Rey. You love, and you love deeply. And when you feel angry, you feel that deeply too. Everything is on this much bigger level, every feeling, am I right?”

She blinked down tears. Nodded.

“Yeah. I know. Because I’m there too. Our intensity terrifies the galaxy, but not each other.”

Rey drifted back in his arms, looking so at peace and comfortable, soft smile on her lips. “That’s why I’ve always loved you.”

Ben’s heart exploded, surge of delight filling every cell in his body. He wished he could make her understand how much she was his everything, his very soul, and how he’d give her every piece of himself.

He would tell her. It would probably come out sounding awful and stupid, but he had to tell her. Only when he looked down, her eyes were closed. Her chest rose and fell softly. Poor thing, she was so exhausted she fell asleep in his arms.

He brushed his fingers over her delicate cheek, then slipped his hand under her knees. He stood with her in his arms and walked with soft footfalls to keep her in her slumber.

Finn still had himself locked away in one of the other rooms. Good. Ben carried Rey through the doorway to her room. He knelt on the bed and lowered her with the utmost of care. Her head sunk into a pillow, her hand curled by her cheek. He pulled the blanket up over her body and settled it by the gentle curves of her neck.

All was quiet. No Finn, no Poe. Ben settled himself down next to her, not planning to stay, just to have a glimmer of time with her. He watched as her body rose and settled with every breath. Her long lashes fanned out above her rosy cheeks. Her pink lips, smooth and full, bathed in the tides of her breath.

Ben brushed the stuck hairs off her forehead, delighting in their silky texture. They had shared another moment in time, where they were themselves again, as one. The last had been with their hands entwined, this with their arms. Would next be their lips? Bodies? Or would it all fall apart when she finally had a good sleep and could think rationally once again?

He kissed her forehead, inhaled the scent of her hair, and rolled out of her bed.

#

Ben wrapped the scarf around his face and pulled on the hood of the gray prism cloak. Rey and Finn, barely speaking to each other, readied their gear belts with the pistols and lightsabers from Nara.

Poe looked at Ben and burst out laughing. “What the hell are you supposed to be?”

“Incognito.” Ben hooked his lightsaber.

“Well you’re as big as a Wookiee. If you’re trying to blend in, good luck.”

Ben whipped the flap of the cloak over his shoulder. “The Gray Wanderer doesn’t need to blend in.”

Poe snorted into a laugh as they descended the exit ramp. “What the fuck—alright fine, you be the Gray Wanderer, I’ll be the Tan Ass-kicker.”

Rey said, “This place is crawling with Storm Troopers.”

Ben shrugged. “Here for my welcome party. Let’s get rid of them, and then maybe we can get a discount on the ship repair.”

“Make it sound so easy,” Finn said.

Ben smirked beneath the scarf.

The town seemed coiled in discomfort. Storm Troopers and First Order officers paraded themselves as saviors and lawmen while crushing anyone who disagreed. Ben could see it in the eyes of those who dared to look out of their shops or up as his group walked.

The wide eyes and whispers started. “The Gray Wanderer.” “The Big Gray One.” “Cloaked Warrior.” Even “Ro-ni Ben” made an appearance.

Poe looked around. “You’re a big celebrity here, Ben.”

Ben kept his head lowered, shading his eyes beneath the lip of his hood. “I’m not thrilled about it.”

Poe smiled. “Bullshit. You are eating this up and asking for seconds.”

A grin forced its way onto Ben’s lips. “Trying not to.”

Ben could see the Troopers had spotted him. Like insects they flew in from their appointed spots and gathered, forming a loose ring around him and the rest of his crew. Ben continued to walk, watching his peripherals, waiting for all of them to gather.

“HALT!”

A hundred clicks of readying rifles filled the air. Ben stopped and surveyed his surroundings. The gold of the setting sun glinted off of their helmets and the tips of their weapons.

“Drop your weapons! Hands in the air!”

Poe tipped his head toward Ben. “You normally go up against this many guns pointed at once?”

Ben didn’t move. “Pretty much.”

“…Yeah, me too.”

“I’ll hold back their shots. The rest is up to you three.”

“Sounds like a plan, my man.”

Ben took one step forward. “The First Order has lied to you and taken you from your families. I will grant mercy to any who wishes to defect now. Toss your weapon and get on the ground and you will be spared. Those who attack will not survive this night.”

Poe looked at him. “We’re gonna do what?”

“DROP YOUR WEAPONS!” came the response from the commanding officer. “LAST CHANCE!”

Ben sighed. Just once he would have liked to spare someone who never belonged in this mess in the first place. Kidnapped, brainwashed, then sent out for the slaughter. Just once—

A rifle flew, and a trooper fell to the ground, hands over his head. Ben’s heart lightened. Finally! For once he could save—

A neighboring trooper tipped his rifle down toward the defector and fired. Ben caught it just as the plasma shot started burning a hole in his armor. He whipped it back in the shooter’s direction and reached out with the Force to catch the hundreds of shots now blasting toward his group. With a hefty thrust as he ran for the surrendering trooper, the shots reversed back on their shooters. Poe slid below a few stray blasts and fired back. Rey flung her hand and ripped the rifles out of the troopers’ hands, following up with her lightsaber alongside Finn.

Ben stood with one foot on either side of the trooper. “Just stay where you are. You’ll be safe with me.”

He kept his use of the Force light as to not attract Kylo, using his saber to deflect any shots and cut down those who were stupid enough to get close. He would have done more, but he knew the moment he left the one on the ground, they’d kill him for treachery. Back in the day, he would have done it.

The battle was over before he got to do much anyway. Poe, Finn, and Rey cut through their numbers with orchestrated ease. Rey even yanked their transport back down when some tried to escape. She climbed in, threw out those that were inside, and came back out a few minutes later, looking fierce and determined. By the stars did he love her.

Rey and Poe rounded up the surviving troopers while Finn decommissioned their armor. Ben stepped away from the defector and stretched down his arm. “It’s safe now. Stand up.”

Every movement the trooper made was hesitant. They clasped hands and Ben heaved him to his feet. Ben looked him up and down. “Remove your armor.”

Hands again moved in mixed fast and slow motions, hesitating, then hurrying. The trooper pressed buttons on his panel to decommission the suit. A slow hiss faded as the suit powered down. The trooper reached up and pulled off his helmet.

Wide eyes greeted Ben amidst spirals of hair. The woman looked terrified, eyes darting, waiting for one of her comrades to take her out.

“What’s your number?” Ben asked.

The woman pulled off each glove and didn’t dare look him in the eye. “FT-1284.”

“What was your name before you were taken into the program?”

She looked up at him, eyes huge, then turned away as if she had done something wrong. “I don’t remember.”

Ben nodded. “Until you do, what would you like your name to be?”

She slipped off her torso armor, revealing the thin, black, form-fitting top beneath, and shrugged.

“We’ll call you Sona unless you find something more suitable.”

Sona slipped out of the leg armor. “Is this really happening? Am I really free?”

“According to me you are, though you should consider staying with our crew. The First Order will consider you a traitor and will hunt you down.” He hooked his lightsaber. “When we’ve dispatched with them, you are welcome to go your own way if you wish.” He turned toward the fugitives. “Come. We have to do something about the rest of your platoon.”

Sona skirted close behind him, hyper-aware, always turning to look behind and beside her. Ben figured she expected to be shot down any moment, and she had good reason except for the fact that Rey had sent their weapons flying.

When they approached the group of troopers sitting on the ground, Finn said, “They had enough shackles on the transport to take almost fifty hostages, so we did ourselves a favor and made use of them.”

Ben noticed Finn didn’t look at him as he talked, kept his speech dry and factual. _Finn…_

Ben turned aside, exposing Sona who was hiding behind him. Finn’s eyes brightened, but the poor girl caught sight of her battalion and swept behind Ben again.

Finn finally looked up at him. “That that one who gave herself up?”

“Yes,” Ben said, “FT-1284, but for now we’re calling her Sona.”

Finn circled Ben until he found the girl. “Hi Sona. My name’s Finn, but back when I was in the Storm Trooper program, I was called FN-2187.”

The girl finally calmed, eyes widening, looking up instead of hiding in shame or fear. “You abandoned, too?”

Finn nodded. “Yep, long time ago, back before the resurgence when the First Order was in its prime. Been with the Resistance ever since.”

“So…there is hope for me.”

Finn smiled. “There is. Stick with me, I’ll help you get through it.”

A smile spread across her face. “I don’t have to do this anymore? I really don’t?”

“Nope. And you can help us take them down so no other planet has to endure their oppression.”

Sona took a breath, still smiling. “I hated what they forced us to do. I’ve been wanting out since my first deployment, only I saw no way to do it.” She looked back and forth. “Thank you, both of you.”

Ben put his hand on her shoulder. “Thank you for doing the right thing. Stick with Finn. He knows what it’s like to be in your position. I have a few things to take care of.”

#

“We leave them in your hands,” Ben said to the town elders. “You may enact justice as you see fit or report them to the Resistance or New Republic and have them deal with it.”

“We appreciate this,” said a woman. “I wish we could do more for you in return.”

“Repairs on the ship is all we really need. We have to get to our destination as soon as possible.”

“From the bottom of our hearts, thank you, Gray One, to you and your crew. We had heard you traveled alone.”

Ben looked over into the market area that was now bustling without the Storm Troopers lurking over it. Through the crowd he could sense Rey. “Even a Wanderer can use a good team.”

One of the men handed him a small but heavy sack. “Please, use it in the market. Our economy has been dry since the occupation. I think this could help improve morale, as well as supply you for your journey.”

Ben nodded in gratitude. “It is not necessary, but I thank you.”

The man leaned in close and whispered, “You have your mother’s eyes.”

Dread tingled in every muscle. Ben really didn’t want things to get ugly, especially before the ship was repaired.

The man grinned. “But that remains safe with me.”

Ben felt like he could breathe again. He nodded, gave a light bow, and whirled away from the elders toward the market. A nag of discomfort lay in his gut. How many others recognized him but said nothing? The last thing he needed was a manhunt getting in the way of rescuing Benny and dealing with Kylo.

Torchlight bathed the market square, casting warm orange in the night. Each stand was lit much brighter with glowing orbs, but the flaming poles lent a sense of nostalgia to the place. Ben remembered staring wide-eyed in the market squares of Chandrila on festival nights, when the merchants put out their best goods. His droid caretakers were usually the ones to take him, but on festival nights, he would get lucky enough to have one or both parents with him. At least they didn’t say no when he wanted something.

Nostalgia burned into guilt. Things were good once with his parents. When he was a kid, before he was lured to Snoke, still innocent, still believing in his parents being perfect. And didn’t they believe the same about him, too, when he was smaller, easier, less mouthy and opinionated. They did love him…

…and he put them both in a grave.

“Ben!” Rey snapped him out of it, thank the stars. She waved and had an actual smile on her face. She didn’t sleep long, but it seemed to do her some good. He caught up to her at a stand full of strange gadgets. “Benny loves puzzles. Look at this one. He would just go nuts if he saw this.” She looked around. “I’m going to see if they have an exchange so I can get some local money.”

Ben looked at the merchant. “How much?”

The old man grinned. “Twelve dorian.”

Ben reached into the pouch and paid the grateful man.

Rey looked at Ben in surprise while the man bagged the puzzle. “Where did you get that?”

“Thank you gift.” He shook a handful onto his palm and handed her the bag. “If you run into Poe or Finn, spread it around. Elders want us to spend it.”

“Oh good. We could stand to bulk up on supplies now that the new girl is coming on board, and especially once we get Benny back. He’s a skinny little thing, but he eats like there’s no tomorrow.”

Ben was glad to hear her have hope and determination in her heart for a change. Ben loosely followed her from stand to stand. Now that she had a goal, she was direct on keeping it, never letting her eyes wander. Ben glanced but nothing really interested him, except her.

Poe ran up carrying sticks with tiny roasted birds on top. “Taste this and don’t ask questions.”

Rey took a stick and immediately popped it into her mouth. Ben held onto his, waiting for her reaction. Her eyes widened and she let out a squeal of delight. Ben pulled his scarf out and took a bite of his. The heaven that hit his tongue had a creamy, salty chewiness to it and became a new contender for his favorite food.

“Get this!” Rey said, shaking coins into Poe’s hand. “Get them in preserve containers. And here, give the rest of this to Finn if you see him. Have him get that poor woman a new set of clothes so she doesn’t have to be reminded of that hell.”

Ben continued to follow her, finding Rey far more interesting than the market. She seemed so much calmer than earlier, maybe even back to her old self, if he even knew what that was anymore. She seemed to have a keen sense for what was needed, and after twelve years of space travel, she probably had a mastery for it. He had always had droids and servants to keep him supplied.

By her last coin, he bore a hefty bag across his back, filled with supplies, as did Rey. He offered her more, but she said they had plenty now. She drifted to the last merchant, browsing, when something caught her eye. “Ben, look at this.”

He leaned in close and saw a pendant in her hand. A blue curve and a red curve lightly intertwined. She smiled up at him. “Reminds me of our first duel in the snow, saw nothing but red and blue everywhere that night.”

“I saw red when you slashed my chest and face open.” Ben grinned beneath the scarf, hoping she could see the humor in his eyes.

Rey snickered. “You deserved it, you know you did.”

“Yeah, I did.”

She brushed her thumb over the crystals. “This was us, up until that last night. Then it was two blue versus the darkness.” She bounced the pendant lightly in her palm. “Is it weird to feel nostalgic about it? Who we were before? All that fighting we did?”

“You don’t have to explain to me. I feel it too.”

The merchant smiled with her finger up. “Watch this.” Her gnarled, wrinkled fingers pinched the pendant. Red and blue lit up in the dark.

Rey’s eyes widened with glee. “What is that?”

“Glow stone. Contadinite to be precise. Found deep in caves to the south of here. Pressure excites the bonds of the crystals and causes them to light up. Come in different colors, but I liked these two together.”

 _Pressure excites the bonds of the crystals and causes them to light up._ If ever there was a metaphor for him and Rey, this was it.

Rey let it go. “It’s incredible. But I’m afraid I can’t afford it.”

“I have more coins,” Ben said.

She turned from the stand. “We need that to keep the ship supplied.”

Ben’s spine was about to break from the bag he was already carrying, but the discussion seemed closed about it. She was already halfway across the market square. Then he heard Finn shouting her name and remembered the relationship that was still in place.

“BB-8!” Rey squealed.

Ben squinted. Ah, that little droid. Fascinating it wound up here. Poe, Finn, and Rey looked thrilled while Sona lived inside Finn’s shadow. Ben smiled, glad to see Rey look so happy. And busy.

Ben slipped back to the jewelry merchant and passed her a handful of coins.

#

Hours later, with the ship repaired, supplies packed away, and a droid rolling around, Ben gave Poe the okay for liftoff. Once they passed out of the planet’s atmosphere, Ben yanked off the scarf and cloak.

Sona shrieked. Ben nearly jumped out of his skin and instinctively slipped into a defensive stance. The others stopped what they were doing, startled. Even BB-8 froze.

The young woman stood at full attention, her muscles sharp and firm. “Kylo Ren, sir!”

Ben realized immediately what caused her to scream. He put his hand up. “Sona, I’m not—”

“No sir, I deserve whatever punishment you deem necessary for my desertion, sir!”

“I’m not Kylo Ren.”

She didn’t move.

“Alright I _was_ , years ago, but I’m not now, and any Kylo Ren you know now is a…mistake, an anomaly in the Force. You’re safe here. I’m not going to punish you.”

She still didn’t move.

Finn stepped over to her. “Sona, it’s fine, really. He’s not Kylo, and he’s not testing your loyalty. I promise. You can relax.”

Her muscles barely softened. “I’m not sure I can relax.”

“I get it, believe me. It’s been ingrained into you since before you can remember. I get it more than you’ll ever know. You’re going to have to trust me on this. Ben may be…” The sour look Finn gave him immediately raised Ben’s hackles. “…tall, but he’s sincere. At least about this.” Finn tipped his head. “Why don’t I show you the workout room? Burning off a little steam always did the trick back in the day.”

Sona hesitated, then nodded. She backed off the bridge, her eyes never leaving Ben until she was fully in the corridor.

Poe whistled. “Thank the stars Finn was here. Think she might have offed herself after looking at you.”

Ben plopped onto the couch. “And that is why I wear the scarf and cloak.”

Poe looked at him. “That was…very generous of you. To give them a chance, you know? The Storm Troopers?”

Ben sighed. “I know who they are. I know how they came to be. They’re broken as children to follow orders as adults. I don’t want to take any more lives than I have to. And they deserve a chance if they truly want to get out of the system.”

Rey sighed. “I don’t know if he’ll ever say it, but I think you earned a bit of Finn’s respect today, for what you did for her.”

Ben put his hands behind his head. “I think Finn wishes I would have stayed dead.”

“Eh, well…probably, but maybe he’ll start to see you in a new light. The light I see.”

Ben’s heart melted, and he was reminded of an item tucked into his inner pocket. He almost reached for it, but then decided against it. This wasn’t the time. Not only would she give him hell for spending the dorian on it, but she had Benny to worry about. This gesture would wait for its right time.

Before he could respond, she yawned. “I’m going to turn in. When do we expect to be near Benny?”

“Six hours,” Poe said.

Rey nodded. “I want to be ready.”

After she left, Poe said, “You want to go to bed too? Figure you want to be fresh to meet your son. I can keep an eye on things.”

Ben waved him off. “No, I got up late. Still wide awake. I got this. I can set the autopilot if need be.” A series of bleeps and chirps came from BB-8. “And apparently we have this guy to warn us if something goes wrong.”

Poe gave him a sly salute before heading to his room. Ben remained on the couch, thinking of everything at once. He pulled out the pendant and gave it a squeeze. Yes, that time on Starkiller Base, when he and Rey first spoke, when he was a smug little prick thinking he could rule the galaxy, sticking his Force where it didn’t belong, and awakening his destiny with her. Then there was the time in Snoke’s throne-room, this time fighting as a team against the Praetorian guard, red and blue flashing in the night. Finally on the remains of the Death Star, blue and red in the gray spray of sea water.

Darkness and light, fighting, intertwining. The separation and coming together that drove all creation.

_One last hurdle, Rey. We find Benny. We bring him home with us. And if fate wills it, we will be together again._

#

Rey

_Ben…_

_Why do you possess my soul? Why when I should be focused on everything else I can only think of you? I’m angry at myself, angry at the circumstances. Why did you have to come now? At the worst point in my life? I failed my son in every way, and then you show up, and my soul is being pulled toward you when I don’t need it to be. Not now._

Rey turned over, sleep eluding her despite her endless fatigue. She wondered if Ben felt like this when he said he was constantly being pulled apart all those years.

_Back to Ben again. Every damn thought…_

People spoke of soulmates, but did they ever really know? Beyond passion, beyond a crush, beyond that feeling of being “in love,” did anyone know the equal pain and delight of having a soulmate?

She truly hated Kylo Ren when she first met him. No, first she was terrified, wondering what hid behind that mask of terror. Then came that face, that handsome, haunting face with eyes so terribly lost. Then he reached in, forcing his way past her mental constructs, and did she hate him for that—yes she did, a violation of her very self. And she could have kept on hating him—until he unlocked something within her. Perhaps her father had locked in her powers to hide her from her grandfather. She would probably never know, but Kylo Ren struck the lock and opened a doorway between the two. How did you hate someone with whom you formed a connection?

Then he killed Han. It was easy to hate him then. Connection or no connection, this was a monster. And he was proud of it! Proud to be that monster!

Or was he? Was he ever? Did she really believe the lies he tried to tell himself? That was where the connection really grew strong, for somewhere deep in those eyes, she could see Ben. When the battles were over, across time and space, those sad, lost eyes yearned for someone to believe in him. He spoke of ruling the galaxy, but she knew his heart was never in it.

She could not go to him then, could not take his hand. She could not fix or cure him. No one could. Except him. He had to finally decide what was worth more to him, being a galaxy-ruling tyrant or being able to love and trust.

She wished he hadn’t taken so long to decide. They could have had more time together, more time to explore who they were and their dyad connection, become stronger and defeat her grandfather together and not be at such a complete and utter disadvantage. They could have won and lived a life from that point on, not crash into one another twelve years later when she was already in a committed relationship and had a son that needed her help more than anyone.

But that was not the hand the forces in the universe dealt. They had to save Benny, first and foremost. Then she would have to decide, did she stay with the man she knew and loved or go to the man she barely knew but with whom she had a bond beyond the boundaries of love? In the end, she would have to sacrifice her own heart or break someone else’s. No happy ending came of this.

The door slid open. Finn stood in the doorway. “You asleep?” he whispered.

“No.”

“Can I come in?”

Rey sighed. “Yeah.”

The doors closed. Finn climbed in behind her and put an arm around her, his hand closing over hers.

“I take it you’ve forgiven me?” she asked.

Finn was silent. Then, “I don’t know how to feel about any of this. I never expected…I thought we…I don’t even know what to say. But I don’t want to just give this up. Our relationship is worth fighting for.”

Rey didn’t know how to respond.

“Tell me you think it is too.”

Rey closed her eyes. “Finn, all I can actually think about is getting Benny back. Whatever happens after…we deal with it then.”

Finn held her tighter, his long breath warm on her neck. “Fine, I just…don’t want to lose this.”

And Rey didn’t either. He had been her rock, her safe place in a decade of overwhelm and confusion, even if he could never understand what she was going through, to constantly have a part of her life missing, to be aching for something that no one could fill. And she wanted so bad for him to fill that role. He was a great man, attentive father, and overall good person. He was everything a woman could want and yet she’d never feel whole with him. It was something she accepted, knew she’d have to accept—until now.

“I am lost.” A tear trickled down the side of her face.

“You don’t have to be. I’m here for you.”

She tried so badly to hold in the tears. He truly would be there for her, but it would never be enough and she hated herself for that fact.

She really did love him, but there were forces at play far beyond the lives of any normal man or woman, and they had bonded her to a ship wreck she barely knew yet missed with complete devastation for twelve years.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey finally reach their son who is drowning in Kylo's influence. Tension between Finn and Ben explodes in a war to see who will come out the better man. The Prince of Alderaan rises again and faces off against his arch enemy when the battle takes an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Without giving anything away, there's an interesting shift in a thought pattern that occurs that I hope I wrote smoothly. I welcome any comments on whether or not it was confusing. Also possible Trigger Warning in regards to grief and loss.

**Chapter 6**

“Bring us in.” Ben watched the viewport of the ship, full of anxiety and anticipation. Kylo waited alongside a hooded figure. He knew it was Benny, could feel him even if he didn’t tap too deeply into the Force. Rey had confirmed.

Behind him, snaps and clicks as Sona readied the laser rifles they had taken from the Storm Troopers. She clearly had a mastery of the weapon, fingers moving with precision and speed. Across her chest-belt she snapped packs of ammunition charges.

“Here,” she said, sliding a belt over Finn’s head. “Take these too.” She hung two rifles from his back.

Finn blinked at her. “I do have a lightsaber and a pistol.”

Sona gripped his arms. “Do you really think that’s all who awaits down there? No, this is an ambush in the waiting and we are to be prepared.”

“Yeah…I know that.”

“ _You_ have been gone too long. I know what is in their heads. I know the orders. We need to go down there expecting _war_ or we don’t go down there!”

“Sona, I know what we’re up against. I’ve been there many times, we all have.”

“Well I have _not_ been on the other side! And I only know this: prepare your weapons, stock for battle, armor up, stand at the ready, deploy—”

Poe, at the flight controls, said, “Keep panicking and you’re going to pass out before we even get there.”

“I am NOT panicking! And you!” She slung another ammo belt over his chest while he shook her off. “You’re not half as strong as they are. You don’t have the Force or a lightsaber, you’re as at a disadvantage as I am. You need this more than anyone!”

“Thanks Mom.”

Sona stared at him. “What does that mean?”

Finn put his hand on her thick shoulder. “It means relax a little. We know what we’re in for. You and Poe need to keep anyone from interfering in me and Rey getting to Benny.”

Sona nodded toward Ben. “And that one?”

“Yeah…him too.”

The ship set down. Ben couldn’t wait to rip open the hatch, storm down the ramp, and look into his son’s eyes for the first time. But when the ramp began descending, it was Rey jogging at the head of the pack, Finn filing in behind her. Ben had to remember his place in all this—to Benny, he was a stranger. Those two were the parents he loved.

Ben stepped onto the dusty red earth, sky a hazy orange-pink. He surveyed his surroundings. It was entirely too quiet, but he expected an ambush or a trap. Kylo wouldn’t give anything up that easily.

Sona slid in beside him, rifle trained on everything at once. He never realized having a former Trooper would be such an asset. Honestly, they always seemed so useless to him, foot soldiers to carry out dirty work. He never appreciated how well-trained they were. Or at least this one was.

Poe slid in on the other side of him, a lot calmer on the outside, but keen eye watching the horizon. It was a rather empty area, some mountains in the background, few boulders strewn here and there, nothing that would hide a horde of Troopers. Ben could not sense much, only a dull feeling that they weren’t alone. He had to keep his use of the Force at a minimum, especially with Kylo not a few yards away now.

“Benny!” Rey called.

“It’s Mom and Dad!” Finn shouted. “We’re here for you!”

Ben said nothing. His eyes stayed on Kylo, who watched with a predatory gaze. Whatever move his unwanted twin was going to make, Ben would be ready for it.

“Don’t come any closer!” It was a voice that sounded young, but not nearly as young as it should have been.

Rey stopped in her tracks. “Benny?”

The black hood whipped back. Thick black waves of hair, long nose, dark brown eyes that glared with hatred. Ben felt his heart stop. There was no doubt. The kid looked just like him—

—when Ben was a teen.

“Rey,” Finn said, “he looks fourteen.”

“What did you do to him?!” Rey cried.

Benny sneered. “Made me better.”

Kylo adjusted his gloves. “The Sith left behind such grand texts on usage of the Force. They knew how to age a child more quickly, skip the weak younger years and prepare a warrior in an age where he had some actual usefulness.”

Ben felt his stomach burn. Too much of this talk hit home. He wanted to rip the bastard’s head off and would if he knew how to get past the whole Triad problem.

Rey shot Kylo the coldest glare, then turned back to her son. “Benny, we’re taking you home.” She extended her hand. “Come with us. We’ll fix everything, I promise.”

“I’m already home.” The coldness in Benny’s words made Ben sick. He knew exactly where this was going. “And that name died with the old me. You will call me Sindel Ren or you will call me nothing at all.”

“Come on, Benny,” Finn said. “This ain’t you! I know this fool messed with your head, but you know who you are—”

“Shut up!”

“Come on, this is your Dad here talking. You know I’ve always been there for you, and I’m here for you now.”

“And WHERE WERE YOU when Kylo took me?”

Finn’s face sunk. “Benny—”

“THAT IS NOT MY NAME!”

“Benny!” Rey said.

“And you? You of all people come to me now?”

“Benny I love you. WE love you, and you know that. Deep inside you know that.”

Benny laughed. “Oh yeah? Loved me enough to let him torture me!”

“Benny—”

“You watched! You sat there and watched while he ripped me apart!”

Tears poured from Rey’s eyes. “Benny, you know I couldn’t give in—”

“WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN SON?!”

Ben kept a close watch on Kylo, who did nothing but observe. He was planning something, waiting for something. Ben didn’t like it.

Rey sobbed. “YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME! I love you!”

“ _We_ love you,” Finn added. “No matter what. We don’t care what you’ve done or anything. This bastard has done nothing but lie to you, I promise you that. No matter what he told you, you can come home—”

“Maybe I don’t want to,” Benny said through clenched teeth.

“Benny—”

“THAT’S NOT MY FUCKING NAME!”

“Sindel,” Ben said, pushing Finn aside. “Sindel Ren.”

The kid looked confused. He cocked his nose up. “Yeah? Who are you?”

“Someone who knows exactly what you’re going through.”

The kid laughed. “Like hell you do!”

“Look me in the eyes. See anything familiar?”

Benny looked at him, then at Kylo, the frown between his eyebrows increasing.

“I bet Kylo told you all the great lines. ‘The greatest power lies in the Darkness.’ ‘You can never go home.’ ‘They’re afraid of your power, jealous of your power.’ ‘Let the past die, kill it if you have to,’ yeah, that was a good one.”

Benny looked even more confused. “What the hell—”

“I know what he’s told you because he is me, or at least, was. And I know exactly what turned me into him. All the lies about the Dark Side being so great, all the power you’d have, how no one would ever hurt you again—”

“Sindel,” Kylo said, looking far less smug than before, “you will ignore this—”

“Only I bet he hurts you plenty, because Snoke did the same to me too. Promised me the galaxy all the while he tormented me for his own amusement.”

The fury in the child’s eyes faded. “How do you know any of it?”

“Kylo can only teach you what I was taught, treat you like I was treated. He can’t do otherwise because he’s just a shadow of me. I am your father, Ben Solo.”

The kid scoffed. “Who?”

That stung.

“You know who,” Rey said through her teeth.

Benny looked at him. “No, you’re dead. My mom said you were dead, you died before I was born—”

“Feel it. Feel it on the Force and you’ll know it’s true, Sindel, or should I say Ben?”

Light flickering in the child’s eyes. He blinked, teetered, confused and shaken. “What’s happening? Mom?”

Rey smiled through her tears. “Benny!”

Ben flung backwards along with Rey, Finn, Poe and Sona. He hadn’t expected that sudden wallop.

Kylo stood there, fury in his eyes. “This was NOT the plan!” Ben sat up just in time to see Kylo swing his arm, backhanding Benny in the mouth, blood spraying from the kid’s face.

In a lightning-struck moment of time, Ben saw two images at once: Snoke doing the same to him, and the image of his child being attacked. It all happened in some area in the back of his mind, for what flowed next did not run through any thought process. In a split second he bridged the gap between himself and Kylo, saber at the ready, and swung out with divine fury. Kylo just barely blocked it, but the force of the strike knocked him sprawling to the ground.

Kylo recovered, leaping back to his feet, red saber humming at his side, coattails flapping in the wind, bitter rage in his eyes. Ben did not think, did not plan, did not strategize. His strikes came from somewhere else, speed beyond anything he’d ever experienced, tearing at Kylo who could not match him like their last battle. Kylo struggled to keep up, taking a slash across the arm, one in the leg, and another in the shoulder.

He seemed so confused, like none of this should be happening. Ben fought with some strange, detached sense of self, only thing in his mind being his ultimate goal—obliterate Kylo Ren.

Ben’s blue lightsaber slammed into Kylo’s, driving his enemy to his knees. Ben would break him, slaughter him, end this hell once and for all. He swung once more and struck the ground. Kylo disappeared.

He heard Rey scream and whipped his head in her direction. Kylo had Benny with his head yanked back, burning red saber to the boy’s throat.

 _The fucker teleported?!_ Ben closed his eyes. _Of course. He learned from me. FUCK!_

“Stupid child!” Kylo growled as Ben ran over. “Weak!”

Ben looked at Rey. He saw it in her eyes as well. They had no choice. Both put their hands out at once, grasping Kylo’s sword on the Force. The impostor resisted, but still the saber pulled away.

“Benny!” Finn shouted, running to him. “I got you! Come on! Now!”

The kid stepped forward when Kylo’s eyes flashed. Ben doubled over from the sickening sensation of being drained. He looked up, saw Rey doing the same, and saw Kylo grasp Benny’s arm as the boy tried to run. This is what Kylo wanted, and he was getting it in droves.

But Ben couldn’t stop. He had to control that saber. And he would.

_Rey, get out._

_No!_

_Rey, let me handle it. Find a way to get Benny out of this._

_He’ll destroy everything you’ve worked for. Let me do it!_

_No! Benny can’t see you like that. He can’t…he doesn’t even know me. Rey…_

Their eyes met, tears forming at the rims of her eyes. She snapped out of the Force hold, leaving Ben to fight against Kylo.

No matter the amount of energy draining from him, he was going to keep that saber held back. Benny was all that mattered.

_So much easier to stop fighting._

Ben clenched his teeth. _Get out of my head!_

_This ends when you stop fighting me, stop fighting the Darkness. You know you want it. Deep down, you want this so much you can taste it in your blood!_

Ben felt the surge, the hell and equal delight, the deep desire to lord over all, to thrust aside armies at the swing of a hand, to kill at the snap of a finger, to bring a fleet of warships to its knees, watch it burn, watch it all burn…

_No more fighting it._

Feared menace of the galaxy. Star systems cowering to his greatness. A god among mortals begging and pleading on their knees, bowing to him.

_You know what you have to do. Finish it. Finish it and become one._

A force in the universe beyond the confines of time, space, or dimensions. That which was ignored. That which was shut out from the Force. That which had the power to rule all, bend reality to its will. All it needed was a conduit. A body. Someone who could hold the potential of all that greatness. Someone who could hold the immense power that broke from the Force and became its own god.

_Kill them. Kill them all…_

Ben swung his lightsaber, blocking Rey’s strike against Kylo. The shock in her eyes, so deliciously precious, stung as she was. Silly, silly girl, stupid for not realizing the greatness that she could become. Maybe she needed a little suffering to sway her mind.

Ben thrust off her gold saber and swung at her. Ah, she was as good as always. All those times they fought, red versus blue in the snow—

 _Red and blue intertwined._ Ben shook his head. Something tried to fight its way out. Something pathetic and weak.

Now gold and blue dueled in the dance of death. Such fight in the stupid girl who had the audacity to reject him. He would not kill her now; he still wanted what he wanted out of her and would take it if she did not offer it willingly. The others? They would die. Finn—

Ben thrust his hand out, tossing Finn across the red landscape.

That wasn’t right. That was supposed to be a killing blow.

“Ben!” Rey screamed. “Snap out of it!”

Ben swung with fury at her lightsaber. She had to be subdued. Overpowered. She would submit to him—

No…why was he doing this?

Poe and Sona ran after Finn, but they had to die too. He put his hand out, then retracted it. Why wasn’t he killing them?

[They’re my friends.]

Friends? Stupid waste of time. Betrayers. No one could be trusted! Ever!

“Ben! Be stronger than this!”

Why wouldn’t Rey give up this fight already and just let him kill the others! He would make her an empress. She could have everything she ever wanted, do anything she wanted. Why was she resisting this great power—

[Get the fuck out of me!]

No, no, this had to happen. They had to die. The ritual had to be complete! So much greatness—

[It’s a lie!]

No, no lies. Why was this happening? He had such power, why? Why was it diminishing?

“Dad!”

The boy…he had to go. There could be no challenges to this greatness—

[The fuck you will—]

Ben swung out and slammed his saber into Kylo’s, sending the weapon across the dusty earth. Ben snapped back into himself, his head clearing of the maelstrom of horrible thoughts. The red saber snapped back into Kylo’s hand. Ben swung overhead, his saber joining with gold, both slamming down on Kylo’s flaming red, the impostor brought to his knees once more.

Gunfire erupting in the background. The hidden forces poured out of holes in the ground. He hoped Sona, Poe, and Finn (if the poor guy was okay) could hold them off.

“Benny, run!” Rey cried.

The boy’s feet pounded the dusty ground, then Ben toppled forward into Rey, their sabers hitting the earth. He turned just in time to see Kylo grab Ben once more and disappear.

“NO!” Rey screamed. They both stood, looking either way. “The ship! He has Benny on the ship!”

Hot wind roiled the dusty landscape, making it nearly impossible to see as Kylo’s ship fired its engines. “Come on!” Ben cried. He grabbed Rey, closed his eyes, and focused on the interior of the ship. With a targeted surge of the Force, he opened his eyes on the bridge. He fell back but at least collapsed onto the couch this time. He was already drained from the battle. This put him over the edge.

“Get Benny,” he said and did nothing else. He couldn’t move if he tried. The world softened, grew hazy. “I’m sorry.” He licked his dry lips. “I’m so sorry.” He thought he heard Rey say something, but everything grew soft and dark.

#

Ben woke feeling like utter hell. He lifted his hand to run over his face but found it didn’t go anywhere. He moved both hands, finding them braced against hard metal. Couldn’t pull them up either. He forced his head up and looked at himself. His hands were shackled to a bar that also imprisoned his feet. It looked like one of the restraints from the First Order ship they had used on the defeated Storm Troopers.

_Ah fuck…_

He was still on his ship, on the couch at the outer edge of the bridge. Well, at least he was in friendly territory.

“DO NOT MOVE!”

The end of a laser rifle pressed against his cheek. Sona stood there looking scarier than she ever did with the Storm Trooper armor on.

Ben squeezed his eyes shut against the waves of dizziness. “What happened?”

“You betrayed us! You are an enemy combatant and will be—”

“For the love of the universe,” Poe said, “will you stifle it already?”

“He cannot be trusted under any circumstances!”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Ben, show her.”

Ben flung her weapon across the room and snapped himself out of the shackles with barely an effort from the Force. She yelped and drew back, readying her fists.

Ben sat up, feeling nauseous and weak. “What’s happening? Where are we?”

Poe sighed. “Lost track of Benny. Trying to track through where we suspect Kylo took him. Rey hasn’t come out of her room, Finn’s with her—”

“Is he okay?”

“Got a little pounded when he hit the ground, but Rey healed him. She’s…not in great shape right now. I’d wait until she comes out on her own accord.”

Ben shook his head. “I teleported Rey onto the ship so she could chase after Benny. What happened after that? How did you guys get here?”

Poe turned to him, elbows on his knees, hands folded. “Look, Ben, I get that you probably had no one on your side for many years.”

Ben paused. “Yeah.”

“Being a part of a team, one that cares about one another enough to be family, that’s probably a shock to your system.”

“Yes. Honestly.”

“Well, you need to understand something. You putting her on this ship, giving her the go ahead to blast off and chase after her son, put her in the worst position of all.”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

“She had to choose to leave us there to die or chase after her son. She knew Kylo still needed him to get to you guys, so she knew he’d be at least a little safer there than we’d be on the planet.”

Ben felt his stomach clench.

“Yeah, so she had to choose to delay saving her son to save us. She had to put the needs of the many over her own son yet again.”

Horror iced Ben’s bones. He thrust a hand over his head. “No…I never meant—that wasn’t—I never—”

Poe put his hand up. “Look, I get it. You did what you thought was right. And honestly, maybe she should have done just that.” He turned back to the instrument panel. “I gladly would have died for the kid.” He shook his head. “But she would never let us do that.”

Ben stood on shaky legs. “I have to talk to her—”

Sona found her rifle. “YOU are a fugitive! YOU attacked us!”

Poe groaned. “Would you put that thing down? I already told you, you’re wasting your time. He’ll block anything you shoot at him.”

Sona glared at Ben, then she shifted her rifle until it was by her side as she stood at attention. “Why? Why did you come after us?”

Ben sat again. “I couldn’t fight it. Not at first.”

“Fight what? Kylo Ren?”

Ben shook his head. “The force of Darkness behind him. It slipped in…so subtle and unexpected, where I didn’t even know it had gotten into me like it did. It just changed my thought patterns. Things I would never want to do suddenly made perfect sense.” Ben clenched his fists. “It was everything I wanted when I was Kylo…and everything I hate in myself now. And I was weak! So…fucking weak…I couldn’t fight it.”

“But you did.”

Ben’s eyes shot up. Rey was standing at the doorway to the bridge, her eyes red and broken. “Rey…”

Finn came up beside her, his cold glare worse than ever before. “Not soon enough.”

Ben put up his hand. “I’m sorry, Finn, and I mean that. I’m sorry all of you. I…never realized what it would do inside my head. I thought I could fight it sooner than I did.” He looked at Rey. “It’s far worse than I imagined.” His throat clenched. “How are we going to do this?”

Finn pointed his finger. “Don’t even bother her with questions right now. Don’t bother her with anything. You’ve done enough damage by showing up in the first place.”

“Finn—” Rey said.

“No, I’m saying this. We were pretty fucked being prisoners on the flagship, but you coming back from the dead? That has done nothing but make everything worse.

Rey clenched her teeth. “Finn, I am warning you—”

“No,” Ben said. “Let him say what he needs to say.”

“Say what I need to say?” Finn had a face of mock surprise. “How about I say this? You’ve not only made my relationship with Rey a mess, but you’ve done nothing but make her suffer, pulling her apart, making her choose between what she loves. She chose to save us instead of Benny and that will haunt her for the rest of her life, do you get that? And that kid had a stable family with the two of us before you went sticking your big-ass nose in everything, now what’s the kid supposed to do? And DON’T THINK I don’t remember you pushing me away to get to him, like you held some sort of importance, pretending you were his friend, calling him by that stupid name, and then you turn around and attack us? Attack Rey?!”

“That wasn’t his fault!” Rey said.

Finn looked at her. “Stop making excuses for him! Being Kylo Ren in the first place was his fault! Going to the Dark Side was his fault! Leading the First Order was his fault! Killing his own _father_ was his fault, or don’t you remember that?”

“He knows what he did was wrong and feels terrible about it!”

“And you STILL take his side, even after he attacked me.” He paused. “Even after he attacked you. Who was next? Benny?”

Ben pressed his fingers into the table, body trembling. That was exactly where his thought process was headed. All of it was true. Finn said nothing that wasn’t true.

Finn pointed his hand toward Ben. “I get that you have some kind of bond with him I don’t understand, but this is not some guy who made a few mistakes. This is a killer, a monster, you know it, you saw it, and what did you have? Five minutes with him when he wasn’t? You know nothing about him yet you take his side every time! He betrayed us and nothing you say will ever make me feel different about it!”

Ben gripped the edge of the table, trying to hold on to himself. Everything Finn said was right. Ben had been trying so hard to be the man he thought he could be, but the darkness held too much sway. He’d never be free. What was the point of even being brought back from the dead?

The tears blinded him, but he tried to keep them in his eyes, tried not to let them fall. He wished he could just teleport to his room, but he did not have the energy for that. “I’m…” He swallowed, trying to speak through the knot in his throat. “…so sorry…for all of this…”

Rey stepped before him, standing there, just staring at him. He didn’t want to look at her, but she compelled him through their bond. He turned his head up, unable to stop the tears when he looked into her broken, angry eyes. “Rey I’m so sorry…” He pushed the tears off with his palms and hung his head in his hand.

Rey turned toward Finn, and her voice took on an edge that sent chills up Ben’s spine. “You speak as if you know anything about what we go through.”

Finn’s jaw dropped. “Rey—”

She put up her hand. “If it wasn’t him, it was going to be me. And I might have been the one who hurt you, betrayed you. You can never understand what it’s like to be pulled so hard to the darkness that it consumes every part of you. I was going to be the one, Finn. I was ready to give in until Ben told me to break the bond, so he could do it, so he could be the enemy, so Benny would never have to see the Darkness in my eyes. And I am grateful, because after what I saw today, I’m not sure I would have had the strength Ben did to break out of it.” She turned back to Ben. “You got in there deep, really deep. Maybe you were almost at the point of no return, but you fought. And if that doesn’t show me the strength of your will, heart, and character, nothing does.”

She turned toward the rest of the crew. “And I will hear not a word more of Ben betraying any of us. He’s fighting a war inside himself none of you will ever understand, and therefore none of you have the right to judge. I’m glad he’s the good man he is, because I don’t know of anyone else who could have snapped out of it like he did. So Sona, put down your damn gun already. Finn, lay off. And Ben?”

Ben looked up, trying to still his quivering lip. “Yeah?”

“Track Benny as soon as you can using that oneness thing. Our goal remains.” She turned and headed down the corridor, sound of the sliding doors signaling she had entered her room. Sona slunk toward the weapons storage and stowed her gun. Poe popped a snack into his mouth and said nothing, which lately seemed to be the smartest thing to do.

Finn remained, shooting flames at Ben. “This isn’t over between you and me.” He stomped down the corridor.

Ben remained at the table, not knowing what to do with himself. Rey was right, the darkness was incredibly difficult to fight. He did eventually win out, but he would need to take it to a new level. He couldn’t fail them again.

#

 _Center point. Zero point._ This was so much easier when he was with Nara. Ben wasn’t afraid to doom the galaxy if he reached that state of oneness. Now that he had slipped, the fear was even greater.

_I had no fear between worlds. I could be fully myself. I could fuck up and it was still okay. I could slip into the darkness and be pulled back up. Now? Now I just make everything worse._

Ben took in a long, slow, calming breath in his locked and silent room. Sitting up, legs folded, hands upon his knees, he knew what he needed to do and couldn’t summon the courage to do it.

_What if I slip for good next time? What if I hurt everyone I love?_

He had to do this. Benny depended on it. Ben stilled himself, softened, drew back to his time with Nara. She had guided him to remember certain feelings, experiences that put him on a new level of being. Granted it was through the most amazing sex he’d ever had in his life. That wasn’t happening now.

Maybe it didn’t have to.

His mind drifted back to those heavenly days. Even as he was pushed through simulations of misery to test his character, even after the brutal training sessions that always ended in his failure, in the evening, there was nothing but softness. Quiet, comfort, full freedom to be his pure and authentic self. Love…he didn’t have to fight for it, his heart never broken, just pure love and that incredible softness at the start of all things.

He felt his energy expand finally. Good, it was working. He had faced off against his worst nightmares in Nara’s simulations and still he won the day. But that was safe, mistakes didn’t cost anyone’s lives. It was easy to be successful there.

Or was it? Was there really any difference? Even in this world, it was a battle of wills. The pull to the darkness was only a craving, a remnant of a war where he was a pawn in a larger battle being pushed and controlled by too many getting in his head. What remained, that was his alone to fight.

He had gotten sucked in way too far this time, but still, he pulled out of it. Something, buried deep in him, was stronger than the craving, stronger than the Dark. And if he really thought about it, that same something took over when fighting Kylo and actually gained the upper hand.

What was it?

He softened and expanded again, this time without trying. That something within him took the wheel on that one. _Alright, whoever or whatever you are, help me out of this wall. Take me back to the oneness._

A memory…

A feeling…

He and Nara merged as one, her soft body enveloping his hardness…melting into one another…pleasure and delight building to the point of no return, then—

Ben felt his entire being flow outward into everything at once, starships, planets, star systems, wild space, every molecule and atom. There was an incredible peace and softness here, even as wars raged on, birth and death, destruction and creation, horror and beauty, all became one. All was as it should be.

It was a state he could not hold for long. He could feel it, something pressing from behind. Something threatened the delicate formula of all in existence, which in this state seemed like a beautiful geometric shape, a mathematical formula come to life. What lived outside of this sought to break those bonds, rewrite the formulas, mock the very purity of all in existence.

Its hissing voice seemed so familiar, yet he couldn’t place it. Familiar yet alien.

Ben dropped down out of that state but held the oneness at a lower level. Whatever existed to threaten the pure peace of ultimate oneness, he wasn’t ready to face it. For now, he had one job.

 _Benny_ …

Star systems flooded past him. Hint of light beckoning. He followed it, tracing it to a ship, yes, that one, same one Benny and Kylo left on. Where were they going?

Inside the ship now, there, on the display panel, destination set to a planet called Torek. _Perfect, then that’s where—_

“Dad?”

Ben shifted his vision. Standing there, on the bridge, was Benny, cheek and lip swollen. But Ben wasn’t projecting himself, how did the kid see him?

“Benny?”

“Thought you were going to call me Sindel.”

“I’ll call you whatever you want me to call you.”

“Are you really alive?”

“Yes, but it’s hard to explain like this. I can’t stay long in this state.”

“Why are you here?”

“We’re coming to find you. We’re not giving up on you.”

Benny snorted. “Might as well. Mom does nothing but abandon me for everyone else’s sake. Why should you even bother anymore?”

Ben sighed. “I know how you feel.”

“No you don’t. No one knows how I feel!”

“My mother, your grandmother, was a general and senator who was constantly at work trying to make this galaxy a safer place, for me and all. Only I didn’t see it that way. I was raised by droids while she went off to do her thing and my father when off to do his.”

Benny blinked. “You were raised by droids? Wow…”

“It took a long time before I could forgive them, and it was one more thing that convinced me to turn to the Dark Side. I felt abandoned by them, then betrayed by my uncle, like anyone who was supposed to care about me really didn’t. But that’s not the same for you, is it?”

Benny shifted. “Guess not.”

“I know the lies Kylo is telling you, only he will see it as truth because I saw it as truth. Don’t let him turn you against your parents. If your mom slips even once, the entire galaxy could fall to ruin. She hates that she’s had to let you suffer, it hurts her more than you could ever know, because she loves you so damn much yet she has to keep the galaxy from being destroyed. Rey is devastated without you, Finn too. They love you and…let’s just say I wish I could have felt half of what they feel for you. Maybe I wouldn’t have turned.”

Benny swallowed, tears on his rounded, soft cheeks. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I know. We’re coming. We will save you.”

“I saw the darkness in your eyes. I’m not sure you want to save me.”

“Benny…it was seeing you that saved me from the Dark.”

The boy’s chin quivered. He heaved in a breath then stopped, eyes going wide.

Kylo stepped behind him, hand formed into a chokehold. “That’s enough interfering with my apprentice.”

“Let him go or I swear to the stars I’ll rip you apart! Leave him out of this; it’s me you want!”

Kylo nodded. “Yes, and I will have you. And Rey. And this boy. I saw you, Ben, how you turned, attacking your precious Rey, sending that Finn across the sky, it was glorious.”

Ben thrust out with the Force, not sure he could accomplish anything from this distance. He saw Kylo struggle, fingers opening, but this was taking far more power than Ben was sure he could handle for long. 

Kylo released the hold, giving Ben a quick breath of relief. Then Kylo grabbed Benny by the nape of his cloak and flung the boy against the wall of the ship, his thin body crumpling to the ground.

Ben yanked the lightsaber from his belt and drew within a fraction of a thought, slashing at Kylo. His impostor drew his own saber, blocked a few strikes, then swung around from a blow to his shoulder. Ben leapt at him, blue saber curving in an arc, then he tumbled and mashed against a wall.

He looked around. This wasn’t Kylo’s ship. Ben lay in the corridor of his own. Molten metal dripped from the enormous, slashed hole in his bedroom door.

Poe jogged down the corridor. “What the hell, Ben?!” BB-8 followed him, chirping in a manner that asked the same thing.

Rey slid in from the other direction, eyes surveying the situation. “Ben?”

Ben clicked his lightsaber off and pushed himself to his feet, still unsteady. Did he actually strike Kylo or did he just destroy his door in a vision state? He turned to Rey. “I know where Benny is going.”

#

Rey waved the healing module over Ben’s cuts and burns from the molten door. She had offered to heal him, but he refused when a piece of technology could do the trick. He wanted her to save her strength for Benny.

“I told him what I could,” Ben said, “to try to convince him that you hadn’t abandoned him. It’s not his fault, Rey. Kylo is using everything Snoke used on me.”

“I know…still hurts.”

Ben brushed the loose hairs from her face. “We’ll fix this. He won’t become another me, I promise.”

“On the contrary, I hope he does become like you. Like Ben.” She smiled.

If only he could tell her what that just did to his heart. Before things leaned in a direction they couldn’t focus on right now, he cleared his throat. “What do we know of Torek?”

“Strange to pick that place. Nothing significant. It does have a lot of mountainous terrain, maybe he plans to hide Troopers there like the underground mines last time.”

“Good to know.”

Poe chimed in, “They also have an Alderaan refugee settlement there.”

Ben closed his eyes. “Oh great.”

“Got something against Alderaan?”

Rey glanced at Poe. “Goof. Don’t you remember? Who Ben comes from?”

“Ohhh shit, that’s right! You’re a prince!”

Ben groaned. “I’ve never had anything to do with anything from Alderaan except my mother.”

“Yeah, but that’s some lineage right there. Could work in our favor somehow.”

“Please, it’s better they think I’m dead. I’m going to need more than a scarf and cloak down there. Bad enough someone recognized me on Dorphan.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and Kylo will land somewhere uninhabited. Then you know, after we kick his ass, we can stop by the settlement and maybe get some freebies for the crown prince.”

“Please don’t. I’m nothing to those people. Never have been.”

“We get in, get out,” Rey said. “No one can know Ben is alive, not now. Too much is at stake.” She turned her bright eyes toward him. “Ben, what exactly happened back there? You weren’t projecting yourself, were you?”

“Not intentionally. I’m not sure what’s going on with that.”

Rey moved on to another wound. “You’ve been displaying amazing feats of power lately, the likes of which shouldn’t be, at least according to the old Jedi texts.”

Ben shook his head, loosening his black hair into his face. “I don’t know. The Force is fractured, maybe that has something to do with it.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

She lifted her hand, soft fingertips gathering on his cheek. Ben’s heart pounded. Every time she touched him, it lit up every part of his being.

“I’m worried about you,” she said. “I’m afraid your next display of power will be your last.”

He smiled and reached out, tracing the soft curves of her jawline. “I’ll be okay. I can channel a lot more power than I used to, and probably more if I could just get my head together, get Kylo out of it.”

“Just something about you, something bigger and greater than I think generations have ever seen. You’re on this whole new level. I’m just afraid you’ll push yourself too far one day. I couldn’t stand losing you again.”

Ben cupped her chin, still smiling, enjoying every line and curve of her face, the one he admired for so long but could not touch. “I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“Ben, I mean it.” Her hazel eyes bore into him. “I won’t go through that again. Losing you was like a perpetually empty void in my soul. Even in my most happiest of moments it still felt empty. And in my worst moments now, with you back, I feel better when I shouldn’t, and I hate myself for it, because I should be completely focused on Benny—”

“You are.”

“I’m not! And it drives me crazy, because all I can think of is being drawn to you, like that void is filled but not completely, like there’s this scab that just won’t heal, and I’m not sure how to make it stop hurting. Like everything in me needs to just heal with everything in you, and only then will I feel whole, feel like myself.”

Ben’s heart pounded in his chest, body and soul aching for her. He knew exactly how she felt, and it burned inside of him every moment of every day. Then he remembered their kiss, their first and only kiss, how everything in that moment seemed perfect, made sense, like the whole broken universe righted itself. He leaned in and knew she felt it, too. Her lips parted, full and sensuous, eyes softening. This was the only thing that made sense, such a small touch that would mean everything, heal all.

He leaned in closer, noses almost touching, hesitant because a part of him screamed that this was a bad idea while the other part pushed him onward. He closed his eyes—

—and felt a whoosh of wind as her hands pulled away from him.

“Finn!” Rey growled.

Ben opened his eyes to see Rey with Finn’s arm around her torso.

“That is ENOUGH!” Finn bellowed.

“Let me go!”

“No, I’m tired of this bullshit!” Finn pointed at Ben. “You keep crossing the fucking line with me, and I’ve had it! Not only do you stick your hand in my relationship over and over again without giving a flying fuck how I feel, you shove yourself into my place with Benny, and you fucking attacked me! Now I see you trying to kiss my girl? You don’t even try to hide it! It’s like you don’t even respect me in the least to have the common decency to try to hide it.”

Ben had nothing to say. Honestly, he didn’t respect Finn, didn’t like him, and saw him as just someone in his way.

Finn let Rey go, then waved his hand, beckoning toward Ben. “That is it. You and me. Training room. Now.”

Rey groaned. “What exactly do you expect to do in there?”

“I expect to kick his ass!”

Ben snorted. He tried not to, really he did.

Rey threw her hands up. “Are you serious? And what will that prove, assuming he doesn’t obliterate you?”

“It will prove I’m not going to take this lying down! No, him and me, I don’t care. We are settling this once and for all.”

“Finn, this is stupid.”

Finn shook his head, a pained smile on his face. “I can see you don’t respect me either.”

“That is NOT true!”

“I’m game,” Ben said, standing. “You want this so bad, let’s do it.”

“No! The both of you, this is stupid and proves nothing!”

Poe put his hand out. “It’s a guy thing, you kind of got to understand.”

“No, I won’t allow this!”

“This is between him and me,” Finn said. “Stay out of it!” He stormed down the corridor.

Ben felt like pummeling him just for getting mouthy with Rey. There was no way he was avoiding this fight. Silent, he followed Finn.

In the bridge, he could hear Poe. “Sona! Sona! Quick, there’s gonna be an ass-whuppin! Come on!”

#

Ben caught the practice saber sailing toward his face. He hoped for Finn’s sake that wasn’t the best the guy had. Ben spun the hilt in his hand. “Practice weapons?”

Finn drew his own out of the box. “Considered real weaponry but I don’t think Rey would approve.”

Rey threw her hands up. “I don’t approve of any of this!”

“I know you don’t, but just don’t interfere, okay? Not for anything.” Finn swung his cane saber back and forth. “Whatever happens needs to happen.”

Rey put her hand to her head.

Sona, standing beside her, crossed her arms. “It’s good they’re doing this. Combat can be a great equalizer, certainly a reduction of stress, and even the one who is beaten to a pulp learns what not to do next time.” She shrugged. “Overall it’s a healthy expression and I can’t recommend it enough.”

Poe turned toward her. “We really need to get you out more.”

Ben readied his saber at his hip, stance low, hand out for the draw. Finn stood with a rear stance, saber held upright, classic defensive posture for someone who should have been going on the offense.

Finn charged forward with an overhead strike. Ben drew his saber in a diagonal, upward arc, blocking the strike and throwing Finn off balance.

“Your center of gravity is off,” Ben said.

Finn recovered with a torso-level swing. “Fuck you.”

Ben blocked his next strikes, redirected a few more, dodged a kick and cracked the cane into Finn’s arm. “Reminds me of the last time we fought on Starkiller Base.”

Finn swung upwards with some impressive velocity, nearly knocking the cane out of Ben’s hand. “I’ve learned a lot since then.”

On that he was right. Ben found himself impressed by the next exchange of blows. Finn had excellent footwork and fluid dodges that led into the next strike. Ben had underestimated his adversary. Time to take things up a notch.

Ben slid in with a flurry of strikes Finn could barely block, then hooked Finn’s leg, sending him to the ground. “You’re impressive, but you need to up your game if you’re going to have a chance against me.”

Finn thrust his arm forward, shoving Ben backwards with the Force. Ben stuck his arms out. “Oh, we’re going to bring the Force into this? You really want to bring the Force into this?!”

“No Force!” Rey said. “This is bad enough.”

Finn leapt to his feet and charged at Ben again. Something lit a fire in Finn because his strikes came on much stronger. Ben took a hit to the arm and kick to the ribs but also delivered a punch to the gut and a kick to the leg that sent Finn sprawling again.

Ben tossed his cane from hand to hand. “How’s the ground? Seem to be there a lot.”

“You tell me!” Finn flung his cane at Ben’s face, and just as Ben struck it out of the way, Finn barreled into his stomach, the two of them slamming onto the floor. Finn swung fists that Ben blocked with his forearms before hooking Finn with his legs and flinging his opponent back onto the floor. Finn rolled out of it and grabbed his cane saber once again.

“Are you two done yet?” Rey asked.

“We’ll be done,” Finn said, trading strikes Ben, “when one of us is on the floor and doesn’t get back up!”

Sona nodded. “Yes, that is a good end goal.”

Rey looked at her. “Would you stop?”

Sona shrugged. “It’s better than a fight to the death, no?”

“Don’t tempt me!” Finn cried, canes tangled in a show of strength. Ben pushed him against the wall, struggling against Finn’s impressive upper arm strength but having the advantage of height.

Ben pushed both canes against Finn’s neck. “Just say the word…and this ends.”

Finn responded by kneeing him in the side and slipping out of the hold. Again their canes clashed as well as fists, knees, and feet. Ben had to admit, Finn was a far better adversary than he ever imagined. Rey must have taught him well over the years.

But honestly, this was getting tiresome. He knew what he had to do. He’d engage Finn in oneness, know every move before it happened, and just let the man tire himself out while Ben blocked every strike. It seemed the most humane thing to do, because in a minute or two he was going to end this in a way that would have Rey not speaking to him for weeks.

Ben opened himself while continuing the battle, just like Nara had shown him. He could feel Finn, sense the Force flowing through him. Not a bad flow, not great but not bad. Little more…open…expand…

A flood hit Ben like a punch to the chest, heavy with pain, heartbreak, and incredible love as well as frustration. This was a man losing the best thing that ever happened to him and fully knowing it while clinging desperately to any last shred of what they had. Ben could see memories: holding a baby boy’s hand as Benny took his first steps, rolling a ball back and forth turning to tossing a ball when the child was older, Benny’s sour look as he got disciplined, Finn’s firm but loving voice keeping the kid in place. And yearning, pain, aching for something Finn could never have—all of Rey’s love and attention. Feeling like he could never measure up to a ghost. Trying so hard but always failing. And now losing it all.

Ben saw they weren’t so different. Both loved Rey, both would be broken without her, and if Ben had been in his position, he’d understand the pain of losing her to the ghost that returned from the dead. And Benny? Finn loved him, really loved him, never treating him as different or disconnected from him.

In that moment Ben realized he did respect Finn, for being the man Rey and Benny needed and doing it so willingly. And Finn’s heart was breaking. He was losing everything that mattered to him.

Ben dropped his cane, no longer willing to fight someone who was a good person in a rotten circumstance. Finn swung in a wide arc and cracked his cane into Ben’s cheekbone, blast of pain sending Ben spinning and sprawling onto the ground. That hurt like a bitch, made him a little lightheaded on top of it, and he didn’t bother getting up. He was done with this fight.

“Ben!” Rey cried and dashed over.

Ben pushed himself onto an elbow and felt his cheek. Yeah, that was bloody as all hell.

Rey looked over his injury and turned back. “Really Finn?”

Finn thrust his hands out. “He just stood there! He could have blocked that! I _saw_ him block much more than that!”

Rey returned her attention to Ben. “You okay?”

Ben pushed himself to a sitting position, then rolled to his knees. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

Rey shook her head. “Why did you just let him hit you like that?”

Ben pushed himself to his feet, took a moment to let a wave of dizziness pass. “I didn’t want to fight anymore.”

Finn crossed his arms. “Why not? Because you think I’m not good enough for you?”

Ben looked at him, feeling compassion for the first time toward the man. “Because you’re not my enemy.” He wiped the blood trickling down his cheek and stepped out of the workout room.

Finn followed behind him. “Oh really? I’m not?”

Ben stopped and turned, causing Finn to put up his guard once more. “You’ve done everything right. By Rey, and Benny. How can I think of you as my enemy when you’ve been so good to them?”

By the widened eyes, he could tell Finn was taken aback by this sudden change. “You got a concussion or something?”

Ben shook his head. “I just realized we’re fighting because we both want the same thing, and no matter what Rey chooses, one of us will be hurt. And that’s shitty. It’s shitty Rey is stuck in that position, and shitty that we are, too. No, I’m…I’m not going to be that person. I’m not going to stand in the way of you two. I wouldn’t want the same done to me.” His throat tightened, realizing what he was saying, realizing what he was about to give up. “You just promise me something…no matter what…just be good to them. Just like you have been. Their happiness is all that matters to me.”

That was enough. Ben couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed a healing module from the medkit and slipped through the hole in his bedroom door.

#

What was he saying? What was he doing? Ben could have punched himself in the throat fifty times and still not have punished himself enough. Did he really just give up Rey to Finn? Was he out of his mind? Maybe he _did_ have a concussion.

Ben waved the healing module over his cheek and knew there was no brain damage to blame for this. This whole oneness thing, it was a double-edged sword. He could learn things he otherwise could not, connect with Benny across space, and then get his soul sucked out by Kylo and his heart broken being compassionate toward Finn.

To be one was to accept all things. Freedom, Nara would have said. But he didn’t feel so free lately, and he didn’t like accepting any of this shit. And learning to be compassionate should have made him more loving, not stomped on his heart and ground it through a rusty metal grate.

Why was everything so fucking hard? Again he longed for the lazy evenings in Nara’s land, her arms wrapped around him as he read from her infinite tomes, watching the sunset through the mist, burying his face in her hair as he slept beside her.

It felt like another world, a dream. He would have torn his left arm off to be with Rey, yet he kept sinking back into the love he had for Nara. How could he love in such totally different ways that didn’t intrude on the other?

Shouting from down the corridor. He turned his head to look through the hole in his door, realizing he needed to switch bedrooms until they could get the ship repaired yet again.

“You never loved me!” Finn cried.

“How _dare_ you say I never loved you?” Rey said. “I always loved you but you knew, you _knew_ I could never give you all of myself, so don’t you dare come to me now saying I never loved you!”

“I gave you everything! I gave you every piece of myself! Why wasn’t it enough? Why could it just never be enough for you?”

“Because it wasn’t! And you knew that! And it’s not your fault, and it’s not my fault. I can’t change who and what I am!”

“Your dream comes true and mine gets ripped right out from under me!”

“Oh I was never your dream, don’t you even try it. You latched onto me because you couldn’t form a relationship with anyone else.”

“Oh that is so not true—”

“It is and you know it! I was the safest bet. I needed someone to help me through it all and you needed something safe and familiar. We needed each other and we loved each other but never in the way either of us really wanted. You know it’s true.”

Silence, then Finn saying, “No it’s not.”

“Yes it is, Finn. You love me, and I love you, but neither of us were ever really in love with each other.”

“…No.”

“Yes, Finn. Admit it to yourself if not to me. You wanted to try with Rose but you couldn’t push yourself past those first few steps.”

“I never felt that way about her like I did you.”

“You felt that way with me because we bonded in a desperate time. And yeah, we loved each other, but not like that. Not in the way that it mattered.”

“…you’re wrong. I know you’re wrong.”

“Finn, what the hell do either of us know about relationships? You were raised in the Storm Trooper program, I was an abandoned scavenger, what the hell did either of us know about these things? Thrust into a war, every day facing the possibility of death, we never had time to figure it all out. When it was all over, we clung to one another. That’s it.”

“No Rey. No. And if you think that way, you’re wrong.”

Sliding doors closing. Second set of sliding doors closing.

Ben plopped his head back on his pillow. Everything was an unholy mess, and he was the cause of it all.

#

Ben adjusted his scarf as he stepped down the ramp of his ship. “Why would Kylo pick a busy settlement? Doesn’t make sense.”

“I feel Benny here, too,” Rey said. “We have to be in the right place.”

“Everyone keep your eyes peeled. They may be hiding in plain sight.”

The settlement looked like a storm had just swung its arm through the center of town. Debris, small fires, sobbing: Kylo had been through here, perhaps with a few friends.

“Where were you?”

Ben turned at the question to see an old man with tears in his eyes.

“Gray Wanderer, that’s what they call you? What good are you to us now?”

A body lay beneath a blanket, woman sobbing over it. Kylo’s battle strategy had shifted. He was now attacking Ben and Rey through innocent bystanders as well as their son.

Not for long…

Ahead, a group circled two men on a platform, angry shouts amidst pikes and other improvised weapons. On closer inspection, Ben realized the men still bore Storm Trooper armor on their bodies though the helmets were missing. He jogged up closer, and after what he had just seen, they would be lucky if they didn’t get cut down in one swoop of a lightsaber when he got there.

“But we didn’t do this!” one cried.

The other added, “We were told if we gave ourselves up we’d be shown mercy!”

“We didn’t even take part!”

Idiots. Did they hear the rumor of the Gray Wanderer granting mercy to those who left the First Order and think everyone was doing it?

“What’s going on here?” Ben asked.

The crowd backed away from him. He examined the troopers and saw they were tied to the post on the platform.

“First Order barrels through here,” a woman said, “destroys everything, starts shooting, people dying left and right, and these two stay behind thinking we’re going to give them mercy for anything!”

“We didn’t shoot!” the first one said. “We were supposed to toss our guns and lay on the ground and we did!”

“Then,” the other said, “when it was over, they grab us and won’t let us go.”

“I swear to you we didn’t do anything. We wanted out of there, and we said, the first thing we do—”

“On the next planet we land on is get away and ask for mercy. That’s what you’re supposed to do if you want to leave the First Order, right?”

Ben rolled his eyes. Where did the First Order find these two? “That was my decree for when I show up. You can’t expect the galaxy to do as I offer.”

A man stepped forward, “They deserve more than our justice system will allow, so we called in the Twelfth Squadron to deal with them. Just waiting for their arrival.”

Sona stepped forward. “The Twelfth Squadron? Oh you can’t do that, Ben, they can’t do that.”

Ben shook his head. “Who even is that?”

“Galaxy police,” the man said. “To handle crimes bigger than what planets are able to accommodate.”

Sona shook her head. “That’s not what they are—I know that’s what they say they are, but they are First Order delegates. You send these defectors back with the Twelfth, they will be considered traitors and tortured back into the Storm Trooper program.”

“We’re not going back!” the first man said.

“We’d rather you kill us first!” said the other.

Ben really had no time for this. “Sona, are you sure?”

She sighed. “I used to work receiving for prisoners of the Twelfth. I know what they do.” She looked up at them. “Do we have your word of honor that you did not attack this colony and you are willfully leaving the Storm Trooper program of your own accord?”

“Yes!” said the first.

“Absolutely,” followed the second.

Sona looked up. “Ben?”

Ben slipped in a quick probe of their minds. They were sincere. “We will take custody of these two. Release them.”

“Who the hell are you to tell us what to do?” shouted a woman.

“They are murderers!” said another.

“They deserve what they get!”

Clock was ticking, Benny was here somewhere, and this nonsense was getting in the way. Yet he couldn’t leave the men to their assured fate. “There is no need for the Twelfth. We will take them and assume all responsibility.”

More shouts and protest. A small group stormed up to him.

The first pointed a defiant finger at Ben. “I am El Garth, Representative of the Torek Settlement in the New Alderaan Alliance, and you have no jurisdiction here.”

The second slipped up beside El. “Whoever the hell you are, this Gray Wanderer business isn’t welcome.”

“We will serve our justice how we see fit and you have nothing to say about it!”

Ben was losing his patience. Benny was so close, he could sense him. “We are on a mission and will be leaving with these two men, end of story.”

“And what are you going to do? Break out that lightsaber? Threaten us? Go throwing your Force around, whoever the hell you really are? Attack us even once and you will be at the top of the fugitive list with these two—”

“This is the last time I’m asking—”

“—have no right to come telling us how to run our colony—”

“Now I’m telling you—”

“—stay out of our business! We are the last left of Alderaan and I’ll be damned if—”

Ben threw back his hood, scarf, and cloak and hammered the man with a sharp glare. “And I am Ben Organa Solo, lone heir to the throne of Alderaan!”

Complete silence.

Ben pointed to the men. “Release them at once. Now you are being commanded.”

El Garth shook his head. “The House of Organa has fallen. No heirs survive.”

“So you were told, and so I would have kept it if you weren’t keeping _me_ from something very important. Now let these men go into my custody and forget you ever saw me. That is the last order I will give.”

El shook his head, slowly, unsure. “Ben Solo died along with his mother. Everyone knows that.”

Ben towered over him. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t see my mother.”

“Ben…” Rey said through clenched teeth.

El said nothing, seemed afraid to move.

Ben looked around. “I want nothing of my lineage, only these two men. We will be taking them now.”

Ben heard a voice in the crowd, “The House had fallen! You are nothing to us!”

Ben whipped around, glare causing the crowd to shrink back. “SAY THAT TO MY FACE!” Silence. No one moved. “That’s what I thought.” He looked at El. “Now are you going to let these men go or am I going to do it myself?”

Neither El nor anyone else moved.

Ben put out his hand, twisted, and clenched. The men’s bindings snapped at once. Sona waved them down, and they filed in behind Ben.

Ben looked around. So many confused, hurt, and frightened faces. He felt like he owed them something, anything. “I am very sorry for what happened here. We are tracking and hunting the First Order marauders responsible, and I am sorry we arrived too late to prevent this. Rest assured those responsible will not go unpunished.”

Ben turned with a whip of his cloak and headed toward the mountains, wanting to punch himself in the gut for revealing himself and pulling rank. It seemed like the best idea at the time, but now he was regretting every moment.

“Ben,” Rey said, slipping up beside him, “are you insane?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“This is not funny.”

“I agree. I think I just lost my mind back there.”

“Word will get around and you will be at the top of everyone’s hit list!”

Ben sighed. “I know. But there’s no undoing it. We can’t worry about that now.”

Sona jogged ahead of them and turned around, walking backwards. “That—was—incredible! Such command! So beautiful, so _regal_ , yes that’s the word, regal! I don’t think I ever saw it before, but you truly looked like a prince back there.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Great.”

“So when this is all done, are you going to go back there? Rule them with an—” Sona clenched her hand. “—iron fist?”

“Sona?”

“I know, shut up.”

“Go get the new recruits prepared for battle.”

“Right, Captain.”

Ben focused on the mountains ahead. He could feel Benny, somewhere up there. Vague, things were too vague. Kylo was playing with the Force for sure, throwing off Ben’s senses.

“We don’t go by numbers anymore,” Sona said, “so what do you want to be called? Or do you want me to name you? The captain of our ship there, Ben, he’s the one that came up with Sona. I don’t know why, but I like it.”

Ben didn’t want to tell her it was the name of a little girl in his town who used to throw rocks at him, which he would fling along the Force into the neighbors’ plantings.

“Oh!” the dark haired man said. “I want to be Tarn.”

“Yes!” the lighter one said. “I’ll be Jorn.”

“Like that time we were on that planet—”

“Yes! By the stars yes! And remember—”

If Sona wasn’t giving Ben enough of a headache, Tarn and Jorn certainly would. Where the hell was Benny? The sensation kept moving, never staying in one place long enough to follow.

“Here,” Sona said, “you take this rifle and you take this one.”

“Rifle?” Tarn said. “I thought we wouldn’t have to fight anymore?”

“Well now you fight for the good guys. You owe it to Ben for keeping you from the Twelfth. Now get the armor off.”

“Wait,” Jorn said, “we’re going into battle without armor?”

Finn said, “You’re trained. You’re skilled enough. Just don’t get hit.”

“Who even are you?”

“That’s Finn!” Sona said with exuberance and command. “ _He_ was the first of us to defect. He knows it all. He’s helping me transition so now I’m helping you.”

Ben heard the two decommissioning their armor, the sound fading as he left them behind. The valley, something in the valley between the two peaks. “Rey? Anything?”

Rey rubbed her hands over her arms. “It’s all over the place.”

“That’s what I’m getting too.”

Sona squealed in excitement. “Tails! They have tails!”

“Prehensile,” Tarn said. “I should show you what I can do in a tree canopy.”

“We’re both quite flexible,” Jorn said. “We were taken from the same planet. We’re not related though.”

“Thank the stars!”

Giggles and Ben wished they’d all shut up already. He didn’t like this.

Then he felt it, hard and clear. Rey stopped as well. They looked up toward an outcropping. The wind whipped the cloak of a tall man in black. It looked like Kylo, but—

“Benny,” Rey said and gasped. “What did Kylo do to him?”

“Aged him to an adult. Fuck!” Ben missed enough of his son’s childhood, now the kid was a grown man in the span of days. “Let’s go.”

He broke into a run beside Rey and heard Finn calling Benny’s name, his own feet pounding the rocky landscape. An arm slammed into Ben, knocking him flat to the ground. Kylo’s lightsaber came down hard, just missing Ben by a hair. Ben rolled to his feet and locked sabers with Kylo. “GO!” he cried to Rey and Finn. He hoped he had talked some sense into the boy, that the parents he had grown up with could reach him while he dealt with this son of a bitch.

The Storm Troopers that had attacked the settlement poured out of the valley. Ben heard Sona shouting commands and Poe adding to them. Hopefully the four of them could deal with that situation, because he had his hands full with Kylo.

Again they were evenly matched. His adversary blocked every strike Ben made, but just the same, he knew the same moves Kylo would pull. Why wasn’t he gaining an edge? He had done it twice, why not now?

“You’re weakening.” Kylo shoved off a saber strike.

“You’re not even real.” Ben swung toward his back but was blocked.

“I’m real enough.” He dipped beneath a strike. “And once I merge with you, I’ll have all I need to be complete.”

Ben flipped backwards out of a strike. “That’s not happening.”

Kylo darted in straight. “Happened last time.”

Ben swiped at his leg. “I got out of it.”

Kylo clenched his teeth, fire in his eyes. “Tell me how.”

Ben kicked him in the gut. “Fuck you!”

Kylo came at him in a frenzied attack. “I can’t read it! I can’t feel it! You do things I can’t sense. Why?!”

Ben wondered the same thing, especially since that wasn’t happening now. He couldn’t gain an upper hand no matter what he did, and using the Force or oneness was out of the question.

Something wasn’t right. Something didn’t feel right. Why was Kylo so far from Benny? This battle, it felt like…a distraction.

The wave hit him hard enough he slipped, letting Kylo graze his arm. The pain meant nothing though. He knew what he sensed on the Force and it gripped everything in his soul. Ben focused on the outcropping, blasted a shot of the Force, and reappeared behind Rey and Finn. Dizziness and the sudden drain made him lose his footing for a moment, but he forced himself to regain his composure.

“You mean nothing to me now,” Benny said, voice low and cold.

Ben couldn’t believe how much the kid (adult?) looked like him. Bearing some of Rey’s rounder, softer features, but there was no mistaking the lineage.

“Benny,” Finn said, “I know you’re still in there. I know your heart is still in there. Don’t you remember? When we used to play…”

Cold hint of a grin. Dead eyes. Ben knew this, felt this, lived this.

“You were the son I chose,” Finn said, “and I still choose.”

Benny looked down his nose at him. “You are dead to me.”

Ben shoved Finn out of the way and pressed himself close, closer than Rey. “No, son. Not dead. You know your feelings still live inside you, no amount of pressure from Kylo can betray that.”

Benny laughed softly. “Ohhhh, you can’t begin to know how wrong you are.”

“I stood just like this with my father. He came to me, like I am, like Finn is now, thinking he could take me home, pull me away from the Dark.”

Benny tilted his head. “Were you weak? Did you give in like the weak little vessel of Light that you are?”

This kid clearly didn’t know him. “I killed him.”

Benny blinked, taken aback.

“Did Kylo forget to tell you that part?”

Benny looked so confused. “But you are not a warrior of the Dark. This makes no sense.”

“What did Kylo tell you? That I was weak? Or that you were weak unless you did the same?” Ben grinned. “Yeah, I see that look in your eye. I’ve been there, to the darkest places you can imagine, I have been there. There’s nothing you can surprise me with. I see through it all.”

Benny drew his saber, red light shining against the black waves of hair coursing over his shoulders. “Stay away from me!”

“Put down your blade. You’re unsure. You won’t strike.”

“I will!”

“No you won’t. I was sure. I felt it. But I don’t feel it in you.”

“Get out of my head!”

Ben put his hand out. “Come back with us. I’ll show you strength beyond any of this. What Kylo would call weak, I will show you is your greatest strength.” Ben closed his eyes for a moment, took in a slow breath. “I can feel the Force in you, son. It’s incredible, your capacity. I can show you how to use it all.” Ben stepped forward, hand still out. “Come with us. Come home.”

Light and sense returning to the young man’s eyes. Blinking as if he’d been under a spell. Their eyes met, and Ben felt such love and admiration for the boy before him, it poured out of him without control. Benny’s eyes widened. He could feel it. Eyes tinged with tears—happiness, love, connection.

Benny edged the saber away from Ben, letting it slowly dip out of his hand. Ben could feel it. Benny wanted to take his hand, wanted to be free of this mess.

Slam of agony, burning into Ben’s chest, hum of a saber too close to his ear. He looked at Benny’s empty hand, then down at the lightsaber impaled in Ben’s own heart. Body slowing down, weakening.

“NOOO!” he heard Rey scream.

Ben couldn’t breathe. He looked up at his son. Benny’s eyes, full of tears, horrified, confused, in shock, as if he didn’t know what happened. And maybe he didn’t. _It’s not your fault,_ Ben mouthed and hoped Benny could hear it in his heart if not through his ears.

Kylo appeared behind him and looked just as shocked. “What did you do?! Stupid child!” He yanked Benny back. “That was the wrong one!”

Rey let out a scream that could shatter planets. She thrust out a blast of the Force so powerful it seemed like it could end worlds, all of it directed at Kylo. The impostor put up a shield, but struggled, shaking behind it. Beside him, tears streamed down Benny’s face as he kept saying he was sorry, shaking his head, so confused and lost.

Ben wanted to grab him, hold him, but his body refused to obey him any longer. Kylo and Benny disappeared, teleported back to their ship once again. Ben fell to his knees, then crumpled to the side, landing on his back, staring at the greenish sky.

#

Rey

Rey could feel her world ending, everything moving in some strange slow motion. Her eyes met Benny’s, so sad, scared, apologetic. How deep did the darkness run in him? To have come to this?

 _Not his fault._ The last thoughts sent from Ben. He was right. Her Benny would never had chosen this. Kylo warped her baby, her special light, her beacon in the darkness, the only thing she had of Ben for twelve years. Kylo made him a killer, and she knew this would haunt Benny forever.

And then they were gone. Yet again. Her Benny? Gone. Her Ben?

She ripped the saber out of his chest and cast it beyond infinity. His sad, beautiful brown eyes stared at nothingness. Here she was again. Her Ben, her beautiful Ben, gone once again.

She screamed until there was nothing left, and still the pain would not diminish. Poe, Sona, and the other two gathered around her by Finn. Empty figures in the darkness. Nothing mattered. She failed. Again and again she failed. Her other half, her dyad, her beloved, the other part of her soul, lay dead once again beneath her arms.

She screamed again, burying her face in his chest, fingers entwined in that silky hair. Never would she see the sweet brightness in those big dark eyes, that smile that changed his whole face, hear his laugh or listen to the love in his heart floating on that deep voice. Her love, her true love, the one that came back to her, was gone once again.

Leaving her broken forever.

She felt Finn hug her from behind, say he was sorry, but she shook him off. He was in the way.

“I won’t live like this,” she said, teeth clenched, trying to suck in air that felt so thin. “I won’t do this again.” She put her hand on Ben’s stomach, the other on his heart where the blackened hole lay, ready to transfer her life force.

“Rey, no!” Finn cried and pulled her back.

“GET OFF ME!” She shoved him and placed her hands again. Ben would live, even if she wouldn’t, because she wasn’t going through that pain again.

“Think of Benny!” Finn said and grabbed her again. She wrested him off of her, then flung him using the Force. He wasn’t going to stop her. No one was going to stop her.

Hands back in place—the Force pushed her back. She turned to where she tossed Finn. “STOP IT!”

“I’m not doing anything!”

“You used the Force against me!”

“I didn’t—”

“LIAR!”

“Rey, I swear to you—I couldn’t get past your power if I tried!”

She turned to the others. “Who is it? Who has the Force?”

Sona, Poe, Tarn, and Jorn all looked at one another, baffled.

Rey glared at them. “Don’t—anyone—stop me.”

Finn’s shoulders slunk. “Rey…please…I love you. Don’t do this. Benny loves you—this will kill him! Don’t do it!”

Rey turned back to Ben. “This is killing me whether I do or don’t.” She placed her hands again—

And was shoved back by the Force. “WHO’S DOING THAT?!”

Her lightsaber yanked off her belt, ignited, and floated toward the rocky wall beside them. A-L-I-V-E.

Rey whipped back toward Ben. His eyes still stared up into nothingness. “Ben?”

Poe pressed his fingers into the pulse point at Ben’s neck. Shaking his head, he leaned over and listened at Ben’s chest. Solemnly, he picked his head up. “Rey, I don’t hear anything. He has no pulse. It can’t be him.”

The lightsaber cut into the stone again. Y-E-S.

“Ben?” Rey said, her hands on the sides of his face. “Please tell me that’s you!”

“Yeah,” Finn said, “how do we know it’s really him and not some trick from Kylo?”

The lightsaber sliced the stone face once more. F-U-C-K-Y-O-U.

Poe nodded. “That’s Ben alright.”

Rey placed her hands around the hole in his chest. She opened herself to the heart of the Force, the birthplace of all, where seeds opened to green, buds opened to flower. Ben’s flesh moved beneath her palms, blood vessels reaching out to one another, heart muscle forming cell by cell, bones arcing to bridge the gaps, thick muscle and smooth skin sealing it all.

Ben gasped, blinked, then drew his hand to the healed spot on his chest. Rey shook the numbness of her hands before placing them on his shoulders.

“Ben?”

He sat up, silky black locks flopping across his forehead and around his neck. His huge arms wrapped around her, and she sunk into his chest, hearing his blessed heartbeat and the rhythmic sigh of his breath, treasuring them.

Rey felt his thick lips press against her head, hot breath tingling her scalp. He was so warm, so perfect, so alive!

“Don’t ever do that,” Ben said, voice shaking. “Don’t ever give yourself up for me.”

If only he knew how perfect she felt in his arms, he’d understand why she had to do it. “I need you, Ben. I need you and I don’t want a life without you.”

He sucked in a shuddering breath. “You can’t do that, Rey. You’re so important—you’re too important.”

“So are you.”

“No Rey, not like you. Not like you…”

She remained in his arms, feeling perfection for the first time in over a decade. “I couldn’t lose you again. You don’t know what it did to me to see you…” She broke into tears, equal devastation and happiness.

“Yeah, I do.”

She could feel his shaking breath, the wet warmth of his tears in her hair. She just remained in his arms, hating the idea of ever being away from them.

Poe leaned in. “Guys, I hate to be ‘That Guy,’ but how the hell did you survive a saber to the heart? I mean I checked you. You were dead. Flat dead.”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. It was like I couldn’t move but I could see and hear and feel and everything. I think I was healing though, slow, not like when Rey did it, but I swear I felt something.”

“So, what are you like, immortal now?”

“I…really have no damn idea. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Rey, buried in his shirt, said, “Why didn’t you just talk to me? Through our bond?”

“I tried. It’s like…when your heart is broken, you just shut off from the Force. I couldn’t get through to you.” Ben looked around. “Benny?”

“Kylo took him again.”

Ben sighed. “Fuck…I have to get to him. I have to let him know I’m okay. I won’t let him live with that guilt, not like I went through.”

“Why? Why did he do it? My Benny…” Rey just wanted to hold him again, to cast off all that darkness forced onto him and just love him, make him remember what that was.

“It’s not his fault.”

“I didn’t think Kylo could push him that far—”

“No, something else happened. He was in shock when it happened, I saw it in his eyes. He thinks he did it, but I don’t think so.” Ben shook his head. “Something else got involved.”

“Kylo.”

“No…not him either. Kylo wants me alive. He can’t be whole unless we merge. He wants me to use the Force, not kill me. He wanted Benny to kill Finn, to push Benny over the edge, to live with the guilt of killing the man that raised him. Something else wanted me dead.”

Rey looked up at him. “What are you thinking?”

“I don’t even know anymore. I need to see Nara. I need to find out exactly what the fuck is going on.”

Rey cringed every time she heard that name. _The other woman._ Rey had told him what he did was his business before they were together again, but he kept running back to that woman. Ben belonged to _her,_ not this Nara character, and honestly, she was tiring of this little relationship he had.

But she felt so good in his arms, it made up for all of it. She squeezed him, burying her nose in the peaks and valleys of his chest. By the stars, he was so incredibly strong, hard, and thick, and smelled so wonderful on top of it. He kissed her head again, his huge hand sinking into her hair to hold her against his chest.

She shifted and saw Finn standing away from the group, not looking at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me too much for (nearly) killing Ben again! I know I was devastated by the TROS movie which prompted me to write this in the first place, so I didn't mean to terrify all you dear readers, it's just a theme with my writings. But also, we get to see deeper into Rey and know how truly broken she's been by losing him the first time, enough that she'd rather bring him back to life than face the pain again. Ben never got to experience that because he always knew she was alive, and I think it teaches him how important he really is to her. Sadly, Finn sees the same.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is in a heap of trouble when his secret gets out. Finn and Rey are forced to confront their relationship going forward. Ben is forced to make a choice amidst heartbreaking revelations and events that may just shatter his resolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a major possible trigger for grief/loss here. No one (but bad guys) ever really dies in this fic (except of old age,) but things will get extremely intense here during a major confrontation, so be forewarned and proceed with caution if any sort of grief or loss is a major trigger for you.

**Chapter 7**

“What happened here?” Tarn asked, eyeing Ben’s melted bedroom door on the ship.

Sona collected their weapons. “Something you will have to get used to around here. Ben and Rey have these Force powers like crazy, so don’t mess with them. Or put them in restraints. Or anything like that.”

“Wasn’t on the top of my list, but okay.”

Ben sat on the bridge couch, hand to his head. They lost Benny yet again, Ben got killed and didn’t die, he revealed himself to the public, and now they had two more stragglers to deal with. They needed answers.

“We can fix this,” Jorn said.

Tarn waved his hand. “No, wait, remove these doors, make this like a lounge, because we’re not all fitting on that couch, move whoever’s bedroom this is over—”

“That’s perfect! You always have the best ideas.”

Tarn swooped over to Ben. “You want me to take out those doors?”

Ben looked up at him. “What?”

“The lounge! Weren’t you listening?”

“No.”

“We take—”

“Look, I know you mean well, but I have bigger things on my mind right now than lounges and doors.”

“Yeah,” Poe said, “but you probably want your bedroom doors to actually close at some point.”

Ben sighed. “Fuck…”

Tarn waved him off. “We’ll figure this out and get back to you. Jorn and me used to work construction and repair before we were ready for deployment status. We’ll get this all up and running. It’ll be perfect.”

Poe sighed. “Ah shit.”

Ben didn’t look at him. “What now?”

Poe waved his hand and projected the display large enough to see from the couch. “Oh, just headlines broadcasting across the galaxy.”

BEN SOLO LIVES!

GRAY WANDERER REALLY BEN SOLO!

ALDERAAN’S PRINCE RETURNS!

WAR CRIMINAL BEN SOLO SOUGHT FOR QUESTIONING.

FUGITIVE BEN SOLO LAST SPOTTED IN SHANAY SYSTEM.

Ben let his head fall and bang onto the table. “Fuck me…”

Jorn said, “You’re cute, but no.”

Poe flipped through the headlines. “Wait, here’s something. ‘Kylo Ren of the First Order and Ben Solo are Two Different People? Witnesses say Ben Organa Solo, son of General and Senator Leia Organa Solo who was princess of Alderaan, was spotted fighting against known war criminal Kylo Ren outside an Alderaan settlement on the planet of Torek in the Shanay System. While it was commonly known that Ben Solo turned against his family and the New Republic to join the First Order, it’s possible that assumption was a mistake. The two men are remarkably similar in appearance, lending to the possibility Kylo Ren may be a twin of Ben Solo. While Senator Organa only claimed to have one child, she herself was a known twin, and it’s possible this family tree has sprouted in a direction that was never reported to the public. Further details to come as we continue to investigate this story.’”

Ben thought it was absurd anyone would consider listening to such nonsense, but what was better? The truth? That the Force was fractured and this new Kylo was born out of a shadow created unintentionally by Ben?

Poe smiled. “This may be your way out.”

Ben sighed. “I’m responsible for my crimes. It shouldn’t be passed off onto an imaginary twin I don’t have.”

“Well you died twice, what more do they want?”

Ben looked at him, then snorted into laughter. Yeah, he did die twice. One revival was accounted for, the other… “I’m heading to my room—”

Tarn leaned his head into the doorway of the bridge. “You mean the lounge?”

Ben pursed his lips, patience dangerously thin. “I’m going to move my stuff into a new room and then go do what I need to do to get some information. We have to track Benny again, I need to talk to Nara—”

“Can I come?” Rey appeared in the doorway like a ghost, pale drawn face adding to the mix.

Ben tilted his head. “Come?”

“With you. To see Nara.”

That both confused and slightly bothered him, but he wasn’t about to deny her. “Um…sure, I don’t know how. Our connection is a little—” He coughed. “—personal.”

Rey shrugged. “I just want to know how to do it, how you do that oneness thing.”

Ben stood. “I’d…love to teach you, it takes a little while though, won’t get it perfect on the first few tries—”

“I don’t care.” She shook her head. “We lost Benny twice. You died, yet didn’t. We can’t seem to gain an advantage. I see you growing stronger but me? I keep failing.”

Ben shook his head and sprinted to her. He put his hands on her sunken shoulders. “You are not failing! Not at all. Not to me.”

“Yeah, but to me I am. I want to grow with you. But mostly, I want to end this, get my son back, and stop feeling so horrible all the time.” She shoved a tear from her cheek.

Ben drew his fingers through the wetness on her face. “Okay. Okay.” He nodded down the corridor. “We’ll take the next room over so these two can…” He looked toward his old bedroom to see Jorn above the doorway, clinging to the wall upside down as he inserted a tool into the track. “Holy shit, you can do that?”

Tarn used his tail to pass a tool to Jorn. “Yeah, they trained our whole platoon in ship repair.”

That wasn’t what he meant and honestly, it didn’t matter. The new members were a little irritating, but they had some skills about them. Ben shook his head. “Yeah, anyway, let’s go in here.”

“Leave the door open,” Rey said. “Me and Finn…things aren’t good right now. I don’t want to make it worse.”

Ben nodded. “Of course. Whatever you need.” He pointed to the men. “So you two, keep it down, got it?”

“By your command, Captain, sir.”

Ben fought a smile.

#

Ben sat opposite Rey on the bed, legs crossed, hands relaxed on his knees. “The basic essence is that you let go of everything you think should be, everything that blocks you, accept everything as it is, and become one with it.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

Ben smiled. “As Nara would say, simple, not easy, and what is simple is often the hardest of all. It took me lots of attempts to get it right.”

“How will I know I’ve gotten it right?”

Ben drew in a slow breath, reminiscing. “You will feel like you’re at the center and beginning of everything, and everything at once. And it will all be so perfect there will be no denying it. You’ll see into and through everyone and everything—well, unless they’re adept enough to block you out, like Nara has when she was still training me, like you’ve done.”

“Me? Well I wasn’t doing it on purpose to keep you out.”

“No, of course not. You just have immense power, and you had to keep everything shut out.”

“Alright, well how do I know if I’m being blocked?”

“You’ll feel it. You won’t get past whatever it is. The important part is not to ask yourself how do you get past it, but why is it blocking you.” Ben glanced aside. “You should know that there are a lot of preconceived notions of how things are supposed to be that will get in your way, and you’ll have to accept a lot of things you may not otherwise.” He huffed out a breath. “You should also know that if you do succeed, normally it would be the most perfect and wonderful thing you could ever experience, but with the fracture in the Force, something really fucking awful is lurking on the edge, and it will make itself known. I never felt it until I came back into this world, but be warned that it’s there.”

“So…don’t accept that thing.”

“No, that would be bad.”

“Right.” Rey nodded. “So…let’s do this. I’m ready.”

Ben closed his eyes and inhaled. “Alright, let me know when you’ve reached the meditative state and we go from there. Again, I can’t guarantee I can pull you into Nara’s land, but maybe you can connect through your own oneness.”

“Okay.”

 _Center point. Zero point._ Ben settled himself as the minutes passed.

“I’m there,” Rey whispered.

Ben’s voice came low and soft in this state. “Feel the bed beneath you. Now expand your consciousness until you are the bed. Now the room…the corridor…the rest of the ship.”

Rey took in a breath. “I’m already being blocked. Finn. He’s throwing me off.”

“It’s okay. Just accept it and continue. Expand through space…to the asteroid field…become the rock and dust, every stone, every particle…expand…soften…”

Ben could feel her on the edge of his consciousness. Somehow they expanded out without crossing one another’s field, it was bizarre. For someone so connected to him, she still felt like a separate being in this state. “I’m going to connect with Nara now. If you can’t come with me, just try to keep this state. Keep expanding, but if things get rough out there, pull out. I’ll come out of my state when I’ve gotten what I needed.”

“Okay.”

Ben switched his consciousness to the little house in the mist and instantly drew there. Soft snow still fell, gathered in fluffy blankets around the landscape. It crunched in a satisfying and hollow manner beneath his boots as he made his way to the veranda.

Nara stepped out, her thick winter robe sliding like smooth cream over the snow. As always she bore a smile upon her face, so happy to see him. And he felt as if all burdens had been lifted from his heart.

“My dearest Ben.” She reached up to his face.

“Nara…” Ben wrapped his arms around her, feeling all the hell he had been experiencing melt into nothing. Then he turned, checked behind him. “Rey wanted to come. I guess she couldn’t cross.”

“I don’t yet have a connection like that to her. Perhaps we can bridge it one day. She is welcome any time.”

Ben wondered what in the world that would look like, especially with the way Nara greets him. Rey didn’t seem nearly as tolerant as Nara.

“She has her own blocks and borders,” Nara said, feeling him. “When she works past them, she’ll know there’s no division, no ownership, no separation between any of us.”

“Well, that’s something for another time. Nara, I have to talk to you. Things are weird, really weird, and I don’t know what’s going on.”

Nara took his hand. “Come, sit by the fire.”

Her home still smelled like sweet herbs and old books. He sunk into his favorite seat, melting into softness that eased every ounce of tension in his body. The radiant warmth of the fire melted the snowflakes that had gathered in his hair.

Nara sat on the chair next to his and placed her petal-soft hand on his. “Tell me.”

Ben relayed recent events, specifically him dying at Benny’s hand—maybe. “How did I survive that? And am I wrong? Did I sense something else in there?”

Nara stood and floated toward her bookcase. “How much did you read of the green books?”

“Maybe the first one, not sure I finished.”

She slid out a book, opened to a page, and set it in his hand. The inked image showed a lock of hair. Ben skimmed through the entry, surprise widening his eyes. “That protection ritual.”

“I hadn’t expected anything to happen, I just needed a little assurance for my own sake. Let’s just say I did it to make myself feel better, as I knew your skills would serve you well enough that you wouldn’t need it. But, yet again, the fracture has made things more complicated.”

“So—”

“You have a mirror in my world that will keep you alive. What injuries you sustain, even deadly ones, are healed from afar. Unfortunately, it’s not always quick.”

“Yeah, I thought I felt something, like my injury was being put back together, but not like when Rey did it. Hers is fast.”

“Dimensions and distance are a factor, but suffice to say, you can rest assured your body will not meet its end without my permission.”

“Yeah, but the rest of me is fucked. I can’t believe I slipped so deep into the darkness. I went after Rey!”

“You pulled yourself out.”

“Not fast enough.”

“I’d say it was still an accomplishment.”

He shook his head. “It was Benny. When whatever it was went after Benny, that just snapped me out of it.”

“Of course. Your fatherly love for him.”

Ben blinked, feeling that soft something that lay beneath his layers of consciousness. “Was that what gave me the power over Kylo? When I was finally getting an edge on him?”

“Powerful, isn’t it? And something Kylo can’t access, can’t use against you, because he can never understand it. He’s a shadow of your worst self. He can’t know that love.”

Ben gnawed on his nail. “But…Rey’s my dyad. Why did I turn on her like that? And why wasn’t my love for her enough to break the spell then?”

“It was there, but I think it got clouded in a sense of familiarity. The two of you fought often back in the day.”

Ben thought of the red and blue pendant. “Yeah. So…somehow I want to fight her?”

“It’s familiar in your relationship and strongest when you were Kylo. The lines may have been hard to separate. Your relationship was forged in battle.”

“Damn…yeah…”

“Explore new areas and I think you’ll see the key.”

Technically she was still with Finn. They wouldn’t go exploring just yet. “What about Benny? And the lightsaber? Was I right?”

Her face grew dark. “The corruption grows stronger, Ben, strong enough that it’s infiltrating your world without a conduit.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Not a lot, a little trickle, but that trickle is sneaking through anything it can. Just like when you slipped, it seeped in then.”

“Shit…”

“As for your son, it desires him. Unfortunately, it desires Benny a lot more than it does you, now.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“The strategy all makes sense. You were supposed to be the conduit, strong Skywalker blood in you and all. You would become the conduit and through your dyad you and Rey would bend the universe to the corruption’s will. But it hit a snag. Ben, the loving, good person I knew you always were, that Rey always saw, grew more powerful than the corrupt. You broke free from its grasp. Now, instead of a vessel, you are a threat. That’s why it wanted you dead, and it went through Benny to do it.”

Ben hung his head in his hands.

“It wasn’t his fault, not his choice. In fact, I think he fought the trickle a little better than you, because he had never turned to the Dark. What you saw in him was exactly that gentle boy you felt, only that trickle acted through his powerful Force connection and plunged the saber through you. Benny had nothing to do with it.”

Ben nodded. “Good…not for my sake, but for his sake. I was so afraid he’d become like me.”

“But now you have a problem.”

Ben looked up at the ceiling. “Oh goody, one more?”

“Kylo can’t merge with Benny, he can only merge with you. He can only become the conduit through you. So he still wants you, he’s still after you, and he’ll do anything to make sure _you_ become the conduit and not Benny. You are going to have to defeat him and fast.”

“I don’t yet know how.”

“Neither do I. Have the red books helped?”

Ben slunk into his seat. “I…read some.”

“Read some more, but don’t rely on them. Your business with him lies solely within you. Somewhere you have to find the key that links the two of you in order to destroy it.”

Ben tilted his head back, savoring the last moments of comfort and softness. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Sometimes, not knowing is just as good as knowing.”

“…What?”

“It’s when you least knew what you were doing that you performed your best. Follow that. See where it leads.”

#

Ben slipped out of Nara’s land but stayed in the meditative state. “Rey, are you still with me?”

“…Ben?” came her strangled voice. “Run!”

Ben opened his eyes to see Rey struggling, straining against something, her eyes that eerie yellow-orange. “Rey, what’s happening?”

“I can’t hold it back anymore!” She sobbed once, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Run!”

Not a chance! Ben clamped his hands onto hers and expanded his consciousness at once to join with hers. It was like being pulled on a whirlwind, yet he didn’t feel out of control. When he opened his eyes inside of their connection, he saw her standing in front of what could only be described as a horror, its very presence sucking the light, life, and existence out of creation. One tiny thread dangled down and pressed into her back.

She stood like an empress, clothed in the blackest of silk, horned crown encircling her head. She held her red saber at her side, struggling to keep it there, struggling against all of what wanted so badly to possess her.

“It wants to kill you,” she said, shaking from the effort to hold herself together. “You have to get away from me!”

Ben stepped closer. “That’s what it wants.”

Her saber leaned closer to him, Rey crying out to restrain it. “Ben! I don’t want to hurt you! Go!”

Ben continued, increasing speed. “I’m not afraid.”

She screamed with the effort it took to keep the saber still. “I can’t fight it!”

“You don’t have to.” He stopped an arm’s length away. “Not alone.”

He grabbed her hands, and she gasped from the sudden surge they both felt. The black regalia of the empress melted and pooled, draining back up the thread into the horror. With both of their hands holding the hilt of the saber, the red brightened until it blazed with blinding white.

He let go of her other hand, and while they kept a grip on the saber, they shifted to face the monstrosity.

“Look at us!” Ben cried. “This is what you will see at your end!”

The entire vision sucked into itself, thrusting them awake in his bedroom on the ship. Rey looked at him, her eyes back to that lovely soft hazel, then she fell into his chest and wept. Ben wrapped his arms around her, stroking her silken hair. “Rey, what happened?”

“I wanted to find Benny. And I did! I saw him, and he saw me. Ben, he was so sad. But I told him everything was okay, and you were okay, and he was loved, and I…I tried to pull him through. I thought it was worth a try. But when I touched him, something took hold of me, sucked me into that space. I used everything I could to fight it, but it was so strong. It was looking through my eyes and seeing you there with your eyes closed, so vulnerable. It wanted me to kill you. It kept making me think that I could fix all of these problems by just killing you—I wasn’t myself anymore!”

“I know…believe me I know. It was like that for me, too, when I slipped.”

She nuzzled into his chest. “Only you broke out. I didn’t.”

“You held it back. That alone is a testament to your strength, power, but most of all, love.”

Rey snorted. “Love can’t fix everything or this mess wouldn’t be here to begin with.”

“No, but love makes us strong enough to fix it.” He leaned his cheek on her head. “It was my love for Benny, knowing that I’d tear apart my soul and everything I had for him that helped break me out.”

“It was the endless love for you that helped me hold it back.”

Ben closed his eyes, sunk his fingers into the waves of her hair. “And it was us combined that forced it back. Rey, together, we are unstoppable.”

Rey pulled out of his arms and turned toward the door. “Finn…”

The man was expressionless, but at least he didn’t look full of rage like the last few times he caught them together. “Rey, can we talk?”

#

Ben’s nerves ground with anxiety, concerned for Rey. He knew Finn wouldn’t physically hurt her, hell, she’d break him in half long before Finn could try. But Ben could feel pain through their connection and couldn’t fight the urge to comfort her.

He paced the bridge, trying to keep himself occupied. Sona watched every single move he made, and he was about to send her to her room if she didn’t stop.

Finally she stood. “You look like you need to engage in combat. I can be your partner.”

Ben glanced at her. “No.”

“It’s good to fight. Releases aggression.”

“Fighting won’t help my problem.”

“Yes, but won’t hurt it either.”

Ben put his hands out to enunciate his words. “No!”

Poe chewed on a protein bar. “Sona, why don’t you go help Tarn and Jorn?”

“They won’t let me help them. Besides, they have that little droid in there helping them.”

“Well, why don’t you engage them in combat?”

“They are not stressed. Captain Ben is stressed.”

“Well then engage yourself in combat—just leave Ben alone! He’s got problems you can’t help with.”

Sona sat, crossed her arms. “I don’t understand these problems.”

Poe put his hands behind his head. “No one is expecting you to, just lay off Ben and Finn and Rey right now.”

Tarn slipped out of the new lounge. “So totally not done, but we rearranged some tables and counters, re-purposed the bed into more sitting areas, and I guarantee by tomorrow you will thank us to the depths of space.”

“Great,” Ben said, barely paying attention.

“But I think we’re going to turn in, we’ve had a long day. Any spare room for us?”

Poe took another bite of his bar. “Whatever’s not labeled is open, but stay away from the last two. We don’t know whether Rey and Finn need one or two rooms anymore.”

“There are two rooms open next to mine,” Sona said.

Jorn exited the lounge. “We only need one.”

“But there is only one bed.”

“Perfect!” Tarn said. He grabbed Jorn’s hand and dashed down the corridor.

Sona stared down the corridor. “Why would they share a bed if there are two rooms?”

Poe rolled his eyes. “They’re clearly in a relationship.”

Sona blinked. “Relationship? How are they in a relationship? There are no relationships between Storm Troopers!”

“Apparently there are now.”

“Why do they get to have a relationship? I want a relationship! Why didn’t I get one?”

“I don’t think they handed them out at the Storm Trooper office.”

“How did they have time for a relationship? The program expressly forbids it! How were they able to be together?”

Poe smiled and pointed toward the corridor. “Why don’t you go ask them?”

Sona stood and charged off the bridge, hot on her mission. Poe groaned, crumpled the bar’s package, and bounced it off the wall. “I get that these new folk have never been raised with any normal human interaction, but man can they get annoying.”

From down the hall: “We’re trying to have some privacy for the first time ever! Go away!”

Poe snorted. “If Sona comes back here, think I’m going to tell her to go to the workout room and report how many pushups she can do before she collapses. That should keep her busy.”

Ben sat but couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing. He could feel Rey’s tension and it was taking all of his strength not to charge in there and comfort her. What was Finn saying to her? Was he giving her attitude? Hurting her?

“Hey,” Poe said.

“What?”

“Whatever happens in there, just remember we’re all a family here. We’re meant to stay together, even if our relationships don’t work out.”

Ben smiled briefly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A door slid open and Ben heard Rey crying. He couldn’t stop himself anymore. He charged down the hall, compelled by both his love and their bond. Finn came out and passed him in the corridor, not looking at him. Ben felt it best to just leave Finn alone. Sometimes a man needed quiet more than anything.

“Ben?”

He stopped, listening for Finn behind him. “Yeah?”

“I am still Benny’s father. Don’t you dare take that away from me.”

“I would never do that to either of you.”

“Good.” Finn continued down the hall.

Ben followed the sound of Rey’s heaving sobs and found her on her bed clutching a pillow. Ben stepped in, hesitant, not sure of what transpired or what his place was in all of it. He continued to draw closer, seeing as she didn’t object. He sat next to her on the bed and put an arm around her.

“I never wanted to hurt him,” she said.

“Of course not.” Ben squeezed her shoulder.

“He didn’t deserve it. He really didn’t.”

“I know.”

Rey sniffled, calmed a little. “He said…he knows he can’t give me what I need, that he can’t stop a tide that’s already coming onshore.” She shrugged. “I should feel relieved, right? That he’s setting me free, to be with you?”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?”

“I think…the two of you…had settled on being together. Then…I came along.” Yet again he was the cause of her pain.

“I love him…for everything that he is…” She shook her head with fresh tears. “But I can’t be with him. Because I love you, and I can’t be without you.”

Normally he’d be floating after being told that by her. But her pain was so immense, it drowned out anything he could feel for himself.

“I…” Ben swallowed. “…wish I knew how to help you. How to ease your pain.”

She reached up and took his hand. Once their skin touched, their dyad activated, her pain becoming his and his comfort becoming hers. He burned with her pain but let it ride, let it free to express itself, while his endless love rained down on her, on them both, putting out the fires and cleaning the ash.

She looked up at him. “One day, I want to be the strength to you that you’ve given me.”

“You already are my greatest strength.”

Rey smiled and laughed with fresh tears, a flowing combination of joy and pain. She reached up, fingertips tracing the lines of his jaw, trailing into the hairs on his chin. He brushed his fingers over her forehead and into her hair. He wanted so badly to kiss her, but after what she just went through, he didn’t dare. Yet her eyes told otherwise, her heart, he could feel it through their bond. He leaned down, and she tilted her chin up.

A cold, harrowing presence permeated the room. Ben turned and saw Kylo standing before them, eyes burning with fury. Ben yanked Rey behind him and wished he had hooked his fucking saber.

“I will not be abandoned!” Kylo growled. “I will not be betrayed!”

Ben kept Rey’s hand clenched in his. They were stronger together. He really had to get his hand on a saber. Rey felt it and drew her saber into her hand, gold light igniting with a click.

Kylo pointed at Ben. “You will merge with me. You will do this or I will destroy EVERYTHING you love! I will BREAK YOU until you are nothing!”

Ben huffed. “ _You_ are a figment of my imagination, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll give us our son back and then you and me can settle this saber to saber.”

“I will not be cast out!” Kylo started punching his side. “I will be the conduit and YOU will make that happen!” He pointed his finger and breathed as if he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. “Mustafar. You will come for your child. He’s of no use to me. He’s a lousy apprentice who doesn’t APPRECIATE the Dark Side! If you want him back, you will come and you will give yourself willingly or I will shatter his soul until he is nothing but a shell and a puppet to be used for my amusement!”

Rey roared in fury and leapt up, pulling her hand out of Ben’s grasp to grip her lightsaber. Kylo vanished. She landed on the bed, saber still ignited, scanning the room.

A realization punched Ben in the gut, and he had to sit down. He had forgotten one very important detail in his insatiable drive to connect with Rey once again. They were no longer a dyad.

Kylo was their third. And as their bond grew, so did his with them.

Poe and Finn appeared at the door. “Rey?” Poe said. “Everything okay in here? Heard Ben kinda—well, freaking out.”

Rey clicked off her lightsaber. “It wasn’t Ben. It was Kylo.”

“Here?!” Finn said.

“Our bond,” Ben said softly, sickened by the implications. “It drew him in. Drew him here.” He looked up at Rey. “The stronger our bond, the more power it gives him to connect with us.”

Rey stepped off of the bed. “Then we head to Mustafar. And we end him.”

#

Ben buried himself in the red books as they cut across space. There had to be something in there about breaking Kylo out of their bond—as well as breaking him in general.

Rey sat on the other side of the strewn mix of texts. Together they had to find something.

By Mustafar, they had still come up empty. They needed a new strategy.

“I will offer to give myself up,” Ben said. “Then when you see me getting bad, you touch my skin, anywhere, doesn’t matter. It should work like it did when you were in the meditation, our combined power should break me out of it. By then, Finn and Poe can collect Benny while the others keep anyone else busy.”

Rey asked, “What’s to stop Kylo from teleporting and grabbing Benny again once we break the merge?”

Ben sighed, gnawed on his thumbnails. “Kylo has to know our ship to get on it. If Poe and Finn can get Benny on the ship, Kylo won’t be able to teleport inside.”

“But he was inside, remember? When you were comforting me?”

“…Would that be enough?”

Rey threw her hands up. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. I just know we can’t lose him again. We have to get Kylo away from him, disable Kylo—wait! When I grab you and break you out, remember that white lightsaber? We can cut him down, or at least injure him, disable him enough to get Benny away. What do you think?”

Ben shook his head. “I think we try everything.” He hung his head in his hands. “This is all on me. If I could just figure out what’s going on with us, what specifically links him and me that needs to be severed, we could be rid of him already.”

Rey put a hand on his back. “We will. For now, we just get Benny, no matter what. The rest we figure out after.”

Ben rubbed his temples. He wished he had a real plan in place. Nothing felt good about this.

#

Ben had been to Mustafar once before, and it was just as hot and awful as the last time. He wished he had tied his hair back. Sweat dripped from the ends of his locks as his feet crunched the obsidian gravel beneath his feet. Steam vents reeked of sulfur, and the bloody sky hung like an ominous shroud.

Rey stayed close at his side, the rest of the team forming a protective semi-circle behind them.

There, atop a rise of land before a bubbling lake of luminous orange, stood two figures. Ben glanced at his team, each nodding, knowing their role. He and Rey led the pack forward.

Kylo put his hand out, commanding them to stop a few yards away. He looked forlorn, upset, not full of his usual cold fury. Benny just looked out of sorts. Tired, disconnected.

“We’re here,” Ben said. “Let the kid go.”

Kylo heaved in a breath and looked up at the sky. “Why was I never enough?”

This was an interesting turn. “What?”

Kylo clenched his hand. “I was promised! It was rightfully mine and I won’t let him take that away from me!”

“What’s that now?”

Kylo shook his head, eyes casting over the landscape. “All you had to do was join with me and it wouldn’t have come to this. You abandon me. He abandons me. My family! My uncle betrays me!”

“That’s my life story, not yours—”

“SHUT UP!”

“Let the kid go and you can merge with me. Simple as that.” Ben pointed to Benny. “But he is now and forever off limits. Let him go to my ship with my crew, and I will surrender.”

Kylo’s lips curled, baring his teeth. “You’re so…perfect aren’t you?”

“Have your crisis some other time! Let the kid go!”

“Benny,” Rey said, “come on. Come behind me.”

Benny frowned as if he barely understood her. Ben wondered what Kylo did to him and why.

Kylo’s pursed lips moved as if he wanted to say a thousand things at once. “You think I’m stupid? You think I can’t see? He betrayed me all because of you and that weak…pathetic…LIGHT of yours!”

Ben shook his head. “Benny?”

Kylo looked up at the sky again and shook his head. “All about Benny…perfect little creature that _I_ TAUGHT, and _I_ TRAINED! _I_ MADE HIM who he is! And now I’m nothing.”

Ben stepped forward. “Enough whatever the fuck this is, let’s just merge and get it over with—”

“You’re USELESS to me the way you are now!” He tried to smile, but just curved into an ugly grimace. “But if I can break the Light…”

The ground crumbled beneath Ben and Rey into a chasm. They stilled themselves on the Force as the rest of the crew backed up down the hillside. Ben reached out to Benny only to find him and Kylo gone.

A flash out of his peripheral vision…

Body falling to the lava…

Kylo floating above…

“NOW I BREAK YOU!” Kylo screamed as the second figure burst into flames upon impact.

Ben’s heart stopped. Everything stopped.

Rey screamed with the most incredible murderous rage that rattled the landscape, and she blasted an endless barrage of lightning at Kylo. Ben flashed himself to the spot and reached down toward the searing magma to the blackened hand that sunk into its depths.

No…

No…

This will not happen…

_I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!_

From the depths of a center of all eternity, beyond all thought and rationale, Ben summoned all the Force he could muster and gripped time and space, freezing it in a stranglehold. He could still feel Benny. The boy had not crossed into the Force, no, not yet. He was still there, still available. He could still be saved. Nara could save him.

Ben punched through time and space yet again, struggling to hold onto the amount of power this all required. He broke through to Nara’s land, ripping open a portal. He reached through, still holding the reality in Mustafar frozen, forming a bridge between worlds.

Summertime in Nara’s lands. She jogged toward him, look of utter shock on her face. It was not a face she had ever greeted him with.

“Ben!” she said. “What are you doing?”

“I need your help.” His voice shook with the effort to hold this all together. “My Benny’s body was destroyed by lava but I caught him! I caught his soul before it merged with the Force, so now I _need_ you to grab him and heal him just like you did with me.”

Nara looked around. “How are you doing this?”

“PLEASE! Nothing—” He shuddered with the agony in his heart and the tremendous effort to hold everything at once. “—nothing matters but him. Please…you have to save him!”

Her shoulders slunk. “Ben, it’s—”

“I’ll give you anything!” He stared with pure intensity to enunciate his next words. “You can take my body, use it how you need. Take my life, my soul. Take anything you need of me. I will _give you everything_ just please…” Tears filled his eyes. “Help him.”

Nara sighed, her gaze softening. “You’re the one. Truly.”

Ben had no idea what that meant but it wasn’t helping. “I…don’t know…how much longer…I can do this. Nara I need you.” He blinked down tears. “More than ever I needed you. No price is too high to pay.”

“Ben…you’ve broken through time and space. You know time flows differently here.”

“So?” He strained with everything he had to keep holding on.

“You’ve come in at the wrong timeline. To do the healing I did on you, he would wind up being here much longer than you were. You may not see your son for another twenty years.”

“No!” He couldn’t do that to Rey, but the alternative was so much worse. “I have to. Nara I have to. I can’t let my boy die!”

Nara sighed and smiled. “I guess I always knew this day would come. There is another way, not quite as perfect, but then again, nothing is in these situations.” She folded her hands. “I am going to give you a gift, but this time, it’s one I’m going to need back.” She looked behind her and put out her hand. “Qui Gon? Come out here, my dear.”

What the hell did Qui Gon Jinn have anything to do with this? Then Ben saw the child step out of the house. Dark brown eyes like Leia’s, thick black waves of hair.

Ben’s heart raced. “What is this?”

Nara took the child’s hand who couldn’t have been more than six. “Apparently I was still more human than I even expected, for the place, for my age. Thought those days were long gone for me, but suffice to say, our beautiful time together had its consequences just as beautiful as its creation.”

Shock and a thousand other emotions flooded through him while he did everything to hold the gateway open. “How could you never tell me?! How could you keep this from me?!”

“As I said, you came in at the wrong timeline, not that I think you really knew what you were doing when you did it. Then again…something in you knew somehow, I think.” She crouched next to Qui Gon. “My dearest boy, this is your father, he’s just in a different timeline. You’re going to go spend some time with him and then one day, you’ll come back to me.”

Ben dropped his jaw. “I can’t just bring home a child from another woman to Rey and tell her it’s Benny!”

“Of course not, that would be horrifying. I will cross back with you, grab onto Benny, and perform a ritual that will put him inside of Qui Gon. They’ll have to share this body for a time, but the rest of the ritual will rebuild Benny’s body while transferring Qui Gon’s back here. You’ll have Benny, as he looked before, back in full in a year, maybe a little more, but at least he’ll be with the two of you all of that time. He won’t have to disappear for decades.”

Ben shook his head. “How can I go back to Rey with this solution?!”

“Considering the alternatives, I think she will understand. She’s lost enough. Any more will break her, whether it’s Benny or you or that much time away from her child. This gives you all a solution, _and_ Qui Gon gets to spend time with his father in another world and even share a body with a brother.” She ruffled the black waves of hair. “Won’t that be fun?”

The little boy looked up at her. “You can’t come?”

“My body can’t, but we are one, so you are never far from me. Just like me and your father are one. All three of us, one. And I’m sure Rey will come to love you, too.”

“Then we can all be one?”

Ben broke down into the heaviest of sobs, not even knowing why anymore.

“All one,” Nara said. She picked up the boy, kissed him on his squishy cheek, and handed him to Ben. “I will let you know when the ritual is complete, when you can break this portal and the hold you have over space-time.”

Ben held the little boy in his arms and felt like he was breaking apart and coming together all at once. “Nara…thank you.”

“Remember, my dearest Ben, I need my little boy back. You must protect him at all times. His mirror here will be very weak, and I cannot lose him.”

“I promise you…I will be so much stronger…I will never let either of them get hurt ever again.”

“You are so much stronger than you realize. Let’s complete this.”

Ben felt the strain of the portal release as Nara’s energy floated through, keeping it open herself. He fell back into his own world, still holding that space frozen. She reached into the lava, pulled out a glowing, misty child of eleven, and led him to little Qui Gon. She whispered in Benny’s ear, kissed him on the head, and placed him into Qui Gon’s body. The glowing blue seeped into the child and vanished. She connected a green thread (from the green books?) to Qui Gon and retracted through the portal. Time and space healed itself after her departure, leaving Ben still holding the space in his world. He floated over the lake of lava, reached dry obsidian sand, and wrapped himself around Benny’s new body, essentially holding his two sons in the most loving, protective grip. Safe, he released his hold, letting time flow again, and sunk into his boy(s.)

#

Ben sobbed as he held Benny/Qui Gon, shattered by the circumstance, the revelations, the solution, his incredible love for the both of them, the betrayal he felt over not being told, everything. Every single thing in the universe broke at once and he couldn’t hold himself together.

Worse, how was he going to tell Rey?

Someone slid into the sand in front of him. “You got him?!” Rey’s squealing voice of terror, shock, and delight broke him even further. He couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t let Benny go. He couldn’t let her see him and know the truth.

When he wouldn’t let go, she wrapped her arms around both of them, sobbing and laughing. “Benny! Benny, it’s Mommy! You’re here! You’re really here and I promise I’ll never let you go and I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I love you, baby. I love you so much you can’t begin to imagine how much I love you—” She screamed into Ben’s shoulder, her happiness and relief combined with overwhelming emotion.

“I love you too, Mom,” Benny said, which made Ben cry harder.

“Please let me hold him,” Rey said, breaking her hug.

Ben couldn’t breathe. “Rey…I have to…tell you something.”

“Okay, but just let me hold him—”

“PLEASE Rey just listen to me—” He gasped for breath and still couldn’t stop crying. “—you have to know.”

Finn slid over. “Benny! Buddy you’re back!”

“Dad!” the boy said, muffled beneath Ben’s death grip.

“Ben—” Rey gently tugged at his arms. “—it’s okay now. It’s okay. I just want to hold him.”

Ben wished he could just breathe so he could talk. “Rey listen to me…I wasn’t in time…I tried, but I had to…I can’t even…” He broke down again, too bludgeoned by it all to get a word out. He finally let his arms fall, unable to hold onto anything anymore.

Rey yanked Benny out of his arms and put him in an equal bear hug. She rocked him in her arms, sobbing into his hair.

“It’s okay, Mom,” Benny said. “I’m okay now.”

“Oh…you feel so tiny in my arms!”

Ben thought he would pass out. “Rey I had to make a desperate decision.”

Rey leaned back to look into Benny’s face. Her smile dropped. She looked him over.

Ben let out a cry as he crumpled to his elbow. “I couldn’t save his body Rey. But it’s him. I swear it’s him.”

“Benny?” Rey said, alarm growing in her voice. “Why doesn’t he look right? And he’s so young—”

“It’s me, Mom!” Benny said. “It’s really me!” Then. “You’re pretty. Nice to meet you.”

Ben collapsed to the ground, digging his fingers into the obsidian sand.

“Ben?” Rey just about shrieked. “What’s happening?”

“I can tell you,” Benny/Qui Gon said. “My mommy said that Benny would take too long to rebuild his body and that wouldn’t be fair to you because he’d be gone a lot of years so she said I could come and Benny could be inside here with me and it’s fun because now I have a brother.”

Rey shook, tears filling her eyes. “Benny?!”

“I’m really here, Mom! I promise! I just have some other kid in my head, it’s kinda weird. But I can prove it, remember when you came to me the other night?” That brought a set of fresh tears to Rey. “You said you were sorry for everything and you wished you could change it all back but since you couldn’t you’d spend the rest of your life loving me a million percent.”

She cried out in a mix of joy and agony and pressed him to her chest.

Ben rolled onto his back, staring at the murderous sky. The crew gathered around them. Finn said some things. They sounded nice. Poe sounded confused but played it off. The sky grew dark, the red of deep flesh wounds, deep wounds…deep wounds in the soul…

Completely drained, Ben closed his eyes.

#

Ben gasped awake and surveyed his surroundings. His room on the ship. Good. The window glowed blue. They were in hyperspace. Also good. He tried to sit up and had no energy to spare.

BB-8 rolled into his room with chirps and beeps.

“Food would be wonderful right now.” Ben closed his eyes again. “Anything.” The droid rolled back out, leaving Ben with his thoughts. He felt so raw, torn apart physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, as if every one of those parts was a bloody mess that wouldn’t clot.

Sona entered with one of those thick energy drinks in her hand. “BB-8 said you were up. Drink this. We used to give similar to soldiers that returned injured.”

“Thank you,” Ben whispered, barely able to speak. He tried reaching for it, but his hand dropped before he could move it far off the bed. “I’ll drink it later.”

“That’s a stupid idea.” Sona shoved some pillows around then yanked him up to a sitting position. He regarded her with surprise. People never had an easy time moving him. She sat next to him and held the drink to his lips. “Here.”

“Thank you.” Ben gulped down the drink, famished. Whatever he did with that crazy power of his, it took everything out of him. “How long have I been out?” 

“Nearly fifteen hours. I thought you died. But Rey said you couldn’t now, so that was good. I wouldn’t want to lose a captain.”

“I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”

“They were all very confused over your boy, but they got used to him, I guess.”

“Where is he?”

“With Rey in her room. She does nothing but sleep with him in her arms.”

“She’s exhausted. We all are.”

“Finn is in and out of there all the time, looking after them. I told him I would help, but he wanted to do it. I guess that’s a thing you do in a relationship.”

“Yeah…” Ben sighed. “What happened to Kylo?”

Sona shrugged. “Rey hit him with lightning, can you believe that one? He disappears. She destroyed his ship, that was fun to watch but she should have let us raid it for supplies, we’re running low. I asked if he was dead but she says she didn’t think so. We haven’t seen him since.”

Ben nodded. “How low are we on supplies?”

“Enough for a few days, why?”

“Because I could eat a few days worth of food right now, I’m starving.”

Sona stood and smiled. “For the captain—no, for the regal prince—you have as much as you want. I’ll bring you some more.”

Alone again, Ben tipped his head back trying to think of anything else except what happened. It was like an open wound, sensitive and couldn’t be touched without sparking agony. He’d have to broach it eventually, but now, he just didn’t have the strength.

And Nara…how could she not tell him? Especially after how heartbroken he was to learn he had a son twelve years later? She knew how he felt, why did she hide it? He couldn’t help but feel betrayed by her, and that stung. He had put his full trust into her…

He couldn’t go there now. Kylo…they hadn’t heard from him. Good. That wouldn’t last forever, but he sure wished it would.

_NOW I BREAK YOU!_

And isn’t that exactly what Kylo did? He had said something about breaking the Light in Ben, then he pulled that move. All the planning they did never accounted for that. The corruption wanted to kill Ben and use Benny. Why did Kylo try to kill Benny?

All that talk about betrayal and being abandoned…

Kylo turned on his master! It all made sense. With Benny—and that incredible power the boy hadn’t begun to tap—the corruption had its perfect conduit after Ben became too strong to let it take hold. That would leave Kylo out of the picture, fractured and incomplete, existing in a state of perpetual hunger. With Benny dead, not only would it would force the corruption to choose Kylo once more, but Ben would be so broken over it, he’d be an easy target yet again. Ben’s shadow was rather clever.

And didn’t he succeed, even if Benny survived? Because Ben wasn’t sure he could take anymore. Every part of him felt broken and drained. If Kylo came now, there would be no fight.

Ben’s only saving grace was Rey’s divine mother’s rage when she realized what happened to her baby, powerful enough to cause that much damage to their triad adversary. Ben wondered how that attack affected them all, if somehow they all suffered the consequences.

He had to defeat Kylo as soon as possible. But honestly? Ben wished he could just slip away, forget it all, go back to Nara—

—who broke his heart with her silence.

Sona popped in with those little tiny birds on a stick. “Do you like these things?”

“Yes! Gimme!”

#

Eating helped, but Ben still could barely move. Nor did he want to. Rey said she would sleep for a week when she got Benny back, and that honestly seemed like a good idea.

Sleep wouldn’t come. He thought about checking through the ship’s entertainment selections, maybe watch a movie, but it seemed empty. Music wouldn’t do either. So he stared into the silence.

In the distance he could hear Tarn and Jorn going on and on about their lounge. He thought he heard Sona challenge someone to combat. Poe just asked who ate all the _taborra_ snacks.

All of it a pathetic distraction from the constant pain in his heart.

Ben closed his eyes. _Center point. Zero point._

It was so much harder this time, and he hardly had the energy for it. How could he be one with someone who betrayed his trust by withholding something so important?

Yet he still opened his eyes in Nara’s land, almost as if she pulled him in. Not snowing this time, but icy with bitter winds skating across his skin. On a rare note, it was nighttime, sky dusted with endless stars. 

She waited for him on the veranda, arms out. “My dearest Ben.”

He did not go into them. He wanted answers, not hugs.

She sighed but still kept her smile and tilted her head. “Will you at least come in out of the cold?”

“How could you not tell me?” His voice cracked, and he pressed his lips together to control himself.

“It was not time for you to know.”

“And that was your decision?”

“That was time’s decision.”

Ben threw up his arms. “That doesn’t even make any sense!”

Nara leaned against the railing of the veranda. She pointed into the sky. “You see that star there? The bright blue one?”

Ben absently looked. “Yeah.”

“That is you. The bright light in the indigo night. I have watched that star for ages. It called to me, it always called to me. I loved that star. I would reach out to it and tell it that one day we’d be together.”

“Nothing about this makes any sense and doesn’t answer my question.”

She turned to him. “Oh but it does. When Leia asked me to heal you, I did not expect much. When you fully returned, I enjoyed your beauty and certainly enjoyed your body.”

Ben sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. It _was_ getting a little too cold.

“I saw great potential in you, and when I merged with you as one, I saw what a shining jewel you really were after being wrapped in the confines of the Dark for so long. But even I wasn’t powerful enough to see your truth, and that shocked me. When you broke into the future timeline, it was a feat you should not be able to do, not at the level you were, not without having read most of my books in the least. Do you know how you did it?”

“Not really. I just knew I was going to do anything to save Benny. Something else took over and did that part. I just held it once it was complete.”

“Yes, something else, your deepest and truest well of power. I knew it then that the star I had been waiting for had come to me.”

Ben growled. “I’m a man, not a star—can we please go inside, I’m freezing.”

“Of course.”

The fire wrapped its radiance around him, and when he sat on his favorite chair, Nara finished the job by encircling the softest blanket around his shoulders. He huddled beneath it, basking in the heat.

“As I was saying—” Nara sat on her chair. “—no, dear Ben, you are not a star fallen out of the sky. But you are the light in the indigo night I have been waiting for all my life, the energy behind the symbol in the sky. Your potential is only hindered by your own preconceived notions of what is and what is not.”

“Great. Thank you. I appreciate that. Now please tell me why you didn’t tell me!”

“Because it wasn’t your time to know. You know it flows differently here. Your time is with Rey, right where you are, joining that beautiful light of yours with hers, wrapping you both in the darkness of the night, both together forming the incredible beauty of the galaxy and space. Your time is with Rey and Benny and your friends. That is your life to live, your life in that world, and that world is so brief, so temporary, that you need to focus solely on making the best of it, using it for all it’s worth, for not everyone is so fortunate.”

She stood before him, put her hands on his shoulders, and he felt no more urge to cast her away. “This timeline exists when that life is done. So love your Rey, make a life with her, have exactly what your mother wanted for you. Use that starlight to make the galaxy a better place. Be the beacon of liberation. Be the hero everyone has been waiting for. Have children and watch them grow, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. Leave a mark in that world that will never be forgotten. And when that expression of the universe is done having its say…”

Nara pulled back her winter robes, and Ben realized she was not padded by extra winter layers. She had grown heavy, rounded belly filled with the life that would be. He reached up, put his hands upon it, and felt little Qui Gon waiting beneath. He leaned his forehead against her belly and breathed out, tears wetting her skin. Her fingers sunk into his hair, and he finally understood.

“This awaits,” Nara said, “but it is not for you now. But we are one, and you are always welcome here, for my help, for my books, or just to get away, to rest. It may not be in this moment in time, but this space will always be here for you.”

Ben smiled, laughed a little, and sniffled. “Not sure Rey will be thrilled about this. She gets so tense when I mention your name.”

“Teach her how to be one with all things. She has her part to play in all this as well, something I sense but cannot place. Not until I connect with her myself. But sometimes, when I watch the night sky, I feel like I see her, just as I did you with that star.”

Ben swallowed. “It’s going to be hard to go on with life knowing this is happening not too far from me.”

“That’s just it. It’s not. When your time for this place comes, you’ll see. Until then, your life is that way.”

Ben woke, still feeling drained, but at least his soul was at peace with Nara. Unfortunately, all other problems remained.

#

Nara

Nara gathered the blanket she had wrapped around Ben and whisked it around her own shoulders. It still smelled of him, sparking so many delightful memories of their time before.

To think her Ben had become the Indigo Star. There were prophecies long before the ancient texts, most often forgotten, but this was one that spoke so deeply to her when she had first come across it, for it reminded her of that favorite star of hers. If Ben would read the Red Books of Doom, he might find something familiar in there.

Would Rey turn out to be the Golden Star? If so, perhaps there was hope yet for them all. And what was it about Rey that spoke to her in songs on the wind?

All to be revealed in its own timeline.

Nara stood and drifted to the altar of healing where she had rebuilt Ben’s body. She pulled back the covering and stared with deep joyous pleasure at that thick, luxurious hair, those lashes hiding those big brown eyes, the hard, chiseled body that grew to perfection, unlike the last time when he was so weak. Different circumstances, different rituals.

“When it is our time,” Nara said and slipped her fingers through that jet black hair, “your mirror awaits.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts Ben about the choice he made to save their son. Ben's attempt to bond with his son shows him just how much raw power the child can muster. An ominous threat puts the galaxy in danger. Ben must figure out how to defeat Kylo and receives help from an unlikely source. With all the chaos surrounding them, will Ben and Rey finally have a chance to rekindle their relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get steamy once again! Be forewarned or excited, whichever you wish! This chapter is also a bit longer than the others, lots of emotional prep before things get wild!

By the third day after the fiasco, Ben started to feel like himself again. Still a bit weak in the legs, he regardless needed to venture out of his room before he went insane.

Rey made no attempt to speak with him, not even through their connection. He tried not to let it bother him, and he knew she spent most of that time sleeping. She had been through so much; he didn’t want to push her.

He gathered a protein drink and gulped it down, needing to get his strength back. A barrage of clacks and giggles caught his attention. He followed it to the workout room and paused just outside the door. Those waves of black hair struck him in the heart, soft and shiny, bouncing as little Benny/Qui Gon swung the practice saber. Ben never had a chance to really admire his sons. Benny wasn’t himself in any of their meetings, and Qui Gon, it was just so brief. Now Ben watched as little arms swung the cane, tiny feet stepping in clumsy formation.

“It’s these tiny arms!” Benny said. “It’s like I’m a little kid all over again! I _am_ a little kid. It’s not _my_ fault. Yeah, but I already grew past this stage, it’s kind of unfair.”

Finn said, “You just got to build them muscles up, that’s all. Won’t hurt to relearn the basics. The basics are what you come back to and form the foundation of everything you do.”

“Yes!” Sona said. “You always start with good form. No excuses! We trained at that age too and no one cared whether we had baby arms.”

Benny groaned but struck at Finn again.

“That’s it,” Finn said. “There you go. Now you’re doing it.”

“My mommy taught me this one.” Benny swung from low to high following with a twirling kick. The move had so much Nara in it, Ben felt his heart skip.

Two sons from two different women in one body. And he loved them both.

“That’s a good one!” Finn said. “You got me there. Your mommy must be a great fighter.”

“No one can beat her unless they know how to be one with her. That’s so weird, what does that even mean? It means to open up and become the other person. How do you do that?”

It was bizarre hearing two different types of speech coming from one voice. But Finn flowed with it, not hesitating or changing a beat. He treated them both like…his sons.

Benny laughed and tossed his cane. He jumped onto Finn, the two wrestling, Finn pretending he was losing while Benny laughed in two different voices.

Finn finally caught sight of Ben and sat up, losing that jovial face. “Ben.”

Benny stood. “Dad—dy. _Dad_ —dy. Quit it, call him Dad. Why? Because I’m grown!”

Ben knelt, realizing he towered over the kid. “Hey.” He realized he had absolutely no clue what to do.

Benny lifted his cane. “We’re practicing. Dad always says practicing every day will make you better. Sometimes I want to play with my puzzles instead, but he says I have to do it. It’s true, you should practice every day because every day you grow.”

Ben felt dizzy with the mix of tones in the kid. “Finn, I mean your—” Ben cleared his throat. “—dad is right. I always practiced every day. Still do. Except, you know, past few days, haven’t been feeling well.”

“Were you sick?”

Ben pursed his lips. “Kind of.”

Finn stood, demeanor flat. “Guess you want to be taking over now.”

“Yeah, I—” Ben paused. “You two finish. You…you’re having a good time. I want that. You know? For Benny. The boys. Them.” Ben rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’ll get out of here, go check on the ship, until you’re done.”

“Noooo,” Benny whined, sounding like Qui Gon. “Stay, Daddy. You can both train us!”

Ben looked at Finn and was reminded of the last time the two of them were in this room. “That’s…probably not a good idea. I’ll go, I’m in the way—”

“That is stupid,” Sona said. “The child wants to be with both fathers. What can be better than two fathers? I don’t even remember one.”

“Yeah,” Benny said. “Please?”

Ben looked at Finn again. He didn’t look happy, but he wasn’t protesting either. Ben nodded. “Okay, I’ll, uh, I’ll stay.”

“Yay!” Benny jumped up and down, then said, “Just for the record, that was Qui Gon doing that. I don’t bounce around like a little kid anymore. Why not, it’s fun! ‘Cause you look dumb if you’re eleven and you do it. Why?”

“Yes, why?” Sona asked. “Will your squad leader beat you?”

Benny paused. “Uh, nooooo.” He laughed. “Where did you guys get this one?”

“Hey,” Finn said, “no need to be rude. She used to be a Storm Trooper like me. That’s nothing to laugh at.”

Benny hung his head. “Sorry.”

Ben never felt so out of place. How did Finn know what to say to the kid? Ben would have asked the same thing about Sona and never thought twice. He didn’t feel like a dad at all, or at least had any idea what to do.

Benny extended the cane to him. “Can you show me how you fight? I saw you when you went against Kylo those times. You were really good. Like, really really good. I wanna get good like that.”

Ben looked at Finn and saw way too much bad blood there. Demonstrations were off limits. “I…don’t think your dads should be fighting. How about I show you how I defend? We’ll do it nice and slow, and I can show you how I do it.” He still felt flames coming out of Finn’s eyes. “Not that Finn doesn’t know how, he’s really good, just…um…”

Finn smiled. “It’s good to learn different ways of doing things, because you never know when you will need them. So watch closely, okay you two in there? So if I come at Ben like this—”

Ben slipped into a battle stance, an instinctive reaction, but the cane swooped overhead nice and slow. He took the cue. “Then what I’m looking at is not only the sword but his position, his stance, to see where his weak spots are. So as he comes down, I pivot, strike his saber to deflect it, and slide in here, right to the stomach.”

Benny’s eyes widened. “Whoa! Can I try! Let me try!”

Ben handed the cane to the kid. “Here, step out into a stance like this, keep your center of gravity low—”

“My what?”

“It’s your center that keeps you balanced as you fight. In a low stance like this, it will be in your hips, and keeping it low means less of a chance of you being knocked off balance. So here, bend like this…”

#

After the training session, Benny rejoined Rey in their room to watch the entertainment system. Ben made his way to the bridge to check on things with Poe. He passed his old room, then reversed and peered inside. “Holy shit.”

“Isn’t it great?” Tarn said. “Next supply run, we’ll stock the bar.”

Ben heard Poe give a whoop of delight. “Where did you find all the supplies for this?”

Jorn said, “You’d be amazed at what you can do with what you already have. The tool set on this ship is spectacular, and if you flip panels around, you can do interesting things with a buffing tool.”

“There’s room for all of us. More.”

“Yep. Tables are strategically placed to give just enough room without taking up too much space, big projection center over there so you can watch a movie from anywhere in the room without straining, and we left the center open for a mini dance floor in case you really want to celebrate.”

Ben nodded. “I’m impressed. You guys know your stuff.”

Tarn flopped onto a seat. “That we do, so once we get some good drinks in here, we are going to celebrate our liberation!”

Ben put his hand up. “Let’s wait until this mess is over before we go celebrating anything.” He continued onto the bridge. “Status?”

“Quiet,” Poe said. “Too quiet. Figured Kylo would show his ugly mug by now—I mean…devastatingly handsome…in a non-classical sense.” He threw his hands up. “Fuck it, just hit me.”

“Not unless you keep talking.” He turned and saw Finn on the couch. He had been so silent, Ben had no idea he’d been sitting there. “Hey.”

Finn gave a half nod of acknowledgment.

Ben wanted to dig his fingers into his legs. This sort of thing was never his strong suit. “You’re, ah…great with the kids. Kid. Benny. You know, them.”

“Thanks.” Then, “That’s going to take some getting used to.”

Ben shrugged. “It’s not forever.”

“Least he has a playmate, in his own head, but still. They watch shows and talk about it like two little kids, but it’s his same voice.” He shook his head. “It’s weird not seeing him like he should be. He looks like Benny, I guess because they both look like you. Just strange.”

“Yeah…” Ben paced the bridged, checked gauges and settings he didn’t need to check. Then he returned to the table. “Look, I…I don’t know how to be a dad.”

“You probably don’t.”

“I’m gonna fuck up.”

“You can start by saying fuck less.”

“Shit…really?”

“And shit.”

“Fuck.” Ben shook his head. “Never mind. All I’m saying is…I’m…” Ben let out a breath, put his hands behind his head.

“What?” Finn said with little patience.

“I’m open to…to learning…from you.”

Finn finally looked at him.

“You know, what to do, what not to do, what you’re supposed to do if you catch him saying fuck.”

Finn actually smiled.

“I…couldn’t be there for him, and you were, and you know him more than me, so I…I’d really like your help in learning to be a good dad to him, because you seem to have that down.”

Finn looked at him, looked away, fiddled with his cup. Ben wondered if that was the wrong thing to ask, hell if he knew the right thing to do when it came to other people. He almost wished Sona was there to tell him if what he said was stupid.

Finn finally looked up. “Okay. For Benny’s sake.”

Ben nodded. “Thank you. I…appreciate all you’ve done for him over the years.”

Finn shrugged. “He’s my son.” He cleared his throat and muttered, “Our son.” Finn tapped his cup a few times. “I appreciate what you did out there, even if I wanted to strangle you when it happened.”

“When what happened?”

“The second time we met up with Benny. The second time you pushed me out of the way.”

“That was because—”

“I know. You…sensed it, or saw it in his eyes. You did it to protect both of us.” He nodded. “That was a stand up thing to do.”

Ben smiled but tentatively. “Thanks.”

More silence. Ben felt like he should at least make some gesture to start on new ground and keep the peace, especially for Benny. He lifted his arm, hesitated, then stuck out his hand, inching it a little further. “No…hard feelings.”

Finn looked at the hand, looked up at him. “I can’t say that now.”

Ben nodded, retracting his hand. This was so much harder than Poe made it look.

Finn sighed and put his hand out, even if he wouldn’t look at Ben. Ben reached out again, took it, and shook once.

Poe sniffled. “You guys are gonna make me cry,” he wailed and pretended to blow his nose. Finn chucked his empty cup at him, and Poe flung it back.

Ben wondered at what point in the team code of conduct he’d be allowed to toss items at his teammates’ heads.

#

Ben stood in the shower, letting the heat sear over his scalp and down his skin. He still had Mustafar grime on him and felt fifty levels of disgusting. Besides, he needed something soothing, calming. Rey still hadn’t come out of her room and didn’t want any visitors except for Benny and occasionally Finn to fetch her something. The feeling that something was amiss grew stronger as the day wore on.

Once done, he pulled a brush through his hair (considered trimming it then felt he shouldn’t,) threw on a tank top and retreated to his room. Whatever time Rey needed, he wasn’t going to intrude.

That gave him some time for the red books. The battle with Kylo would happen any day, and then there was the larger fracture in the Force to deal with.

He had just about finished the first when he sensed a presence at his door. He turned and saw Rey standing there, looking unusually guarded. “Hey, you’re up.”

“Can we talk?”

From what Ben could gather, whenever that question came up, someone’s heart was going to get broken. Trying to still the storm in his stomach, he waved her in. “Sure. I was just reading the red books, hoping they have something we can use against Kylo.”

Rey waved her hand over the panel to signal the door to close and sat opposite him on the window seat. She had her arms folded, head down.

“You feeling okay?”

“Not really. I thought all the rest would have helped by now, but I still feel drained, clouded, like I lost part of myself.”

Ben nodded. “I’ve been feeling like that, too. Like the life was sucked out of me.”

“It’s not just that. I just hope, when I blasted Kylo with the epitome of my dark power, I didn’t let something in. I haven’t been feeling right since.” She fell silent, feet scraping on the floor.

“Rey, what is it?”

She took a breath but said nothing.

Ben shifted to the edge of his bed. “Rey, what’s going on? You’re shutting me out, I can feel it.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t want you to know what I was feeling. I know I should feel grateful, and I do, but I just…I’m having trouble getting through it.”

Ben squeezed the sheets between his fingers. “Benny?”

“Explain to me. He…there’s two children in there, I already know that, the second one, Qui Gon, explained what happened, but he’s a child and I want to hear it from you, all of it, because I…I…” She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know how to say it without sounding terrible and ungrateful.”

“Just say it, Rey. You can tell me anything.”

She looked up. “You brought home another woman’s child to use as my own.” She gave him an incredulous smile. “That is the sum of it.”

“Rey, I didn’t know of any other option, they all seemed far worse. Please, let me just explain exactly what happened, at least hear it from my perspective.”

Rey held onto herself and stayed silent as he told her everything he knew and why he made the choices he did. “Rey, I feel horrible. I didn’t pay close enough attention to what Kylo was planning, I wasn’t fast enough, I couldn’t save Benny and that…” The image in his head sucked the life out of him. “…the memory of him…his hand.” He pushed out a harsh breath and stared at the ceiling. “I had no time or energy to think clearly, to think at all. I just wanted to bring him home to you. I didn’t want it to be too late. I didn’t want to see that pain in your eyes if I had to tell you I couldn’t do the one thing as a father I was supposed to do—protect my son.”

Tears in her eyes, Rey asked, “But why _her_ child? Why _her_ at all?!”

Ben frowned, confused. “I don’t—”

“You run to her with everything! You went and had a child with her no less! She’s this other person, this woman who had you when you were supposedly trying to get back to me, and now you bring her child back to me?”

“Rey, I thought—”

“Yeah, I said it was your business. Well I lied. I said that because I was tired and confused and with Finn and still in shock that you were alive at all and you just _sprung_ that on me, what was I supposed to say?”

Ben exhaled and hung his head on his hands. “That’s what this is about.”

Rey threw her arms up. “Yes, okay? It’s not about Benny at all. I know what you did and why you did it, and yes, I’d rather have a boy I can hug now than wait twenty years for him. Maybe if he was any other child, it wouldn’t bother me so much, but it’s _her_ , some magical woman who was everything to you and revived you and is so incredibly powerful, and every time you come back from talking to her, you are just so calm and at peace and I hate it!”

Ben laid back on the bed, hands over his eyes. “It’s a whole other world there, whole other dimension. It feels real when I’m there and like a dream when I’m here.”

Rey sat again. “I’m just hurt that you gave yourself to someone else while at the same time you said you still wanted to be with me. I can’t…wrap my mind around it. I tried, really I did. And I want to work past this, because I want to be with you but I can’t feel free around you with this shadow looming every time I see Benny looking like he does.”

Ben felt caught in an undertow, yanked out to sea and unable to swim toward shore. Things were almost looking up for a second there. They had Benny back. Kylo was quiet. He had hoped that maybe for once, he and Rey could finally connect, start to build their relationship. Now this situation, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

For a moment, he closed his eyes. _Center point. Zero point._ He opened himself to the universe, trying to edge up to that state of bliss but not far enough to be caught by the corruption. Somewhere, within the oneness of all, some answer had to be found.

He drew back down, opened his eyes. There was no answer, only what he felt. He stood. “I love Nara.”

Rey sucked in a breath, tears filling her eyes.

“I love her in ways I can’t explain, can’t understand, and don’t really need to. She was everything to me in my weakest moment. She helped me heal, face my past, learn how to feel and love again so when I came back here, I would do right by the galaxy instead of myself. She comforted me in my darkest of hours. And she loved me, never feared me, and was so wise and ageless. I honestly started to think she was some sort of goddess, that is until I saw Qui Gon and realized she’s as human as me.” He looked at her. “Rey, I’m sorry I’m hurting you by saying this. But it’s the truth, and I don’t regret being with her.”

Rey shook her head, teeth clenched. “So what am I? Second runner up?”

“Why would you ever think that?”

She stood and threw her arms up. “What am I supposed to think when you tell me you love some other woman?! I’m going to think you think I’m not good enough for you!”

“Rey, you’re everything to me.”

“Oh bullshit!”

Ben crossed his arms. “I could have stayed, you know. I could have just stayed there. Sometimes I wanted to. Sometimes I wish I could just go back. Life is…so much harder in this world. But I couldn’t do it, because all the while, all I could dream about was coming back to you.” He let his arms drop. “Rey, I was in paradise, but it didn’t matter if I couldn’t be with you.” He shook his head. “And Nara wanted me to be with you. She wants me to have my life with you. She knows we belong together.”

Rey sat once more and leaned her head against the partition. “I don’t want this to bother me. I’m not even sure why it does. It’s like a poison in my system, because I so badly just want to…to… _be_ with you. Just finally _be_ with you, with no worries or blocks or walls, just sink into you and know and love you like I’ve wanted to for so long.”

Ben knelt before her, took her hands into his. “Rey, my heart isn’t an all-or-nothing place. I can love Nara in the way that I do and still give you every piece of me. I’m sorry if this hurts you, but I don’t regret the time I spent with her, because it was everything I needed to heal and grow stronger. I…never would have been able to face any of this, _done_ any of this, if she wasn’t there to give me the healing I needed. I would have come to you a disaster, been even worse with Finn, and Kylo would have destroyed me and turned me into the conduit in our first battle. For all those reasons, I can’t regret being with her. Please understand this about me.”

“I get it. I’m just not happy about it, and it’s stopping me from being with you the way I want to.”

Ben squeezed her fingers. “I want this life with you, Rey. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” He kissed the tops of her fingers. “Please.”

Rey stood, pushing past him. “I wanted this pain in me to be over. I thought once I got Benny back, it would all finally heal. But I don’t feel any better at all! I had to break Finn’s heart, and every time I see him I’m reminded of that. I had to apologize a thousand times to Benny for letting him suffer at the hands of Kylo, for not being there for him or being able to save him—I WATCHED MY BABY DIE RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES!” She sobbed twice. “And I didn’t care what all that hate and anger would do to me or to the rest of the universe when I blasted Kylo, I just wanted him to be obliterated for taking my sweet boy from me, and I didn’t care if I got sucked into being the conduit for it, I didn’t care about any of it! I’m tired, Ben! I’m broken and tired and beaten down by this whole situation that’s just turned my life upside down—no, ripped it apart into a thousand pieces and dropped it at my feet! And even when I think I’m getting my peace back, I am constantly reminded of some other person you had sex with! And that seems so trite and stupid, but it’s REALLY PISSING ME OFF!”

Ben sat at the window seat, staring out at the flashing blue of hyperspace. He wondered if the real reason it hurt her was because Qui Gon’s body reminded her of every horror that happened. Maybe it was partly jealousy, sure, it was to be expected. He was jealous of Finn when he found they were together. But the jealousy was a cover for the real issue: everything she suffered since Kylo walked the galaxy once more.

And why did Kylo live?

“I’m sorry,” Ben said, barely holding onto himself.

Rey sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“I mean for all of it.”

She shook her head, impatient. “What exactly?”

He looked at her. “For all your pain.” He smiled mirthlessly. “That’s always what I’ve been to you. From the time I kidnapped you and put you in that chair—”

“Ben, stop.”

“—fighting you at every turn, pressuring you to succumb to your dark side and join me, knowing your heart was never really in it, just wanting what I wanted when I wanted it—”

“That’s over. That was all your Kylo days, not your Ben days—”

“Which have been even worse!”

Rey grew silent.

“Yeah, think about it. You lose me and feel nothing but a painful void for twelve years, enough that you were willing to die than face it again. I accidentally give you a baby I can’t help you raise. And just when you’ve figured that out, I get revived, which revives Kylo, who makes your life, all of your lives, a living hell, makes you suffer so fucking much and then I show up and ruin everything!”

“Ben—”

“Everything in your life went wrong because I was brought back to life! If not for me— He breathed and made some noise, not knowing whether he was laughing or crying anymore, just feeling shattered. “—you would have been happy.”

“That’s not—”

Ben stood. “EVERYONE would have been better off if I had just stayed dead!” He shook with the horrific realization of it all and gripped his hair to hold onto himself before he completely came apart. He fell to his knees not knowing anything anymore, not seeing anything, blinded by the pain of knowing his life—his first and his second—did nothing but cause pain and destruction everywhere it went.

Rey grabbed his face. “ _I_ wouldn’t have been!”

He stared at her, wanting to believe her yet beaten by the truth.

Rey’s fingers slid over the tears at the corners of his eyes. “Ben…” Her fingers slipped over his forehead, into his hair, curling back down around his cheeks. “This right here, this is everything I’ve ever wanted. And I would have suffered a thousand years if it meant I could have you here, in my arms, once again.”

Overwhelmed by his love for her, and hers for him, he wrapped his arms around her, pressed his face into her chest as he wept. Her love made life worth living, made hell worth facing, and gave him strength beyond his imagination.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “No. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“Yeah, I do. It was just my jealousy, my own weakness. I guess…in a way I had you all to myself before, guess I didn’t want to share.” She gave a soft chuckle, and he joined her between sniffles. He felt her cheek upon his head, her breath sifting through his hair. “But then the thought of never having you again, of you never having come back to me, I realized that was worse than any of my petty jealousies, and I can either waste this precious time I have with you, or I can make every moment count, and love you like you’ve always deserved to be loved.”

Ben looked up at her, so deeply in love with her, feeling redeemed in every part of his soul just by being in her presence. Then her lips enveloped his and sucked the horror out of his soul, out of everything. The pure joy he felt when she had kissed him back on Exegol flooded his entire being. Everything felt right, everything felt pure, every nerve, cell, and atom in his being sung with an incredible blast of wholeness.

He stood but did not break their bond, never wanting to be apart from her ever again. He slid his hands into her hair, then down her back, pressing her against him. How could he ever feel perfect again without her?

She leapt up and wrapped her legs around him, planting her lips on his once more. Her hands slid into his hair, and he held her bottom, savoring the luscious softness of her body against his own. He was drowning in heaven and didn’t care. Being with her made the universe right again, healed all of his wounds, and made him feel like he could take on the galaxy with a single thought.

She left his lips and kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his entire face bathed in her soft petal lips. “It doesn’t matter what either of us did.” Kiss—kiss. “Let’s forget the past—”

He tilted his chin up. “We’ll kill it if we have to.” Toothy grin.

Rey burst into laughter, hugging him to her neck. He spun her once and stopped at the bed where he let her down. She stood there, just a little taller than him, looking down, sweetest smile on her face. “I don’t know why I let it get to me. I think all this pain and chaos, it just became too much, tried to poison our bond.”

“Stop us from becoming our most powerful selves.”

“Yeah…something out there wants us to fail.”

“At our weakest it strikes.”

“You gave me everything, Ben. My boy, my heart. And your Nara lent me her own child so I wouldn’t have my heart broken. I could never hate her for that sacrifice.” She brushed her fingertips over his eyebrows. “You love her, she loves you. I’m happy to know in your darkest hour that you were loved. As was I.”

He kissed her chin. “It’s the greatest power in the universe.”

She grinned. “Is it, now?”

He stared into her eyes that no longer sunk with pain and grief. They sparkled, sung. “It’s made me stronger than I’ve ever been.”

She ran her hands over his face and hair, gathering his locks in two handfuls. “You’re on another level. It’s incredible.”

“So are you.”

“Not like you, not like what you can do.”

“I’ve seen what you can do. You could bend worlds with your power. I can teach you how to be one with everything, in the most perfect state of bliss, and you will be unstoppable.”

“Last time I tried I got sucked into the corruption.”

“This time we’ll be connected, and nothing will be able to touch us.”

She flapped at his nose with two tufts of his hair. “You are just so sure of yourself.” She giggled.

“No. I’m sure of us.”

Again she pulled him into her mind-melting kisses. He slid his hands up her back, into her silken strands, then down along the curves of her sides and onto her thighs. Her body screamed of hardened warrior and soft, sensuous goddess, his perfect partner in life and in battle.

Her hands smoothed along the muscles of his back and shoulders, then over and down along the mountainous terrain of his chest. She grasped onto his shirt and pulled up, drawing it over his head. He stared at her, wondering if she was really taking this in the direction he was thinking.

She responded by moving her kisses to his neck, each nibble a tingling delight. Her mouth moved down in suckling kisses, over his pecs and onto a nipple where her tongue slid over its peak.

A breath slipped out of him. He reached for the cloth of her shirt, gathered it in tentative fingers and lifted just a few inches. When she didn’t object, he pulled up and over, revealing her sensuous curves. He took one breast into his mouth, the other disappearing beneath his huge hand, its softness like magic to his fingers. She breathed into his hair, moist heat caressing every nerve.

As his tongue slid over her hardened peak, he slid down her pants. She stepped out of them and he lifted her into his arms. For a moment, he held her naked body against his torso, feeling like his destiny was being fulfilled.

He laid her hot, slinky body onto the bed and remained kneeling, just looking at her, lying there, completely bare, finger to her lip, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. It was an image that had filled a thousand dreams, now come to life.

Her fingers slid up to the rim of his pants, freezing him in place with delightful shock and anticipation. “Do you know how long I have waited to see if your reality matched my imagination?”

“How long?” he asked, caressing her smooth leg.

“Since I saw you without that shirt.”

Ben grinned. “That long, huh?”

“I sure hope so.”

Her hand slid down over his epicenter, squeezing and sending a surge of intoxication through his body. He didn’t have the strength to tell her that he had been waiting since he captured her the first time.

He pulled off his pants, and she grinned. “Oh my, look at you there.”

“Is it everything you hoped for?”

Her silken fingers wrapped around him. “And a lot, lot more.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle and moan at her delicate and skillful touch. His eyes savored her from head to toe, that sweet little body long and writhing. He had waited so long for this moment, wondering if it would ever occur, dreaming about it day and night. This moment was his, and he belonged to her.

“Take me,” she whispered and slid one leg over the other.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“Not yet.” He dipped down, slid up and between her legs and wrapped his hands around her hips. “I want to give you something.” His lips enveloped her pleasure center, tongue joining the motion, rhythmic and divine. Her soft moaning breaths told him all he needed to know.

“Feel it all,” he said and jumped back in. “Every sensation…all over your body.”

He slid the Force in a wave along her skin and delighted in her coo of pleasure. “Feel it and open yourself…to everything.”

“What if—”

“No what if. Don’t think. Just feel.”

As he continued to flutter her with his sensual kisses, he could feel her energy fields merging with his. He let himself open even as he pleasured her, and this time there was no barrier between the two. He opened and expanded as did she, each one taking the other higher with every step.

“Ben…oh Ben…”

He could sense her level of pleasure, so in tune with her he had become. “Hold that space. Just keep holding it.” He climbed up to face her, his entire body primed with desire, muscles tense and rigid.

Her heat guided him, slippery gateway welcoming him home. Pushing into her, he felt the universe come alive. Her breathy purr coaxed him on, driving him deeper, harder, her body accepting every inch of him and begging for more. He planted his lips on hers, tongue reaching in, a perfect and holy connection. Her sweet sounds vibrated against his mouth, joining with his deep octave in response.

He raised another wave of Force and skated along every pleasure center of her body. Her deep cry and undulating body responded in like. The wave returned to him, touching, stroking, heating and tantalizing every spot on his body. How could this feel any more perfect?

He left her kiss, sucking in a growling breath, consumed by the pure ecstasy that enveloped him, enveloped her, and flowed back and forth. How he could feel her pleasure and his own seemed impossible, but through their bond they were one, in body, heart, mind and soul.

“I feel you,” he whispered. “In every part of my being I feel you.”

“I feel like I’m coming apart…but in the best way possible.”

He drove into her, rocking her supple body with every hard piece of himself.

And then he felt it in her, in himself.

“Feel that,” he whispered. “Right there.”

“Ben…”

“Right when you get to the peak, right when it feels like you’re about to fly, open. Open yourself up completely to everything at once. I’ll be there. I’ll be there with you. I promise you, it will be everything you’ve ever dreamed.”

“Yes,” came her breathy whisper.

Ben gave everything of himself, with his body, with the Force, with the oneness in his soul merged with hers. He captured her lips and rode that high, opening, expanding—

Perfection unlike any other.

Realms of gods there for the taking.

Treasures unspoken and unknown coming to light.

Ben thought he would die from the sheer overwhelm, and if he did, it was a worthy end. The magic that greeted them in the perfect state of oneness knew no bounds. That a dyad Force connection could create this was inconceivable.

He drew her back down, back into their bodies. Their lips hovered above one another, breaths mingling.

“Ben,” she whispered, a sigh on a thousand winds. He smiled, fully, deeply, knowing real and true happiness for the first time in his life. Perfection.

He held her against his chest, stroking her glistening hair as he stared at the ceiling. Her leg curved over his, and he delighted in the warmth of their skin pressed against one another.

“That was another world,” she said.

Ben smiled again. “Yeah.”

“I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Rey. Forever, always, beyond time and space and everywhere in between. You are my soul.”

“And you my life.”

#

Ben woke from his brief nap, wondering for a moment if he didn’t dream it all. He looked down to see Rey still curled in his arm, long lashes spread across the top of her cheek. There in the soft light he just took her in, every line, every curve, the tone of her skin, the fine curvature of her brow, the perfect point of her nose. That anyone could abandon this wild flower of the desert, for whatever reason, was inconceivable.

How many nights did he lie awake on the First Order flagship thinking of that face, wondering what hid beneath the flowing fabric of her clothing, imagining she would show up at his door, saying she was ready to take his hand—and everything else.

Fantasies of a lonely wreck of a male who wanted so badly to be loved. Kylo never got his wish, but Ben was glad for it. Kylo didn’t deserve this jewel.

Rey stirred and opened her eyes. Her smile warmed her face, prompting his in return.

For hours they lay together, side by side, making up for the twelve years that had gone by.

“Sooooo…” Rey said. “Favorite color.”

“Blue. Like a deep, intense blue. Yours?”

“Yellow. Like more gold, a sunset yellow. Another reason I love my lightsaber. Your turn.”

“Mmmmm…dessert?”

“ _Mayleyan_ custard.”

Ben crinkled his nose. “Ew, really?”

“Yes really, it’s delicious.” She poked him in the ribs, making him giggle. “Fine, then what’s yours?”

“ _Safonia_ fruit gel.”

Rey crackled into laughter. “The mighty dark lord’s favorite dessert is a fruit gel?”

“Better than a gummy custard.”

Rey tickled his stomach, making him jump and laugh.

“Come here!” Ben grabbed her and rolled her onto his stomach as she laughed and squirmed in his arms.

She folded her hands and rested her chin on them, looking him over. “Who even is this person?”

“What do you mean?”

“This laughing, smiling, barrel of joy beneath me. Never thought I’d see the day.”

Ben smoothed his hands over her hair. “You bring it out in me.” Rey slid her finger over his bottom lip, and he gave it a suckling little kiss.

“I love Ben Solo,” Rey said. “I really love him.”

“And I love my Reyyyyyy—I never knew your last name.”

She laughed and then softened. “Skywalker. I called myself Skywalker after the final battle.”

He raised an eyebrow, still smiling. “Really? What brought that on?”

“It was the name of the family I chose. I didn’t want my lineage or past to define me.”

He brushed the strands of hair from her forehead. “It doesn’t. You define you. And it’s perfect.”

Rey hummed with affection and reached up for a kiss. He could have spent all day just kissing her. Every single time was magic, reinforcing their bond, the sacred delight of becoming one.

She rolled off of him and plopped back onto the bed with a sigh. “I need to get back out there. I have a kid to worry about.” She turned to him. “ _We_ have a kid.” She blinked. “We have a kid.”

“We have a family.”

She smiled and traced the curves of his own. “You are an incredibly different person when you smile, you know that?” She slid her finger along the curve of his chin. “I love it. Love you.” She sat up. “But I need to get dressed.”

Ben rolled off the bed. “Wait. Just…wait there, just like that.” He hopped over to the coded storage cabinet, pressed his finger to the reader, and waited for it to open. He grasped something in his palm and jumped back onto the bed. “Close your eyes and put out your hand.”

She gave him a questioning smile but did as he asked. In her hand he placed the red and blue entwining pendant.

“Open them.”

Her lids lifted, and she froze. Eyes flicked to him and back to the pendant. “Ben…”

“I know you didn’t want to spend on it, but I had plenty of dorian still left over, and…” He looked her up and down. “I didn’t want to see you leave without it.” He pressed the crystals, exciting their bonds, making them light up in her hand. “Forged in battle. You and me. Together as one.”

Rey sucked in her bottom lip, blinked, sniffled, then smiled into laughter. “I can’t believe this.”

“Here.” He took it from her hand and clasped it around her neck. The pendant fell between her breasts. “There. Wait, let me look at you.” He pressed the crystals again and slid to the edge of the bed, getting a full visual of her body with the glowing crystals. “Yes, that’s it. That’s perfect. Come here.”

He coaxed her off the bed and urged her before the mirror on his dresser. Her brown hair hung loose over her shoulders, curling down to her breasts, the pendant glowing in the middle. He stood behind her and looked in the mirror along with her. Right there, that image, of the two of them, burned into his memory forever. “This is us.”

He slipped his arms around her belly, then slid up and gathered her forearms in his hands. Her head tipped back onto his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. “You will forever be my queen, no matter where we go or what title we hold.”

She drew her hand up and cupped the side of his face. “And you the king of my heart.”

#

Ben walked to the bridge of the ship with a bounce in his step while Rey slipped into the shower. He stopped by the food storage unit, ravenous, only to find a few select tidbits, none of them good. Still, food was food, especially after Force-laden sex.

He popped a thick, chewy, protein cube into his mouth and plopped into the copilot’s seat. “Status?”

“Stopping shortly for a supply run,” Poe said, checking coordinates.

“Good. I’m starving.”

“All the good shit’s taken already. We’re down to crumbs…and those nasty things.”

“Eh, it’s food.” Ben crumpled the container and bounced it off the wall.

Poe raised his brow. “Someone’s in a good mood for once—ohhhhh.” He smirked. “You sly dog.”

Ben blinked. “I have no idea what that means.”

Poe leaned in. “Means you and Rey—” He put his fists together and moved them back and forth.

Ben turned away from him. “Don’t be absurd.”

“Look, I’m not your Supreme Leader or some dumb shit. What you do is your business, and what you do for hours with Rey in your bedroom is also your business.” Poe leaned in even closer. “But was it everything you dreamed?”

Ben tried to squish down a smile and failed.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Poe punched him lightly in the arm. “Man, first thing I’m doing when I hit land is see who wants to ride what I’m flying tonight.”

“No special girl for you?”

Poe shrugged and put his hands behind his head. “Too busy, too much responsibility. Commit-ment. Lot more fun this way.”

Ben heard a ruckus coming from the lounge. He stuck his head inside to see the rest of the crew surrounding Jorn on the dance floor, Benny sitting nearby with the puzzle Rey bought him.

“You are insane,” Sona said. “No person fits in that.”

Jorn spun a foot-wide metal ring in his hand. “Watch and see.” Jorn slid the ring over his head, shifted, twisted, slid one shoulder through, then the other, and drew it over the rest of his body while the group cheered. Jorn stepped out of it and spun the ring in the air for Tarn to catch.

“How is that even possible?” Finn asked.

Tarn flung the ring with his tail. “Our kind have extensive, flexible joints where you full humanoids have bones. Here, watch this.” He tossed the ring in the air, bent over backwards until he grabbed his ankle, and caught the ring with his toes. The group screamed.

Jorn said, “Part of what got us doing ship repair. First Order saw that we could squeeze into tight spaces—”

Tarn snorted.

“Shut up! There’s a child present! Anyway, it’s come in handy, but we can’t take hard hits as well as humans.”

“Well, we can, but we just have a bigger tendency to suffer nerve damage because of it. Things don’t always go back the right way.”

“Like a good hit to the head can kill us, so we use our speed and flexibility to outmaneuver an enemy.”

Sona frowned. “How did your platoon commander discipline you without a good beating?”

“What the hell division did you come from?”

Ben inched into the room and wondered why he felt so out of place on his own ship.

Benny’s eyes perked. “Daddy!” The kid ran out of his seat and wrapped his little arms around Ben’s legs.

Ben froze, unsure of what to do. “Hey.” He reached down and tousled the boy’s ultra-soft, black waves.

Benny immediately backed off, looking more reserved. “Hey, Dad.”

Ben wondered what he did wrong, then remembered there were two kids in there. He knelt. “Hi Benny. Qui Gon.”

“Benny said we should play with the puzzle, but I want to paint, but Benny said we don’t have any paint. Then Tarn said we could use a laser tool to paint instead but Daddy Finn said no. Qui Gon forgets he has little baby hands. He can’t use a tool like that. Besides, I don’t want to paint. I’d rather figure things out.”

Ben stared, wondering what it must be like to have two distinct personalities in the same body and also wondering what he should say or do. “Um…”

Benny lost interest in him and returned to his puzzle on the table. Ben stood again, wishing this wasn’t so hard. He wanted to connect with the boys, yet these children were more alien to him than half the galaxy. Benny was already in good hands with Finn nearby, so Ben turned to leave, still feeling like the outsider of his own group.

Finn stopped him. “Go sit with him.”

“I…don’t know what to say or do.”

“Just be with him.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

Finn put his fingers to his brow. “Look, being a dad is more than just protecting and rescues and teaching combat. It’s about being there, being present, taking an interest in things you never wanted to be interested in, but you do it because it’s important to them. So go there and learn about him.”

Ben forced out a breath. “Can you teach me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Kids don’t come with manuals, and no one was there to teach me. Just be kind, be interested, and try to curb that foul mouth of yours.”

This seemed like an impossible task.

The ship dropped out of hyperspace and ducked down into the atmosphere. Benny flattened himself against the viewport, in awe at the new planet before them.

Rey slipped into the lounge. “Hear we’re stopping for a supply run?”

“That’s the plan,” Finn said.

Benny turned. “Mom! Where’ve you been?”

Rey put on her brightest smile and game face. “Just catching up with your father, Ben.”

“Look at all those stores down there. Can we see if there’s a puzzle shop?”

“ _You_ are staying on the ship with Ben.”

“Aw come on!”

Ben looked at her. “I’m staying here?”

“Don’t you remember? Ben Solo wanted for questioning? Fugitive? We can’t risk any arrests. As for Benny, I want him where it’s safe. We can’t trust anywhere, and right now the safest place is with you.”

The ship bumped as it landed at the starship servicing depot just on the edge of the city. The hatch opened and let in a warm breeze scented with baked goods and fried meats.

“It’s not fair!” Benny said. “I want to see stuff and eat stuff—it smells so good out there!”

Rey kissed his head as Tarn, Jorn, and Sona scooted out of the lounge. “I will bring you food, I promise. You’ll need new clothes too.”

“That’s boring!”

“Keep it up and I’ll bring you boring food.”

Big, brown eyes turned up at her. “Do I have to have boring food because Benny does?”

Ben wondered how Rey would field such a question.

She slid her hands over his hair and cupped his big cheeks in her hands. “I’m sorry Qui Gon, but I can only give as much as your older brother deserves for his behavior. Maybe Benny might think of the both of you before he says anything further about it.”

Benny slunk into his chair. “Just wanted to have fun for once, after that whole thing with Kylo.”

Rey’s face crinkled, on the verge of tears. Ben had to make a quick decision. He slipped into the chair opposite Benny. “We’ll make our own fun here.”

Benny glanced at him and picked up his puzzle.

Rey calmed and leaned in toward Ben. “I appreciate this. You’re…the only one I can trust with his safety right now. You’re the strongest out of all of us.”

Ben nodded. “It’s fine. Really. Go, have a good time.”

Rey smiled and pecked him on the lips. Ben’s heart jumped out of his chest, always coming alive whenever she kissed him. He followed her with his eyes as she left and caught Finn staring at him.

Finn took a breath. “Remember what I said. Just be with him.” He didn’t give Ben a chance to respond.

Ben looked down at his son who didn’t look at him. Benny’s little fingers poked into the spokes on the puzzle. Ben rubbed his fingertips on the table. “Is that fun?”

Benny shrugged.

This was going well. “Um, how does it work?”

Benny was silent. Then, “You have to set the pins just right, turn this, and you open this.” The puzzle popped open. “But that’s just the easy one. There’s more levels, more to unlock.”

Ben watched him as he spoke. Even on the tiny little boy hands, the fingers grew long. He could see Nara in the fullness of the jaw and cheek, in the nose too, a little more streamlined than his. And the eyes. Qui Gon’s eyebrow shape looked a little more like Nara’s than Benny’s did. But the dark eyes belonged to him, the full mouth, the floppy swirls of black hair.

The boy looked up at him, and he felt his heart stop. This little person was his child, and he was so beautiful Ben just fell in love whenever he looked at the boy.

“You wanna try?” Benny slid the puzzle forward.

Ben hated puzzles. But Finn said he was supposed to take interest. “Um…okay, so…” Ben poked at it, turned it a few times. “Little hard with giant fingers.” He pursed his lips as he flipped poked and still got nowhere. “Am I doing it right?”

“Like this.” The kid’s fingers moved like magic.

Ben tried again. “Like this, like that, and—” Nothing happened. “Fuck!” He immediately sucked in his lips while Benny hid his chuckle. “I’m not supposed to say stuff like that anymore.”

Benny’s sheepish eyes took on the look of innocence mixed with the wisdom of the ages. “Mommy says it’s important to express ourselves exactly as we feel, as long as we don’t hurt anyone.”

Ben leaned forward. “Your mommy is wise and comforting as always.” Ben looked around. “I’m with Qui Gon on this one. Let’s just let my big mouth be our little secret.”

Benny shrugged. “I learned most of the swear words from Uncle Poe, anyway. Not like I never heard them.” He returned his eyes to the puzzle.

“So…what do you like?”

Benny shrugged again, and Ben couldn’t help but notice that Benny (not Qui Gon) did everything in his power not to look at Ben. “I know you don’t know me, but I’d really like to get to know you.”

The boy looked up, Qui Gon in his eyes. “I like to paint. I like to make letters with paint.”

“Oh yeah? I used to have a calligraphy set back in…” Ben licked his lips. “Long time ago. I always loved the look of ancient lettering. I would spend hours trying to replicate the old texts. Always wanted to make the scrolls worthy of hanging.” Ben sighed. “I had almost forgotten about that. Something that was so important to me, I had to cast it aside for so long.”

“If it makes you happy, you should do it again.”

“I don’t know if I could still do it. That was a long time ago.”

“But I wanna see it. Maybe we could make one together.”

Qui Gon was so much more open and free than Benny. Not surprising with Nara as his mother. Then those eyes would turn guarded again, turn away from him.

Ben settled himself a moment, closed his eyes. _Rey, see if you can find some sort of paint set for Qui Gon._ He thought back to his calligraphy set for a moment before returning his attention to the boy. “I’d like that, Qui Gon. Benny? Everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you look at me?”

Benny froze. Then his fingers continued on the puzzle, slowly, tentatively.

Ben sighed. “I know this is hard. You already have a dad and then I show up when you’re nearly twelve, and now you have two dads only I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, so I’m going to screw up a lot, and I hope you’ll understand it’s only because I don’t know any better yet—but! I promise I’ll keep trying. I’ll always keep trying. Okay?”

Benny shrugged. Getting through to this kid was nearly impossible. He seemed so much better in the training room—or was it because he was with Finn?

Ben heard a shout of, “Blow down!” from outside and knew they were about to clean the propulsion system from the ship next to theirs. A blast of fire flashed across the viewport of the lounge, nothing to worry about.

Benny screamed and leapt out of his seat. Ben was about to tell him it was just the cleaning when he felt the ship start to flicker in and out of existence. Benny gasped for breath as he put his hands to his head, engulfed in terror Ben didn’t understand. But he did understand what he felt on the Force. The last time Ben felt this, he brought the temple down on Luke’s head.

Benny screamed and Ben just caught the blast of the kid’s Force power, holding it and containing it to their sole space. The kid was strong, very strong, the likes of which Ben had only sensed in Rey and himself.

Benny gasped for breath, eyes wild and furious, hands out, ready to deal some damage. Ben felt another raging surge as the boy roared.

Then his eyes changed. “Benny’s afraid of fire after the lava—shut up! And he’s scared of you, really really scared of you—I said shut up!”

Ben frowned as he struggled to contain such raw power and not blast apart the ship. “Why are you afraid of me, Benny? I’d never hurt you. I love you.”

Tears formed at the rims of Benny’s eyes as Qui Gon said, “Because you look like Kylo—SHUT UP!”

Ben burned with both the energy required to contain Benny’s power and the sting of the reason behind the kid’s reluctance to look at him or interact with him. “I know he hurt you, Benny. I know…but I’m not him, I promise!”

Benny looked up at the sky and put his hands out, drawing in from some untamed source. Then he calmed, Qui Gon’s gentle interference. Then back to the rage and terror.

Ben realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere talking. He opened himself, expanded until he felt the two boys in one body: Qui Gon’s innocent serenity and Benny’s terrified fury. They were so open, not yet having learned to lock themselves out. No wonder Benny was such an easy target for Kylo. But it also gave Ben the chance to get through to him.

Ben connected with his firstborn, and the flood of memories seized at his heart: the terror of being torn from his mother; suffering immense pain at the hands of Kylo while Rey remained shackled, screaming and crying; physical, mental, and Force pain Kylo used to punish and compel; enduring the Sith rituals that forced an aging process so painful the boy wished he had just been killed outright; the draining of his power and strength right before the incident on Mustafar; then the image—falling, unable to help himself, the searing agony of fire destroying him.

Ben had never felt so heartbroken in his life next to finding Rey’s dead body. His boy, the child of his own life force, innocent kid who didn’t deserve any of this, was subject to some of the worst tortures Ben had ever imagined, by the hand of the creature that looked like him.

Ben absorbed another blast of Force (the kid was incredibly strong, maybe even stronger than Ben was at that age) and reached out, connecting. Their Force signatures were identical, and Ben used this to his advantage, letting the kid feel that they were of the same energy. Benny fought at first, then softened, allowing the connection. Ben flooded him with all the love he felt for the boy, that same love that gave him strength over Kylo, that same love that allowed him to freeze time and punch a hole through dimensions to save the boy’s life.

_This is my promise to you, as your father. I won’t always get it right, and I’ll do stupid shit, but feel this love I have for you right now and know it’s yours forever. I wish I could erase the pain in your mind and heart, but if you’ll let me, I’ll help you replace it with my love and all the great memories we’re going to have from here on out._

The raw blast of Force calmed, softened, then finally abated. Ben felt a little woozy from the effort it required to hold that all back, but he kept that to himself. Benny stood there, lost and coiling in on himself, cheeks wet from tears, mouth quivering.

Ben gathered the boy in his arms, holding that curly head against his chest while Benny shook and cried. “It’s okay, Benny. It’s okay. I won’t ever let anything happen to you again, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that,” Benny whispered. “I know you can’t.”

“Maybe not, but I can promise I’ll live and die trying.”

Benny sniffled, a shaking little body in Ben’s arms. “I hope it’s live.”

Ben buried his nose in the boy’s hair, wondering how he could love a little person so much. Benny finally looked up at him. Big dark eyes wet with tears looked over Ben’s face. A small hand felt along his cheeks, eyebrows, nose, and finally to the hairs on his chin.

Benny sighed, finally calming in Ben’s arms. “Don’t ever shave.”

Ben chuckled and sniffled himself. “Promise I won’t.”

Rey darted into the lounge, eyes on high alert. “What happened? I felt Benny—I ran back as soon as I could.”

Ben said, “Blast cleaning outside scared him. Fire.”

Rey nodded, fully understanding. She put down her sack and reached out her arms to the boy. “Come here, baby.”

Benny squished into her arms without hesitation, but it didn’t bother Ben. One thing he understood was a boy’s need for his mother’s arms, and that memory stung his heart.

Rey kissed Benny’s head. “Come, you want to see what I got you? I still have to keep shopping, but I felt you and knew you needed me.”

“Dad helped,” Benny said as he slid out of her arms to the floor.

“Well good, I’m glad to hear it.” She reached into the sack. “For Qui Gon, special request.” She placed a paint kit on the table. The boy cheered and sprung up onto the chair. “And for Benny, this crazy gadget, three separate puzzles that you connect together to open up the final piece.” 

“Yes!” Benny said. “But I should probably let Qui Gon play first. He’s been really wanting to paint. Yay!”

“That’s very sweet of you.” Rey kissed him on the head. “My noble boy. Anyway, let me get the rest of this food put away and then I have to get back out there. I’m not sure how fast Benny is going to heal or grow back and want to make sure he has things he can fit into.”

“I’ll take it,” Ben said. Rey reached in and drew out a few boxes. Ben looked them over and brightened. “Good stuff.”

“And more to come. See you in a bit.”

Ben stashed the containers in the food storage unit and returned to the lounge. Benny/Qui Gon had already delved into his kit, painting orange and gold flowers on a loose canvas. Ben was just about to sit across from him when he noticed a box on the table covered in ancient, painted symbols. Ben slid the lid open to see brushes, ink, and scrolls of paper.

Qui Gon looked into the box. “Now we can both be creative.”

Ben smiled, sent a heartfelt sense of gratitude along the Force to Rey, and gathered a small cup of water. He wet the ink stone, dipped his brush, and was seized by nostalgia as he drew along the paper in long, careful strokes.

Qui Gon checked Ben’s work. “Maybe you can make some of those on my painting when you’re done and I can add mine to yours.”

Ben smiled. “I’d like that.” He continued to watch his son, fascinated how the two beings in there interacted, taking turns painting what they wished. On his own scroll, he dug deep into his memories for the ancient symbols needed to spell one important word: family.

#

Most of the group was already settled in the lounge at the end of the supply run. They were only waiting on Poe. Tarn and Jorn reveled in being able to “get drunk for real this time.” Sona wondered if that was a stupid idea. Ben, opposite Benny, wolfed down the roasted _skareet_ dinner Rey found for him while Benny did a number on his fried _tama_ root twists.

“When I was in the First Order,” Ben said, “they never had anything tasty. It was mostly concentrated food bars, correctly portioned for exactly what your body type needed and nothing more. It kept supplies in perfect order, and you weren’t supposed to want more than the First Order offered.”

“Ah, yes,” Sona said, “we lived off those bars.”

“Boring, boring bars,” Tarn said a downed a drink. “That place was a walking misery.”

“Ohhh yeah,” Finn said and had a drink himself. “I don’t know how it was for you officers, but us troopers, you didn’t get a speck more than the medical unit felt you should have.”

“We had the option,” Ben said, “but it was frowned upon, like you were putting your own importance before that of the regime.” He paused. “You get away with a little more once you’re Supreme Leader. If we were stopped off at a planet, I might grab something extra for myself.”

“Purchased or literal grab.”

“Literal grab.”

“Mm hm.”

“Heyyyyyy.” Poe sauntered into the lounge. “We all accounted for?”

“We were just waiting on you,” Rey said. “By the way, your pockets are inside out.”

“Hey, how’d that happen?” He jammed his hands in his pockets, smile still on his face. “We ready to roll?”

Ben wiped his mouth. “Fly us up.” When he looked back at the table, a little container had appeared. Inside the clear top he could see a transparent lavender gel, shaped into a flower, with pink petals floating inside. He opened the top, inhaled, and tipped his head back in delight. “Reyyyy.”

She feigned innocence. “Whoever put that there?”

“What is it?” Benny asked.

“ _Safonia_ fruit gel,” Ben said and pulled Rey over by her waist belt. She giggled over to him and leaned in for a kiss. He then put a spoon of it up to her lips. “Try it.”

She took the bite, then nodded. “Oh, by the stars that _is_ good!”

“Beats a _Mayleyan_ custard, doesn’t it?”

“No, but it’s still really good.”

Ben groaned and kissed her again.

“Can I try?” Benny asked.

Ben scooped a piece onto the spoon and held it out. Benny took a bite, and his eyes lit up. “Wow, that is good! Like really good! And it is better than that custard.”

“Hey!” Rey said.

Ben remembered what Finn said about sacrifice. He portioned half of his gel and slipped it onto Benny’s plate.

The boy’s eyes widened, huge smile spreading across his face. “Wow, thanks!”

Rey put her arm around Ben as he sunk into the heavenly bliss on the spoon. “That was very sweet of you. Especially after not having it in so long.”

“Seeing the delight in his eyes is worth it.”

“Isn’t it though?”

Later, after Benny had gone to bed, Ben checked the display as he sat in the copilot’s seat. “We’re heading to the Landen System. Maybe we should consider checking it out, making sure no First Order are making trouble.”

“Ben,” Rey said, “you can’t go doing the Gray Wanderer thing anymore! They know who you are.”

“Then I won’t wear the cloak.”

“That’s not the point. They’re after you now. You can’t go getting arrested, not when we still have a battle ahead of us.”

Ben sat back in the chair. “At the same time, I can’t just sit around and wait. I’d rather be doing something constructive, helpful.”

“Noble, but we can’t risk—”

A green light flashed on the instrument panel. Poe said, “We’re being hailed.”

Who knew they were on that ship? “Put them on.”

Kylo Ren’s scarred and battered face filled the viewport. Ben leapt to his feet, as did Rey, apprehension gnawing at his gut.

“Wow,” Poe said, “he looks like shit.”

“Result of what I did to him,” Rey said.

Kylo pointed to his face. “Oh, this? It actually looks better. I’ve been healing pretty fast lately. I’d almost think someone in our triad is strengthening their bonds with one another.”

Ben clenched his teeth. No wonder Kylo had been quiet. He had been injured, and Ben’s bonding with Rey healed the bastard. “So? What do you want? Why bother with this ship-hailing shit when you can just project yourself into our business?”

Kylo glared, and his lip twitched. “Still…regaining my strength. Besides, I have so much to show you, it’s much better this way.”

Ben put out his hands. “By all means, entertain me.”

Kylo made a disjointed chuckle from a face that could never smile. “You are an arrogant little fuck and I will force feed those words back down your throat.”

“I’m waiting for this to be worth my time.”

Kylo shook his head, looking up at the sky, trying to smile. “You had to make this so hard, didn’t you? You couldn’t just—ACCEPT what is our birthright. No, you had to waste that power of yours on the weak.”

“Weak? One of us looks like toast and it isn’t me.”

Kylo let out a disjointed, wheezing grunt of a laugh. “You think you are so clever, so much better than me. Well let’s just see who has the final say of all. See, I underestimated your power. No wonder he wants us so badly. I never expected you to have the ability to save that pathetic waste of a child, so I had to up the ante.”

The transmission shifted, showing Xyston-class Star Destroyers narrowing in on various planets.

“Oh no,” Poe said, “no no no no no.”

Ben’s eyes widened. These were the ships that Palpatine was prepared to launch on the galaxy, with planet destroying capabilities.

“Did you think the Resistance destroyed them all?” Kylo asked, reappearing on screen. “Did you think all of them were kept on Exegol? That would be a terrible strategy for such fine equipment designed to create order in this pathetic and chaotic universe. Now they fly again, all across the galaxy, targeting some of the finest inhabited worlds. Which one would you like to see go first? Coruscant? Naboo? Or maybe your homeworld, Chandrila.”

Ben tried not to show any outward displays of his rage and terror.

“Means nothing to you anyway, right?” Kylo grinned, and it always looked skeletal on him. “I suspect it means a lot more to you than you’ll ever let on. And that is why you are so weak. Your love has always made you weak, and it makes you weak now.” He sniffed. “I would just watch it all burn, and that is why I will be the one to survive.”

Ben clenched his teeth. “What do you want?”

“The ships will be in position to fire at 12.2.88:44.1.5. Before that time, you will meet me on your precious Chandrila, and after I have weakened you in front of all you hold dear, you will merge with me once and for all, and you—” He pointed at Rey. “—will submit to me and join us as one. You both love this galaxy so much, let’s see what you’re willing to sacrifice for it!”

Kylo backed up. “And just in case you didn’t think I was serious, Rey? Do you remember a little place called Jakku?”

Rey showed no emotion but clenched her fists.

“Now it is just that. A memory. FIRE!”

The screen shifted to the viewport of the Star Destroyer outside Jakku. Burst of green light at the sandy sphere in the distance. The circular form elongated, distorted, then erupted in a ball of fire and debris. The transmission cut.

Silence filled the ship.

Ben could barely muster a voice. “Poe…can we get to Chandrila by that time?”

Poe opened and closed his hand over the controls, still silent. “I…there’s…gateways, I think I can find some that will get us there.”

“Captain?” Sona said, standing before Ben. “What will you do? You cannot abide by his demands, but you can’t be everywhere at once to stop all this.”

Ben wanted to thank her for stating the obvious, but he didn’t have an answer and couldn’t speak if he did. Kylo wanted to break him, and it looked as if he would finally succeed.

“He can’t be everywhere,” Finn said, “but we can.”

Sona tilted her head in response.

Poe opened a broadcast comm line on a frequency he knew well. “This is General Poe Dameron of the Resistance communicating from private vessel—” He turned to Ben. “—what’s the name of your ship?”

Ben shrugged. He never thought of one.

Poe turned back to the comm. “From private vessel Redemption 440441. Copy and report.”

The speaker chirped. “Poe? Where the hell are you, we haven’t heard from you in weeks!”

“Tied up, tied down, and in every mess you can imagine, just received threat from First Order and confirmation of capability, they have ships with planet destroying capabilities headed…”

Rey turned to Ben, tear-filled rage on her face. “We need to form a plan. We have to end this and end it now, once and for all. I won’t…” She sniffled and swallowed. “…I won’t let this happen again.”

Ben still felt numb. “Last time we had a plan, Benny died.”

“And you saved him. And we’re going to save the galaxy. So get out of your own head and let’s figure this out.”

Rey flipped through the pages of the red book while Ben paced. “We have to keep him from escaping,” Ben said. “That’s one thing he always does at the last second. I don’t know, is there a ‘block shit I know so he can’t use it anymore’ ritual?”

Rey skimmed another page. “You keep saying the answer lies in you, so what is it?”

Ben rubbed his fingers vigorously over his head and growled in frustration. “I don’t know! Nara keeps saying the same thing, that she can’t help me with this. Damnit, I keep asking how, I should be asking why. _Why_ can’t I defeat him? No…why can’t I figure it out? What’s blocking me…?”

“You created the persona of Kylo to shed yourself of who you were, to dedicate yourself completely to the Dark Side. Start there.”

“I became Kylo after my uncle…” Ben felt like the air had gone out of his body. He remembered the last time he had this gut feeling. Just like back when he couldn’t figure out how to defeat Nara. Digging for why, he knew he hit the answer when he felt like this.

“So this is all about Luke?”

“No…I don’t know. But I feel like…we’re onto something. I need to see where it leads.”

A voice, forever familiar. “Seems to lead to me, kid.”

Ben whipped around and froze at the sight before him, visceral body response tensing his stomach and tightening his muscles.

Rey stood. “Luke?”

The translucent image smiled and winked. “Long time no see, Rey.”

Ben felt like he was ready to pounce. “My mother send you?”

“Nooo.” Luke sat on the window seat. “But she might have mentioned you’d be a little more open to hear what I have to say.”

Ben pursed his lips. “Talk.”

Luke shook his head. “You’re still holding onto it. Right now, even after all you’ve been doing to strengthen yourself, you still want to lunge at me.”

Ben tried to calm down, but his body refused to accept the command. “Your face triggers a response in me I don’t yet control. It was the last thing I saw before you tried to kill me!”

Luke nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Now I’m going to talk, and you can listen or you can shut down like you used to. Your choice. But seems to me you got a real problem on your hands, and maybe you might need to hear what I say now more than ever.”

Ben sat at the edge of the bed but not an ounce of tension left his body. “Fine.”

Luke sighed. “Ben, I sensed the darkness growing in you. I had a vision of what you would become. But what compelled me to think that killing you was the solution, that part I’ll never fully understand. What I _should_ have done was talk to you, keep working with you, show you lives worth saving, a life worth living. But there were hands at play that used the both of us to its satisfaction.”

Ben softened a little. This much was true.

“The darkness runs in me too, Ben. Honestly, in some ways, you had it better than I did. I descended right from the great grand old Sith Lord himself. Palpatine found a path to you through your own darkness, and honestly, I think he did the same to me.”

“That’s your excuse?”

Luke hung his head, then looked back at him, blue eyes intense and deep. “Haven’t you felt it? When it seeps in? You’re in your right mind one minute, the next you’re thinking about killing the ones you love.”

The tension left Ben’s body, replaced by discomfort.

“Yeah, you know. I snapped out of it, but not fast enough. By the time I did, your saber had already met mine, and you looked at me with those eyes…” Luke hung his head again. “And I saw the pain I caused you. I saw the last straw, the moment that finally broke you, that opened you so fully to the darkness and I knew that it was _my_ failure that caused that pain.” Luke looked up. “I watched you grow since you were a baby. I saw the happiness in your eyes, the love…”

Ben looked away, throat tightening.

“Innocent and open to everything the galaxy had to offer. You were such a stinking cute kid, cocky little prick sometimes—”

Ben gave a huff of a laugh.

“—but a good, bright, loving kid. And I watched that light die in your eyes. I watched Kylo be born. And I knew it was my hand that turned the tide. Ben?”

Ben looked up, trying to still the trembling in his chin.

“I am sorry for what I did. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to fight my own darkness so you wouldn’t have to. I’m sorry I kicked you down a path we all feared you would go. And I’m sorry I shut myself off, hid myself away, when I should have been there every day trying to make up for it, trying to bring you back myself.”

Ben let out a harsh breath and stood, turning away. The rising emotions overwhelmed him, a curling wave that could not be stopped until it crashed onto the shore. Though he had been pushed and pulled and manipulated long before that point, it was that pivotal moment that transformed him into everything he never wanted to be.

Ben clenched his fist and pressed it to his head, trying to process, trying to articulate. “I felt so alone. Like no one would ever trust me or really love me. Like I was unsafe, unloved, unwanted. Like no one saw me as anything but a monster waiting to lash out. No one trusted that I would be a good person on my own. No one trusted me! No one believed in me…least of all myself.”

“I’m sorry, kid. I really am. It was always my biggest regret, that and never finding a chance to get through to you, to tell you how wrong I was, and how terrible I feel. I did wrong by you and I never made enough effort to do right.”

Ben wrapped his arms around himself. “I was scared. Fragile. Lost. Snoke took me in, fed me every lie I needed to think I had found my place in life.” Ben shook his head. “But I never fully trusted him. No. I could never trust anyone after that. Only Kylo…” There it was, that sucking feeling in his gut.

Rey put a hand on his arm. “What, Ben?”

Ben swallowed. “It was Kylo who made me strong, kept me safe, kept the galaxy out of my fragile heart and soul. Kylo was my protection against all the hurt, because Kylo was so much stronger than Ben. Kylo didn’t hurt, or feel, at least he wasn’t supposed to. No, he was supposed to be just like Darth Vader, a sentient machine of darkness that bent others to his will or made them suffer the consequences. _That_ was the only person I could trust, Kylo Ren…”

Luke leaned back against the seat. “And who do you trust now?”

Ben looked to his side. “Rey…Nara…Poe, yeah, he’s been alright. Benny and Qui Gon, of course. Those three ex-Troopers, they’re good, good folk. Finn? Eh, well, maybe we’re not on great terms…but I do trust him, because I trust him with my sons, and that’s…”

“A huge extension of trust, one I really screwed up.”

Ben softened. “Finn won’t screw that up. I see that much in him. He’s…a good father, good man.”

“Well? Who else?”

Ben sighed, looked up at the ceiling. “Mom…Dad—” Ben cleared his throat. That name was still too hard to say.

“ _Aaaaand?_ ”

Who was left? Those were the closest to him now. “No offense, but not you. I’m not quite up there yet.”

“No offense taken, but the answer I’m looking for isn’t me. It’s someone who, after you were revived, has never failed you, has been there, stepped up, been the better man even when it hurt like hell, cared for others at the expense of himself, and truly wanted to make a beneficial impact in this galaxy. He’s fought for you, saved you, saved your crew—dare I say your friends, saved Rey…saved your Benny.”

Ben frowned. What the fuck was he talking about? Ben had already said Nara, she was the one that really saved Benny. He just…

It dawned on him. But it didn’t seem right.

“It’s the way I see it,” Luke said. “The way we all see it, those of us who watch you. Your mother. Master Yoda. The man you’re named after, Obi Wan Kenobi. Even the one your other kid is named after, Qui Gon Jinn. And, whether it matters to you or not anymore, my father, your grandfather, Anakin Skywalker himself, is the one that’s now proud of you for being Ben Solo, a true honor to his legacy. And mine.”

Ben sat, unable to articulate how he felt, barely able to breathe.

“Trust in yourself, Ben. You don’t need Kylo’s protection anymore. You don’t need him. You’re stronger than he’ll ever be and have been the moment you started being your true self.”

Ben let the tears fall. He never wanted to show Luke how much he had been hurt back then and had forced down those tears, but now it was an expression of liberation, and he didn’t care who saw it.

Luke stood. “Love yourself, kid. You’re more real than Kylo will ever be.” Luke winked and turned.

Ben sucked in a breath, then another. “Uncle Luke!”

The old Jedi Master turned. “Yeah kid?”

“I…forgive you.”

Luke smiled, a genuine, heartfelt, longtime in coming smile. “Thank you, Ben. Now forgive yourself.” With that, he faded.

Ben didn’t know what to do with himself, barrage of emotions all crashing into one another. He just sat there, frozen, tears running down his face. Rey stepped before him, silent, not needing to say a word. She gathered him into her arms, his head resting at the softness of her breasts.

Hours he lay with her, in her arms, nestled in her chest, sprawled on the bed as she played with his hair, holding her as she napped. All quiet. No words needed to be said. What he had to process needed to happen in his own mind, and she knew it and gave him the space for it.

He had to come to terms with everything he was and see value in it worth fighting for.

When she woke, she touched his cheek. “How you holding up in there?”

Ben inhaled the scent of her hair. “I know now what I must do, and I think this time I have the strength to do it.”

#

Rey

_Since the moment I first saw him, it was those eyes. Always those eyes._

With the threat of death looming above them, and time closing in, Rey needed some time with Ben. It had been only a few short weeks since she had him back after twelve years of endless grieving. Then he slipped into her life, covered in chaos, tossed her for every loop, and caught her in his massive arms.

Ben sat at the edge of his bed, weight of the universe on his broad shoulders. He turned to her as she stepped in, those dark eyes weary with the pressure of needing to save countless lives. He gave a brief smile, then hung his head once again.

_Then the hair, waves of ebony locks swirling down his neck._

She stopped before him and sunk her fingers into the smooth silk of his mane. His room lights danced off the glossy strands that spilled in abundance from her fingers. She leaned down and gathered his hair to her lips, savoring the soft gloss and his own special scent.

He looked up at her amidst his curtain of waves, eyebrows high, big dark eyes like a haunting night with a sliver of moon to light the way. He looked so sad and lost, but not like before, not when he was Kylo. This was the burden of the hero as he faced his final enemy.

_I remember those lips on the elevator, open and desperate for connection. I remember when they whispered, “Please,” and oh didn’t I almost give in, take that hand, just to be with you, just to feel them with my own. I remember when I first kissed them, and it was everything I hoped it would be._

She grasped his giant hands, teeming with power yet tempered with gentleness, and pulled, coaxing him to stand. He was nearly a head taller than she was, and when they first fought in that winter forest, it had been so intimidating. He had been a whirling black specter with fire in his eyes and entirely too much fluffy hair whipping around, but that observation she only savored much later. Now his height just carried him as the regal prince that he was, and though she needed no one to protect her, it sure was nice to know this giant of a man, with his huge shoulders and arms, incredible flexibility, and supreme fighting prowess, was standing beside her, ready to fight for her, ready to die for her. Not just her, their son, her friends/family, Storm Troopers giving up a life of tyranny, innocent villagers, and now entire planets.

“What’s up?” he asked, still disjointed from the recent announcements.

“Nothing. Just you.”

“I’m…having a hard time facing all of this. Knowing what I know and treading down old paths. It’s exhausting, Rey. All of it. I’ve been pushed to my breaking point too many times now.”

“Yet you keep getting back up.”

“I have to. I can’t…not. I’m just so tired of it all.”

“I understand completely.”

_Then that body, tall and imposing, broad and vicious, hard and powerful. The world cowered when you walked into a room, but I saw you as just a man, as human as the rest of us. And I think that’s exactly what you wanted from me._

She encircled her arms around his rocky chest, hands running over the sinuous muscle of his back. His big arms blanketed her from the world in their giant grasp. She looked up at him, and the forlorn gaze in his eyes slipped away. Those big brown eyes grew wide with the love and comfort they gave one another. Her precious soft boy in a hard man’s body.

“I don’t know what tomorrow will bring,” Rey said. “So even with the hell around us, I want just this one moment together, to just finally be with one another, so neither of us look back with any regrets.”

“No, that doesn’t sound ominous at all.”

Rey giggled and poked him in the ribs. “I’m serious. Ben, just—lay with me, here. We don’t have to do anything. I just want to look at you, know you, feel your essence and our connection.” She wrapped her arms around him again, head to his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, his sacred breath. “If things go wrong, I just want to know that I made up for twelve years of being apart.”

His fingers traced through her hair, that big hand cradling her head. Without words they simply held one another, basking in a heaven that had no measure.

_But it was when I touched your hand that I knew I’d never be the same. In that moment you weren’t Kylo. You were Ben, as open and vulnerable and full of the potential for love that you are now. That was when I fell for you, Ben Solo. Beyond our dyad connection, beyond whatever fates had sealed for us, I felt you, and I loved the person I felt on that day._

For hours they lay side by side or in each other’s arms. They talked, giggled, dreamed, hoped. They opened up about their younger days, things they rarely shared with anyone. It was as if they were one person who just forgot a few details and suddenly remembered. Their connection made them so completely integrated, finishing each other’s thoughts and sentences, remembering things about the other that had never been spoken. All shields down, completely vulnerable, their lives entwined as one.

_My heart shattered the day you left me and healed the moment you returned. Now every waking moment I treasure the gift that is you._

Later, she watched him as he slept. His black hair spilled around the pillow and his face, dark lashes blanketing his upper cheek, long, slow rhythmic breaths. He was a gift she cherished with every atom in her being. So incredibly imperfect making him so incredibly perfect, her shining star in the blackest night.

_Rest, my love, and know that my saber is at the ready for you, for none shall harm you while I stand._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey face off against Kylo Ren as a Xyston class Star Destroyer charges above Chandrila. With time running out for them and Ben's home planet, Ben still can't gain an edge against his adversary. How far will Ben have to be broken before he unearths the secret to his bond with Kylo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point forward, I may have taken a few liberties with the essence of the Force and some prophecies that aren't exactly canon. Please just sit back and enjoy the ride, :D

Ben adjusted the flexible bracers on his wrists as he stared at the planet in the viewport. They were close enough to see Chandrila’s continents delineated against its oceans. The moment of their ultimate fate drew near.

_I have to believe, really believe that I’m stronger than he is. That’s the only way I’ll win._

Rey stepped out of her room dressed in burnt orange and gray, blending the outfit Nara had left for her with some new items. She looked him up and down. “The shirt looks great on you.”

Ben pulled at the dark blue tunic. “Yeah, it fits nicely. Not easy to find a size that fits me right.”

“I think I knew enough of your body to figure it out.” She winked, eliciting a smile from him. “I tried to get your favorite color, but this was the closest I could find.”

“No, it’s fine. It looks great. Bracers were a nice touch.”

“I hated seeing you go around with that giant hole in your last shirt.” She now stared at the viewport with him. “Here I am talking about shirts…because I don’t want to face what happens next.”

Ben turned to Poe. “Any word around the galaxy?”

Poe didn’t look at him. “You want the truth or do you want to be happy?”

“Well, I’m already not happy.”

“Trust me, this is happiness right now.”

“Fuck…”

“The Star Destroyers have shields that are almost impossible to penetrate. Only some of the newest and biggest Fighters have weapons strong enough to do even minimal damage. It’s looking ugly out there. Not to mention the one approaching us within the next hour.”

“Just stay out of its range, do not engage. You are the backup plan.”

Poe sighed. “I hate that I’m not going down there with you.”

“You’re the best pilot in the galaxy. I’m trusting you with the most important thing in our lives. You’re doing more for us than you ever could on the ground.”

Poe opened and closed his hand. “Yeah.”

Rey turned to him. “Shall we?”

Ben nodded.

The two of them headed into the lounge. Benny sat on the floor, pillows, blankets, a book, and a puzzle at the ready. Finn sat before him, hilt of his lightsaber on his lap.

“Is it time?” Finn asked.

“Yeah.” Ben knelt before him. “You are the last line of defense, and I hope it never gets this far, but I just want to say that it isn’t easy for me to trust anyone, let alone someone with my sons, but I know how much you love Benny and I know if the battle comes here, you will be at the ready. So I just want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being here with him.”

“No need to thank me. I’d give my life any day for him.”

“I know.” Ben placed his hand on Finn’s shoulder, then pulled him into a brief hug.

Finn pulled back, staring at him in complete confusion. “That was both heartfelt and creepy.”

Ben moved on to Benny while Rey gave Finn a much longer hug, their whispers kept between them. Ben didn’t mind. He knew where everyone stood and that gave him at least some sense of peace in all this.

He knelt and put his hand to Benny’s face. “Son—sons, boys, I love you with every ounce of my soul. I will fight hard out there, but if the battle should come here, and should it get past all the guards we have in place, I need you to fight with all the Force power you can summon. Your life is so precious to us, I can’t even begin to describe it. My hope is that all will be quiet for you, but if not, be prepared to be the warriors I know you can be.”

“I will. I will, Daddy.”

Ben squished his son in the deepest hug and kissed his head and soft cheeks. Rey moved on to him, their own conversation meant for them alone while she tried to contain her tears. Ben stood before Sona who had armed herself with just about every weapon available.

“Sona, you’re the outer rim. If they get past Poe, you have to protect Finn and Benny.”

“Will do, Captain. I will not fail you.”

“Thank you.” Ben put his hand on her shoulder, then pulled her into a hug. She felt stiff and awkward in his arms.

She looked baffled when he let her go. “Does this mean we have a relationship now?”

Ben looked at her in exasperation. “No. Just an expression of my deepest gratitude. You’ve come to mean more to me than just someone we rescued.” He turned to Tarn and Jorn. “That goes for you as well. You’re all my team, my crew…I guess even my friends.”

Tarn asked, “Then where’s our hug?”

Ben smirked and grabbed them in each arm. Then he stood before them. “You two will protect Sona and help Poe.”

“No we’re not,” Jorn said.

Ben tensed. “What do you mean, no? That’s a direct order!”

“They don’t need us,” Tarn said. “You and Rey do.”

Ben sighed. “It’s a deathtrap down there. You’re better off here. If we fail—”

“We’ll see that you don’t.”

“Yeah,” Jorn said, “you think Kylo Ren is going to travel light? He’ll have an army with him ready to kick your ass, do all the dirty work for him.”

“So we’re going with you to make sure you have a fair fight on your hands.”

Ben shook his head. “It would be a suicide mission for you two. If we fail, Chandrila may be destroyed. You at least have a chance to escape if you’re here.”

Tarn shrugged. “Let us worry about that.”

Ben sighed. “Why are you doing this?”

Jorn answered, “Because you’re our captain.”

“And you took us in,” Tarn said, “when we were facing a hellish fate.”

“And you let us just take over and start working on your ship and didn’t even care.”

“And you actually praised us. I’ve never been praised in my life except by Jorn.”

“But mostly, you’re the first person who ever let us be ourselves.” Jorn took Tarn’s hand. “And that alone is worth our loyalty. Besides, we’re soldiers. It’s what we were trained to do.”

Ben softened, nodded. “It’s an honor to have you fight beside us.”

Rey stepped next to Ben. “Ready?”

Ben huffed out a breath. “Yeah. Let’s do this. Tell me when you have the shield in place.”

The red books had some useful information even if not to defeat Kylo. Inside were rituals that directed and manipulated the Force in directions Ben never imagined, all in preparation for disaster.

Rey ignited her saber and stood by Finn. She closed her eyes, centered, and drew into the air with her weapon. Hazy golden light spilled from the tip of the saber as she walked in a circle around Finn and Benny. When she reached her starting point, she held the energy. “Ready.”

Ben ignited his saber and centered himself to the pinnacle of oneness. Drawing on the well of Force power, he delicately painted intricate symbols onto the shield. At four corners he made the marks, glowing bright white in the golden mist. Snoke had told him calligraphy was a waste of time. Now here Ben was, infinitely stronger than his old mentor using his skills to protect his sons.

Ben stepped back from the shield and powered down his saber. “Done.” Rey followed suit and stood next to him. He took one last look at the boy whose big brown eyes looked back. “Hopefully, this will be enough.”

Poe called from the other room. “We land in the capital city in one minute—fuck would you look at that.”

Ben darted to the bridge. The viewport showed the center of Hanna City in ruins, First Order flag whipping in the wind. A TIE Fighter and a First Order transport lorded over the port. A platoon of Storm Troopers stood in formation before a tall figure in black.

The Starship Redemption landed just outside the disaster. Ben took Rey’s hand, nodded to the others, and stepped down the ramp followed by Tarn and Jorn. Once they hit ground, the ship reversed back up into the sky.

Debris littered the streets, glass and masonry crunching beneath their boots as they headed toward the center square. Smoke and acrid remnants of plasma weapons replaced the scents of baked goods and sea air. The bustling city remained silent except for an occasional cry or sobbing in the distance.

After climbing over hunks of fallen building, the four entered the main square. Storm Troopers aimed but did not fire. To the right, a huddled mass looked up. Rey whispered, “They’re Chandrilian officials and delegates from the New Republic.”

Ben nodded. “Kylo wanted to make his power known to all.”

One official called out. “Are you Ben Organa Solo?”

Ben paused, looked over. “Yes.”

“Then you do live.”

“Yeah.”

The man nodded toward Kylo. “He’s been expecting you.”

Ben continued forward until he was at the bottom of the steps leading to the bastard. “Your goons found it necessary to destroy half the city?”

Kylo stared down with contempt. “I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me. I leveled this city on entry. This planet, these people, they mean nothing to me. Their only use right now is to draw you near.”

Ben shrugged. “Well, I’m here. Now why don’t we take this to the fields so no one here gets any more hurt than they already are.”

“No, you will kneel before me and accept our merge or I will tear them apart until you do.”

Ben nodded. “Yeah, of course, you need them to help you win. You can’t face me on your own. You know I’m better than you.”

“You couldn’t defeat me before, and you sure as FUCK can’t beat me now!”

Ben ignited his blue saber. “Yeah? Why don’t you come at me and prove it? Forget this chickenshit game of hostages—” He slid into his stance. “—and defeat me if you want to merge so badly.”

Kylo stepped into his stance, red cross-hilt saber firing into existence. “This is your last chance to do the right thing!”

Ben held his stance. “Do the galaxy a favor and shut the fuck up!”

Kylo leapt at him with a roar, soaring through the air with his cape billowing behind him. Ben deflected the strike and slipped to the side, sending Kylo to the ground. Kylo rolled to his feet and sprung in a corkscrew toward Ben who just barely deflected the strike. Kylo kicked him in the back and dove down with an overhand strike.

Rey cried into battle, her gold saber swinging with speed and dexterity. Ben recovered from his tumble down the few last steps while her saber struck against Kylo’s. Ben was about to use the Force to propel himself over Kylo, but the thought froze in his gut. He still couldn’t trust the use of his power around his doppelganger.

Kylo teleported behind Ben and yanked him to the pavement. Kylo drew up his saber for a downward stab, but Ben swept his leg and knocked him flat before leaping to his feet. Kylo scrambled back up, shaking off a burn to his forearm, and slashed in with a side strike.

Rey slid in low and blocked the strike. The three tangled in a humming, crashing dance of death. Yet again, Kylo predicted every move and countered. They really had to get him out of there, onto open ground where they could risk a little more with getting the officials injured.

Rey took up Ben’s left flank, pushing Kylo back further and further away from the square. It was an excellent strategy, and he could have kissed her if he wasn’t fighting for his life.

Blasts of gunfire erupting behind him, Ben deflected a shot headed his way. In the mix he heard Tarn and Jorn shouting at the Storm Troopers, offering them leniency if they gave themselves up.

“Come to our side! We have alcohol!”

“And food, real food! Stuff that actually tastes good!”

“And real clothing, not this ugly shit.”

Only those two could enter a firefight and talk about partying and clothes. Their voices faded as he and Rey pushed Kylo down a city street between two tall stands of buildings. In the shadows, their sabers lit the facades in a clash of red, yellow, and blue. Ben had to at least say this about Kylo—the abomination held up well against the two of them. Once they got out in the open, they would have to take their fight to a new level.

One problem—Ben still had no idea how to officially defeat Kylo. Thus far, just believing he was stronger wasn’t enough.

#

On the Redemption, Finn called out to Poe, “You see anything?”

“Tarn and Jorn are in a firefight. Ben and Rey slipped into the buildings with Kylo, I can’t tell where they are now.”

“Damnit.”

“This is intense,” Sona said. “A true battle to be proud of. I wish I could be down there with Tarn and Jorn.”

“Well, we need you here, in case Kylo decides to teleport or who knows what.”

“I don’t think I could defeat Kylo, but it would be a worthy battle. Glorious.” She paused. “Finn, you and me will have a relationship when this is over.”

Finn choked. “Excuse me?!”

“Yes, it is a good idea.”

Finn sighed. “Sona, look, I just got out of a breakup of a long-term relationship, I’m not doing this, not now.”

“When will you be doing it?”

“I am still hurting, still reeling—where in the hell is this even coming from?”

“It makes perfect sense. You were the first of us to defect. You took me under your wing and taught me how to live free. We are both strong, healthy, and capable of combat. Now that you are out of a relationship, you should be in one with me.”

Poe called over, “If I wasn’t watching our friends fight for their lives I’d be on the floor in tears laughing right now.”

Finn put up his hand. “Sona, not now. Nothing even remotely like that is happening any time soon, understand?”

Sona shrugged. “Mm. But I think you will relent with time. Poe! Do you want a relationship with me in the meantime?”

“Oh Sona,” Poe said, “no. No no, stars above no.”

“Hmph. Well, if we survive this, I’m having a relationship with someone—”

“What the shit?!”

Finn leaned over. “Poe? What’s wrong?”

“The Star Destroyer. It’s charging!”

“But we made it on time!”

“I know! I don’t get it!”

Finn paused. “That was the plan the whole time.”

“What?”

“Kylo doesn’t want to merge at all anymore. It’s like he’s on a suicide mission. Shit! I have to let Rey know.” Finn closed his eyes, opened himself to the Force. He would never be the level of Rey or Ben, but the bond he had with her still remained, would always remain. And if he had a chance of saving her life, he had to take it.

#

Ben cut, dove, swung, struck, dipped beneath attacks and slid out of others. The fight finally made it to the open field, and he felt a little better taking the battle up a notch. Yet still, no matter what Ben threw at him, Kylo always countered. Not just him, Rey found the same. Kylo knew every single move they would make.

Was it time to try oneness? Did Ben dare to open himself to Kylo, finally see inside his enemy? Would he have the strength to fight off the influence of the corruption?

A pit of fear lay in his stomach. He couldn’t do it. He needed to and just couldn’t.

Rey paused, distracted, and Ben slid over just in time to block a strike against her. Her eyes widened. “He’s stalling!” she cried.

“What?”

“Finn just told me the Star Destroyer is charging. It’s going to fire on the planet!”

Kylo backed up, spun his saber in an angry arc, smug look on his face. “I warned you.”

Rage burned in Ben’s chest. “Warned me how?”

“You had a chance to give yourself willingly and you still, STILL deny me!” Kylo pointed his finger. “What is denied me is denied you! If you will not enable me to be the conduit, then I’ll sooner see us all DEAD!”

The threat looming above lit a fire in Ben. He sprung forward, striking with a fury born of his need to protect Rey and everyone on his home planet. Kylo blocked but suffered from every hit, weakening from the strain. Rey came in from the back with just as much power, the two of them strengthened by their love for each other and the innocent lives in the wake.

Kylo took a strike to the leg and stumbled. He regained his balance to take another strike to the arm. Rey jabbed him in the shoulder while Ben cut across his ribs. Kylo paused, heaving breaths, tip of his saber burning into the ground. Finally, they had the advantage. With a nod to Rey, they jumped in again. Blue, gold, and red sparked and crashed, Kylo barely able to keep up with the barrage powered by something he could never access—love.

Ben’s final overhand swing blasted the cross-hilt saber out of Kylo’s hand and onto the ground at his feet. Kylo, spent, did not retrieve it. Gold light burst through Kylo’s right lung. Ben drew his blue saber up and jammed it into Kylo’s heart.

The two sabers powered down. Kylo stood for a moment, distant, incredulous, before crumpling to the ground.

Ben heaved breath after breath, sweat streaming down his face. He looked over to Rey, found her doing the same. Then she smiled. It was over. Finally over.

She ran into Ben’s arms, and he lifted her from the ground, spinning her. They still had to deal with the Star Destroyer, but this mess with Kylo was finally complete. After all they had been through, what Benny had been through, relief lifted the massive weights that had been crushing their spirits.

He set her down, stood beside her, and looked up. “What do we do about _that_ now?”

“We need to get back to the ship, then—”

Ben heard two sounds: Rey gasping and the hum of an ignited lightsaber. Ben’s heart stopped. He couldn’t breathe. Kylo stood behind her, cross-hilt saber through her stomach from behind.

_No…_

Rage, terror, and heartbreak pumped through Ben’s veins. Kylo ripped the saber out and kicked Rey forward. Ben caught her in his arms, heart and soul screaming.

“Rey…no no…no no no.” Ben fell to his knees with her in his arms, blackened burn hole mocking him from her abdomen.

“Ben,” she whispered, gasping for breath. She was already pale, and the suffering and fear in her eyes ripped out his heart.

Rey had no mirror in Nara’s world. Ben felt the life force draining out of her. A sound escaped his lips as his body shook from the heartrending agony searing through every part of him.

She forced a smile. “It’s okay.”

Ben shook his head, tears splashing onto her chest. Then, in his head, for her she could barely speak, _Keep fighting. Win this. For the galaxy, for Benny, and for me._

Ben sucked in a breath, fresh cascade of tears. “I don’t want a life without you in it. I can’t…”

_You have to. Benny needs you._

He cried out to an indifferent universe that spit on him every chance it got. Then a presence, beside his left ear.

“I feel your pain,” Kylo said.

How Kylo survived those two injuries, Ben didn’t know or care. He clenched his teeth. “You…can’t…FEEL!”

“I’ve known your pain for years. I was there through all of it, remember? And I’m going to do for you like I’ve always done. Save you. Protect you.”

If Ben was capable of moving, he would have ripped the creature’s throat out with his bare hands.

“We’re a triad, Ben. I learned teleportation from you. Just felt it, knew it, now I use it. So _you_ can learn to heal from her. Just feel it, use it. It’s there.”

Ben looked down at Rey, hope sparking in his chest.

 _No!_ Rey sent to him. _It’s a trap._

_I can do it, Rey. It’s out of love. Kylo can’t access it._

_Ben, if you use the Force—_

_Rey, I am doing this. I don’t care about the consequences._

_That’s exactly how he’ll get you! It has to be selfless!_

Barely a breath escaped her lips, her body growing cold in his hands. There was no other choice. Ben drew up the Force, feeling along his connection to her—yes, there, now he understood. Like life unfolding: a bird hatching from an egg, seed sprouting into green, flower opening from a bud—

“Yes,” Kylo said. “Use the Force.”

Ben could feel the mending begin beneath his hand on her wound, flow of the Force swimming through her.

Kylo stood behind him. “Do it, Ben Solo. Save your Rey…and die to me.”

That sucking sensation, life’s essence draining out of Ben and into Kylo. It yanked the flow of his healing right out of Rey and into his nemesis.

_No…I did this to heal her! I did this to keep her from dying! Don’t you dare take it from me now!_

Ben drew once again from the source of all. Rey was going to live and there was nothing else to say about it. The fullness of life bursting into existence filled him—and drained right back out into Kylo.

“Yes,” Kylo said, his hands wrapping around Ben’s neck. “Give me everything. Give me all of it!”

Ben drifted to his memories with Rey, that perfect bliss of oneness with his dyad. He drew again, Force flowing like a massive flood. He could almost feel her body mending, blood vessels growing into one another, cells dividing, muscle and organ regenerating. Then Kylo pulled on his essence again and it slipped away.

“I knew once I broke you,” Kylo said, “you would bend to me. As I’ve always said, your love makes you weak.”

Ben felt like he was losing himself along with Rey, finding no energy to breathe. His entire self was slipping to Kylo, maybe even her, too. He had to get out of this, somehow he had to regain himself.

Rumbling. Blasts. Cries. Something…

The Force snapped back into Ben’s body, his entire being instantly alive and awake again. He turned to see the Storm Troopers, led by Tarn and Jorn, charging into the field, shooting at Kylo. The abomination picked up his saber and deflected the shots, flinging others back on the Force.

Ben knew those two were nuts, but this was ridiculous. They were sure to get killed—

No, they were buying him time.

The light was fading from Rey’s eyes. He realized where he went wrong. So angry at the universe for hurting the one woman that meant everything to him, he was ready to watch it all burn if it meant she would live. Somewhere, deep inside, he felt someone tell him that was where Anakin had gone wrong, that it had been the path that led him to become Darth Vader.

Ben centered himself. _I am better than this. I have made myself one with the universe and loved it as I love myself. I will not let it fall to the hands of corruption. But I can’t do this alone. Rey, I need you._

He pressed his hand against her injury and drew once again on the Force, its most life-giving qualities. His focus shifted from ending his own pain to bringing her magnificence back to the galaxy, the universe itself. The worlds needed her just as much as he did. And this time, Kylo couldn’t touch it.

Now he could feel it blooming, the vessels, muscles, organs, even bones mending. Kylo had gotten her right through the spine.

“That’s enough,” she said, so very softly.

“I’m not done.”

“I’ll live.” She looked behind him. “They won’t.”

Ben turned. Half of the soldiers already lay dead.

“I can’t yet feel my legs,” Rey said, “so you’re going to have to fight him on your own. Get out there and stop him once and for all.”

Ben swallowed. “Okay.” He kissed her, stood, and ignited his saber. “Hey!”

The Troopers stopped and looked at him. Kylo remained with his weapon at the ready.

Ben pointed toward Rey. “Guys, take care of her. I’ll deal with him.” He stepped before Kylo, fury burning through his veins. A few yards away from his enemy, he stomped into his stance.

Kylo stood with the holes in his chest healed, no doubt from stealing all of Ben’s power for himself. “Still you resist? The Star Destroyer is nearly ready, I stab your Rey, the ones who came to your rescue lie dead. What will it take? When will you finally realize you cannot win this?”

Ben shrugged. “Chewie always said I was a hard-headed little asshole.”

Kylo twitched then roared at him, lightsaber whipping in an arc. Again their weapons clashed. Sliding, dashing, dipping, flipping—despite it all, neither gained an advantage over the other. Ben glanced at the sky. Time was coming to a close.

It was inconceivable. All this time, all these battles, how he could punch through space and time for Benny, learn Rey’s healing, cast ancient rituals of protection, even forgave Luke and still, _still_ he could not figure out how to defeat Kylo.

His enemy survived a blow to the chest and heart. Fatal blows meant nothing. This battle meant nothing. Kylo couldn’t be killed. He was something else, some corrupt Force abomination. This fight was a waste of time, and time was something they were running out of.

 _Forgave Luke_.

That took a lot to finally do. Why did this pop in his head? It made no sense, especially after he took a swipe to the thigh that burned like fuck.

_Now forgive yourself._

Why the hell was he thinking of this with minutes to spare?

_It was Kylo who made me strong, kept me safe, kept the galaxy out of my fragile heart and soul. Kylo was my protection against all the hurt, because Kylo was so much stronger than Ben. That was the only person I could trust, Kylo Ren._

Ben looked into the eyes of his adversary, seeing his own, the angry, bitter, hurt young man that tried to be the monster, needed to be the monster just to survive the torture in his own mind.

_It’s someone who, after you were revived, has never failed you, has been there, stepped up, been the better man even when it hurt like hell, cared for others at the expense of himself, and truly wanted to make a beneficial impact in this galaxy. He’s fought for you, saved you, saved your crew—dare I say your friends, saved Rey…saved your Benny._

Ben slowed his attacks as he realized this battle was empty.

_Trust in yourself, Ben. You don’t need Kylo’s protection anymore. You don’t need him. You’re stronger than he’ll ever be, and have been the moment you started being your true self._

Ben stopped, turned off his saber.

Kylo’s lip curled. “You finally give in? You finally see you can’t win this?”

“No.” Ben continued to look at him, feeling free for once in his life. It was all so simple, as Nara would say. The answer had been before him this entire time, but it took so much strength to see it to its fruition.

Kylo drew his saber over his elbow, ready to strike. “Then turn on that fucking saber and fight me!”

Ben hooked his saber on his belt. “No.”

“Why the fuck NOT?”

“You’re not my enemy.”

Kylo tried to laugh and realized he couldn’t.

Ben exhaled and shook his head. “I’ve been striking at shadows this entire time. Fighting you, fighting the break in my soul. All this time I never realized what you really were, what made you in the first place.”

“Stop this talking, right now, and fight.”

“All your anger and bitterness and rage, it was my own. Reflected back at me. For all you’ve done over the past few weeks, I should hate you, and believe me, right up until this moment, I hated you with every piece of myself, and that was where I kept going wrong.”

Something twitched in Kylo’s eyes. “Turn on that saber and fight!”

“You were everything to me at one time, Kylo. I made you into everything I ever wanted to be. The anomaly in the Force may have made you flesh, but I was the one who created you.”

“FIGHT ME!”

“And you did exactly what I needed you to do. You protected me, saved me, bent others so I wouldn’t have to be hurt. Took the pain when we were attacked. I looked up to you and became you because you were the only one in the galaxy I could trust.”

Kylo screamed and swung down with his saber. Ben opened himself to oneness with Kylo, no longer afraid. He put his hand out and froze the dark warrior in place. For a moment Ben felt the pull but realized it was in being afraid of this, not trusting himself to be stronger than his craving, that he kept going wrong, kept letting it all slip to his shadow. 

He didn’t have to give in to Kylo anymore.

Ben reversed the pull of energy, knowing exactly what he had to do. In this state they were one, and he had all the power.

“And then Rey showed up,” Ben said, “and she found me inside of you. And you hated that, didn’t you? Because you thought I was so weak, so frail, so pathetic with my ability to care and love. You hated what she brought out in me because deep down inside, you knew you were fake, you were just a creation of a scared young man who felt he had no one else to turn to.”

“SHUT UP!” Kylo struggled to break free of Ben’s grip, to swing his lightsaber down.

Ben drew on Kylo’s power, the saber dissolving and sucking into Ben’s essence. “And then I left you on the remains of the Death Star. No words, no ceremony, not even a thank you. I left you after you did everything to protect me.”

Kylo’s eyes turned desperate. “Don’t do this! Please!”

“Thank you, Kylo Ren. Thank you for saving me, for protecting me, for being everything I needed in my darkest time.”

Kylo collapsed to his knees. “Fuck your gratitude!” He looked down at his dissolving hands, draining into Ben’s draw of the Force.

“And you became flesh and tried to destroy me, destroy everything I love, all in an attempt to be whole, to stop being so damn empty and broken. I know how that feels, and it must have hurt you.”

Kylo glared. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you DARE PITY ME!”

“But we were never going to be whole until I finally forgave myself for becoming you, forgave myself for the horrors I enacted while joined with you. And I couldn’t do that until I could see that I was, indeed, a good person, and not a monster like everyone expected, that I had real value in the galaxy and I was going to spend the rest of my life making sure monsters like you would never take hold again. Only when I knew how to really love, and learned how much capacity I had when I did, could I truly forgive myself. Forgive you.”

Kylo’s body was nothing more than vapor funneling into the draw. “I don’t want your forgiveness.”

“No, but you’ll get it. Hate has gotten me nowhere. Love has been everything to me. And now I love and accept you and return you back where you came from. Your time is done.”

Kylo looked up one last time, black irises fading to brown. He hung his head beneath his black locks that drained into Ben’s vortex of light.

Silence.

Ben felt the confusion inside him, the disarray. Scattered and corrupt energies crashing into his usual pure flow. He breathed, stilled himself. _I can do this. I can take it. I’m strong enough now._

“Ben?”

Tarn and Jorn had carried Rey to him. As he looked at her, still so pale and drawn from the injury, he realized no matter how strong he was, he didn’t have to fight it alone. He wasn’t alone. So many had joined him, given of themselves to him, even those he hurt in the past. He never had to be alone again or face the perils of life that way.

He took Rey into his arms, knowing what needed to be done. He leaned down, kissed her petal-soft lips, and felt the pure flash of glory that appeared every time he touched his beloved dyad. The scattered and angry mess inside of him melted, dissolved, and flushed away on the pure flow of Force that poured through them every time they connected.

He had once blasted her free of the corruption with their connection, and now she had done the same with Kylo’s energies inside of him.

Time to heal the damage. He drew upon the deepest well of the Force, where all things grew into existence, where Zero Point expands into action, and action begets creation, and creation begets life. He could feel her bones mending, spinal nerves, the skin and her other wounds sealing. His own injuries faded as she delivered healing in return.

He set her down, smile on his face, feeling free and whole for the first time ever.

“You did it,” she said.

Ben met the gaze of Tarn, Jorn, and the group of Troopers, ending with those that gave their lives for him and Rey. “We all did it.” Ben turned his head up to the sky. “And there’s one last thing to do.” He closed his eyes, summoned the draw of the Force, and focused on the town square. With a rush of energy, he opened his eyes exactly where he needed to be: in front of Kylo’s TIE Fighter. He leapt up on the Force, with a flick of his wrist blasted open the door, and climbed inside.

He waved his fingers over the control panel, summoned his past, and spoke into the microphone. “This is Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. All Star Destroyers return to flagship at once. Do NOT engage your weapons. There is a fatal flaw which will render the fleet useless. Return to flagship and do NOT engage any enemy of the Resistance. That is an order!”

He sat and looked out the window. The bright green of the laser on the Star Destroyer faded into nothing. The ship rose and disappeared into hyperspace.

Ben dropped his head onto his arm. They won, finally. He thought he would cry, die, or scream all at once. Instead he laughed, laughed until his gut hurt.

#

When his laughing fit finally wore off, he flew down and headed toward the square. Rey, Tarn, Jorn, and the remaining Troopers, their helmets tossed, ran toward him. From the left, Finn, Poe, Benny, and Sona ran from the landed Redemption. The ship crew—his family—slammed into each other with hugs, Ben holding onto them for dear life, for that’s what they had become for him, his life, saved a thousand times over.

“So what the hell was the key?” Poe asked. “What made you finally kick his ass?”

“Love,” Ben answered.

Poe rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, you gotta give me something better than that. No one wants to hear a story where Kylo Ren is defeated by love. It sounds stupid even coming out of my mouth.”

“Everything sounds stupid coming out of your mouth.”

That elicited a roar of laughter. “Burn!” Rey said, pointing and cackling.

Ben joined her, then said, “No seriously, in the end, he was just my own shadow made manifest. Until I loved every part of myself, even the parts I hated, I couldn’t summon the power to defeat him.”

Tarn pushed his way in. “Okay, so I promised these guys they could get drunk off their asses if they followed us into battle, so do you mind us hitting the ship for a while? They promised me they never fired a shot on anyone in the city.” He waved his fingers. “You can dig into their minds to find out if you want.”

Ben put up his raised his. “I trust your judgment. Besides, if not for you guys and them…just, thank you. Go ahead, get drunk.”

Tarn’s group cheered, and he led the way onto the ship.

“So what happens now?” Sona asked.

Ben glanced around. “Kylo did a number on this place. We should at least try to help out, and those Troopers who helped us deserve an honorable memorial—” He stopped as the group of officials, New Republic senators, and two Chandrilian police officers stepped over to him.

“Ben Organa Solo?”

Ben straightened. “Yes?”

“You are wanted by the New Galactic Republic for questioning.”

Ben’s gut dropped.

“Absolutely not!” Rey said.

“Seriously?” Poe said. “He just saved all your asses!”

The official raised his hand. “We’re asking you to come peacefully. It’s just some questioning.”

Ben sighed. “It’s alright. Can’t say it wasn’t expected, eventually.”

Rey stepped forward. “And I said no!”

Poe stepped beside her. “As General of the Resistance, I can vouch for Ben—”

“Please,” the official said, “right now we’re just asking. Please don’t escalate it further.”

Ben stuck his hands out. “It’s alright. I’ll go.”

Rey clenched her teeth. “I said no!”

“Don’t take my dad away!” Benny cried.

One officer asked the lead official, “You want him cuffed?”

“That is stupid,” Sona said. “Did you not see what he can do? He breaks out of cuffs with a single thought. I saw it for myself.”

Ben inhaled. “I said I’d go peacefully.”

“Ben!” Rey called as he stepped forward.

The sky darkened in some strange, unsettling way. Ben jumped back as the ground cracked by his feet. A cold wind whipped through and then the air fell dead around them.

All eyes shifted to Ben. He stuck his hands up. “I’m not doing this!” He turned to Rey, expecting to see fury on her face. She was just as baffled. Benny looked around, then wide eyes signaled Qui Gon had taken over. “Something’s wrong.”

“Holy shit!” Finn pointed to the sky. It looked like it had cracked, as if it was glass that had fractured.

Ben whipped around. “What the fuck is going on?” A flash shifted everything to black, humans represented by green geometric shapes. Ben shut his eyes, and when he opened them again, things were back to normal, except the crack in the sky. “Did anyone else see that?”

Tarn came screaming from the ship, “I think the drinks are tainted! Shit got weird in there!”

“It’s weird out here, too, not just you.”

Light blinded everyone and then it was dark. Then it was purple, then back to normal. Benny wrapped his arms around Rey’s legs, and she scooped him into her arms.

“Ben,” she said, “what the hell is happening—is that building floating?!”

Sure enough, and then it wasn’t. An official stuck his finger in Ben’s face. “You are causing this somehow! Arrest them!”

But the officer didn’t move, just as unnerved as the rest of them. A creaking moan poured down from above, sending a chill right into Ben’s bones. “This is not good, Rey—”

He turned toward her. Pale, listless, she looked like she would be sick. Benny put his hand to his head. “Rey?”

She clenched her eyes shut and cried out, muscles tensing. She fell to her knees, Benny slipping out of her grasp. The boy screamed and grabbed onto himself.

Ben darted beside them. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Rey let out a cry. “It’s like my blood’s on fire.” She gasped and stood upright as if something had yanked her. Ben stepped back, dread pumping through him. She wasn’t standing at all. She was floating a few inches off the ground.

He reached out to grab her hand, activate their power, when she thrust him back with a flick of her hand. He slammed into the group of officials and sprawled across the debris-strewn pavement.

Finn grabbed Benny, who continued to scream in pain, when Rey turned her hand. The child flew into her arms, and she opened her mouth to speak. But what came out didn’t seem to come from her. It echoed across the land, possibly across space itself.

“ _HEIR APPARENT. SEED OF DESTINY. MY TIME HAS COME._ ”

Ben had heard that voice before, but it sounded far less ominous the last time. Ben sprung to his feet and leapt at Rey again. This time he was ready for the show of Force and countered, absorbing the furious blast on the outer rim of his energy field. Step by step he forced himself forward while dead, yellow-orange eyes seared into his soul. Benny’s were just as cold and eerie. Then the eyes shifted, big and brown once again.

“Daddy!” the boy called out. “It has Benny and Rey! Reach out in oneness!”

While still holding the shield, Ben expanded himself, stretching out, until he felt Rey’s essence. He fought forward, fought to her, while the horrendous thing behind her bled with blackened corruption. He pushed forward, soul burning. Nothing was going to keep him from his Rey and Benny.

The corruption spewed at him in a blast of unspeakable horror. Ben continued to push, the corruption spraying over him, cast off by the smallest of shields that he could muster while pushing and holding in the physical world. The corruption turned up the power, pounding at him like a thousand starships at once.

Feeling as if one slip would blast him into pieces, he continued forward, drawing on every reserve of strength. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to his beloved—the other half of his soul—and the child born of his love for her.

From his chest a light grew, white in the center and deep blue on the rim. The corruption sprayed away erratically when it touched the light.

 _REYYYY!_ Ben cried out in his mind. _I’M COMING FOR YOU! FIGHT IT! YOU CAN FIGHT IT!_

The corruption nearly consumed her, but her frozen eyes turned in his direction. In his heart, he remembered the times they had shared, the magical moments when they touched, staring into each other’s eyes, their first kiss, their second kiss, the many kisses after. He needed her to reach out to him, to find that light within herself, too.

It was Benny who lit first. No, Qui Gon, those dark eyes serene and soft like Nara’s. Radiant warmth burned away the corruption. Second gaze, Benny now, the light warming brighter.

Ben reached out to Rey again. _FOR US! FOR OUR SON! FOR OUR FUTURE! FIGHT!_

He could see the strain in her eyes as she drew up everything with herself. At her chest, parting the sea of corruption, a golden light shone.

He felt the pull to her like no other, his light wanting to merge with hers. The forces that kept them apart were no match against this pull. He coursed through the air, slamming into her chest—

And fell to the pavement, Rey crumpling beside him.

“Benny!” Finn cried and picked up the boy.

Ben sat up and felt like an asteroid field had pummeled him at light speed. “Is he okay?”

“I think so.”

“I’m alright,” Benny said. “Just tired. Really tired.”

Ben gathered Rey in his arms. She opened her tear-soaked eyes and said one word, “Palpatine.”

That _was_ the voice he heard. And of course it would affect Rey and to a lesser extent Benny. They were the bloodline of Palpatine.

The head Chandrilian official stomped over. “What in the hell is—”

Crack of thunder and in its wake, a flowing line of corruption connected the sickly sky and the ground. Another crack produced another line. And another.

“He’s breaking through!” Rey cried. “He’s part of the corruption!”

The Force, the energy that flowed through all things, its perfect matrix of creation, was shattering before their eyes. The trickle had become a burst seam, and lines of the corrupt version of the Force broke through to the physical world, connecting them both.

“Captain!” Sona cried. “What do we do?”

Ben wished he had an answer. He only had one. “Rey, take my hand.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want him to corrupt you too! I can’t keep him out. He’s in my blood, we’re connected and—”

He grabbed her hand, and their power joined.

She gasped in surprise and looked at him. “He can’t get through. Not when we’re together.”

“Don’t you remember? When we faced him that time? When you got lost on your way to oneness?”

“You grabbed my hands and our combined power blasted off the corruption. Then the saber—”

“Turned to white—”

“And you said—”

“This is what you will face—”

“At the end.”

He breathed in tandem with her a moment, then they stood. Ben merged with her, opening in oneness, blasting and expanding open until they were the universe as one. What Ben saw froze his soul: it was as if he could see the Force as this glorious crystal that lay shattered, corruption pouring out of a gaping wound. It bled into everything in existence, worlds and galaxies collapsing under its poison.

Ben pulled the lightsaber from his belt and grasped it along with Rey. They drew forth on the Force, their connection, everything they had. The saber brightened, but it did nothing against the corrupt Force.

_What do we do now?_

_I know…_ said a tiny voice.

Ben and Rey opened their eyes. There little Qui Gon stood, his gaze soft and serene. “I know what we can do.”

It seemed absurd to listen to a six-year-old, but Ben was out of ideas. “What, buddy?”

“Shield this world, like not the planet, but the whole dimension. Just like you shielded me and Benny earlier.”

Ben shook his head. That seemed impossible.

Rey said, “Qui Gon, that’s a very nice idea, but it won’t stop what’s up there. The Force is broken.”

The boy shrugged. “I know, but it will buy you time.” Kid had a point. But how were they going to do it? Qui Gon lifted his tiny hands. “Join me.”

Rey and Ben looked at each other, but honestly, any idea was better than none. They took each other’s hand, then grasped Qui Gon’s.

“Now we go to oneness,” Qui Gon said and closed his eyes. Ben followed suit along with Rey. He wasn’t sure Qui Gon even knew how to become one, then remembered that was a stupid question.

Ben expanded, felt his connection with Rey, then mingled with the magnificent energy of the two boys. Ben felt it expand in his chest, that bright blue light, so incredibly powerful it was like the source of the Force itself. He looked over and saw the same on Rey except in gold, her face serene and joyful. He then looked down and saw twin radiant lights, like two suns.

The Indigo Star. The Golden Star. The Twin Suns.

Ben had never heard of this except the little Nara told him and yet knew it all.

Thinking and planning became irrelevant. Each connected as one mind that already knew what to do. Their energies merged and expanded, pushing against the corruption until it backed behind the veil between worlds. Ben let go of Qui Gon’s hand, grabbed his saber and ignited it, Rey following suit with her own. She sealed the edge as he followed her, painting the symbols of protection where he knew they needed to be. Qui Gon held the shield until the entire ritual was complete. How they sealed an entire galaxy, possibly the universe itself, in such a short time, they’d never understand. That wasn’t for them to know, and it didn’t matter. In this state, everything just was.

The seal held.

Ben drew back down into himself. Opened his eyes. The strings of corruption were gone. Reality no longer shifted. Everything lay still.

“Holy shit,” Finn said. “I felt that. That was awesome.”

Sona turned her head. “I did not feel anything.”

“You have to be Force sensitive. It was incredible.”

Rey smiled. “I don’t know whether to pass out or scream in delight.”

Ben nodded. “I think I might join you.”

The officials and peace officers were long gone, probably hiding out after seeing reality break. Ben knelt and grabbed Benny/Qui Gon in his arms. “Thank you, buddy. You saved us all out there. How did you know what to do?”

A soft and airy voice. “My dearest Ben, he _is_ our son.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality is threatened by the corruption in the Force. Rey's lineage and family ties with Palpatine are revealed. Nara readies herself for battle against someone from her past. Ben and Rey embark upon the final battle to save the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One final steamy scene lies ahead! All aboard the steam train!
> 
> Also, I will be toying with Rey's background, which at some point will have actual canon material for it, so I'm going to be taking some liberties that probably wouldn't ever end up canon but work for this specific story. More notes at the end on this.

It couldn’t have been real, the voice from beyond worlds. But he felt it, the warmth, the radiance, the softness that relieved his soul of all burdens.

Ben spun around and gasped. Nara stood in a golden mist, her salmon and cream robes fluttering in the wind. His heart fell open in pure joy and shock. There she was, manifest in his world.

“Mommy!” Qui Gon ran into her arms.

She bent and scooped him up. “My baby!” She kissed his chubby cheeks and cuddled him to her chest. “Are you having fun with your brother and father?”

Qui Gon nodded. “Mm hm. We trained and painted and Benny likes to do puzzles so we did those, and then we had a shield and then me and Daddy and pretty Rey put up the big shield.”

“Well that sounds like great fun! Why don’t you join Finn again? I need to say hello to everyone.”

“Okay.” He slid out of her grasp.

Nara reached out, appearing like a serene, supreme goddess barely made for this world. “Ben.”

He stepped into her embrace and sunk into the softness, that gentleness, that soothing balm on the soul. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Rey’s mouth a thin line, but, much as he hated to admit it, it didn’t bother him. Not when it was Nara he was hugging. Maybe, once they met, Rey would finally understand.

“Nara, what are you doing here?”

“I sensed the time had come. Qui Gon’s connection to me confirmed. So, you overcame Kylo through your own self-love? I couldn’t be more proud. I remember the sour young man you were when you first came into my world. The change in you…” She brushed her hand over his face. “…it’s incredible. You are your own true self, a vision made manifest, truly the Indigo Star of ancient legend.”

Ben heard Rey clear her throat in a manner that said she would not be ignored. Ben stepped back, about to explain, when Nara drifted toward her.

“Rey,” Nara said, her arms out. Rey inched back as Nara drew close, then stopped. Nara put her hands on Rey’s cheeks. “You are as lovely as I’ve always dreamed.” She hugged Rey, whose eyes were filled with irritation, then shock, then softened to something that looked like her heart was being fulfilled.

Nara drew back, hands to Rey’s face again. The demi-goddess drew her fingertips over Rey’s features, like a loving mother seeing her child for the first time in years. “I could feel you on the Force, Rey, when you weren’t shutting everything out. Your energy is so bright, it’s glorious. I’m so glad Ben has someone like you who loves him for everything that he is.”

Rey’s cheeks turned pink, the resentment of before long gone. It was as if Rey felt the same in Nara’s presence as Ben did. “I do. I do love him.”

“And you, meeting him in destiny as the Golden Star. Ancient legends, forgotten for ages, come to light at the most crucial time. I am so glad to have seen it for myself.” Nara explored Rey’s face, stared into her eyes. “Oh…oh Rey…”

“What is it?”

“I understand everything now. Synchronicity. All things coming to pass at the crossroads. That which is dormant rises again.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“No, but you will—”

Poe cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but can I get one of those free hugs?”

Nara smiled and floated toward him. “Of course.” She placed her hands upon his face. “Funny, daring, strategic Poe, I wouldn’t forget you.”

He melted into her embrace, looking like he would fall apart in love. He turned his eyes toward Ben. “No offense, Rey, but Ben, how the hell did you leave this one behind? By the stars…” He leaned his head against the silk on her chest.

Ben almost felt jealous, then realized this was Nara. Rey may just as well have fallen in love with her, too.

Finn put a finger up. “Can I get in on that?”

“No!” Poe said and snuggled into Nara’s embrace.

Nara, in her ever graceful way, slid out of his grasp and put her hands to his cheeks. She kissed Poe’s forehead and left him in a blissful stupor. Then she spread her arms out for Finn. “Loyal, loving, and honorable—Rey, Benny, and Qui Gon are so deeply fortunate to have your love and dedication.”

When she embraced Finn, it looked like all the pain and bitterness he held just drained out of him. “Thank you,” he whispered, tear at the edge of his eye.

Nara moved onto Sona who didn’t know what to make of her. “Sona, strong, dedicated, and loyal to a cause you believe in, you have been a tremendous asset to this team.”

In Nara’s embrace, Sona’s rigid awkwardness melted. Then she turned her eyes in confusion toward Poe and Finn. “Am I having a relationship right now?”

Poe stuck his finger out. “Not with her you’re not! Not on my watch.”

Tarn and Jorn hopped up next. “Double hug for us, please!” they said at the same time.

Nara laughed and embraced one in each arm. “Your take-charge attitude, flexibility, insight, and honor have saved the day for so many.”

When she let them go, she knelt. “And Benny.”

Ben watched to see if Rey would get agitated by Nara hugging the child as Benny, not as Qui Gon, but Rey seemed so soft and content.

Nara picked him up and looked into those slightly older eyes that showed Benny was at the forefront. “Mighty Ben Solo Skywalker—”

Ben needed to talk to Rey about that one.

“—you have been through so much in your sweet young life. And here you stand, a true honor to your legacy, powerful beyond measure, a kind and loving young man who bears your father’s shining light with a radiance of your own. Always remember you are loved, and may you hone your wonderful gifts toward a future your entire lineage will be proud of.”

Nara set him down and stood before the group again. “I’m glad to see you all in person. It’s wonderful to put feelings to faces. Of course, I’m afraid this union cannot last. I am not here to stay.”

Ben nodded. “The corruption. Rey and I tried to face off against it, but it was like we did nothing, couldn’t muster the energy to do it. After everything we did together, we failed at the moment we were needed the most.”

“Oh, my dearest Ben, you did not fail. You must understand, there are forces at work that are beyond anything you were ever taught. Even the Jedi and Sith Orders barely touched upon these things. You had to truly go looking for these deeper secrets, for in the wrong hands, they could be bent to the will of those who would seek to use it for their own selfish greed.”

Rey nodded. “Like my grandfather, Palpatine.”

“Indeed, and by the grace of fates he did not get nearly as far as I’d worried he had. The fracture of the Force was not caused by him, he simply took advantage of the situation. Many factors came together to cause the problem. The secret texts existed in case it should happen, but only those who sought no glory for themselves needed to be tasked with the effort of repair. The power too easily corrupts those it touches.”

“How is he even still alive?”

“You destroyed his body, but he was extraordinarily adept in the Force, and while he could have taken to power as a Force ghost and continued to do considerable damage, he saw something greater to tap into, the corruption itself. Push and pull between the worlds, between the Force and the corruption, between order and chaos, with Kylo on the rampage and Ben doing everything in his power to stop it, it shook the foundation of existence, hastened the break in the Force.”

Ben threw his hands up. “Yet again, I fuck everything up.”

Nara smiled. “Not at all, Ben. You did exactly what you had to do. What happened was an inevitability. And…as I had told Ben, had I not hidden myself away from a world that always seemed to be at odds with my nature, perhaps I would have caught it sooner. Kylo would not have had a chance to rise; so much pain would have been avoided.”

Her saddened eyes broke Ben’s heart as she continued. “I’m sorry to all of you who have suffered because I turned my back on this world. And now I’m here to right that wrong, to use what I know from the most ancient texts across the galaxy to fix this mess once and for all.”

“But how?”

Nara softly paced the ground. “Ben, do you remember when you finally defeated me, when I held back just a little from showing you a fight I was saving for someone else?”

“Of course.”

“That fight has always been for Sheev Palpatine. And that will be my first order of business. We will duel, and when I have defeated him, dispersed his essence once and for all, I will use the ancient rituals to repair the fracture.”

Rey frowned. “How can you fight him in a duel if he has no physical body?”

“In the dimension I will face him, he will be the manifestation of the corruption, a container, a body if you will, if not one made of flesh.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Why Palpatine? Why were you saving that battle especially for him?”

Nara smiled. “And that brings me to the final order of business before I commence.” Nara strolled across the pavement. “For those who have not heard my story, I was once a Jedi who had grown disillusioned with the strictness of the Order, the complete self-denial in service to others. I felt it went against the natural flow of the Force, against the nature of my own being. I shared my time with a certain Qui Gon Jinn, yes, who our little darling is named after—take no offense Ben, but you already had a son named after you.”

Ben grinned. “None taken.”

“What intrigued me about him was how similar we were on our views of the Force. He tended to go against the rules if he felt it made more sense, and I disregarded rules I felt went against the natural balance and flow of life. Plus he had the most luscious, long, golden-brown hair, crystal blue eyes…” She sighed.

Ben cleared his throat and leaned toward Rey. “She has a fascination with men’s hair.”

Rey raised her brow. “She has a fascination with Qui Gon Jinn!”

“Oh, more than that.” Nara’s cheeks turned a delicate shade of pink. “Though fraternizing was forbidden, we had a secret relationship, hidden behind the walls of tasks and duties that we always offered to complete together, both of us trying to keep what we were doing out of reach of the Jedi masters teaching us. We had…wonderful times.”

Poe pursed his lips. “Can you _describe_ these wonderful times?”

Nara sighed. “Suffice to say we were found out, eventually. I grew frustrated with the Jedi order and decided to leave. I asked Qui Gon to go with me, and though I saw in his eyes how much it broke his heart, he declined, re-dedicating himself back to the Jedi Order. Fed up with it all, I sought the Darkness.”

Finn tilted his head forward. “Darkness-Darkness? Like Kylo Darkness?”

“One and the same. Sheev trained in secret with Darth Plagueis the Wise. No one was supposed to know. But, so it was told, my abilities to use the Force were some of the strongest the Order had ever seen, so when I went looking for the Dark, I found it. Found him.”

Ben frowned. “If I know at least some of my history, that was a long time ago. A _really_ long time ago. You never did tell me how old you are.”

Nara put up a finger. “First of all, I lost track, you know—”

“Time flows differently in your world. Of course.”

“Yes, but what you don’t know is the planet I come from, Saanai. While we are very much like the common humanoid, we happen to live much more extended lives, death from old age occurring at about 250-275 years. That is important for this story. Anyway, Sheev was in no position to take me on as an apprentice, for he hadn’t completed his training with Darth Plagueis yet. But Sheev being Sheev, he was attracted to my power and didn’t give a damn about rules. So I became his unofficial apprentice.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “By the stars…you were a Sith?”

Finn shook his head. “You _really_ don’t look like a Sith.”

Nara tapped her finger in the air. “Exactly, because, as I had told Ben, I had grown disillusioned with the Sith Order as well. Same restrictions, different packaging, both completely frustrating and both going against the natural flow of all things. I knew I was meant to be in the balance, in the middle, walking the Gray path. But, I cannot say that was the entire reason I left Sheev’s apprenticeship, a big one, but not fully. And that’s about where this story enters territory that even you, Ben, do not know.”

Ben blinked, heart pounding in anticipation and perhaps a little nervousness.

Nara flipped her hair over her shoulder. “You see, Sheev, even though he was my teacher, never was much for professionalism unless it suited his ambitions. While he was teaching me, he had a case of the grabby hands.”

“Oh no…”

“I fell right into it and enjoyed every minute of it.”

“Ew!” Rey said.

“Oh, my dear Rey, you don’t understand. When he was young, he was quite the looker, had such presence and command, piercing blue eyes, and the most gorgeous flowing red locks of hair I had ever seen.”

Ben shook his head. “Why am I not surprised?”

Rey raised her brow. “I stand by my ew.”

Nara tilted her head back. “Oh the things he did to me while we were supposed to be training—”

“Nope! Not interested!”

Ben sucked in his lips. “This is something I never needed to know. I could have gone my whole life without hearing this.”

Poe put his finger up. “Precisely what things?”

Nara folded her hands, still smiling. “We certainly had a time together. It was uninhibited and free, but again, Sheev was Sheev. After a while, he became a selfish and uninspiring lover, focused more on his apprenticeship with Darth Plagueis and leaving me hanging. So off I went, to find my own path. And then, I found myself pregnant.”

Ben and the others remained in stark silence.

“I didn’t even want Sheev to know. I tried to keep it from him, but he felt it on the Force, and I was not yet adept enough to keep him out of my affairs. He tried to play it smooth at first, telling me that the Jedi had restrictions on marriage and relationships but the Sith didn’t, but I could sense he wasn’t sincere. He wanted something else, and I couldn’t figure out what at the time. I just knew that giving him this child would be the worst decision I could make. So I took off across the galaxy, seeking the ancient wisdom and texts, training on my own, keeping well out of sight. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy whose power must have sung across the Force, because Sheev found me.”

Nara hung her head, and Ben wanted to reach out and hold her but he was frozen by what he sensed in her words.

“The worst part is not even knowing, not even remembering what happened. He came to me in the night, did something I do not recall, and when I woke, little Uvay was gone. I knew what happened. I knew who took him. Sheev left his stench on the Force everywhere he went. I hunted him down, played it as cool as possible for I knew I was not yet ready to go up against him. I didn’t yet confront him, but just observed him with my baby.”

Nara whipped her robe aside in a rare display of anger. “He was no father to that child. Do you want to know why he wanted Uvay so badly? To experiment on him. To use the Sith rituals to create a backup plan should something happen to himself. Uvay had my longevity, he would outlive Sheev by years upon years. Those genes are strong and could go on for long generations, and Sheev planned to house himself in every single one of his descendants. No, I was not about to let that happen. I managed to get Uvay back, took off, but Sheev found me. For nearly a year we hunted one another, each grabbing Uvay, fighting over this tiny baby with immense capability for power that would have dwarfed Sheev’s! He never cared about our son. Our son was just a means to an end for him. I had to take action.”

Nara folded her hands, head down. “I sought some of the most secretive of texts to find an answer, and what I found was probably the most horrible thing I could do next to killing my own child. But it meant Uvay would live and Sheev would never touch him. It was essentially a curse, one that completely eradicated Uvay’s Force capabilities, meant to exist for generations to come. It was harsh, and that’s why it was kept secret. But I knew if Sheev couldn’t feel him on the Force, he’d never find the boy.

“And I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I abandoned Uvay with a family, in some far, out of the way location, basically nobodies by way of the greater galaxy. I made them forget they ever saw me. I made sure they never knew his name. And I walked away from my own child to save his life.”

Ben’s heart thundered in his chest. He looked over and saw tears spilling down Rey’s cheeks.

“Sheev was pissed, and we fought, and fought and fought and fought, but by then I had grown stronger, meaner, no longer abiding by any rule, driven by my natural flow. I hated him. Hated the Jedi Order. Hated the Sith Order. Hated an unfair galaxy that couldn’t and wouldn’t help me in my darkest hour, for no one helped me when I came to them. Uvay was safe, and I was done. Using the ancient secrets, I found my way to the World Between Worlds, created my own space inside of it, and set up my new land. I would dive in and out to seek more wisdom and texts until my library was full. What I didn’t gather on my own, I gained from those I helped heal should they transition from death into the World Between Worlds. I was happier there, content, finally at peace while being able to give the gift of life and wisdom to those who needed it and sought for it.”

Nara stopped. “I had to forgive myself for leaving Uvay, knowing it was the best thing I could have done at the time. Had I built my land first, I would have brought him there, and he would have been safe. But I did not know, and because of my own curse, I could never find him again. I still felt it was better that way. He and all his descendants would be hidden until Sheev was no more. But the greater hands in the universe had other plans in play. As Sheev grew stronger—his influence altering the sacred perfection of the Force, starting the break that occurs now—the Force created those who would rise up in its defense on this plane. First the Indigo Star, a light shrouded in the darkness of night, able to wield both powers with ease.”

“Me,” Ben said.

“Precisely. And Sheev was drawn right to you, corrupting you from the time you lay in your mother’s womb. Whatever sentience is in the Force knew you would need help. And so came the Golden Star—” She looked at Rey. “—who should have remained hidden for all time. Synchronicity, the fates, call it what you will, stars and paths aligned to bring the two of you together. When Ben, as Kylo, touched your inner depths, his hidden power unlocked the curse I had set forth to protect you, unlocked the Golden Star. The two powers inevitably drawn to one another merged and formed your dyad. You were awakened, Rey, from the curse I put upon your father, my Uvay.”

Rey wept into her hands, her shoulders shaking. Ben embraced her from behind. He could feel the overwhelming joy of having found her lineage and the incredible sadness over the circumstances, all she had lost, all she had been missing for so long. Her pain, as well as her joy, became his as he remained her strength and comfort.

Nara stepped close and touched Rey’s wet cheeks. “I always sensed something about you, but I couldn’t place it. I was not meant to. Only when I came now and looked into your eyes, sensed you on the Force, did I feel it all flow back to me. I know this…must be so strange, to find out you have a grandmother who had a child with your beloved dyad in another world, and here you are taking care of your uncle housing the spirit of your own child.”

Rey burst out laughing. Ben was glad. Glad she was laughing and not going insane, because he was about to.

Nara straightened. “But none of that really matters, does it? It was love that brought us these gifts, brought us together, brought us to this very space. My dearest Rey, you come from a strong lineage, great power, but it does not define you. As with Ben, nothing matters more than what you do with that power.”

Rey sniffled. “But he gets me every time. Palpatine. He just…infects me. By my very blood.”

Nara took her hands. “But you are of my blood, too. You do not belong to him. You do not belong to either of us. But know that whatever power he tries to exert over you, you are descended from the balance, the Gray, the path between paths, the purest path, where all things flow, and you control where it goes. That is why you bear the golden saber—the red of the Dark, the green of the Light, merging into one. Ben, the Indigo Star, bears the light of blue. Combined you both are the purest white light in every thing and not-thing, the stars of the galaxy. Remember that, always.”

Nara heaved in a deep, cleansing breath. “But I bid you not to worry for too much longer. It’s time I finished this fight that started so long ago. Sheev will face his equal and learn he wasn’t nearly as great as he thinks he was, either in power or in bed.”

Ben groaned. “Please, no!”

“Gross!” Rey said.

Nara smiled and wrapped her arms around Rey. “My dear granddaughter, your greatest strength is your ability to stay in the center while keeping that loving and good heart. Your path will be long and glorious, with your dear Ben and your delightful Benny by your side.”

“Thank you,” Rey whispered and sucked in a breath.

Nara stepped aside and reached out. “Ben?”

Ben wrapped his arms around her, basking in her soft and gentle touch one more time.

Nara looked at him and put a hand to his face. “My world is open to you at any time. Remember, you have a mirror there, so you can come and go as you wish, any book you need or just to rest. It is my gift to you.”

“Thank you.” Ben slipped his hand to her belly. “Where is Qui Gon?”

She smiled, her eyes turning into sweet crescents. “Different timeline.”

Ben chuckled. “Right.”

She knelt and scooped Qui Gon into her arms. “Be well with your father and remember we are one, always and forever.”

She kissed him, put him down and stepped before the group. “Be well, all of you, and may the Force ever be with you. It’s time for me to fix what I’ve allowed to fall apart.” She whipped off her robe, bearing her cream training tank top, short pants, and sandals, gold-hilted saber at her hip.

Poe snatched the robe out of the air and sunk his face into it, moaning in delight.

Nara reached out her hand. The gold hilt snapped into it, igniting with magenta. With a smile and final wink, she leapt up into the air and out of sight.

The group remained in silence, looking up at the sky. Flashes of red, flashes of magenta, barely noticeable in the darkening skies, but it was there, visible even on this plane. A duel for the fate of the universe and the Force itself.

And that’s when the feeling hit Ben. Everything Nara said, everything she did… “Rey?”

Rey sniffled. “I know…”

Finn leaned forward. “Know what?”

Ben swallowed. “Nara. She doesn’t plan to survive this battle.”

Poe looked up from the robe. “Wait, what?”

Ben could hardly keep himself steady, his throat tightening. “Saying I could go to her place, her gift to me, I can feel it—”

“Me too,” Rey said, her breath hitching. “She knows this will kill her. Even if she wins, she won’t survive the rest of it. It will take too much out of her.”

Ben felt a tug on his shirt. He looked down to Qui Gon’s big, sparkling eyes. “Mommy…”

Ben wiped a tear from his face and looked at Rey. She didn’t have to say anything. He knew.

Rey picked up Benny, hugged him with all her might, and handed him to Finn. “Please—”

“I know,” Finn said.

Benny reached out. “Let me come—”

“No,” Ben said. “You are the path forward, my son—my sons. Both of you. You are what continues forward. This is not your path, not your fight.”

“But aren’t we the twin suns or something?”

Ben smiled. “Yes. So light up both worlds.” He kissed the boy on the cheek. “I love you both.”

Ben took Rey’s hand and stood before their friends. “We love you all.”

Their combined power bursting through their beings, they leapt up into the sky.

#

Ben closed his eyes as he and Rey soared into the air, opened himself, expanded to the soft serenity he knew so well. Pulsing along his connection to Rey, he could feel her doing the same.

 _It’s our own blocks and limitations that get in our way,_ he thought to her. _Everything we thought we were, everything we thought we should be, everything we think is and is not. The moment we forget this is the moment we weaken._

Rey responded, _Is it strange I no longer feel that jealousy I once had? When I saw her, I felt so icy, so bitter, but then she came to me and it all just melted away. That was before I even learned she was my grandmother._

_It’s her power, the epitome of her power, completely soft, gentle, and releasing, free and loving. It’s like everything else just tumbles down into a vortex._

_To be that perfectly at peace with oneself, with everything, seems almost impossible._

_Nara has proven nothing is impossible._

_Ben, how will we know what to do?_

_I’m not sure, but I think it’s all going to make itself known when we get there, just like when I finally faced Kylo for the last time. Something clicked, and it was as if I had known all along._

Ben felt a whoosh as they passed through the veil, pulled along a current that led to Nara. Life’s little noises huffed into a silence, a crystal nothingness. There was no effort needed here. They floated along the current, observing all around them.

Geometric shapes of varying shades of crystal lie cracked and broken. The empty sickness of the corruption bled from the stones.

 _I don’t know what this was supposed to look like before,_ Rey thought, _but it’s horrifying now._

_I don’t either, but I’ve seen some of this before. Look, down there!_

Flashes of red and magenta, growing stronger the closer they drew, light reflecting off the dying crystals. Sound now, the hum and sizzling crashes of a saber battle. Finally, the two masters came into view.

Rey gasped. _Look at that. Look at her go. I’ve never seen anyone fight like that._

_It’s like a tornado, fast and unpredictable. This was how she trained me in her world. I had to defeat that._

_No wonder you came back kicking ass._

_She was a tough teacher, but a good one. But this…no, I’ve never seen it quite like this. This is her final battle, this is her everything, nothing held back, no end goal, completely and fully engaged in combat exactly how it happens, merged with her enemy, a dance to the death._

_I hate to say it, but he’s good too. Really good. Looks a lot better than when we faced off against him, far younger. He can take any form here and chose his best. Hm, guess he wasn’t that terrible to look at after all, guess I could understand Nara’s attraction, even if he does look like a smug bastard. What do we do now?_

_I don’t know. Let’s just get closer._

The two floated along the path, the dueling warriors now coming into full view. Nara’s body bore angry scorch marks bleeding into one another. Ben assumed she never got hurt, but that was false. She was, after all, human, even if she would live twice as long as he would.

Maybe Rey would, too.

Palpatine fared no better, and Ben felt proud of Nara, his teacher, his lover in the world between worlds. The two locked sabers and paused.

 _You’re here,_ Ben felt from Nara.

_Of course we’re here. We’re one._

“You are not one,” Palpatine growled. He pointed at Rey. “ _That_ one belongs to me!”

Rey’s chest heaved, as if she was being yanked forward. Ben did not let her hand go. Rey struggled, teeth clenching, then she pulled back, fury in her eyes.

“I belong to no one!” Rey spat and drew her saber, gold lighting her face.

Ben wanted to draw his saber, but he held her free hand. She turned to him and nodded. She would be okay. Ben let go and slipped into his stance, igniting his blue saber in a swinging arc.

Palpatine struck out with lightning coursing toward them. Ben held up a shield of energy to block it while Rey caught it on her saber. She swung hard and sent it back to him, causing him to break the hold with Nara. Ben flipped to the far side, forming a perfect triangle with Palpatine in the center.

The bastard grinned. “It takes three of you to defeat one of me. Now who holds the true power?”

“Oh shut up!” Rey cried and dashed in screaming. Palpatine blocked her strike, dove under Ben’s, and parried Nara with the Force. Nara returned the favor, knocking Palpatine toward Ben who swung down and scored a shoulder strike. Palpatine flung Ben and just barely dodged Rey. Nara struck with a flurry of swings which he blocked with a shield.

Palpatine rolled to his feet, safe inside a bubble of the Force. “My source of power is limitless in this state. The corruption knows no bounds, creates that which the Force ignores, and creates a new reality in my image.”

Rey slammed her saber against his shield. “Did-I-not-just-tell-you-to SHUT UP?!”

Ben summoned everything he had and thrust out with the Force, punching through Palpatine’s shield. Nara slipped in and jabbed into his side. Rey used the sudden weakness of the shield to swing through and slice into Palpatine’s leg.

He put out his hand and froze her, grinning. “You…will…obey…your bloodline.”

Rey struggled, growling. Ben dashed in and received a lightning blast that shocked his entire system. He fell to the ground, muscles and body burning.

“Skywalker blood was weak from the start,” Palpatine said, blocking Nara’s endless strikes. “So much potential wasted on trivial pursuits.”

Nara whipped her hair back. “Says someone who never knew the power of love.” She stopped with her hand out, absorbing the torrential blast from Palpatine, keeping herself centered as to not take damage from it.

Ben forced himself to his feet, trying to make his body work again. He drew his fallen saber to his hand, ignited it once again, but still could not get his body to obey him.

“Love?” Palpatine laughed. “Your head was always full of storybook romances, Nara. Always seeking an outlet for your pathetic urges. You were the weakest of all.”

Nara slid back, his power pummeling her shield.

“Weak?” Rey said, still struggling against Palpatine’s hold. “You dare call her weak?”

Palpatine tipped his head in Rey’s direction, giving her a mocking smile. “You are no better.”

“You’re right. I’m not just your blood. I’m hers, too!” Rey screamed and ripped herself out of the hold, her golden saber swinging, blast of light erupting toward Palpatine. Rey used the moment to charge in with the speed Ben had only seen on Nara, bursting through Palpatine’s shield and cutting one across his back, breaking the flood of power he forced at Nara.

While Palpatine lay on the floor, Rey screamed, “She loved her son enough to keep him from you! To keep me from you! To give up everything she loved to protect them from you! You’ll never know that kind of power, and THAT is why YOU ARE WEAK!”

Rey swung down hard when lightning blasted out once again. She blocked it on her saber, holding it straight while white light built upon it. “Is that all you got?”

Ben and Nara charged in at the same time. Their sabers struck one another instead of Palpatine. He had disappeared.

Ben froze. “Shit!” Pain of a thousand fires burst through his chest, saber stabbing into him from above before yanking back out. The agony disabling him, he crumpled to the ground.

“BEN!” Rey screamed and rushed over. Nara, her eyes wide, flashed over to him in a blur. They turned him over, concerned faces hovering over him, his body pumping adrenaline while gasping for breath.

Bolt of lightning sent all three of them scattering. Ben barely held onto consciousness from the two injuries, and he could hear Rey and Nara groaning as well.

“And that is why,” Palpatine said, “YOU are weak! Your love is your greatest failure! Off your guard the moment your precious little bundle of light, Ben, gets hurt.”

Nara screamed back into battle as Ben tried to force himself up. They were at a disadvantage. No wonder Nara was sure she would die up here. Palpatine drew endless energy from the corruption, but the flow of the Force was damaged. The three didn’t have nearly the flow of power Palpatine did.

Thumping and scraping sounded beside him as he strained to an elbow, gasping for breath from one functional lung. He followed its source and found Rey, pulling herself along the floor to him. She forced herself up and collapsed onto him, her small hands seeking his wound.

“You can’t spare it,” he whispered, still unable to get enough air.

Rey pushed her head up, looked him in the eyes. “My love makes me strong.”

Ben could feel it, the soothing balm of her healing power. Air poured into the second lung once more, holding while the bone and muscles formed once again. When it was complete, she collapsed. Ben slid an arm over her, holding her body to his.

“We can’t win this,” he said. “Palpatine has an endless supply.”

“Don’t you dare,” she whispered.

“Dare what?”

“Say we can’t win this. I want to go home, to my Benny, to my friends, and I want to go home with you.”

“I want that, too. By the stars I want that, too.”

Rey forced herself to her feet. “Then we kick his ass.”

Ben pushed up onto knees that really didn’t want to work anymore. He struggled to stand, and Rey wasn’t faring much better. Then Nara flew past them, sprawling across the floor. She didn’t move.

Ben’s heart stopped. “No…” He hobbled over, fell to his knees, and crawled the rest of the way. He put his hand on her arm, so battered and burned from all the saber wounds. Tears filling his eyes, he brushed the strands of hair from her face.

The corner of her mouth turned up. “It was a good fight.”

Ben lay himself over her and kissed her head, tears falling into her hair. “Yeah, it was.”

“We’re not done,” Rey said with a commanding presence and tone.

Ben couldn’t move. He could feel Nara’s life essence dangerously low. She had no mirror in her world for herself. If she died here, she died for good. He drew upon the waning energies of the Force, life-giving, sacred, to heal her as Rey had done for him.

“Oh, but you are,” Palpatine said, stepping forward.

Rey turned to him. “No…we are not.”

“You have such spirit in you, but even you could not match the abilities of Nara Pace. I will dispose of you and those two before you lift your saber one more time.”

“You…will…not!”

Nara lifted her head, her soft smile warming Ben’s heart. Ben’s weak, weak heart. Without the flow of the Force behind them like usual, the healing took more out of him than he could safely give. He rolled over and froze, seeing Rey stand up to Palpatine.

Palpatine grinned. “Child, you honor your legacy by being so strong, and you spit on it by being so stupid!” Palpatine roared and blasted her with lightning.

“NO!” Ben forced himself up and fell before he could reach his feet. He turned up in terror toward Rey, then paused. She had her hand out, not even blocking the lightning. Absorbing it!

Confusion on Palpatine’s face, Rey glowing with golden light. He roared and blasted harder, and still she absorbed it like it was nothing.

 _Rey?_ Ben sent to her.

 _He was right,_ Rey answered. _In the end, I’m still a Palpatine. I still bear his blood. And I bear Nara’s, one of love, light, and gentleness. If he can wield the corruption to his will, so can I, only I will turn it into the purity of the Force, how it rightfully belongs. That is Nara’s power after all, transformation, from the corrupt to the pure, just like she transformed you, and I am her bloodline descendent._

Ben’s jaw dropped. It was all so elegant, so perfect, so beautiful. Purifying the corruption to use as her own.

Nara stood. “Granddaughter. You don’t do this alone.” Nara softened into golden mist and absorbed into Rey. The lightning no longer blasted from Palpatine, it was being sucked out of him!

“NO!” Palpatine growled. He whipped his hand away to stop the flow of power, but it did not stop. Rey continued to drain him, using him as the conduit for the corruption.

Ben strained until he stood, this time remaining on his staggering feet. He drew forth his innermost light, the Indigo Star and stepped forward. Arms around Rey, he imbued her with his light and connected their dyad as one. His essence softened and flowed into her, as Nara had done, the three of them forming one being, one consciousness. With his light, he purified and freed the Force energy the women transformed in the cauldron of their combined power.

The energy flooded through Palpatine, wrenching through him as he screamed in agony. Ben felt the horror of the corruption burning and flowing and transmuting into the purest light of the Force, all inside the combined oneness of him, Nara, and Rey. It was the most incredible experience, a glory no false dream of his could ever have imagined in his plight to rule the galaxy. This was beyond such pathetic triflings. This was real, true power, to change something awful, dangerous, and corrosive into life, joy, and peace.

The oily corruption slowed to a stream, then a trickle, before running dry. The husk of Palpatine remained standing, heaving breaths, his power reduced to nothing. Still, he picked up his saber, snarl on his face, refusing to be finished. The three reached out, drawing Rey’s saber to their palm. They ignited, the golden light shifting, brightening, until it shone with the purest white light, the saber of their combined powers.

“Remember what we told you,” they said, “this is what you will face at your end.”

Palpatine roared at them as he charged, weapon ready to strike. The three swung the white saber, cutting through Palpatine’s, its kyber crystal shattering into dust, the weapon exploding into light. Palpatine sprawled onto the floor, yet still he rose, albeit slow, broken.

The three stepped before him. “At least I know where I get my tenacity from. And that’s all I’ll ever keep of you.” They swung the saber, striking over and over, Palpatine’s body exploding into the dust that was the final pieces of the corruption. When he was nothing but remnants, they leapt into the air, turned the saber downward, and struck the ground, white light blasting over the remains, disintegrating it into nothingness.

They clicked the saber off, hooked it to their belt.

 _One final task_ , Nara said within them. _We must repair the lattice of the Force._

Ben said, _I couldn’t find anything in the red books about that_.

_No, this was found in the black books, which are stashed in a little less obvious location in my home, because the content could alter reality itself permanently. Not quite the type of things you leave out for guests._

_That’s understandable_ , Rey said.

_But I know the ritual by heart, and therefore, you do too as we remain connected as one. Come._

They ignited the golden saber again, turning it to bright white. With its light they painted symbols, drew geometric figures, blasted them with energy, and flooded the space with the flow of the Force to get things moving once more. They floated to where the crystal pieces lay broken and repeated the ritual, over and over, until the shape returned to its original form, like an enormous _kyber_ crystal.

They painted the symbol over the final crack, and after a burst of light, the entire crystal melted into the purest water, flowing like a massive river.

 _It is done,_ Nara said.

 _How do we prevent it from happening again?_ Rey asked.

_We don’t. We can’t. All we can do is prepare the next warriors of the stars for when the task comes to them. In other words, we add a new book to the library._

_Good,_ Ben said, _I like reading._

_Well I hope you like writing just as much, because this is your achievement, too. Both of you. I would have died up here, never completing the healing of the Force if not for the two of you._

_You could have just asked us to come._

_We would have,_ Rey said.

 _No,_ Nara said, _I could not have asked you to face death when I had no real plan of how you could help. It was all in you, Rey, who used your Palpatine bloodline to draw in the corruption and mine to transform it. Then Ben, you used that shining light of yours, the one I always saw in you, to return that energy back to its pure form. The two of you saved me and the universe itself, and I cannot be more proud or grateful._

_No, we saved each other, in so many ways. We are one. I finally understand it now. And it’s glorious._

#

Ben felt cold pavement beneath his hands and feet. He stood, trying to get a feel for his surroundings. It was already night, but the scenery remained familiar: Hanna City’s skyline, at least what wasn’t destroyed.

Rey stood to the left of him, Nara to the right. They were back in their own world—and alive!

“Mom! Dad!” Benny cried. Then, “Mommy! Daddy!”

The three gathered the child in their arms, one singular hug around a child that bound them together. It felt so good to hold him, to hold the two women, to just be alive to experience it all.

Finn, Poe, Sona, Tarn and Jorn piled in around them, cheering, their embrace a soothing balm that solidified it all. The horror was over. Palpatine was done. The corruption was gone. The Force flowed uninhibited again.

Poe said, “Can I just say it’s fucking great to see the three of you alive?” He was still holding Nara’s robe.

“Feels great,” Ben said. “Believe me, it was coming back to you all that kept us going.”

They parted the embrace, though Rey kept Benny in her arms.

Nara smiled and folded her hands. “I must return now. A path is being kept open for me to return, but I shouldn’t stay long in this world. Ages me too fast.” She smiled.

Rey chuckled. “Thank you, for everything. For…well, loaning me your child when mine was lost, for being my ancestor, giving me life, giving me your bloodline alongside the other that made all the difference. But mostly, I want to thank you for bringing Ben back to me.” She held his hand. “He’s healed my soul. No, he is my soul.”

Ben smiled at her, squeezed her hand.

Nara kissed Rey on the forehead. “It was all my pleasure, and thank you for standing with me at the end. Your strength will be one for the ages, my dear granddaughter.”

Benny/Qui Gon stretched out his arms. “See you soon, Mommy.”

Nara held him to her chest and kissed his head. “Oh my sweet little doll. Enjoy your time here. I can’t wait for all the stories when you return.” She squished a kiss onto a chubby cheek.

Poe shifted his feet. “You don’t want this robe back, do you?”

“Seriously, Poe?” Rey said. “Give it back, you perv.”

Nara gripped his hand. “Keep it and give it to someone special one day. I’ll manifest another.”

Poe’s shoulders slunk in relief. “Thank you.” He looked up with soft eyes. “One more hug?”

Nara chuckled and obliged.

Finn put a finger up. “Me too?”

Jorn said, “I’m not even into women and I want one!”

Nara laughed. “Hugs for all then!”

After her final greetings, she stood before Ben. “My dearest, thank you for coming to my aid. I never expected it, but I’m perpetually grateful for it. I did not want to have to leave this world so soon, not with so much left undone, including reuniting with my dear little Qui Gon.”

Ben stuck his hand behind his head. “I couldn’t imagine not doing it. You’ve given me so much. You’ve given me my life back! Another son, a future…” He had to swallow the tightness in his throat. “I love you. I always will.”

She put her hands to his cheeks, her touch infinitely soft and heavenly. “And I love you. And I feel you. Always.”

“We are one.”

“Yes we are.”

He wrapped his arms around her, feeling like he was holding her for the last time yet knowing he wasn’t. First, he had this life to live, and he had to get back to it. He inhaled her scent one last time, kissed her on the side of the head and let her go.

Nara backed up. “Do well, my dears, and make this galaxy a better place.” Golden light lit the dark pavement, the mist forming behind her. She backed into it with a smile. The mist faded like a vapor on the wind.

Ben stared at the spot. Part of him missed her already, but the rest of him was so at peace and joy within himself, it obfuscated the pain. For the first time in his life, he felt free and at one with everything, ready to live, _really_ live.

“What happens now?” Sona asked.

Ben realized there was still much to face, even if the greater evil had been vanquished. “The Storm Troopers?”

“Took their transport,” Tarn said, “while you were gone. They took care of the ones that fell in battle. I…let them take the rest of the alcohol, some food and supplies, too, to start their new life. Figured it was fair. We can always get more.”

Ben put his hand on Tarn’s shoulder. “It’s the least we can do for what they did for us back there.” Ben looked around at the devastation. “I want to stay and help, but I’m going to have to answer at some point to the officials. I’m still a wanted man.”

“Yes,” Rey said, “and I want you back on that ship. I won’t let you turn yourself in. We’re finally done with it all, I want to actually _live_ with you, Ben. Make a life. Not outside a prison cell.”

“I can’t run forever.”

“Well at least run for tonight. We went through hell, all of us. Don’t we deserve to celebrate? To _rest_? Did you ever think about doing that?”

Ben sighed. “More than anything. Fine, I’ll address it another day, but we are not leaving this planet until I get myself a roasted _skareet_ dinner because I am fucking hungry and I can’t take it anymore!”

Rey laughed. “I think we can find a place outside of city limits to get you what you need.” She took his hand. “Perhaps finish with a _Mayleyan_ custard.”

Ben groaned and nipped at her ear.

“If you’d try it properly made—”

Now his groan became a growl.

“Fine, s _afronia_ fruit gel for the great and mighty dark lord.”

“Much better.”

#

Rey

The locals outside of Hanna City were far more gracious than the officials to those who saved their planet. Their supplies were restocked free of charge, plenty of gifts laden upon them as well. Tarn, Jorn, and Poe secured enough alcohol to last themselves a lifetime. Ben got to visit his favorite eatery, his smile wide and exuberant as he selected his favorites to go.

They brought their feast back to the ship and took off before the officials could collect themselves. They had been through too much, and now that it was finally over, she would not hand Ben over to anyone. He belonged to her, and she wanted him at his complete and free self, relieved of the burdens of saving the galaxy, of fighting the shadows within himself.

After putting Benny to bed, she snagged the shower before Ben did, mostly because he was ticklish and that distracted him and let her slip through the door first. As the water coursed over her hair, she couldn’t help but think about her dear prince. He had come such a long way from the monster who tortured her in the interrogation chair. She could still remember that face, so long, drawn, and cold, but good-looking, damn if he wasn’t that, with midnight black hair curled to perfection.

And then they fought, he a cold demon hellbent on her destruction. Even then their bond began to form, for though he planned to defeat her, he considered her of value, worthy of his teachings.

Then those moments on Ach-To, when they kept connecting. Snoke had enabled it, but what he really did was make it stronger, the bond between them, the dyad connection. It would be Snoke’s undoing.

She wanted to be with him so badly, felt Ben inside of the monster, and connected to that lonely creature inside. But Kylo was too strong then. On they went, fighting once again, until Leia reached out to her son, allowing Rey to deliver what would have been a fatal blow.

How he sat there in that moment, broken-hearted after losing someone that meant more to him than he realized, waiting to just die and get it all over with. Rey hurt for him, seeing the incredible pain in his soul. So she healed him. Kylo lay dead, and Ben was free.

So brief was her time with the real Ben, one small battle and then nothing. But when he revived her, she saw him for everything he ever truly was, and kissed him, saw him smile for the first time ever, that smile that changed his whole face.

And lost him.

Only to find him again in her darkest of moments. Ben returned to save her again, but in the process saved himself. She watched him grow from the shadowed, reserved, lonely creature he had been to the vibrant, loving, smiling, kind and compassionate man he was now. She would be a million times thankful for Nara, who not only birthed and hid her father to protect him from Palpatine, but for bringing Ben back so Rey could experience that amazing person for herself.

She lay on his window seat after, waiting for him to get done. It had been such a journey, racked with pain but tempered with and ending in love, the one thing that saved them all. Whatever journey lay ahead of them, she at least knew it would be by his side, and that was a fulfillment that could never be topped.

Ben bounced into his room, hair still lightly damp, black tank top accentuating those massive arms. “Hey, you’re here.”

“Best place to be.”

He grinned with that sly, purring laugh of his. “Benny asleep?”

“Yep, he’s exhausted. He’s been through so much, I think he’s just happy he can rest easy now.”

“We all can.”

“Yes, well, maybe.”

Ben stopped. “What’s up?”

“I was just hoping you could do one more thing, something a little less than restful.”

“That is?”

Rey folded her hands before her chest. “Can you do that thing again, where you do the pushups but clap your hands?”

“After a shower?” He gave her an incredulous smile that made him look even more adorable.

“Yes.” She rubbed her legs together. “I like to see you all warmed up from a workout. Besides, I didn’t get to enjoy it last time.”

Ben chuckled and shrugged in that Han way of his. He dropped to the floor, pressed himself up once to warm up, then down, up-clap! Up-clap!

Rey rubbed along her neck and chest as she watched those boulder muscles in his arms tense and flex. When he finished and stood, she gazed at the muscles of his chest, heaving and flowing beneath the confines of his shirt.

“That good for you?” He tilted his head and grinned in such a charming manner she just wanted to scream.

“It was perfect, but I want more.” She stood and strolled over to him.

“Yeah? Should I do a hundred sit-ups?”

Rey slid her hands up the ripples of his abdomen, like river stones beneath her palms. “No, you should kiss me.”

He looked at her for a moment, dark eyes soft and warmly mischievous. Then those giant hands slid up her back, over her shoulders, up to her neck, her hair dangling from between those long fingers. Their eyes held for a moment more, magic in the dark, love pouring from one to the other with no words, no movement. He pulled her close, mouth on hers, lips full and luscious. First kiss sweet, long, cherishing their bond. Second kiss, touch of tongue, connection of their most human selves. Third his tongue slipped in deep, hard body pressed against hers, her hips arching up to meet his.

His deep baritone purr set her on fire, arising from the depth of eternity. He slipped from her kiss, hot breath coursing over her skin, to her neck where his suckling kisses cast tingles of pleasure through every nerve in her body. She ground up against him, feeling his rock hardness already waiting for her.

She tugged at his shirt. “Get this off.”

His grin and deep chuckle made her knees gel. She yanked off her own top, feeling his mouth take her breast in before she dropped the cloth. His left hand gathered the fullness of the other, thumb brushing over her hardened peak before a little squeeze caused her leg to slide up his hip.

Then she backed away from him. “Pants off. Now.” A smile curled up over his teeth as he grasped his waistband. “No! Slow, nice and slow, like you mean it.”

Again that deep, bass chuckle. He tipped his head back, soft smile on his face, and methodically worked the snaps and ties. He held the loosened top open for just a few moments of teasing fun before turning and bending, his shapely rear well-muscled and sculpted. Fabric skirted down powerful legs she just wanted to chew on.

He kicked off his pants, whipped back his hair, and waggled his eyebrows. “How’s that?”

Rey placed her fingertips on his chest. “That’s a good little dark lord.” She pushed him to the edge of the bed until he fell into a sitting position. She stepped back, turned around, and slid her pants down in one smooth and linear fashion.

“Oh fuck,” he said with a tantalizing growl hunting beneath his voice.

She strolled back, flinging her clothes aside with a whisk of the Force, and straddled him, keeping well away from the prize. She grasped his hair and yanked his head back. “Who’s your Supreme Leader now?”

“Oh holy shit.” He giggled in a deep and irresistible manner, biting at her neck. “I live to serve your every need, exalted one.”

“Good boy.” She dove into another kiss, sinking her tongue deep until he grunted with desire. Then she slid off, his bottom lip tucked between her teeth, letting it snap back into place. Her tongue slid down that long, smooth neck, over the hills and valleys of his rocky chest, down the soft skin that shifted as he breathed, until she found exactly what she wanted. Girth and length stood as imposing as he did, but that soft smooth skin slipped delicately into her mouth. He gasped, breath deep and full, before shifting to a groan that sung like heaven and earth. His huge hand sunk into her hair while he whispered how much he loved her mixed with delighted expletives.

Rey slipped her finger down into her mound, readying herself for him, motion in tandem with the pleasure she gave him.

“By the stars,” he said, “you keep this up I might fucking die right here tonight.”

She slipped off of him. “Oh no you don’t.” She gave his tip a circling lick that elicited a high coo out of him. “You’re going to endure everything I give you.” She dropped down on him again with a deep sucking gesture.

“Fuuuuuuck me.”

“Soon.” Another deep sucking pull. “Isn’t it amazing, how much power I have over this great dark lord?”

His breathy grunts were driving her wild. “Oh yeah? Power over me, huh?”

“Mm hm.”

“Think you’re so powerful, huh?”

“You better be a good boy.”

Breath—breath. “And if I’m not?”

“Then I’m going to make you scream.”

His breaths picked up in intensity and speed, huge grin on his face. “Not if I make you scream first.” He lifted her with the Force and tossed her on the bed, bathing her center of deepest pleasure with his flicking tongue. Panting and growling like a wild beast, he held her spellbound with his mouth while ravishing the rest of her body with the Force. Then he crawled up, slipped inside of her with no resistance, his tremendous manhood filling her to completion and hitting every right spot.

He hung over her, still growling and grunting, those intense eyes like a predator locked onto hers. Sweat dripped from his black strands, sprinkling over her chest.

“You like that?” he said, panting.

“Mm hm. I like it a lot.” And she did, his every muscle contracting to deliver to her over and over.

“Yeah? Who’s the Supreme Leader now?”

“Oh no you don’t, you’re not in control of this.”

“Oh no?”

A combination of hip thrust and Force flipped him onto his back, never breaking their connection. Now she controlled the pace while he gasped for breath, his jet black hair falling out in a spray around his face. She slowed him down, calming his frantic breathing and manic desire. He closed his eyes, sighed into heaven, while she held herself up, her hands upon his stony pecs.

“I love this body of yours,” she said.

Ben let out this long, moaning groan. “I can’t even begin to describe how much I love yours.” He opened his eyes, that precious soft boy returning. “I love you, Rey.”

“And I love you, my sweet Ben.”

“But I have to tell you something.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m Supreme Leader.”

He got her good with the Force this time. She wasn’t even sure how he wound up behind her, thinking perhaps he teleported. Still on her knees, he grabbed her hips and slipped back into her, thrusting from behind and hitting her most soul-stealing spot over and over.

“Admit it,” he said. “I’m Supreme Leader.”

“You’re a very bad boy.”

“Yes I am. Now say it.”

“Never!”

The wave of Force that tantalized every sensitive spot at once overwhelmed her body, nearly sending her over the edge. “Okay, okay. You’re the Supreme Leader.”

“Say it again.”

“You’re the Supreme Leader.” She was really right at the edge.

“You like fucking the Supreme Leader?”

She was so close to the edge. “Yes!”

“Do you?”

“Yes!”

He pulled her up, hands over her breasts, still thrusting into her. “Do you now?”

“Yes!”

“Well fuck it, I want to be Ben.”

“I love fucking Ben even more!”

Breath—breath. “Ready for it?”

“Uh huh.”

“Right now. Open. Merge!”

She expanded her entire being just as the most precious wave of delight sifted her into a high like no other, her energies merging with Ben’s, a holy unity beyond the stars, perfect oneness and bliss with all in the universe while her body rocked and screamed with pleasure she could barely survive.

Softly his Force power carried them down to the bed, his arms still wrapped around her from behind. His chest heaved with every breath that danced across her neck. She grasped onto the arms that held her, feeling their light trembling. Her precious beloved.

She had watched him die twice, the soft breath silencing in his tender body. Now every breath, every heartbeat, was hers to treasure.

He whispered into her hair, “I’m still your Supreme Leader.” Soft giggle.

“And I’m still yours.”

“I can live with that.”

“Good boy.”

He nuzzled his nose behind her ear then ended on a long, soft breath of peace. “I’m going to sleep for a year.”

“I think I might just join you in that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly a little bit of Adam Sackler (from the show Girls) got into the steamy scenes, hee hee. 
> 
> As for Rey's background and her slow aging factor, it was pieced together as I tried to figure out how in the world anyone would want to boff Palpatine when he looked so ghastly by the end of his days. Like how did he even wind up with a son? Did he wear a paper bag over his head? The concept I went with at least adds some elegance to it. Nara, whose age is always of question, would be of childbearing age when Palpatine was a young man, and Uvay could have had Rey long into his life. Having Nara be her grandmother made things WILDLY complex to the level of soap opera status LOL but it allowed for a far better ending battle scene than I originally planned, allowing Rey to use both powers inside of her to reverse the flow from Palpatine as Ben had done with Kylo. 
> 
> The next chapter and the Epilogue will close everything out, tie up loose ends, and bring everything full circle, stay tuned!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben faces charges for his past. An old friend makes a surprising visit. Ben and Rey embark upon a new life together, starting with their wedding on Naboo.

_One year later._

Ben stood surrounded by the seats of the New Galactic Senate, his wrists bound by shackles out of courtesy. Rey stood to his right, a firm support in this entire inquest. To his left was his senatorial advocate, the person whose expertise with New Galactic Republic law would be the difference between prison, freedom, or worse.

“Ben Organa Solo!”

Ben looked up, heart pounding. Poe said he was nuts for turning himself in, but Ben didn’t want to be an outlaw, even if he was out saving lives instead of ending them. Despite the good he had done, he had committed many crimes under the First Order, and he had to answer for them.

Though he wasn’t sure how much answering he did. His advocate had creative ways of spinning the truth.

“As a representative of the judicial court of the New Galactic Senate, I will read the results of the inquest into your alleged crimes as follows: Ben Organa Solo, as it has been alleged that crimes of the regime of the First Order were committed and attributed to you as Kylo Ren, as it has been alleged that you are one and the same with Kylo Ren, it is also alleged that reports have been obtained as you being separate from this Kylo Ren, as well as reports having been obtained of you defeating this Kylo Ren, as well as reports from various planets of your protection and liberation from First Order occupation, as well as various testimonies given in your favor from countless citizens who have appeared before this tribunal to argue on your behalf. Based on the evidence we have received and reviewed—”

Rey took Ben’s trembling hand.

“—it has been decided that no true determination can be made as to whether or not you are or are not Kylo Ren and whether these crimes should be attributed directly to you, Ben Organa Solo. However, the evidence does not suggest that you are innocent of these crimes either. Votes of the Senators have resulted in the following, which shall remain binding for all territories in the New Galactic Republic. The order of the New Galactic Republic Judicial Court is as follows:

“Ben Organa Solo, you are hereby sentenced to thirty years—”

Ben’s stomach dropped to his feet.

“—probation—”

He heaved out a shaking, releasing breath.

“—under which if you are found guilty of any crime in any star system hosted by the New Galactic Republic, you will be placed under arrest and serve a life sentence in a Gathorrian prison.”

Ben felt like he could breathe again yet gasped for air in shock and elation.

“That is the order of this court. Release the defendant.”

The restraints clicked open, and Ben’s advocate took them, following up with a pat on the shoulder. Ben thanked him profusely then yanked a delighted Rey into his embrace. Probation. All things considered, he could live with that.

Outside the courtroom, Benny leapt into his arms which nearly knocked him down. The boy was fully grown back into his now twelve-year-old self, as tall as Rey, and only maintained a mental link with Qui Gon. His healing had completed.

“We saw it on the screen!” Benny said. “You’re free! I can’t believe it. You’re really free!”

Ben squeezed him in a bear hug. “Now I don’t have to miss a thing, with any of you.”

Rey rubbed the small swell of her belly. “You get to have your wish, to be with Leia Pace Solo from the beginning.”

“Yeah,” Finn said, “because diapers are real fun.”

Ben laughed. “I’ll take diapers over dead or prison any day.”

Poe grabbed his shoulder. “So now that you’re a free—”

“Technically probation.”

“—probated man, what’s next?”

“Besides a baby on the way?”

Rey draped her arms around Ben’s neck. “He knows what’s next. What I’ve been waiting for—”

“Ben Solo?”

Ben turned toward a group that looked rather official. One of them looked familiar. He hoped this wasn’t fallout from the trial. “Yes?”

“I don’t know if you remember me. El Garth of the New Alderaan Settlement.”

“Right, yes, I remember now.” Ben cleared his throat. “What can I do for you?”

“Now that the senate hearings are over, after much deliberation, we are prepared to offer your seat back in the royal family of Alderaan.”

Sona leaned in. “You want him to be your prince again?”

“It’s an offer, as is his birthright as the sole remaining member of the House of Organa.”

Poe shook Ben’s shoulder. “Would you look at that! You can leave this crazy mess behind and go be a prince! Sit in your castle and order people around, nice clothes, good food, women out the—” He glanced at Rey. “—well, never mind that part.”

Ben looked at Rey. Would his girl want the royal treatment? Fancy dresses, expensive jewelry, a crown upon her head? She was his queen after all.

No words needed to be spoken.

Ben put up his hand. “Thank you, El Garth, I sincerely appreciate this offer, but I am going to decline.”

“Whaaaat?” Poe said.

“The New Alderaan settlements have already formed their own governing body, even have a seat in the Senate. It is not my place to push that aside.” He heaved in a breath, smiled. “Nor do I want to. I’m happy exactly where I am, saving the galaxy with the best crew and group of friends a prince can have.”

El Garth nodded. “You sure? It’s the last time it’s being offered.”

“I wanted to rule at one time. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Thanks, but I’m good with what I have now.”

El nodded, raised his hand in a peaceful gesture, and left with his group.

Poe shoved Ben’s arm. “Are you nuts? No one turns down the chance to be prince!”

“I already have everything I need. Right here with the lot of you.”

Tarn said, “Poe’s right. You’re nuts.”

Ben laughed and led the way out of the senate building, smiling.

#

Ben stepped outside, sun warm on his face, scent of the Silver Sea of Chandrila tickling his nose with nostalgia and contentment. He wanted to spend at least one quiet day here, showing Rey the old haunts, maybe sit out on the beach before they headed to their next destination.

He turned at the presence of two men. The giant hairy one swung and slugged Ben in the face, sending him flying into the wall. His mouth and neck throbbed from the blow.

“Chewie!” Rey screamed. “What are you doing?!”

Ben sat up and wiped the blood from his mouth. At least Chewbacca pulled that punch. If it was full force, it would have knocked Ben’s head clean off. He looked up at the big guy standing next to Lando Calrissian.

Chewbacca screamed at Ben in Wookiee.

“I know,” Ben said. Chewbacca pointed with another shout. “You’re right…I know…I know…believe me, I know…I did…I am…believe me, I hate myself—” Ben sighed. “I mean, I regret it every day…Yeah I know…Yeah, I miss him, too. I miss them both. I always will.”

Chewbacca screamed some more, then grabbed Ben’s shirt and yanked him to his feet.

Ben nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all. Believe me when I say it’s something I will regret forever, but Dad wanted me to do better, be better than that. And I am. I’m trying.” Ben licked his bleeding lip. “I’m going to live a life that will make them proud, I promise.”

Chewbacca’s next declaration was much softer than the last ones. Ben nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m trying anyway. I really am.”

“He is,” Rey said. “I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t.”

Chewbacca looked away, snarled at him, looked away once more, then pulled Ben into a hug. Ben’s heart hitched, and he clenched the fur on the big guy.

Ben wiped a tear when he was released. Chewbacca had one last soft thing to say, which made Ben smile. He patted the side of his stomach. “No, don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I deserved it, I did, I fully admit that one.”

Chewbacca patted him on the back and stepped away. Lando stepped forward, smiling. “Chewie’s been waiting a long time to get that off his chest. You got lucky he didn’t take your head off.”

“He still cares about me, even if I was an insufferable shithead, his words.”

“Well, you were,” Lando laughed. “But at least I see you’re trying to be better than that now.”

Ben nodded. “I am.”

“Good! Make your dad proud, son.”

“I will.”

After they left, Rey reached up to Ben’s face. He felt the skin pull back together, mending, and grabbed her hand. “Rey! No! I don’t want to hurt the baby.”

“And I don’t want our wedding pictures to have you with a swollen cheek and fat lip! Now come here, I’ll be fine, she’ll be fine. Worse worrywart than Finn was.”

#

“Here we are,” Ben said, finger stopping on the projection. “Right here. That’s her.”

Rey leaned in, Benny beside her. “That one?”

“Yep, Padme Amidala, that’s got to be her.”

“A queen, so you truly are royalty, my dark prince.”

“Eh, it works differently here. The queens are elected and run for a term—oh, look, here she is as a senator, without all the regalia.”

“Wow!” Benny said. “She’s so pretty.”

Ben nodded. “Reminds me so much of my mom.” He let out a breath.

Rey rubbed his back. “You going to be okay?”

Ben inhaled, collected himself. “Yeah, just getting a little emotional, with the plans and all.”

Rey leaned her head on his shoulder. “Neither of us will have family there, blood family anyway.”

Poe called from the other side of the historical center, “You still have us assholes.”

Rey turned to him. “And you’re the best assholes a girl could ever have.”

Ben flipped a few more pictures then stopped. “Oh holy shit. Rey, look.”

Rey leaned in again. “Wow, that’s him?”

“Anakin Skywalker. I thought I’d never see a picture of him, you know, young like this.”

“Wow, he is a doll! Now wonder where you got those good looks from.”

Ben chuckled.

“I mean really, look at him! Look at that hair, those eyes, I mean, he just—”

Ben slid in front of her, blocking her view, grinning.

Rey poked him in the chest. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

Ben put his arms around her. “Oh, I don’t know, pining for my grandfather right before our wedding?”

“Well I’m not about to marry him. And did you or did you not have a child with my grandmother?”

“Heyyyy…” Ben leaned down and kissed her. “So mean.”

“Then sweeten me up.”

Ben grinned and kissed her again. And again. And held the last one forever because he always felt like magic in her embrace.

“Gross, you guys,” Benny said. “Save it for like the wedding or something.”

Rey leaned her head against Ben’s chest. “I’m glad we decided to come to Naboo for this. It’s so beautiful here.”

“Yeah,” Ben said, “all except those frog people.”

Rey smacked his arms while he giggled. “Don’t say that out loud, that’s offensive!”

“Come on, I’m descended from Anakin Skywalker. I gotta have some bad left in me.”

“I got a place for you to be bad and it’s not out in public.” Rey kissed him again.

Tarn flipped through another set of projected images. “Maybe we should get married here, too.”

“We can’t do that,” Jorn said. “That’s like rude. They’re already getting married. That would be like taking their thunder away or something.”

“Not now. But here.”

Sona asked, “You two want to be married already? You’ve only been together a year.”

“First of all, we were together much longer than that, even if we had to hide it. Second, those two have only been together for a year, and she’s already knocked up.”

“They were together long before that. Or…wait. I’m confused.”

“Shocker,” Poe said.

“Love knows no sense of time,” Finn said. “The heart knows what it wants, and when the head agrees, then you got to just jump in.”

Sona rammed into him from the side, knocking him a few steps. “Will you jump in with me?”

Finn recovered and pointed at her. “You need to learn to be more gentle.”

Rey laughed then stopped. She grabbed Ben’s hand and put it to her belly.

Ben closed his eyes, feeling it too. “She’s so strong already. She’s going to be like you, I can feel it now. Little spitfire that knows what she wants and busts through obstacles to get it.”

Rey put her hand on his shoulder. “I got you, didn’t I? That’s all I ever wanted.”

Ben held her from behind, chin on her shoulder. “So what am I? The prize you get at the end of your journey?”

“No.” She turned to look at him. “You were the prize at the beginning.”

Ben smiled. Just when he thought he couldn’t possibly fall any deeper in love with her… He kissed her lips, then her forehead, and rested his chin in her hair.

#

Ben adjusted his indigo robe with cream trim. It fit fine but felt like it was designed for those with smaller chests than his.

“Quit screwing with it.” Benny adjusted the ties at the shoulder. He was dressed in similar, though less ornate. “I got it perfect last time.”

“I feel like I’m going to bust out of it—”

“You’re not! Jeez. And you only have to wear it for a day, so just chill out already.”

Poe pointed. “No man getting married is able to chill.”

“I am chill,” Ben said. “Just squeezing out of this thing. I have no reason to be nervous. I’m marrying my soulmate. It’s just a natural progression. I’m fine with it.”

“Give me a comm so I can call bullshit. You’re fucking shaking.”

“For the ceremony, not the married part. Liable to do something to screw it up and ruin it for her.”

Finn shrugged. “Long as you don’t Force-choke the officiant, you should be fine.”

Benny glared at Ben. “You better not Force-choke anyone, Dad!”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to Force-choke anyone. I’m on probation, remember?”

“Ben Solo?”

Ben looked up at the officiant, unwelcome anxiety gripping him.

“It’s time.”

#

Benny stood at Ben’s right on the balcony overlooking the waterfall-strewn river. The kid had poked him a few times already, telling him to stop shaking. Ben didn’t even know what he was nervous about. He wanted this long before he called himself Ben again.

Out of the far door strolled in Rey. Her face had been made up, hair in a tight-gathered style with a few of her curls hanging down. Around her neck she wore the red and blue pendant. Her orange and gold dress flowed out from beneath her breasts (which looked incredible in this outfit) riding just over the bump of their little Leia.

Sona walked behind her, looking terribly awkward in a dress, and when Rey finally made it to the officiant, Sona gladly rushed off to stand beside Finn.

Rey peered up at him, eyelashes heavy and lovely, eyes lined and accentuating their delicate beauty. She looked beyond incredible; he couldn’t even speak.

“Look at you,” she said.

“No, look at you. Holy fff…” Ben glanced at the officiant. “You…you’re so beautiful. I’m the luckiest man that ever lived.”

“Well, you have cheated death twice, three times?”

Ben chuckled, then cleared his throat. He put out his hands, and her small fingers touched down into his palms. What was nervousness he now realized was anticipation.

The officiant began his talk and honestly, Ben wasn’t paying much attention. Rey held him under her spell. Whatever she wanted him to say, he’d say it, do it, whatever.

Ben scanned his friends as the ceremony wore on. Tarn and Jorn held hands and tails. Poe was staring at a young chamber worker with incredible curves. Finn looked at Sona, rolled his eyes, and took her hand. The face she made almost made him burst out laughing.

Rey looked over, sensing his amusement, and tried to hide laughter of her own. Then their gazes returned to one another.

“I do,” Ben said on his cue.

“I do,” Rey said on hers.

On her finger he slipped a ring of entwining blue and gold, and she did the same for him. Then he reached out, held her head behind that detailed, smooth hair, and kissed those perfect, luscious, pink lips. She slid her hands up and behind his neck as their friends cheered, BB-8 chirping and beeping along. Ben slipped his hands to the small of her back and pulled her against him. Elation, perfect elation.

He looked down at her, matching her smile, and felt truly grateful for being alive.

#

Rey

__

After a week of peace, privacy, and fun in Naboo, the crew returned to the Redemption. With the trial out of the way, the wedding behind them, it was now time to embark upon their next adventure, as a family.

Poe took them into hyperspace. “Where to, Captain?”

Ben sat at the couch with a small cup of crunchy snacks. “I don’t know. Let’s just keep the comm lines open for distress signals, and of course, any First Order bullshit gets top priority.”

Finn sat next to Ben, swirling a drink. “They’re falling apart as we speak. Resistance did a hell of a blow against them at that final battle, when you ordered the First Order fleet not to fire.”

Ben chuckled. “Yeah, that was hilarious. But it’s not just them. All kinds of shit still going on across the galaxy. Shitheads never rest. I want to be there to teach them a lesson.” He looked at Poe. “You sure about this? Coming with us? General is a hard position to give up.”

Poe shrugged. “They’re doing alright without me. Besides, more fun here with you guys. Lot more boos.”

Tarn dropped from the ceiling. “Yes! By the way, next supply stop, we need to restock.”

“Already?” Rey asked.

Jorn dropped down beside Tarn. “Just because you ain’t drinking it doesn’t mean we’re not.”

Benny looked up at Rey. “When do I get to try some?”

Rey yanked on a curl. “How about never?”

“Oh come on!”

“Yeah,” Poe said, “you want to stay nice and clean, or you’ll wind up a dick like your father used to be.” He crumpled a wrapper and chucked it at Ben.

Ben looked back and forth from the wrapper to Poe, crumpled his empty snack cup, and flung it at Poe’s head, scoring a direct hit.

“Ass!” Poe said and flung it back. Ben grinned and waved a finger, swiping the cup back through the Force and popping Poe in the face. “Oh that’s it!”

Poe jumped out of his seat and leapt onto Ben, who crashed into Finn, who spilled his drink.

“Oh boy!” Tarn said. “A pile!” He leapt onto Poe, which pushed Ben further onto Finn who kept screaming for them to get off. Ben laughed his head off from Finn’s chest. Then Jorn jumped on while Poe screamed for dear life.

Sona stepped into the room, shrugged and dove onto them in no delicate manner. Ben, Finn, and Poe cried out from under the pile, Ben turning red from laughing so hard. Benny skirted in and made it even worse, Finn trapped against the wall, Ben in his lap, Poe in his, Tarn and Jorn squirming beneath Sona, while BB-8 squirked at their feet, asking whether they needed help.

Rey laughed until she couldn’t breathe. Her friends—her family—the ones that had been there for her in the darkest of hours and stood beside her facing worse fates than death. And in the middle of it was her Ben, laughing with the entirety of himself, part of the gang, part of the family, as she always wished to see him.

Unable to jump on top, she plopped backwards onto the combined spillage of Ben, Finn, and Poe, laughing with the depth of her soul.


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step into the future as Ben looks back on life from the body of an old man. Endings are new beginnings.

Ben Solo grasped his cane and shuffled over to the window. He creaked into his favorite seat and breathed a sigh of relief, even if his aching bones wouldn’t stop doing just that. Ah, there Rey was, out there with the older padawans, showing them advanced tricks with the lightsaber.

That delight of his. She barely looked a day older than when he married her. He flexed his gnarled hand, joints aching with the effort. He couldn’t even hold a calligraphy brush anymore.

“Joke’s on you, you old fart,” he told himself. He eyed the calligraphy set from across the room, lifted the brush, dipped it in water, then a few strokes against the ink block before touching it to paper again. This was taking more effort than it used to. He—who punched holes through time and space—could barely move a brush on the Force anymore.

After getting the symbol as close to perfect as his energy would allow, he let the brush drop and tipped his head back. One hundred and two. Some would tell him to feel fortunate, for not all made it to that age. Honestly, he felt like a piece of shit. Fortunate indeed.

“Benny!” He waited three seconds. “I don’t have the patience for this.” He sent a shove on the Force.

Benny stomped in, eyes rolling already, filling out his indigo Gray Order robe the way Ben used to. Tall and strong, it was like looking in a mirror—decades ago. “Dad, can I wash my hands for two seconds?”

“Shut up, I’m old.”

“You didn’t have to shove me. I hit my head on the mirror!”

“Next time answer when I call.”

Benny groaned, head full of long dark waves shaking. “And would you just call me Ben for once in my life? I’m eighty already.”

“You can be called Ben when I’m not here.”

Benny wrung his big hands. “Don’t talk like that. You’re fine.”

Ben smiled at him. “You don’t look a day over twenty. Got your mother’s genes. You, your sister, those two idiot brothers of yours, Qui Gon with Nara’s blood. You’ll all go on, long time, making a new era for the Force sensitive, no nonsense or rigid Orders to deal with. Just the Force, pure and balanced as it is.”

Ben could never get over how much his son looked like him. It really was as if his life force had grown in Rey to a replica of himself, if a little softer around the cheeks. Fiery temper with a loving heart, Benny’s ability to wield the Force was just as strong as his combat prowess. No one wanted to face him on the battlefield, but the boy’s loyalty, dedication to his family, and his permanent mental link with the mystical Qui Gon kept him centered. Ben was so immensely proud of the Junior Headmaster of the Gray Order.

Benny cleared his throat. “What do you need, Dad?”

Ben tipped his head back again. “I want to see your sister, Qui Gon, and those two morons. All of you, together.”

Benny groaned and started cleaning the calligraphy brush that fell. “You know Han and Uvay are somewhere out in the galaxy chasing Snarlaks or something.”

“Still?”

“Who knows? Ridding the galaxy of bad guys and nearly getting themselves killed in the process.”

Ben laughed. “Just like their grandfather. Just put the call out. Let them come. I want to see them.”

Benny shifted. “Dad, what’s going on?”

Ben leaned forward. “You still ask questions to which you already know the answers.” He sat back again. “You feel it.”

Benny rubbed a hand over his face. “Come on, Dad…”

“I’m not like you, like Rey, the rest of you kids. I got old, not even before my time, just my time is all.” Ben flicked Benny upside the head on the Force.

“Dad! The hell was that for?”

“Acting like I’m gone forever. Idiot. You know I’ll never leave you. Just this damn body of mine, been through enough.”

Benny nodded. “We are one…but I’m kind of used to you being here.”

Ben waved a hand. “Here, there, everywhere. All the same. All one.”

Benny took a deep breath. “Alright, I’ll call them home.”

“The grandkids too, great grandkids, want to see them all, but I want you kids first.”

“Course, Dad.”

“Benny?”

Benny groaned. “Yeah?”

Ben smiled. “I always had a special connection with you. Love you all equal, don’t get stupid on me, but…you were born of my life force, and we’ve been through so much together. Life and death…you’ll always have a special place in my heart, my son.” He waggled a gnarled finger. “But don’t go telling your sister.”

Benny smiled. “I won’t. She’ll just take it out on me, anyway.”

Ben nodded. “She’s a mean one. Takes after your mother.”

#

Ben reached up. “There she is.”

“Hi Daddy,” Leia said. She bent and kissed him on the head.

He grasped her hands. She was so incredibly tall, just like he had been, and towered over him now. “You look so much like your grandmother, your namesake, it fills my heart every time I see you. How’s the Senate?”

Leia smoothed her robes of pale gray and sat. “Annoying, but we’re making headway. In three months our bill will be up to recognize the Gray Order as its own Senate seat with full voting powers.”

“Good, good. They’re finally opening up.”

“It’s stupid of them to have rejected it all this time. The Force sensitive should be trained, all of them, so they don’t get sucked down bad paths. We’re at the forefront of that training, with satellite schools on multiple planets—” She growled. “Just annoying. They move like Gatons.”

“Slower, I think.”

Ben took a moment to just adore her. She was an excellent student even if she didn’t have the Force capacity of Benny or Qui Gon, but she could quote a piece of ancient text without missing a beat. It was her incredible capacity to lead and understand others that propelled her to a political seat. She clearly got that from her grandmother because Ben never quite understood others like she did.

Leia leaned forward. “What did you want to see us about…” The words died on her lips. “Daddy…”

“Don’t ‘daddy’ me. You had to know it was coming sooner or later. And what have I always told you.”

“We’re one, I know.”

“I just wanted to see you all again, see your faces with these eyes. So proud of you, Leia. You continued where my mother left off, and you’ll do so much more.”

“Thanks to you and Mom.”

Ben kissed her hand. “You’ll always be my special girl. I remember feeling you on the Force when you were barely a bump in your mother, so strong, so vibrant. A little fireball.”

“And now I take the fireball to the Senate. Deserves to be set on fire sometimes.”

Ben laughed. “Now you really sound like my girl. You’ll always have a very special place in my heart, my only daughter, daddy’s little girl always.”

She giggled and squeezed his hands.

“You just remember, in your pursuits, never forget your family. Don’t just assume they’re okay, make sure they know you care, keep on top of them, drive them nuts if you have to.”

“Yes Daddy, and they’re adults now, remember?”

“Right…”

“And they’re just fine.” She swung his hands. “I know you were always afraid of one of them or one of us turning out like you once did, but you didn’t have to worry. You did a great job raising us, making sure we did right, and I’ll always love you for it.”

She kissed him on the forehead again and he touched her elegant cheek, just like the day he walked her to the officiant for her wedding.

He patted her hand. “Let me talk to Qui Gon now.”

Leia brushed a tear from her cheek, nodded and turned away. Qui Gon, who left Nara’s lands once he became an adult, was a rare treasure in this world. Blessed with long life, speed, agility, prowess, and a calm, contemplative demeanor, he could work the Force unlike any other. Passing his time between teaching at the schools and defeating oppressors, he had carved a name for himself reminiscent of the Gray Wanderer.

Qui Gon sat, soft smile on his face. He looked so much like Nara as an adult but kept Ben’s eyes and dark hair. “Dad.”

“Ah, my boy. I hate that I missed so much of your life, but then you came to me as an adult and…I’ve just always been so proud of you. You’re like a wizard out there, fearless, competent. You are a shining example of our legacy.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Qui Gon, I’m not long—”

“It’s okay, Dad. I know. I feel it. I feel the pain in you and know you’re ready to go. And I know when you do, some things will change but you won’t. You’ll always be in oneness. I feel it now, I’ll feel it then.”

Ben grinned. “You always did have all the answers before anyone asked the questions.”

“I read a lot of books in my childhood.”

“Oh believe me, I’m sure you did.”

“Yes.”

Ben looked at him. Qui Gon always knew more than he let on and hid it beneath his perpetual serenity. “What is it I’m picking up in you?”

“Nothing you don’t already know. In one timeline or another.” Qui Gon whisked to his feet like the wind, leaned over and gave his father a kiss on the head, and whipped back to the doorway as if he was made of ether.

Ben snorted. “Kid is a walking riddle.” Ben heard a crash and yelling, which sounded like Rey screaming at someone. That could only mean… “They’re here.”

The twin men slid into the doorway, both looking so much like Ben’s father that it sometimes made his heart twinge when he saw them, especially as they became adults.

Ben sighed. “What did you two idiots do now?”

Han stuck his hand out. “Why would Mom leave an entire stack of pans right there? I’m exuberant when I talk!”

Uvay pushed him. “Well you didn’t have to go blaming it on me!”

“She likes you more!”

Ben groaned. “Would you two shut up and get in here? Been driving me nuts since the day you started growing in your mom.” They had been little terrors. Han was never very strong with the Force but had a need for speed and risk that got him in more trouble than Ben or Rey could tolerate. Uvay was a little more sensible, did well if not spectacular in his Force studies, but couldn’t resist the pull of his brother to a life of action.

Uvay smacked his brother’s arm. “It’s all Han’s fault.”

“It’s your face’s fault.”

“Grow up!”

Ben whipped them upside the head with the Force. “Both of you grow up! Now sit down, I want to talk to you.” When the two men sat, calmed, Ben nodded. “How’s it going out there?”

“Picture this,” Han said, “four massive freighters, two hundred slaves in each one.”

Uvay put his hands up. “Just outside the rim of the Republic, thinking they’re hot shit getting away with it.”

“We get a tip and boom, we’re out there, only, they’re expecting us.”

“But they don’t know that we know and we get in there—”

“Start shooting the shit out of the main engines—”

“They come back with _galladriun_ blast torpedoes—”

“I dive right in between them, like the ship just barely touched them—”

“Skirt past the bridge of their ship, I Force-slam the shit out of them from our ship—”

“Then I whip around to the next—”

Ben tried to follow the story, as usual. Both boys had an endless supply of energy and a lust for danger. “For fuck all sake, you trying to get yourselves killed?”

“Oh please,” Han said, “they barely touched us.”

“I never would have flown my ship like that!”

Uvay grinned. “Uncle Poe would have.” Both twins cried out over being smacked upside the head on the Force again. “Dad!”

“That was me,” Benny said.

“Even your Uncle Poe wasn’t that stupid!” Ben missed his old friend, passed ten years before, Finn two years later than that. With the exception of Rey, his old gang was moving on to the heart of the Force.

Han crossed his arms, smiling in pride. “Say what you want Dad, but we saved those folks, got them home, and collected our reward.”

“You don’t do it for the reward!”

Uvay leaned forward. “But we gotta eat too, Dad.”

Ben waved his hand at them. “I want to choke the both of you, but I love you to death, you couple of idiots.”

They reached out and hugged him at once, none too kindly. Ben shoved them back with the Force. “You’re going to break me in half!”

“Alright, alright,” Han said. “What’s going on? Why are we even here?”

Leia snorted. “If you could use the Force for something besides slamming people and flying like a jackass, maybe you’d figure it out.”

Uvay leaned forward. “Dad…”

Han looked at him. “What?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m not long for this world. So I just wanted to get you all together, just so I could see you, and tell you I love you, and I’m proud of you, and always remember we’re one. If ever you have need of me, you’ll feel me on the Force.”

Han’s grin finally slipped off his face. He sucked in his lips, nodded. “Love you too, Dad.”

Ben nodded. “I know.”

Uvay smiled. “You should come back as a Force ghost and hang out on our ship.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What? You won’t have to worry about anything. You’ll already be dead!”

Ben groaned and hit his head on the back of his chair. “Listen you two, I want you to take care of yourselves out there. Don’t take any unnecessary risks. You don’t know what it’s like to have a hurt child or lose them altogether, and I don’t want you to put your mother through that.”

“Got it,” Uvay said.

“And I know the two of you. You got a long life ahead of you, no kids yet, thank the stars or they’d be traumatized by now, but when you do, you make sure you are there for them. Don’t go off on your crazy schemes, leaving them alone all the time, you got that?”

“Yes,” Uvay said, looking up at the ceiling.

Han tossed his hands up. “I’m never having kids, so I’m not worried about it.”

Ben nodded. “I’m sure my father said the same thing. Then he had me and, well, you know.”

“Well if I do,” Uvay said, “I’ll take your advice. Besides, won’t be for a long time, anyway. I got the Fert-Stop device.”

“Really?”

Uvay put his hands behind his head. “Clear sailing across the galaxy. A hero needs a good contraceptive when there’s so many grateful women out there.”

Han put his finger up. “And I will strongly consider the device for the exact same reason.”

Ben glared at him.

Han waved his finger. “And that’s the kind of shit I’m not supposed to say to people and I do it anyway.”

“…If I wasn’t dying before, this would have put me over the edge. Thank you for that.” Ben grumbled, “Probably have a hundred grandchildren I don’t know about.”

Benny leaned in. “Speaking of, dad, you want me to bring the kids and grandkids in now?”

“Before Han tells me one more story that will stop my heart, yes!”

#

Ben watched as the little ones (and not so little ones) gathered. Not just of his bloodline. There were many he considered family after a lifetime of friendships. Finn and Sona’s crew, Tarn and Jorn’s tailed younglings, even Poe settled down with a woman named Zorri a bit late in life, when he was done having fun. She even wore Nara’s robe to the wedding.

After kisses and hugs and a little chatting, getting his fill of their young lives, he sat back and smiled. “I want to tell you a story, one you can pass down through the ages. It’s the story of an idiot named Ben who thought he was better than all the other students of the Force and dropped a temple on his uncle’s head…”

#

Rey

“You alright?” Rey asked as she pulled the blanket up over Ben.

“I’m never alright.”

“Grump. I mean do you need anything specifically?”

Ben used the Force to pull her onto the bed. “I need you.”

She yelped and gave him a light shove. “You are just the worst.”

“I’m a fucking monster.” He smiled, heavy crow’s feet wrinkling around his eyes.

Rey nestled under the blanket next to him. “Yes, you are, my dark lord.”

“So come defeat me, great Gray master. Grab my lightsaber. It’s between my legs.”

Rey laughed out loud. “You are so bad!”

“You love it.”

“I love you.”

Ben stared at her. “Rey…”

“I know. I’ve known for a while. I’ve felt it. You can’t hide anything from me. You never could.”

Ben settled into the pillow, what was left of his white hair curling up around his cheek. “I’m tired, Rey.”

“I know. I accept it, and then I don’t, and then I remember that it’s just a body, that we’re linked forever. You’ll never really be gone.”

His faded but still intense brown eyes regarded her. “Will you be okay?”

Rey inhaled. “It’s different now. Back when I first lost you, the separation was so intense, the pain of not having my other half, it was endless. Now it’s…I think our lives have meshed so much into becoming one that you are no longer somewhere else, you’re always within me. Felt like that for years now. Perhaps the Force was preparing me for this, I suppose. Who knows? I won’t until it’s all said and done. You think you prepare for something, you’re ready for it, expect it, but when it happens, it still hits you, because it’s so final. Finn and Poe especially. With you it’s different though, because I just don’t feel like we’re separate people. Except you hate my custard.”

“ _Mayleyan_ custard is food fit for brain-dead old farts with no teeth, and you will never convince me otherwise.”

“And while s _afronia_ fruit gel is tasty, it lacks deep substance and is entirely too dainty, fit for a little girl at a dance recital, not a dark lord of the Force.”

Ben growled, making Rey laugh. Then he calmed and reached up a finger, touching her cheek. “I hate that I have to leave you.”

“I hate to see you go. One of the hardest caveats of Nara’s bloodline, watching all your friends die before you.”

“Least you’ll have the kids around for a long time. They all look so young still. And I’m an ancient relic among them.” He grasped her hand, his fingers so cold. “You must promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Never have a relationship beyond me. I want to be the one who ruins you for men forever.”

Rey broke into laughter while he bore that smile that always changed his entire face. “No one can replace you.”

Ben softened. “I’m kidding of course. You’re young and vibrant and have a long life to look forward to. Have fun. Enjoy the rest of your precious life. It’s all I ever wanted for you, to be happy, whether or not I’m there to see it.”

“You’ll be there. You’ll see it, or at least feel it.” She smoothed a hand over his lined cheek. “We’ll always be together, dyad as one.”

He smiled, tipped his head down, then looked up at her, that goofy, boyish look that still melted her heart after all these years. “I will be with you for all of it. Especially when you’re banging some new flame—”

“By the stars, stop it!” She laughed.

“—and I’m going to be there going, ‘Is that all he’s got? I did you seven different ways in one sitting, who is this lightweight—’”

“Stop!” She couldn’t stop laughing.

“—that dick’s not big enough for you, remember when mine still worked?”

She laughed until tears trickled from her eyes, but she wasn’t sure it was just mirth. “You better not, I swear!”

He laughed, this big brown eyes becoming tiny crescents, then he softened once again, looking so incredibly tired. “I love you, Rey. You…made life worth living and saved me in every way a man can be saved.”

“And you have always been the hero of my heart. I love you, Ben.” She kissed his lips, then wrapped her arms around him and cuddled him against her chest. “Rest easy, my love. We are one.”

She felt his lips kiss her chest and kissed his smooth head in return. Then he said, “If I die tonight, at least I die in your rack.”

A moment of silence, of shock after such a sentimental moment, then she burst into laughter again while he joined her.

The next morning, Rey woke to Ben’s indigo robe in her arms.

#

Rey

Rey stood with her children in the cemetery on Chandrila. Between the memorials of Han and Leia stood a new one: In Memory of Ben Organa Solo, Co-founder of the Gray Order of Force Sensitives and Hero of the Galaxy.

Young Han scratched his chin. “I feel like we missed an opportunity to put an expletive in there somewhere.”

“Han!” Rey said.

“It doesn’t seem like him without one! Like it should say: In Memory of Ben Fucking Solo, holy shit what a ride it’s been.”

Leia grunted. “That’s why we didn’t invite you to set it up.”

Uvay scoffed. “I’m with Han. It’s disingenuous without it.”

Benny touched the plaque. “The carved image was a nice touch, the Order robes and all, smiling. He always seemed like a different person when he smiled.”

Han patted Benny’s arm. “How about when he used to get mad? Holy shit.”

Benny shivered. “That always scared the shit out of me, for reasons that have nothing to do with him. Probably why I stayed out of trouble, unlike you goofs.” He paused. “But he always pulled back with me. He’d get mad, then when he saw me panic, he’d grab my shoulders, look me in the eyes and say, ‘I love you and I won’t ever hurt you. Let me finish feeling angry about this.’ Even if I was still in trouble, I’d calm down.” He took a breath. “No matter who he was in the past, he loved us, really loved us.”

Leia wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s hard to reconcile his past. When I look at the historical documents, it’s like how can that be? That’s my daddy, he would never do something like that.”

Uvay said, “Yeah, but at least he was honest about it, all of it, to make sure we didn’t follow in his path.”

Rey took a breath. “He was a very different person back then. Confused, manipulated, corrupted by those who wanted to use him for his power. He went through a lot to shed that person, become the man you knew.”

Leia looked down at her from her tall frame. “You actually saw him at his worst.”

Rey smiled. “I did. We were enemies at one time. You never got to see the scars I gave him in our first battle. They disappeared when I healed him for the first time, when he became Ben once again. And then I lost him…and found him again. I saw him evolve into the wonderful man you came to know, who knew how to love and learned how to love himself.”

Leia smiled. “That was one thing about him, he never failed to show us how much he loved us. You never had to guess. He was always there, always present, giving everything of himself. He’ll always be my hero.”

“He always loved to hear you call him that. It meant so much to him.” Rey drew her hand over the carved image, the lettering, and the little symbol to his side, an indigo circle with a star in the middle. Then she tapped the replica of a lightsaber that decorated the bottom. Blue light hummed to life, illuminating the plaque above.

Benny put his hand on her shoulder. “How you holding up, Mom?”

She smiled. “I’m okay. He’s okay. He likes it, the memorial. He had come to this place after the World Between Worlds and found nothing for him but people bitter that he ever existed. Now he gets to be remembered alongside his parents.” She paused, feeling. “He also says Han was right, we should have added, ‘Holy shit, what a ride it’s been.’”

The kids laughed. Han shrugged. “Can always add it.”

Rey inhaled, still smiling. “Maybe. There’s something I want to do right now.”

She followed the impulse that led her on a path through a wooded area, up a rocky outcrop, and to the memorial she had carved for Ben all those years ago. She pushed aside some branches and looked over her old handiwork. Then, beneath where she had carved the heart were two words: I know.

Rey smiled, almost cried, then she felt his laughter, his amusement, his peace.

#

Ben opened his eyes and wondered why he had eyes. He expected to just be a floating barrel of consciousness in the Force. He couldn’t move.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

His eyes turned to Nara looking down at him. _What?_

“What did you expect? Death?”

_Generally what one expects when they die._

“My dearest Ben, you should know better than that by now.”

Ben flooded himself with the flow of the Force. Tingling, pins and needles—yes, now his body was obeying him. He sat up and looked down at what he hadn’t seen in ages—his young, muscular body. He looked back up at Nara. “What’s going on?”

“Your timeline.”

He trailed from her face down her body. Her belly protruded, and Ben could feel Qui Gon singing on the Force to him. He turned back to Nara’s golden-green eyes.

“Don’t ask,” Nara said. “You already know the answer.”

Ben trailed back through his memories, and there had been a lot of them in his long life. Finally, it dawned on him. “The mirror. My mirror.”

Nara smiled. “I’ve kept your mirror in place here, keeping it whole and healthy, waiting for you to finish your life in your old world.” She rubbed her belly. “For you still have a life in this one.”

Ben chuckled as he realized it all. “I never missed Qui Gon growing up, did I?”

“No, you won’t.”

Ben climbed off the altar and stood. A little unsteady, but his body worked just fine, not like the last time he wound up there. Felt great to be in a body that worked again. “You know, he was as full of secrets as you were, drove me nuts sometimes. But he knew all along, even before I did.”

“Yes.” Nara handed him a set of indigo pants in that incredible silken material. “You did not miss out on raising him, and he didn’t miss out on being raised by you.”

Ben nodded as he tied his pants. “He turned out to be an incredible young man. Exceptional. His use of the Force, it’s phenomenal.”

“Of course.” Nara handed him an indigo shirt with white trim. “He had two exceptional teachers growing up.”

He slipped on the shirt and ran his fingers through his jet black hair. “I don’t think I’d call myself exceptional, not compared to you.”

Nara took his hand and led him to the hearth. “You will be. You have time now.” She paused and waved her hand over the bookcase. “The knowledge of the ages, here at your fingertips. Just about everything you’ve ever wanted to learn about the Force is here, and it is yours, to keep, to share, and to use. I’m sure your loved ones will need your help one day, and you’ll reach out to them as I did for you, with answers upon answers, or a book loan or two.”

Ben sat in his favorite chair, sinking into the pure softness. The fire warmed his face, scent of herbs and old paper welcoming him home. He turned to Nara who sat beside him. “So how long do I have here?”

Nara leaned against him, and he put his arm around her. “Time flows differently here.”

He sensed the truths beneath her words, something that was much harder to do in his second life (was he on a third?!) “You’ll pass on from this place one day.”

She looked up at him, still as serene as ever. “Of course. I am human.” She sighed and sunk deeper into his chest. “But let’s just say, not for a very, very long time, if that makes you feel better. You will go on for ages, for I need a successor in this land, and I want it to be you.”

He kissed the top of her head. “What would I ever do without you?”

“You will invite someone special at the end of her timeline to join you.”

Ben swallowed, his heart lighting. “You mean Rey. But by that time—”

“Time?”

Ben laughed, softened. “It flows differently here.”

Nara snuggled onto his lap. He placed his hand on her belly and could feel that mystical Qui Gon in there, already so powerful with the Force. A new life, a third life, a new destiny.

#

Ben finished his incredible dinner of _skareet_ and toasted _salat_ root (that he insisted on making for Nara) and curled up by the fire with one of the green books. After all he’d been through, the first thing he wanted to learn was all that crazy stuff Nara had been able to do.

Nara slid into the room, box floating before her. “I have a gift for you, my dear Ben.”

Ben smiled. “You always have a gift for me. I need to come up with a gift for you.”

Nara ran her fingers through his long, black waves. “You already _are_ my gift.”

He smiled and hummed at her sweetness. Ben grasped the box and set it on his lap. Inside was a stack of dark blue books and a rolled canvas. “New books for me to read?”

“See for yourself.”

He drew one out. The cover said nothing, but that wasn’t surprising. Her books seemed to just have colors and perhaps a symbol or two. On the front was a small white star. He opened the book to find the pages blank.

He looked up at her. “Do I need special Force powers to see this?”

“Open the canvas.”

Ben pulled the ties and unraveled the material. Inside was a pen, ink block, and calligraphy brushes.

Nara sat beside him. “Remember when I said you could find just about everything you ever wanted to know about the Force in my library? There are entries that are missing, entries that still need to be filled in. So, my Indigo Star, in your stay here, I do hope you’ll contribute to the library of ages.”

Ben dropped his jaw. “I don’t—why would I—why me? How can I contribute to all this?”

“Oh, I don’t know. One of the most exceptional masters of the Force in generations, fulfilling the prophecy of the Indigo Star, punching through time and space without knowing the ritual to do so, defeating the corruption and repairing the fracture in the Force? I’d say you have plenty to contribute.”

Ben felt both exhilarated and terrified. “Well, like, what do I write? Where do I start? Do I follow a certain formula or format?”

Nara shrugged. “Just write. Whatever comes. You have a story to tell, one that could help another exceptional user of the Force down the road when they are faced with their worst nightmares. Just write.” She kissed him, her forever-incredibly-soft kisses he had missed so much even if it had only lay in the back of his mind during his previous life. Then she stood. “I think I’ll turn in early. Late pregnancy makes me far more tired than I’m used to.”

Ben kissed her fingers. “Goodnight, my love.”

In the silence, he sat before the fire. Its dancing flames entranced him, taking him back to those insane days, then through the years of rescues and liberation and playing the hero, to the later days of founding the Gray Order, starting the schools, training the students. Maybe he did have a lot to share, but where to start?

After a few contemplative minutes, he pulled up a leg and set pen to paper:

_This is the story of an idiot named Ben Organa Solo, who thought he was better than all the other students of the Force and dropped a temple on his master’s head. In truth, Ben felt lonely, abandoned, and scared, which left him open for the cruel forces that craved his immense power. Then a beautiful young woman showed him he was more than the monster everyone predicted he would be…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the epilogue wasn't too heartbreaking, I teared up while writing the memorial scene with "I know." LOL! I initially set out to write a short piece to help myself heal after The Rise of Skywalker where I met Ben Solo for 20 minutes and fell so deeply in love with him that I couldn't let him go. What happened next was a creative burst as well as a test to see how long it would take me to write a novel (since my past works took years.) So basically, according to calculation on Scrivener, what you've just read is a 328 page paperback book that was written in 5 weeks. While I normally take a few months off from a piece and do major content edits, I decided to just post up after doing line edits, a scary proposition, to actually put my work out there without "perfecting it." But I needed it to be timely also. Many of us were hurting after TROS and if this story helped you heal in any way then that makes my heart happy. 
> 
> I put Ben through hell here, but that's kind of my style, to see a character start off as one person, suffer and triumph, and come out the other end as someone new. Looking back over the story, I love how Ben turned from a caring but pissy little snot to the loving, funny, fun person he became as his true self. Along the way he had to learn how to interact with others, how to put aside his own selfish goals, and how much he really was capable of when he learned to love himself and feel worthy of love. I especially enjoyed ending Chapter 11 on Ben laughing along with the chaos on his ship, being a part of the group, being able to play-fight and have fun and just be a normal person. It's in stark contrast to when he first gets Rey, Finn, and Poe on the ship and can't stand the two men. 
> 
> And finally we end with the beginning, returning to Nara's lands. This ending actually was a little different that originally intended. I had Rey dying first, going off to do Force-ghost stuff, while Ben returns to Nara. But then with the addition of the exceptionally long life, it worked out even better, to give Ben a chance to finish a life with Nara (and with time flowing so differently, who knows how long that will be?) and then have the option to include Rey at the end of her life. With the return to Nara, Ben gets to have his peace yet live also, and that at least gives me some balm after TROS. Want to know a funny thing? After writing this and becoming this character for this journey, when I watch TROS again, I'm going to bawl my eyes out. I made it worse on myself LOL!
> 
> And one final word. I told my son about a lot in this story (the plot, not the adult stuff, of course.) He could not get over Benny falling in the lava. He still laughs. He even wanted to record the "Benny Solo Challenge" where you film yourself pushing someone into "lava" (edited in later of course LOL) I mean, no one would get the joke except those who read this, but it was really funny.
> 
> Thanks for coming with me on this journey and I hope you enjoyed the ride! "Holy shit, what a ride it's been" indeed!
> 
> UPDATE! Please subscribe to this series if you'd like to see more stories from this universe. I plan to put up some short stories that mostly take place between the end of Chapter 11 and the Epilogue, little stories like Little Leia being born, Benny dealing with being an ultra-powerful teen, Qui Gon showing up as an adult, Han and Uvay being terrors, etc. Can't guarantee any huge epics like this one (but you never know) but if you enjoyed being here, keep up to date for more entries! The link to subscribe to the series and get updated to any new entries is https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656109

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/shannon_enloe) @shannon_enloe and [ Facebook](https://fb.me/enloeddmedia) @enloeddmedia and [Tumblr](https://enloeddmedia.tumblr.com/) enloeddmedia


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